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There was something so soft about the way X held Zero. Fleeting, ephemeral, and fragile, yes. But god damn it, no matter what, this sort of tenderness always swept Zero off of his feet. Zero loved to be the “knight in shining armor” for X, yet at the same time, letting him take the lead was almost dreamlike. No matter how many Zero had saved his friend's- now boyfriend's- ass, he still couldn't help but fall further in love every time X returned the favor. And in more domestic situations, that sentiment was still echoed, albeit on a much smaller scale.
Yet, some part of Zero still couldn't believe X liked him like that. There was a part of him that still doubted this entire thing, as his anxiety chewed on him like a dog toy. It was all so wonderful-- it felt so good. Too good. That's how it was with… her.
X watches the look in Zero’s eyes change. The change would be subtle to most people. But to him? It was like the very air around him changed.
“You okay?” X asks, his voice about as gentle as his embrace.
Zero pauses. “You still like me, right…?”
“Of course…! Why wouldn't I?”
A sigh tumbles out of Zero's mouth. “It just… feels too good to be true.”
“Zero… I feel like you say that about a lot of things…” X whispers, uncertain if this was too harsh to say plainly or not. “Every time something good happens, you’re always on guard. Any time things are on the up-and-up, you’re sitting there, prepared for it all to come crashing down. And I know a lot of it comes with the territory of how we’ve been living our lives. Neither of us can live as peacefully as we wish we could-- a part of us always has to be alert, just to make sure others are safe.”
The blond Reploid nods silently, biting his lip softly as he processes for the first time how he really had felt so on guard, so anxious for anything positive.
“Trust me when I say this, Zero,” X continues, squeezing Zero softly in his grasp, “I’ll be here for you. Through thick and thin, I’ll do my very best to be there as much as possible. If earth seems more like a living hell, then let me be there to give you some respite-- no matter how brief. I want to be there for you, as your fellow Maverick Hunter, as your friend, and as your boyfriend. I love you. Okay?”
Zero’s gaze flicks away from X’s briefly. “Really…?”
X exhales, a smile appearing on his mouth, though not in his eyes. “Zero, I’ve fought against you, in more ways than one. From things as stupid as that little snippy phase I had a couple years back, to almost killing you with my own hands… and we’re still here. We’ve been through hell and back, and we’re still friends. We’re beyond friends now, too. If the fact that we’ve come back from those moments doesn’t speak volumes about our relationship, and how deep our bond goes… I don’t know what does.”
“…It’s only been four weeks…” Zero mutters.
“Of us dating officially? Yes,” X responds, “But… at least to me, before I outright told you, things had been slowly morphing into something less… platonic.”
As X intertwines his fingers with Zero’s, the latter nods slightly. If nothing else, that much was true. He couldn’t quite pinpoint when, but there was definitely a shift in their friendship over the years. He could barely remember a time when his views on X were either as a coworker or as a friend, and nothing else.
Questions flew through his head. When did X’s eyes start to shine in a way that captivated him? When did X’s smile become something to cherish and revere? When did X’s very presence start to make his breath hitch? When did X’s voice become alluring, soothing, calming? When did Zero start to relax around him? When did Zero start to wish to be by his side forever? When did Zero begin dreaming of the two of them, together in a utopia that could never be?
And of course, when did their actions start to reflect their subconscious dreams? When did those friendly hugs turn into lingering embraces, savoring each other’s presence? When did they start holding hands as they walked side-by-side? When did they start blushing at mere compliments to each other; hell, when did they start blushing because of each other to begin with? When did their gestures of platonic comradery become so… intimate?
X was absolutely right-- their friendship had definitely morphed into something new altogether. Even if he hadn’t said anything that day, it still would’ve been painfully clear. And no matter how much Zero barricaded these feelings, so abnormal and alien to him, they still would’ve come out, one way or another. No matter how much he swore to keep his distance, to not get too attached-- all to keep himself safe… inevitably, he would’ve had to break it to himself: he’d fallen for someone again.
And it was terrifying.
Everything that their jobs entailed was so precarious. Every time they get sent out for a mission, they know it could very well be their last. So, permanence was never something that crossed Zero’s mind. Not since he realized the fragility of every waking moment, as he watched his last love wilt away in his arms years prior. Every day since her death was treated with recklessness. Every moment was fleeting to him, anyway; blazing through it all only made it more tolerable in the end.
Yet now that he was decelerating again for the first time in a long time, his coping mechanism began to show what it was hiding. When he could finally slow down and breathe, the sensation was nigh-on euphoric. When he could take in everything around him, it all seemed so vivid, so alive. The world he once let pass him by in a monotonous blur was now something he could admire. When he could really take a moment to look X deep in the eyes, every little detail seemed like something he could get lost in, every imperfection and flaw only making him more… perfect.
God, was the idea of losing it all horrifying. He could blink and it would all be gone. That’s what it was like when Iris died, after all. One moment, he’s with the woman he deeply admired and cherished, and the next…
“Zero?”
Hearing his name, Zero blinks plainly. “Sorry,” he mutters, his eyes on the floor.
“You don’t have to apologize…” X responds quietly, “Is everything alright?”
Even if it was a fairly blasé question to most, to Zero, it was loaded. Lie to X, and he’d see right through it-- not to mention, probably not feel great about being lied to, either. Tell the truth, and the baggage, the old news, that entailed would likely bore X to death. Stay silent, and the answer would be subtler if it were displayed on a blinking billboard on his forehead. And that would likely lead to option two, regardless.
Yet, mentally running through his options wound up solidifying his choice through inaction.
“Hey…” X squeezes Zero’s hand softly, reminding him that their hands were still intertwined. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can talk about something else, if that’d help.”
Those words alone made Zero reel a little. His gaze snaps up to meet X’s. If it weren’t his words and oh-so-gentle tone of voice that sold Zero on X’s sincerity, then his expression would’ve done it in anyhow.
Zero could already feel a stinging in his eyes. He could feel his emotions bubbling up once again in his throat. As he rests his head against X’s shoulder, he sighs, doing everything he can in his power to not let his fragile emotional state get the better of him.
“Fuck…” Zero whispers, “Why are you so damn nice to me…?”
Zero feels X flinch slightly, his entire body jolting slightly. “Where’s this coming from?”
“It’s-- it’s just… It’s like… you know… It’s like-- fuck…”
“Take your time…” X states, patting Zero’s back softly with his free hand.
“I… I know the way the dialogue works,” Zero starts. “You ask if I’m okay… I say yes, you call me out for lying. Maybe tack on a feeling of insulted… ness… that comes from me not being honest with you. I say no, and you ask ‘oh, well why is that’? And then… then, I have to go and yap about my stupid problems that I’ve already talked with you like a hundred times… about things I can’t change, but I wish I could. And even if I say I don’t wanna talk about it… I know you’re curious, regardless. After all, ‘what’s got Mr. I-Don’t-Like-Big-Scary-Emotions Zero with his wires in a knot anyway’… I don’t answer, you either think I’m ignoring you… or you just know the answer anyway.”
The arm that X had wrapped around Zero’s back to pat it brought him closer, bringing him into a one-armed hug. “Zero… If you don’t want to talk about what’s bugging you, then that’s completely okay. Admittedly, I might be a bit curious at times, but it’s mostly out of wanting to understand the situation better, so that I can help you better. And again, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s A-OK. I get it. Sometimes, instead of just mulling over what could’ve been, and rehashing old problems, being a little distracted can help.”
Zero inhales slightly, trying to tiptoe carefully with his every action so as not to let his emotional bubble pop. “This is what I mean… why are you… so nice to me…?”
“Because it hurts to see you upset.”
Zero pauses, trying to process that.
“Because I want to help you.”
With that second reason, Zero raises his head once more, looking X, his boyfriend, dead in the eyes.
“Because I love you, Zero.”
Drip. A tear falls from Zero’s face. The exact emotion he’d been trying to barricade away was now rearing its ugly head. Drip. Another tear falls. Then another. Even as he tries to wipe the tears out of his eyes, more simply come in their place.
It was almost impossible to mask it in his voice. No matter how soft his voice was, there was still that sob, lying in wait for every word. Yet, quietly, he brought himself to say something, despite the looming threat of accelerating his emotional state further into the deep end.
“I… I love you, too, X…!”
With that, all it took was a gentle collapse into X’s shoulder for the sniffles and sobs to start. God, Zero felt pathetic. He was a Rank S-A Maverick Hunter, and here that almighty warrior was, blubbering into the arms of his partner like a child. Had anyone else been here for this, it would’ve been humiliating beyond words.
“Let it all out…” X whispers, now fully embracing Zero with both arms. “I’m here for you. Cry as much as you need to.”
Zero mumbles incoherently, his voice becoming a pitchy warble of sadness that could only be heard by anyone nearby. Yet, even if at times he couldn’t understand what was coming out of his mouth, X still responded all the same.
“You don’t need to apologize… it’s okay to have moments like this. You know all too well that I do this, too; it’s not just you. … Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that, you’re just having a bit of a rough time right now. You’re not inferior for having these emotions. … Oh, I could never hate you, Zero… I never have, and I never will. Sh-sh-sh… breathe…”
It was odd to Zero. Normally, he faced these sorts of episodes alone, and felt absolutely miserable. Hell, the after effects would linger for a while, up to multiple days after the initial “incident”. But now…? Even if he still felt miserable, there was a part of him that also felt… comforted. Safe. He hated this feeling of sadness with a burning passion… yet, there was something that made it bearable when X was there. Maybe these sorts of problems-- issues so intrinsically difficult to deal with, so… uncomfortably human-- weren't the type of problems to tackle alone. Perhaps having X there, someone so deeply connected to the emotions Zero staved off for so long, was a step in the right direction.
Even still, it at least felt better in the moment to Zero, to be held by X as he wept. If nothing else, that already felt infinitely better than anything else he had tried alone. It all felt so warm, so soft, so gentle. And even if it was, admittedly, a newer feeling to Zero, it already felt like tiny hits of dopamine. Like everything was finally falling into place, after all this time.