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It’s the year 2016 and the sky is clear. His head is not. It’s a mix of static, screaming, and words only one’s head can handle. Words that if it made it to his heart, would pull its strings so hard that it would stop beating immediately. Words he never wanted to read, hear, or utter.
“William Byers and Chandler Bing’s wedding” In large letters, he reads it on the card he received. It had been addressed from Will. All the excitement and joy had plummeted down and out of his system.
Will is getting married? His Will. Well, friend Will — no, best friend. His best friend Will is getting married. Will is getting married and he’s invited to be the best man. Not the groom, but the best man. It aggravates him.
All these years, all the guilt, all the ‘waiting for the right time’. He waited and wasted. All this time. All that time. While he waited, Will was moving on. While he was stuck being guilty for falling in love with his dead ex-girlfriend’s brother, the said brother was moving on.
He really was just his Tammy, huh? Is he? Or is Will’s husband-to-be the Tammy? It’s messing with his head. This can’t be. It feels wrong. It hurts.
If only he had told El– Jane… if only he had told Jane that he loved Will and always had when she was still around, maybe all that time he has wasted could have been used to love Will. Maybe he wouldn’t have this unending guilt. The guilt that only keeps growing knowing he used Jane’s name and death as an excuse to stay single. He knows Jane would have understood, she always has, she was always better than him in that department.
If he had known earlier, if he had accepted it earlier, he could have told Karen and Ted before they met their ends years ago. The guilt of them not knowing grows, their faces, their reactions.
Imagining it now, his mother would have hugged him. She would have held him. God, he misses her touch, her voice, her warmth, her smile. He swears sometimes he can still feel her caressing his hair as he falls asleep. She would have asked if he was sure of what he was because she didn’t exactly know or understand it. What she wouldn’t do, though? She would never have questioned it if he had proclaimed his love for Will. His mother knew how to read him perfectly. Maybe she even knew before he did.
Unlike Karen, Ted would have maybe questioned him or tell him to think about it. He would have said that maybe he was confused or that it was a phase. A phase? A phase that lasted decade after decade. What a joke. He misses dad, though. The head pats, the coughing as he eats in front of the television, and ‘language’ being the only word he can utter when he, Nancy, or Holly argue.
The wedding is in a month. In a month, William Byers, Michael Wheeler’s best friend, will be promised and will vow to another man. A man who is not him.
Mike could only think, “Isn’t Chandler too old for him?” knowing Chandler and Will’s age gap is only three years. “They met only four years ago!” yet he had spent decades hiding. He can’t even use that logic to argue with because he and Will knew each other for longer than they didn’t, however, he was with Jane. He was with Jane while Will suffered alone. Those two siblings eat at his conscience and soul everyday.
He can argue about it all he wants but at the end of the day, there is one winner and it is not him. It is not Chandler. It is Will. He doesn’t even know it. He doesn’t know that while he is in the arms of another man, while he has moved on, while he is opening another chapter of his life, another man’s heart is in his possession.
Mike starts to wonder, if he objected, would Will run away with him? Would Will still accept him, even after all this time? Would he still love him back? Does he still love him? Or… would he ruin his wedding day?
Days of dreading the wedding day passes and it’s finally the day before the wedding. Mike knew not to act weird around Will, but the rest of the party knew.
“I always knew there was something off about you. Not like that… I mean, come on, one of our kids is lesbian! I just mean weird — overprotective of will. Almost too much, to be honest.” Max says to him. She always knew. She was the first to have my behavior click to her. She knew something was wrong.
Mike just scoffs and nods with a small smile. Dustin and Lucas share a look while Max just looks at him.
“I know you’re guilty, Mike. Don’t be.” Easier said than done, Max.
“I barely had time with El– Fuck! Jane! I mean Jane! I barely had time with her, but I did love her. I just… I was confused. Jane was the first girl that had ever treated me like I wasn’t a zoo animal. She was a friend to me, but I didn’t know that then. What have I done, Max?” Mike argues.
Lucas’s eyes show a glimpse of new emotion, one Mike has never seen before. “You know, you’re doing really well not ruining this for him. Right now, that’s all that should matter.” Lucas says with a pat on Mike’s shoulder.
Dustin chimes in, “He’s right, you know. Focusing on what’s now and ahead of us instead of the past is the only thing we can do now. Jane is gone for good and we can’t do anything about it. Stop being so guilty, she would have hated that. Let her soul rest.”
Mike just nods. He had nothing left to say. He fought them, Lucas especially, to defend Jane back then. And now? He’s moping about all the mistakes he has made to them, regarding Jane and Will. Nothing feels right.
He should have known Will had moved on since his move to New York, while he had stayed in Hawkins. He even moved to the house across from his parents’ before moving back in after their deaths. Everybody moved on, only he, is cemented to memories of when he was at his best. Sometimes, he even passes by the old kindergarten, now a cemetery, where he and Will met. He hopes to be buried there one day or at least have something important to him buried there.
The wedding day finally comes, Will is beautiful. His hair styled nicely, but Mike can still see the boy whose forehead was never to be seen because of that bowl cut Joyce would give Will. It was the easiest, least time consuming, and it was cheap. Mike remembers how he would beg Joyce to let Will go to the barbers with him when they were younger to get matching haircuts. It wasn’t a big price to our family, so we would force her to let us pay. Those times were probably the only ones where Will didn’t have that bouncy little bowl cut. Mike loved that bowl cut, but it did earn Will some laughs. Nonetheless, Will would always look good. He always has.
Will looks good right now. As much as Mike dislikes Chandler, Mike still knows and can say that Chandler is one hell of an attractive guy. The type you would only look at, thinking he was straight. It was quite stereotypical and very ‘Ted of him’ to put gay people in some sort of physical category, but gay people would usually be the ones who ‘looked gay’. Chandler did not. He looked amazing and Mike feels horrible. If he asked, would Will be up for polyamory? No, Mike wouldn’t — couldn’t, ever. He is greedy, selfish, and morally ambiguous when it comes to Will. It’s always been that way.
The wedding passes by like a blur with Mike zoning out during the vows. He can’t listen, can’t hear, can’t see. He won’t allow himself to. Even then, he saw. He saw the sparkle in Will’s eyes. Ones that used to be his. Ones that used to be meant for him and his presence. It is now Chandler’s.
Tears fall down Mike’s face and he covers it with a genuine smile. It hurts that Will isn’t his but it’s freeing to see Will so happy. It feels so free and peaceful to know that people that love each other can get married. It’s one beautiful beach wedding, a venue Will chose to honor his beloved sister. The sister Mike had wronged. Will said that Jane’s favorite place was the beach. She had even crafted a few pieces showing beaches and vacation houses she wanted to work for to repay Joyce. She was always very cute and loving. Mike was the problem, he knew that.
A month has passed since the wedding and Mike sits Nancy and Holly down. It’s time to tell them. We are getting older and time is of the essence.
“I was… am in love with Will. I was confused and in denial when I was with Jane. I somewhat used her and it is one of my biggest, worst regrets and I hate myself for it.” He sobs, choking on that stubborn lump in his throat.
Nancy and Holly turn to each other. Deep down, they might have known. Will was an amazing guy, after all. When they were younger, Holly had a short-lived crush on Will during the eighteen months his family lived with theirs. His art and his personality drew her in. He even taught her experienced tips and tricks to make paintings pop with color and dimension. It’s apparently called rendering. She nagged and asked Mike question after question about Will.
“Is that why you were such an ass when I had that little crush on him?” Holly chuckled.
Mike just glares at her. “Language.”
It makes Nancy laugh and hold both of her siblings’ hands. “This is nothing. You made me think you killed someone, Mike! You liking Will had always been clear, but now it’s even clearer. I could never be against this or you simply because you fall in love with a man.”
Mike lets his tears roll down his face. “I know, Nancy. You always had so much love in you and you took after mom in that way especially.”
They all share a hug, laughing and crying as they all share things that bring them shame to oneself. After this session, they remained siblings that loved each other. The only difference now is that their bond is stronger.
Eight months has passed his Will’s wedding. He and Chandler adopted a daughter named Janice Jimmi Byers. They took Will’s last name, of course.
The longer it is, the more I lose the will to live. I function on autopilot and it feels horrible. The trauma the pain, the grief, the loss of family, friends, and myself just keeps on taking over. I am not well and if I live for others — for my sisters or friends then I might end up in a mental facility because I will go crazy. If anyone finds this, please take no blame.
If you have read all of what was written, keep it to yourself. Whoever finds this, burry it with me if you find me. Burry the dragon painting I own if you find it as well.
William Byers, Will the wise, my cleric, and my sorcerer, if you find this, don’t blame yourself. This was going to happen either way. Tell them all I love them but speak none of what else was written here. Live happily, Will. I have and always will love you. From the moon and back. Oh and, I always wanted to try this pick up line with you. So if it’s you reading, here goes nothing.
Are you sure you’re not a paladin? Because I’m smitten. Winky face.
I’m sorry, Will. Just one last time, I wanted to make you smile. It’s my favorite. Your lips.
Live happily for me.
Love, Michael Wheeler.
I closed Mike’s diary, feeling heavy. It’s all crashing down on me. The tears made it hard for me to read the last words. My best friend of decades, Michael Wheelers, was said to drown where the decoy body made to look like me was first found. I feel sick, my heart is torn to shreds. We haven’t found his body yet, only his favorite shoe.
I put on my tie, getting ready for Mike’s funeral. I have moved on. That doesn’t mean I had stopped loving my best friend. He was the heart of the party after all.
At the funerall, I watch as they burry a body-less casket. The only contents of the casket was his shoe, diaries, the letters addressed to me but were never sent, and all the art I made him and made with him.
We were all a mess at the funeral, but I hope Mike is at rest. Even if he wasn’t truly in love with Jane, I hope he takes care of her.
I can now only look at the casket as it’s getting covered by soil. I hide my face in Chandler’s shoulder as my heart clenches and my head feels tight because of the amount of crying these past few days. I tried to look for your body, Mike. I swam, I tried, I dove in. I couldn’t find you. In another life, maybe all of us, and I mean everyone we have ever known and loved, could have had their true happy endings and we could have had them together.
Rest well and peace, Michael Wheeler.