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Other people say that Ken and Paulo’s connection works best in the dark.
Behind the blinding lights, their hearts remain grounded, as their love for each other and what they do grows.
They created their best songs while they were touring around the world with the group.
Nobody wonders what they’re up to whenever they share a room during the tour. The staff know they bond better because they have a lot in common. They both like to drink coffee before they lock in at work, and they share demos of their unreleased tracks stored in their phones before other members can even hear the melody or read the lyrics. They play their guitars while in the same room, lost in their own heads.
Yet the connection only deepens.
That’s why it was not a surprise when they revealed to the staff and the members that they’re finally together after Ken courted Paulo for 2-months. Stell saw how Ken waited for Paulo after their daily training for 9-hours. Sitting silently on the sofa outside The Zone, scrolling silently on his phone. He lost track of the days, and it became normal for him to see them both go home together.
Josh sometimes sees Paulo at their coffee bar, and lately he has seen two black 1Z mugs instead of the usual one. Both with black coffee, just the other mug with two teaspoons of sugar. He would bring them inside the recording booth silently. Sometimes, Paulo would smile at Josh’s direction, and it was a quiet revelation that Josh understood.
Lastly, it was Justin who left the studio the day before. He was fixing the meeting room after 4 hours of straight meetings for their upcoming album release. He thought everybody left, so he was humming and singing silently to himself his own songs to pass the time.
When he was about to reach the elevator to the main lobby, he saw Paulo fixing Ken’s hair, it was dyed back to black a while ago, and Paulo was beaming while running his fingers through his hair before they wave to Justin as he approached.
And Justin knew better than to ask out loud when it was evident in front of him. He smiled back and silently prayed for their hearts and their love to last long, longer than the test of time.
~
Paulo lay on the bed silently as he waited for Ken to lie beside him.
He sent Ken a short message, ‘Come home, I need to tell you something.
His eyes were swollen from crying that afternoon as he went straight home after their practice.
It was weird to go home without the usual person waiting for him at the lobby. The sofa was still there, but it was empty. No Ken was scrolling on his phone, and when he saw Paulo, his whole aura would change. His eyes would light up, and Ken would grin, and throw his arms around his man.
Now his arms were cold, so he hugged them around his torso to feel something.
Anything.
What happened to us, Ken?
~
Ken carried two black mugs with freshly brewed coffee before placing the mugs on the wooden coasters on Paulo’s bedside table. The usual smell of coffee wrapped the walls of Paulo’s room, and it took everything in him to not hold his breath so he wouldn’t get bitter at the smell he always loved.
His gaze went over the bed, where Paulo lay silently, waiting for his arrival.
Ken silently sat on the bed, adjusted his body and lay down beside Paulo, his head at the same level of his, the steady rise of their chest as they take each other's presence in. It broke his heart that the usual comfort it gives him, the peace that Paulo brings with his presence now lost.
When did it change?
“Ken…” Paulo breathed, taking Ken’s left hand inside his own right hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Ken heard the control over Paulo’s voice, but the tone only added to his broken heart. It was clear that they were both tired and hurt, and whatever they had was beyond repair.
“Pau…” He answered back and turned his attention to Paulo’s face.
And though the tears were already drying, he could still see the trail of it from his eyes, black circles evident. For the staff or maybe the rest of the group, it was how Paulo usually is, especially whenever they are preparing for a new era. Stubble all over his chin, his hair unkempt, his lips chapped, and he stopped himself from touching them with his own, just like how he would do whenever he would see them dry.
“Gumawa ka pa ng kape. You shouldn’t have. Lalamig lang ‘yan.” Paulo whispered, his eyes looking at Ken’s face now, too, seeing the man he loved the most looking at him, too.
Paulo wasn’t sure if he was memorizing Ken’s features for the last time, or if he was watching how Ken would break apart beside him as he did too. His hair was back to its usual black color, void of the usual fun colors they had when they were much younger. They were past that time now, now they look at each other’s face, the young featured they once had lost with time.
And so was their love.
“Saan ba tayo nagkamali?” Ken asked, his own tears betraying him finally.
Just like before, he only allowed himself to be broken whenever Paulo was around. His voice cracked, and the pain came crashing down on him hard. Paulo, seeing how much this was all taking a toll on Ken pulled him in his arms for a warm embrace.
It was the only thing they could do now, hold each other while they were falling apart and away from each other. He promised Ken he wouldn’t let him go through the break-up alone, because Ken even made their coffee just like how they both wanted it.
“Hindi ko alam. Believe me, hindi ko rin alam, Ken.” Paulo said, burying his lips against the other’s neck. His smell comforted him whenever he was breaking, just like what’s happening now.
“Hindi na ba talaga pwedeng maayos ‘to? Maybe we just need space? Why do we need to leave each other?” Ken asked, his breathing slowing down as Paulo ran his fingers against his back.
“We’ll just keep on hurting each other, ‘Ga. I can’t keep doing that to you. Ayaw kong masaktan ka pa. Baka…baka hanggang dito na lang talaga.” Paulo answered defeatedly.
It was such an unusual feeling to let himself be defeated and not fight for his own relationship, just like how they did for the past 4 years.
But maybe it’s true that everything that started beautifully eventually needed to end.
And no amount of mending can heal two tired hearts.
Just like how their love grew in the dark, it was also where their love ended.
Just the beating of their hearts, while they hold each other together…for the last time.