Work Text:
From the moment Seungmin wakes up, dread pools in the pit of his stomach for some unexplainable reason. It’s so early that it’s still dark outside and as he sits up in bed, he feels his hands shake, from anxiety or lack of sleep, he doesn’t know. With the ongoing preparations for their upcoming album, it’s probably a mixture of both.
Light is already pooling into the room from under the door, meaning that at least one of his members, probably Minho, is already awake. He sits still for a moment, listening to the soft sounds of someone moving around in their dorm, just letting this uncomfortable feeling under his skin wash over him. There’s the hope that it’ll just disappear the more he wakes up, but when he swings his legs over the edge of his bed, all he feels is the tightness of his skin and bone deep exhaustion.
Their comeback is only weeks away now and they’re in the middle of preparations, making their days long and their nights very, very short. Between dance practices, vocal recordings and shoots for their promotional pictures and the music videos, they really need a break and some much needed sleep. That’s wishful thinking, though, with their comeback fast approaching and his hyungs stressed about their songs and choreography.
Seungmin has tried to give everyone space the last few days, retreating from joking around and teasing his members when everybody is so stressed and irritated. He knows it’s not meant personally, but even he gives up on trying to lighten the mood when all he gets back is silence or genuinely annoyed looks. It will all go back to normal once they can rest a little more than just a few hours every night, but until then, he’ll give them - and himself - some space.
They don’t have a lot of schedules today, but a whole day of dance practice and a vocal lesson already sounds exhausting enough to Seungmin. He already feels dead on his feet as he walks to their shared bathroom, making him wonder how he’s going to survive this day. It’s not the first time though and it won’t be the last and Seungmin knows he’ll power through, somehow.
The feeling in the pit of his stomach won’t leave him alone, though, as he takes a quick shower to help him wake up and goes about his morning routine. It’s almost like his subconsciousness is expecting something bad to happen, but it’s not like they’re boarding a plane today or having an important performance, so Seungmin is confused about this feeling. Maybe his body is finally telling him physically that he needs to rest and that’s where this is coming from.
As predicted, Minho is already in the kitchen when Seungmin leaves the bathroom after his shower. The older one looks dead on his feet, rivaling 3racha in that regard. They’re all exhausted but it’s a wonder those four are even able to simply keep standing, yet alone still work on their songs and choreography.
Minho barely acknowledges him and Seungmin tries to not take it to heart. He simply walks over to their coffee machine when he doesn’t see a cup anywhere near Minho and starts making coffee for his hyung and himself. Minho still doesn’t say anything when Seungmin pushes a fresh cup of coffee over to him a few minutes later, but he ruffles Seungmin’s hair on his way out of the kitchen, nose almost buried in his cup.
Sighing in exhaustion, Seungmin sinks into a chair at their kitchen table. He knows he needs to eat something before they start dance practice later, but even the thought of food has him feeling nauseous. A cup of coffee on an empty stomach is not that ideal, but it’ll keep him satiated for now.
Slowly, Felix and Jeongin wake up too and sleepily go about their morning routines. Seungmin stays seated at the kitchen table, already dressed and ready to go when their manager calls when the car arrives at their dorms. He drinks a second cup of coffee, feeling a little more awake by the time Felix joins him in the kitchen. They don’t talk much and when Felix asks if Seungmin ate, he just nods, not wanting to explain why he can’t stomach any food right now.
His skin still crawls with the feeling in his gut, an insistent nagging in the back of his head that something is going to happen. Seungmin is usually rational and stays calm even in stressful situations, so he can’t fully understand why he’s feeling like this right now.
When their manager calls and they grab their bags to head out, Seungmin is glad for the distraction. He tries to greet Chan, Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin when he comes outside and they’re just about to climb into their van, but they seem too lost in their thoughts to notice it. Seungmin tries to not take it to heart.
The car drive to the company is completely silent. Seungmin puts his earphones in a minute into the drive when it becomes clear that no one is inclined to strike up a conversation. Not really in the mood either, even though he kind of craves the comfort of his members, Seungmin just closes his eyes and lets his music wash over him.
He must doze off because the next thing he knows, Felix is shaking him awake, not even waiting for Seungmin to really wake up before he’s already out of the car. Seungmin scrambles after him and almost trips in his haste, his ankle giving a painful twinge for a second before he can save himself from hurting anything. They can’t afford any injury right now this close to their comeback.
“Seungmin, hurry up!” Chan’s voice isn’t harsh, but he definitely sounds impatient, only looking back shortly before continuing his way into the building. Seungmin hurries after his members, his pulse suddenly skyrocketing the closer he gets to the entrance of JYPE. His skin prickles with anxiety and he can’t help but still expect something bad to happen.
Trying to breathe through the feeling, Seungmin takes the stairs two at a time to catch up to his members. He’s already out of breath by the time he makes it to the practice room, some of the others already starting their stretches. No one looks at him as he puts his bag down in a corner of the room and joins the others in warming up.
At this point, the only thing still keeping him awake is the anxiety simmering in his gut and the two cups of coffee he drank on an empty stomach earlier. His body protests every stretch and movement as the exhaustion clings to every part of his body, but as his eyes sweep over his seven members, Seungmin tries not to make it noticeable how tired he is. They all look barely awake but still haven’t complained once, so Seungmin doesn’t have the right to either. Between all of them, he has the least amount of work to do, so he shouldn’t be pitying himself this much.
Soon enough, their new comeback song gets turned on and they start going through different sections of the choreography. Minho, Felix, Hyunjin and their choreographers have finished it only a few days earlier, making today the first day where they can go through all of it at once. Seungmin isn’t sure yet how he’ll be able to keep standing long enough today for his vocal practice later.
Not even an hour in, Seungmin starts getting a little dizzy, nothing too noticeable. He’s able to ignore it for the most part, trying not to grimace as he stumbles for the third time in the same part and Minho shoots him an annoyed look. It doesn’t disrupt the whole group, though, and in their next runthrough of this part, Seungmin is able to keep up. He doesn’t expect praise but Minho doesn’t even look at him in acknowledgment. Seungmin tries not to let it affect him.
They’re all just stressed and tired.
Seungmin likes their new comeback song, he usually likes most of the songs 3racha produces, and he also likes the choreography their dance unit has come up with. It’s hard though, one of the hardest and fastest they’ve ever done, and Seungmin knows he sometimes has to put in a little more effort than the others, but he’s usually able to keep up just fine.
Today, he can barely keep his eyes open, though. His dizziness gets worse with every minute he dances, making his movements not as smooth as they’re supposed to be. He knows his members notice his mistakes, but no one says anything when he doesn’t disrupt the rest of the group. Seungmin almost groans in relief when Chan calls for a short break before they’re going to go through the whole song from start to finish for the first time.
Dragging himself towards his bag, Seungmin pulls out a bottle of water and plops down onto the floor. Draining almost half of it in one go, Seungmin leans his head back against the wall behind him and closes his eyes. He tries to find some energy in some part of his body, not sure how he’ll make it through the choreography for the whole song otherwise.
Across the room, Jisung is handing out protein bars to the other members. Seungmin waits for his turn, even though he’s not sure he can stomach anything other than water right now, but when Jisung turns to him there’s a guilty look on his face and Seungmin tries not to feel disappointed before he even knows what’s the matter.
“I’m sorry Minnie, I thought there were still enough for all of us, but…”, he trails off, showing Seungmin the empty box of protein bars. “Here, you can have mine!”
Shaking his head, Seungmin smiles tiredly at Jisung. “It’s okay, Jisung-ah. I’m not hungry anyways. You probably didn’t eat anything yet, right? Eat it please.”
Seungmin thinks Jisung is going to protest more, insisting on at least sharing the protein bar, but the other man only looks between the snack and him for a moment, before he nods and trudges back over to his bag. No one else offers to share with Seungmin and he tries not to let it affect him in any way.
You’re just sensitive because you’re tired.
Seungmin sips more of his water and tries not to think too hard about it. They’re all tired and exhausted and he wouldn’t have eaten the protein bar anyway, feeling too nauseous to stomach any kind of food right now. Sighing, he stands up on shaky legs and moves towards the door.
“Where are you going, Seungmin?”, Hyunjin questions, a small frown on his face.
“Just to the toilet.”
“Be quick, okay?”, Minho says, not looking very pleased at the prospect of dragging their short break out more than necessary. “We’ll start again in five.”
Only nodding in response, Seungmin hurries to the closest restroom. He doesn’t need to go to the toilet, he just wants to take a breather away from everyone, hoping to calm his still racing heart somewhat. The edges of his vision are a little fuzzy and he should have accepted at least half of Jisung’s protein bar, but he knows the other man probably hasn’t eaten since yesterday, so he needs it more than him.
Turning the water as cold as it can get, Seungmin splashes it on his face, the shock of the icy temperature momentarily calming him down a little and waking him up more. Taking a deep breath, he looks at his tired reflection and takes notice of the dark circles under his eyes. Maybe he should have covered them up with some makeup this morning, but he’s never able to do it as flawlessly as their makeup artists, so someone probably would have noticed.
Sighing, Seungmin takes some paper towels to dry his hands and face and makes his way back to their practice room. He can’t have been away for more than five minutes, but the others are already back in their positions, clearly only waiting for him to come back. They don’t look very pleased and for the first time today, Seungmin feels a spark of annoyance. He isn’t late, they have no reason to be mad.
“Hurry up, Seungmin-ah, we’re about to start.” Changbin’s voice is genuinely annoyed and Seungmin has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the snarky comment on the tip of his tongue from spilling out. He doesn’t want to add even more to the tension in the room.
He takes his position and the song starts. Seungmin is confident that he’s gotten the choreography down already, even if some of his moves may need some refining. After Minho, Felix and Hyunjin, he’s probably the fastest in memorizing their choreographies.
The music starts and at first Seungmin is able to keep up. The small break right before steadied him a little. A stumble here, a wrong hand movement there - no mistakes that the others aren’t making too. By the time they’re halfway through the song, Seungmin is more out of breath than he probably should be, but even that doesn’t let him fall behind.
His vision is getting fuzzy again, dark spots dancing in front of his eyes, but his body moves almost on its own. A sudden dizzy spell makes him stumble again and he bumps into Jisung, who frowns at him, same as Minho when their eyes meet in the big mirrors at the front of the room. They don’t need to stop though, both he and Jisung are able to get back into the choreography with the next move as Seungmin pants in exhaustion.
The song is almost over, so he tries to hold on, even though he feels close to collapsing. Maybe his hyungs will allow him another break when he successfully makes it through the whole song without any major mistakes. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to sing in his vocal lesson later when he’s already this out of breath from a dance practice that’s not any more taxing than usual.
The last thirty seconds of the song involve some complicated and fast moves that require them to change their places several times in short succession. Seungmin knows what he’s supposed to do and where he needs to go, but the moment he moves to step around Jeongin, his vision whites out for a second and he stumbles. There’s a sudden ringing in his ears, so he doesn’t immediately notice what’s going on around him, and when his vision clears, he’s on his hands and knees beside Jeongin, who’s holding his foot.
“Ah shit, I think I twisted my ankle.”, Jeongin curses as the others surround them. There’s a headache now building behind Seungmin’s eyes and he absentmindedly notices a stabbing pain in his wrist. All of that pales the moment he looks at their maknae, though.
“Don’t move, Jeongin-ah.”, Chan says as he crouches down beside an already kneeling Minho, his eyes on Jeongin’s ankle.
“Hyung, can’t you be more careful?”, Jeongin snaps and turns his head to glare at Seungmin, only to wince in pain a second later when Minho carefully tries to touch his ankle. It’s probably a good sign that it isn’t swelling up rapidly or already bruising, but that doesn’t mean it won’t still do that later, and Seungmin feels the coffee from this morning threatening to come back up.
“I’m sorry Innie, I didn’t mean to.”, Seungmin says, willing his voice not to tremble. He clutches his wrist absentmindedly, barely noticing the biting pain in the joint. “I suddenly got diz-”
“Just leave it for now, Seungmin-ah.” Changbin’s voice is a little harsh or maybe Seungmin is really just sensitive today, but he still flinches a little and doesn’t notice how his hyung immediately softens. He just looks down, at Jeongin and the others trying to inspect his foot, and keeps his mouth shut.
“Minnie-”, Changbin starts, but Seungmin doesn’t hear him and focuses on Chan speaking up in the same second.
“Changbin and I will take Jeongin to get checked out.”, Chan says without looking up as he already helps Jeongin stand. Changbin immediately steps closer to take Jeongin’s other side as their maknae balances on his uninjured foot. “The rest of you continue with your lessons. We’ll keep you updated.”
With a last meaningful look at Minho to signal him that he’s now in charge, Chan slips fully under Jeongin’s other arm to help him out of the practice room. Seungmin can only stare in silence as Felix comes over with Jeongin’s, Chan’s and Changbin’s bags and drapes them over Changbin’s already outstretched arm.
In less than a minute, they’re out of the practice room and the others quietly talk while gathering their things, the concern visible on all of their faces. Seungmin can’t help but stare at the door where Jeongin just disappeared through, guilt and concern mixing with the dread still sitting in the pit of his stomach.
“Seungmin-ah”, Minho says loudly just then, pulling Seungmin out of his thoughts. There’s a frown on his face when Seungmin looks at him and he guesses it’s probably not the first time that the older man called his name. “You have a vocal lesson soon. One of the manager-hyungs will drive you home after.”
With that, Minho disappears through the door, leaving Seungmin alone with his still hurting wrist and the feeling that they’re sending him home like a misbehaving child. Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, Seungmin walks over to his bag to gather his things, absentmindedly still rubbing his fingers over the ache in his wrist. He must have landed weirdly on it when he accidentally tripped Jeongin.
He takes a few sips from his water bottle with shaking hands, trying to calm down. It hurts like hell to move his hand, but Seungmin just tells himself to suck it up and keep quiet about it. His hyungs can’t afford another possibly injured member right now, they all worked too hard for this comeback to get pushed back just because Seungmin can’t handle a little lightheadedness. Besides, he can still dance and sing with an injured wrist, he’ll just have to hide any noticeable pain.
Taking a shaky breath, Seungmin gathers his things and makes his way to his vocal lesson. He’s a little early, but that’ll give him time to warm up his voice. On his way there, he looks at his phone, but there are no new messages. He contemplates texting Jeongin or one of his hyungs, but getting a text from him right now would probably only irritate them further.
Seungmin is still nauseous, but on his way up, he buys a snack from one of the vending machines. Maybe that’ll help his dizziness, even though he’s not sure if he can keep the food down. By the time he makes it to the practice room for vocal lessons, he forces himself to swallow the protein bar in a few bites, quickly washing everything down with water. His stomach protests the sudden intake of food after he hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday evening, but he breathes through the increase of nausea and puts his bag in a corner of the room.
Sighing, Seungmin takes a seat and rubs his eyes. He’s so, so tired and just wants to sleep, but he knows his members are even worse off and now they also worry about Jeongin because of Seungmin’s stupid mistake. It wouldn’t be fair for him to take a nap now, he doesn’t have the right to do that, so he just starts to warm up his voice and hopes Jeongin’s injury won’t be too bad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More than an hour later, there’s still no messages from his members besides Chan informing them that they’ve gone to the hospital to get an x-ray of Jeongin’s foot. The heavy guilt settles right beside the anxiety in the pit of Seungmin’s stomach and he wonders how he can ever make this up to Jeongin again. Sure, it was an accident and those can happen to everyone, but the others are clearly exhausted too and they haven’t made any mistakes this big.
His vocal lesson ended sooner than planned after his teacher heard about Jeongin’s possible injury and saw the way Seungmin couldn’t concentrate for the life of him. One of their managers picks him up to take him home and by now, Seungmin is too scared to ask his members about Jeongin or even tell them that he’s going home first. He’s scared about not even getting an answer at all.
The ride home is silent with only him and their manager in the car. He tells Seungmin that they haven’t heard back from Chan yet and Seungmin only nods, not daring to ask what the medical personnel at their company found that needed to be checked with an x-ray.
Too wired to sleep, even though he’s completely exhausted, Seungmin just stares out of the window mindlessly and is glad that the lightheadedness still clinging to him is manageable when he’s sitting down. His thoughts drift to Jeongin again and the guilt he’s feeling twists his stomach. He should make their maknae’s favourite food today, maybe that’ll cheer him up a little and will take away some of the anger Jeongin is probably rightfully feeling towards him. Seungmin isn’t a great cook but he still has time until his members are supposed to come back and making Gukbap isn’t too much work.
When their manager drops him off, Seungmin is eager to start his plan of making dinner. Forgetting his lightheadedness for a moment, his vision turns a little spotty when he stands up and steps out of the van. Their manager doesn’t notice, only tells him he’ll be checking in with them later, before driving off again. Seungmin is left standing on the curb in front of their apartment building, willing his weak legs to keep him standing. After a moment, his vision clears and he slowly makes his way inside and up the stairs.
When he gets inside their dorm and the door falls shut behind him, he feels some of the anxiety in his gut fade away at the thought of finally being home. The urge to ignore everything and everyone and just go to bed is strong, but even stronger is his determination to make Jeongin’s favourite food for dinner. It would help Minho too, since his hyung always puts himself on dinner-duty to make sure everyone eats at least one proper meal a day.
Sighing, Seungmin puts his shoes aside and takes his bag to his room, wincing at the pain in his right wrist every time he moves it even just a little. It’s definitely sprained but it’s not an injury that’s going to affect their comeback in any way. Seungmin won’t let it.
Gukbap is definitely one of the easier Korean dishes to make and something Seungmin is confident in being able to do. He has seen Minho prepare it multiple times, even helping a time or two, so he’s confident in not messing it up. A quick look into their fridge confirms that they still have all the vegetables and meat he needs, so Seungmin quickly goes to the bathroom to wash his hands.
He almost flinches when he looks in the mirror and sees himself for the first time since this morning. The dark circles under his eyes stand in stark contrast to his too pale skin, making them even more prominent. He looks a little like he’ll keel over any second and he can’t deny that he also still feels a little like it. His hands tremble as he washes them, the steady stream of cold water soothing on his aching wrist.
With another sigh, he dries his hands and makes his way back to the kitchen. Washing the vegetables and meat doesn’t take long and soon enough, Seungmin grabs one of Minho’s sharp kitchen knives and gets to work. He’s still exhausted, his legs feeling like jelly and he contemplates moving to their kitchen table to cut everything while sitting down, but he already has to clean the counter later and he doesn’t want to dirty the table too.
His hand trembles around the knife, making his movements slower than he would’ve liked. While he cuts, he falls into a rhythm and his thoughts start to wander to Jeongin and the rest of his members. He wonders where they are, if they’re still at the hospital, waiting for Jeongin to get checked out. Seungmin wonders what’s going to happen if Jeongin’s injury is more serious than initially believed. Will their comeback get pushed back? Anxiety nestles itself back into the pit of his stomach at the thought of being at fault for his members’ hard work going down the drain.
Should he call Chan or Changbin and ask how things are? He really wants to know how bad Jeongin’s injury is but he also doesn’t want to bother them. Maybe a quick text is okay?
Absentmindedly continuing to cut the vegetables as he contemplates what to do, Seungmin doesn’t notice his hands starting to shake more from a combination of exhaustion, anxiety and his injury. Just then, his phone signals the arrival of a new message and he startles in surprise, too lost in his thoughts.
His hand jerks and the knife slips from the cutting board, cutting across the entire palm of his left hand, all the way down to the wrist. Blood gushes from the wound immediately and Seungmin drops the knife in shock, not even hearing it clatter to the ground because of the sudden ringing in his ears.
He grabs his forearm, staring down at his hand in total shock, frozen for a moment. The pain hasn’t set in yet, the sudden rush of adrenaline in his veins suppressing everything that would hinder him from getting help.
Instinctually, he grabs one of their kitchen towels and presses it onto the wound, the fabric immediately turning a deep red. As he stares at the blood, the panic sets in and Seungmin realizes he doesn’t know what to do. No one is home and he doesn’t know when any of his members will be back. Frantically turning around, he grabs his phone from the kitchen table and dials Minho’s number.
The seconds tick by as Seungmin waits for his hyung to pick up but the call goes all the way to voicemail and Seungmin hangs up before he can leave a message. Tears burn his eyes as he stares down at his phone in disbelief. Minho always picks up his calls, even if it’s only to tell him he’ll call him back later when he can talk better.
Now though, his phone pings a few seconds later with a new notification and Seungmin opens it to see a message from Minho. “Can’t talk right now”, it reads, nothing more and nothing less, and Seungmin blinks back tears as he completely ignores the message and dials Chan’s number this time. He really doesn’t want to bother his hyung but the kitchen towel is already soaked through and he’s panicking a little.
“Seungmin?”, Chan’s voice sounds after a few agonizing seconds and Seungmin’s knees almost buckle in relief. Chan has picked up, everything is going to be alright now, his hyung will know what to do.
“Hyung, I’m-”
“I really can’t talk right now.”, Chan interrupts him immediately, his voice irritated and annoyed. “We’re still at the hospital.”
Seungmin tries to swallow the lump in his throat at hearing Chan’s harsh tone. The cut on his hand is starting to hurt now and Seungmin blinks back tears at the sudden pain.
“Hyung, will you be home soon?”, Seungmin manages to ask, his voice quiet but still loud enough to hear over the phone.
“Is that the only reason you called? I’m sorry Seungmin-ah, but I don’t have time for this right now. I don’t know when we’ll be back.”
“I’m sorry, hyung, but I’m-”, swallowing a pained whimper, Seungmin bites his lip as he accidentally moves his injured hand. Both of his hands hurt now and he’s not sure he can apply enough pressure with his sprained wrist to stop the blood flow.
Just then, Seungmin can hear an unfamiliar voice on the other side of the phone and before he can say anything else or finally ask for help, Chan speaks up again.
“The doctor is here with Jeongin’s x-ray results. I really need to go. I’ll text you later, Seungmin-ah.”
With that, Chan hangs up, leaving Seungmin to stare at his phone in disbelief for the second time in as many minutes. At least Chan picked up the phone, but why did he even do that when he doesn’t have the time or the patience to talk to Seungmin?
He doesn’t realize he’s crying until something wet drops onto his phone screen, blurring Chan’s name and picture. A sob works itself out of his throat and Seungmin sinks to the ground right there in the middle of the kitchen. What is he supposed to do now? He won’t call an ambulance, that would be all over the media in less than an hour and he doesn’t want that. They don’t need that kind of media attention so close to a comeback.
Pulling the soaked kitchen towel away from his hand, Seungmin is able to see the extent of the cut, feeling nauseous with how deep it is. It runs from the bottom of his pinky finger down to where his palm meets his forearm. He just really, really hopes he hasn’t nicked any major artery in his wrist.
Throwing the soaked through towel to the side, Seungmin turns around and opens the cabinet under the sink, not even noticing that he’s dripping blood all over their kitchen floor and his clothes. There’s a whole stack of unused kitchen towels, so he pulls a few of them out and presses one onto his hand, trying to apply pressure. The pain in his sprained wrist brings even more tears to his eyes and he can’t suppress the sob lodged in his throat.
He really, really wishes his members were here right now.
Just then, his phone alerts him to a new message and Seungmin lets go of his hand momentarily to read it. It’s a message from Changbin in their group chat, telling them that they’ll be home in an hour. A second later, Felix answers that they’ll be home by then, too.
Closing his phone and pushing it aside, Seungmin leans back against the cabinet behind him and closes his eyes, silent tears still running down his face. Trying to apply more pressure on the wound on his hand, he settles in for the hour-long wait.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Seungmin is barely hanging onto consciousness by the time he finally hears the front door open. There are more than just the three voices of his roommates and he guesses that the other members have come with them to look after Jeongin and hear about his diagnosis.
There are black spots in his vision when he opens his eyes and notices that his hand has gone slack from where he was supposed to put pressure on the wound on his palm. Did he fall asleep? He can’t remember much from the last hour he spent waiting for his members and as he looks down at himself, he notices the large blood stains on his shirt where his hand is resting.
“Seungmin?”, Hyunjin’s voice suddenly calls his name and he startles slightly. He wants to stand up and greet his members, ask about Jeongin and his foot, but as he tries to move, he feels too weak to even attempt to stand and the slightest movement of his head makes him dizzy. It would probably be better to just stay down here.
“Seungmin-ah, where are you?” Changbin sounds close and he guesses that they’re moving Jeongin to the couch in their living room.
“The light in his room is on but he isn’t there.”, Felix informs them and Seungmin tries to find enough strength to call out to them.
“Do you think he’s mad?”, Jisung cuts in, sounding guilty. “We haven’t been very nice to him today.” Seungmin doesn’t hear an answer to that and closes his eyes for a second. He’s not mad at them, at least not anymore. He’s maybe disappointed but even that is overshadowed by the want and need to see his members and have them care for him.
“Kim Seungmin, where are you?” Minho’s voice is loud and Seungmin sees his legs first from where he can look under their kitchen table, before Minho steps around it and finally notices him. There’s a frown on his face that quickly changes to a horrified expression.
“Oh my god”, Minho whispers and just stares at Seungmin for a long moment, probably not believing his eyes.
“Hi hyung.”, Seungmin whispers, the relief he feels at seeing him bringing the tears right back to his eyes.
Seungmin’s voice must shock Minho back into movement as he falls down in front of Seungmin. “Chan-hyung!”, he calls loudly and Seungmin winces at the volume. He absentmindedly hears several pairs of footsteps as he focuses on Minho.
“Hyung, I’ve ruined the towels.”, Seungmin murmurs, cringing when Minho pulls one off his hand to see the wound and presses a new one on it as soon as he sees the damage, immediately soaking it in blood.
“That’s okay, Minnie. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.” Minho sounds frantic, almost panicked, and Seungmin wonders why through his muddled thoughts.
“Oh my god, Minnie!” Seungmin looks up at the call of his name and sees Felix falling to his knees on his other side, the rest of the members crowding into the kitchen behind Felix, even Jeongin on crutches.
“Someone get me the first aid kit!”, Minho commands and Seungmin hears footsteps rushing off, not bothering to look up to see who just left the kitchen.
“What happened? Why didn’t you call?”, Felix sounds as frantic as Minho and when Seungmin looks at him, there’s pure panic written across his face. Someone comes back with the first aid kit and presses it into Minho’s hands, who lets go of Seungmin’s arm in favor of searching for something that might help in stopping the bleeding. Felix takes over in pressing onto Seungmin’s wound, his eyes never leaving his face.
“I did.”, Seungmin replies quietly, looking down at the blood stains on his shirt. “I did call.”
Even from the corner of his eyes can Seungmin see the exact moment Minho freezes and realizes why Seungmin called him earlier. Somewhere above them, someone pulls a chair from the kitchen table and sits down forcefully. Seungmin lifts his head a little and sees Chan with his face buried in his hands. Seungmin doesn’t want them to feel guilty but he also wants them to acknowledge that they kind of fucked up with ignoring and dismissing him.
“I’m so sorry, Seungmin-ah.”, Chan whispers, moving his hands away from his face so he can look at Seungmin, his eyes brimming with tears. “I should have listened to you instead of dismissing you like that. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Minnie.”, Minho says, his eyes focused on Seungmin’s hand as he instructs Felix to hold it straight up so that less blood is flowing into it. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone when you called. I promise it won’t ever happen again.”
“It’s okay, hyungs. Not your fault.”, Seungmin slurs, feeling even more lightheaded now that his members are here and his body decides he can finally relax.
“What happened Seungminnie? How did you cut yourself?” Changbin frowns in concern, hovering beside Chan and looking like he wants to come closer but doesn’t want to be in the way of Minho and Felix trying to help Seungmin.
“Wanted to make dinner.”, Seungmin murmurs, his eyes closing against his own volition. “Gukbap. For Innie.”
“You-”, Jeongin gasps out in surprise. “You wanted to make me dinner, hyung?”
Seungmin nods slightly, the movement barely there, and opens his eyes to look at Jeongin. “Wanted to make it for all of us but it’s your favourite food. ‘m sorry about tripping you, Innie.”
“Hyung…” Jeongin looks close to tears as Seungmin struggles to keep his eyes open. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Seungmin smiles slightly, his guilt lessening a little as he closes his eyes again. He’s so very tired, he just wants to sleep. His members are here now, he’s safe, he’s allowed to rest a little, right?
“‘m really tired, hyung.”, Seungmin murmurs, not really knowing who he’s even talking to.
“You can’t sleep, Minnie.”, Hyunjin suddenly says from directly beside him. “You need to stay awake, okay?” Someone moves him and suddenly he’s leaning back against Hyunjin instead of the hard surface of their kitchen cabinets. With a sigh, Seungmin relaxes further. His members are here, he’s safe.
“But I’m so tired.”, Seungmin murmurs, trying to ignore the way everything is starting to spin, even with his eyes closed. “Just gonna take a short nap.”
“Seungmin, stay awake!”
“-need…-stay awake!”
“M-...nie!”
“...call…-bulance!”
“Seungmin!”
With a last call of his name, Seungmin falls unconscious, knowing that no one is mad at him and nothing can happen to him as long as he’s with his members.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Seungmin wakes up with a headache and both of his hands hurting like hell. Someone is holding carefully onto his fingers and as he opens his eyes, he recognizes Jeongin’s familiar mop of hair. The hand he's holding is taped at the wrist and as Seungmin looks to the other side of the bed, he's met with the rest of his members sleeping in various positions on the chairs and the small couch in the room. His left hand is bandaged thickly and as he looks at it, he remembers what happened earlier. Or was it yesterday already? How long was he out?
Judging from the sunlight falling into the room and the way he’s feeling a lot more rested than the last time he was awake, it must be morning. His limbs feel stiff and he has the urge to move his wrists under the constricting tape and bandages, but when he accidentally flexes his fingers, Jeongin starts to stir.
Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, Jeongin blinks blearily against the harsh sunlight. Seungmin just stares at him, noting how he still looks exhausted. At last, Jeongin turns his head and looks at Seungmin, startling as he sees him awake and staring at him.
“Hyung!”, he exclaims loudly, startling several of the others awake. “You’re awake!”
“Hi Innie.”, Seungmin replies quietly, his voice raspy from disuse.
Jeongin sits up straighter, squeezing Seungmin’s fingers he’s still holding absentmindedly. “How are you feeling?”
Before Seungmin can answer, the rest of his members surround him. Jisung and Felix look seconds away from jumping on the bed with him, the only thing seemingly keeping them from doing it are his injured hands and Jeongin kind of sitting in the way.
“Minnie.”, Hyunjin starts and looks so sad that Seungmin has to suppress a wince. “Your other hand has been sprained this whole time?”
“Why didn’t you say anything, Seungmin-ah?”, Chan chimes in, stepping closer to the bed to run a comforting hand through Seungmin’s hair. “When did that happen?”
It’s quiet for a long moment as they all wait for Seungmin to answer. Looking down at the white bed sheet, his gaze falls onto his injured hands and he absentmindedly wonders how he’s supposed to do anything for the foreseeable future with both hands more or less out of commission.
“When I tripped Jeongin.”, Seungmin answers quietly at last. “I probably landed on it wrong. I don’t really remember.”
“Hyung…” Jeongin’s voice is quiet and when Seungmin looks up to meet his eyes, there are tears running down the younger’s face. Instinctively, Seungmin raises a hand to wipe them away, but winces when the movement pulls on the cut in his hand. Immediately, Jeongin grabs it gently and lays it back down onto the bed.
“I’m sorry, hyung. We should’ve noticed that you weren’t feeling well before you accidentally tripped me. Felix-hyung said that you haven’t been eating properly.”
Felix looks apologetic when Seungmin looks at him, but he can’t fault him for simply observing something obvious. It’s not like Seungmin tried to hide it when he hasn’t really noticed himself that he skipped a meal here or there because he wasn’t feeling hungry. Stress kills his appetite and he’s usually good at counteracting that, but this time, he was more focused on taking care of his members.
“Why didn’t you say anything about your hand, Seungmin-ah?”, Changbin gently repeats Chan’s earlier question.
“I can still dance and sing with it.”, Seungmin replies quietly, averting his eyes again. “You’re all so stressed because of the comeback, it’s bad enough that Jeongin got injured because of me…”
“That’s not your fault, hyung!” Jeongin looks angry now when Seungmin looks at him again. “Accidents can happen.”
“But look at what happened! The comeback-”
“The comeback doesn’t matter!” Minho’s voice is loud and he sounds upset as he cuts Seungmin off. He steps closer to the bed and gently takes Seungmin’s fingers in his hand. “The comeback is postponed.”
Seungmin’s eyes widen in panic, immediately wondering if he’s the reason for that. They all worked so hard, they can’t postpone the comeback now just because he injured himself. It’s just his hands, he can still dance, he can still sing-
“Please calm down, Minnie. It’s not your fault.” Chan’s fingers still running through his hair bring Seungmin’s focus back to his members.
“But hyung-”
“It’s been a long time coming.”, Chan interrupts. “We’re all so exhausted and overworked, it’s a miracle no one has gotten injured before this. I’ve talked to our managers and to PD-nim. We’re getting a two-week break with no schedules at all before we even have to think about the comeback again.”
“But all your hard work…”, Seungmin says quietly, the guilt sitting heavy in the pit of his stomach.
“It’s your hard work too, Minnie.”, Jisung tries to reassure him but Seungmin can only nod, not really believing him. He can’t say he’s not glad for a break this long, but all their effort feels kind of pointless now.
“And besides, you and Jeonginnie need time to rest!” Felix says it so earnestly that Seungmin can’t help but smile.
We can stay on the couch all day long, hyung.”, Jeongin whispers to him conspirately. “And let the hyungs serve us.”
Grinning back at Jeongin, Seungmin catches Changbin’s eyeroll, his grin brightening even more at the thought that Changbin would be the one to fuss over them the most, even though he’s pretending to be annoyed right now.
Sobering a little, Seungmin turns to Chan, disrupting his hyung’s hand in his hair in the process. “I want to go home hyung. Can we go home soon?”
Even more now than before he sprained his wrist and cut his hand, Seungmin longs for his bed and the familiarity and affection of his members. He just really wants to sleep without needing to be up at a specific time, preferably with the rest of the guys close by and no activities in their schedules. Looks like he’ll actually get that for the next two weeks, even though he knows he’ll probably feel guilty after the first day of doing nothing.
“The manager-hyungs are sorting out your discharge right now. We can take you home after that, Seungmin-ah.”, Chan reassures, continuing to run his fingers through his hair.
With a sigh, Seungmin closes his eyes and leans back into the pillow. His hands still throb and the guilt and disappointment sit still a little heavily in the pit of his stomach, but the relief of having his members around him, Chan still running his hand through his hair and Jeongin’s warm fingers in his own, drag him down into a dreamless sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later that day, Seungmin only vaguely remembers waking up shortly to be put in a wheelchair and rolled down to a back entrance where one of their managers waits with a car big enough to take them all home.
The moment he sits down in the car, Seungmin promptly falls back asleep, his head pillowed on Changbin’s shoulder and the hand with the cut alleviated on Hyunjin’s lap on his other side. He only wakes briefly when someone scoops him up and carries him out of the car, but even that could be something he dreamed.
The first time he’s really fully conscious again is later that night, when their dorm is completely silent and dark and Seungmin opens his eyes to their living room ceiling. He and Jeongin are caged in on both sides by the rest of their members, all of them mindful of Jeongin’s ankle and Seungmin’s hands, but still cuddled close enough that it feels safe and warm.
It seems to be the middle of the night and with a content sigh, Seungmin snuggles back down into his pillow. Surrounded by all of his members, he closes his eyes again, content in the knowledge that they can stay cuddled up like this as long as they want tomorrow morning. With a smile on his lips, Seungmin drifts back to sleep.