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It's funny, how you can wait 10 years to see someone again, and still not know what to say to them. Maybe it's because she had Yachiyo this whole time, Iroha thinks, because she still had Kaguya with her this whole time, in that sense. Not like Kaguya. Not like Kaguya who waited thousands of years to see her.
But Kaguya doesn't say anything either, the whole way home.
The train rocks lightly beneath them. It's late—late enough for the train to not be packed, but not late enough to fully avoid the crowd of unpaid-overtime office workers that Iroha often sees on her commute—so they were both able to get a seat.
…Kaguya, when Iroha looks, is sitting backwards in her seat, squinting out at the passing blur of city lights that reflect back in her eyes like stardust. Her mouth is in a little 'o' shape, and she murmurs "Wow!" or "Oooh!" once or twice. Childish as ever, it seems. Iroha can't help but laugh, just a little.
Then Kaguya turns from the window to look at Iroha, just a little, just a small incline of her head to meet Iroha's gaze, and she stares, and stares, and stares, her eyes filled with city-light stardust and wonder and love, and oh, Iroha thinks, please don't ever stop looking at me like that, please don't ever stop looking at me again.
"This train will be stopping at—"
And like a cord being yanked, the moment stops. Iroha has to force her gaze away from Kaguya, has to stand and adjust her bag on her shoulder, and without looking back, she says, "Come on, this is us."
They're still silent for the whole walk from the station to the apartment. Iroha, no matter how much, how desperately she wants to, doesn't look back at Kaguya as they walk. She wonders if Kaguya is still looking around, taking in the world around her, she wonders what kind of face Kaguya makes once she recognises where they are, if she recognises where they are, how much would Kaguya remember from, what, 8010 years ago?
Even Yachiyo would probably only recognise the inside of Iroha's—and Kaguya's, now, again—apartment, and the lab. It's not like Iroha just… took her tablet for walks to show her digital girlfr… or rather… to show Yachiyo around the neighbourhood. So it's not like Kaguya has much to draw on from those memories, either.
Then, Iroha is jamming her key into her front door, letting Kaguya in, letting the door close behind them and latch shut. Slipping off their shoes. Dropping her bag next to the kitchen island.
Suddenly, the silence hangs a lot heavier between them.
"Um…" Kaguya starts, and Iroha can't stop herself from turning around, from turning towards the sound of her voice like a sunflower to the sun. Kaguya's hands are twisted in the fabric of her shirt, and she looks… nervous…? But why would- "S-so you still live here, huh!"
Obviously Kaguya already knew that. There's… there wasn't any need for her to say that. But.
After a pause, Iroha says, "Uh…" So eloquent, Iroha. That's so good. Good job, Iroha. You're doing a great job at not fumbling this, "Yes?" Amazing work. That's… wow. That's just so. So smart, Iroha. Such a smart girl, aren't you. So good at words. And stuff. Iroha takes a breath. In. Out. Automatically, her fingers reach out to brush her wrist, the one with that bracelet on it. She presses her thumb into it, hard enough to leave a light indentation. It's fine. It's fine! Everything is fine!
When she looks up, Kaguya is staring at Iroha's hands. Watching Iroha fiddle with the bracelet Kaguya gave her. Iroha watches her swallow, and bite her bottom lip in that same way she always did. Watches her grip on her shirt tighten minutely. And.
Before Kaguya can say anything—before Iroha can do something stupid like getting carried away or distracted—Iroha continues, "Your room," Kaguya looks up, startled, confused, "Your room is still… if you… if you want to sleep there?"
Kaguya blinks owlishly, once, twice, big eyes searching Iroha's for something, Iroha doesn't know what. Then, eventually, she says, "Oh! Oh. Um! Do you. Want me to sleep there?"
No. No, Iroha wants to say. No. No. No. No. No. Don't leave my sight. Don't be anywhere where I can't see you. Come with me. Stay with me. Please. Please. Please. Don't go.
"If you want to."
Kaguya frowns a little, then looks away. Iroha can't tell in the dark room—Iroha, you genius! You absolute genius! You didn't even turn the lights on! So smart! You're doing so well! At being normal! And fine! Which is obvious by the way you forgot to turn the lights on! Which is a thing normal people do!—but it looks almost like Kaguya's cheeks darken a little as she says, "I… Can I… stay with you? Iroha? I don't. I don't want to be alone?"
Oh. Uh. Okay. Wait. Wait. Wait. Okay.
"…Okay," Iroha says. Normally. In a normal way. Because she's normal. And fine. And… "Wait, actually. Before that. Do you. Are you hungry? Do you want to have a shower or something? First? Before. Uh. Sleeping?"
Kaguya blinks again, then smiles sadly, "Um. Iroha. You know I don't have to… I'm not…"
Oh. Right. Right. That's right. Because Kaguya, for as much as Iroha tried, for as much as she managed to do, Kaguya is not. Technically. A. …She is a person, though. She's real. Kaguya's real, and she's here, and she's here, and she's here.
"Oh. Yes. We can. We can do pancakes tomorrow, though? You won't be able to taste anything, but…" Iroha trails off.
Kaguya's smile brightens just a tad, and she stares off into the distance, murmuring, "Pancakes…" Then her eyes snap back to Iroha's, and she says, "You should eat though! And shower!"
"I'm not hungry," Iroha says. It's mostly true. She'll probably be starving once the adrenaline of… everything… wears off. She'll probably be starving, and feel gross and sweaty, but right now she just… she wants to sleep.
After a pause that sits a little too long to be comfortable, Kaguya beams and says, "Me neither! Twinsies!"
"Haha, very funny," Iroha deadpans.
This is fine! And normal! This is exactly the same way they've always been. Or rather, the same way they always were. It's. Fine.
And it's still fine, when they get to Iroha's room—where Iroha… actually remembers to switch on a light—and Iroha pulls her futon out of the cupboard—she keeps telling herself she needs to get around to getting a proper bed, but—while Kaguya sort of just…hovers…in the corner of the room. Iroha feels her gaze on the back of her head as she lays the futon on the floor, smooths it out for probably longer than she needs to.
"I'm gonna get changed into pajamas," Iroha says, smoothing out the same spot for the seventh time, "So…"
"Oh!" Kaguya says behind her, "Mhm! I'll go do that too! In my room! And then I'll come back. I'll come back straight away so don't worry, Iroha! You won't even notice I'm gone!"
Then, before Iroha can respond, she hears the sound of footsteps hurriedly disappearing down the hall. And it's fine. Because she'll be right back. Because she said so. Iroha takes a deep breath. She'll be right back. She'll be right back. She's here, she's here, she's here, and she's not going to go away again, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's
"I! Ro! Ha!" Kaguya sing-songs, then, "…You're not in pajamas yet?"
Iroha turns around and looks at Kaguya, Kaguya who is here and real and fine and here. Kaguya. Kaguya. Kaguya. She can only see Kaguya. She has only seen Kaguya for the past ten years. In the empty spaces and in the long stretches of silence of her—their—apartment. Every time she shuts her eyes. She sees her in Yachiyo, because Yachiyo is Kaguya so why is Iroha being so stupid and acting like she's been all alone this whole time, without Kaguya. Kaguya. Kaguya. Kaguya. Kaguya who is here and real and fine. Kaguya.
Kaguya who is suddenly kneeling right in front of her, and, oh, Iroha never got off the floor, so she's still just sitting on the edge of the futon like an idiot, Kaguya who is lightly brushing her fingers over Iroha's face, cradling it gently, wiping her tears away—was she crying?—with her thumb, and whispering a million sweet things to her about it's okay and i'm here and iroha and Iroha loves the way Kaguya says her name she's craved it she's wanted it this whole time she's wanted this for so long, and Kaguya's fingers are just a little too cold, just not quite soft enough to feel really human, but it's okay, it's okay Kaguya says i'm here i'm not leaving iroha iroha iroha iroha i'm here iroha, it's okay, she's here, she's real.
Wordlessly, Iroha pushes herself off the ground to get changed. When Iroha kicks her discarded clothes to the side while buttoning up her pajama shirt, she notices Kaguya pointedly looking away out of the corner of her eye. Oh. Right. You're… you're usually supposed to ask people to look away while you change. That's. Huh. Okay.
"It's," Iroha's voice comes out sounding thick and ragged and weird from crying, so she clears her throat a little and says, "It's fine, Kaguya. I'm done changing."
Kaguya's head whips back around and she opens her mouth to say something. Then snaps it closed again. Then opens it again. Closes it. She looks kind of like a fish. It's enough to startle a small laugh out of Iroha. Kaguya smiles, more like an instinctive response than her actually knowing why Iroha laughed.
Iroha sucks in a breath and… and says, "You can get into bed, if you want. I'm gonna turn off the light."
Kaguya nods, and crawls into the futon, and by the time Iroha has flicked the light switch she's half convinced that Kaguya is already asleep. But… no, wait… she doesn't need to sleep, so…
Iroha slips under the covers beside Kaguya, and stares up at the ceiling. The ceiling in Kaguya's room is still covered in a bunch of glow in the dark stars that she had once insisted Iroha help her stick up once. There was a glow in the dark moon in the pack as well, but Kaguya had wordlessly squished it into a little ball and tossed it in the bin.
She remembers that because once, back when Kaguya first left, once she had slept in Kaguya's room. She didn't know why. Maybe just to feel closer to her. To feel like she was there, in a space that overflowed with her… Kaguya-isms. Or something.
"Iroha?" Iroha turns her head to look at Kaguya.
"Mm?"
Kaguya reaches a hand towards her.
"Iroha," Kaguya whispers again, tucking a strand of hair behind Iroha's ear, letting her not-quite-human hand linger there, brushing lightly over her jaw, resting on the nape of her neck, "You're so beautiful, you know."
Suddenly, Iroha wants to cry again. Kaguya pulls her hand away to instead take Iroha's hand. She sits up, illuminated by a shaft of moonlight that pokes through the curtains. Ethereal. Beautiful. So beautiful. How, she thinks, how can you call me beautiful when you exist.
Kaguya lifts Iroha's hand to her mouth and kisses it. Presses a kiss to the back of her hand, then on her palm, her wrist. Iroha suppresses a shudder.
"Did I ever…" Kaguya laces their fingers together and looks at Iroha, so softly, so warmly, "Did I ever do that…? Before?" She laughs, but it has none of it's usual brightness, "It's been a while, right, Iroha? It's been such a long time. I missed you."
Kaguya. Kaguya, Iroha thinks. Kaguya Kaguya Kaguya. She stares up at her. Kaguya's hair slips over her shoulder like a sheet of silk. Iroha lightly detaches her hand from Kaguya's to reach out and card her fingers through it. Beautiful. Beautiful. So beautiful. I missed you too. She wants to say that. She might cry if she opens her mouth. I'm scared to touch you too much because what if you disappear. What if when I wake up you're gone again. I can't. I can't do it again. I missed you. Kaguya. Kaguya. Don't go.
Instead, she props herself up on an elbow and says, "Can I kiss you?"
…That's not what she meant to say.
"Bwuh? Huh? What? What? What?" Not what Kaguya expected her to say either, judging by the outburst.
Iroha sits up properly. Kaguya stares, eyes wide, and nods, shuffling over to be closer to her. Iroha takes Kaguya's face in her hands, tilting it towards her. Kaguya's gaze flicks up and down, her eyes shimmering, and-
Iroha's stomach growls, loudly. Because of course it does. She groans and drops her head onto Kaguya's shoulder, who promptly bursts into a fit of giggles and pats the back of Iroha's head.
"There, there!" She chirps, "Poor, hungry Iroha! We should feed you, shouldn't we? Pancakes? Let's have pancakes, okay?"
Silently, Iroha nods into Kaguya's shoulder before forcing herself to stand. Kaguya leads the way to the kitchen, singing, "Hunger, hunger go away! Pancakes here to save the day!" while laughing.
Iroha… Iroha just watches Kaguya bustling about the kitchen and thinks to herself, it's... fine. Kaguya will still be here tomorrow. Whatever happens after that is not a problem for tonight. Not a problem to deal with right now.
For now, they have all the time in the world.