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Sitting by a window, too large for comfort, Jinyoung sips on his warm coffee and ponders how he’d feel if it were cloudy rather than sunny and too hot to be sitting in a café drinking a hot latte. He’d probably still feel the same emptiness, but then he’d blend in with the status quo and maybe someone would tap his shoulders and say ‘cheer up, the sun will soon shine’. But the sun is scorching and Jinyoung can only romanticize the rain.
Living in a small, Texas suburban city, Jinyoung’s learned to appreciate the days where the temperature would drop a few degrees from heat exhaustion to a warm breeze, and to love the days in July where the skies would gift them with scattered showers.
When Jinyoung was a child he’d beg his mother to let him spend his summers with his aunt in Nebraska. He had no clue where Nebraska was, but he knew no place was as hot as Texas and that was all Jinyoung needed to hug his mother’s leg and squeeze tightly.
“It gets too cold there and it rains a lot. People get sad when it rains.” His mother would always answer with. It wasn’t until Jinyoung was 13 and his parents divorced that he replied with, “then why are you always sad momma?” Jinyoung’s love for the rain probably began then, when he saw his mother smiling wide, holding back tears while breathing in the incoming rain.
In bible school, Jinyoung learned of divine retribution. The Bible belt offered only smudged truths, well as honest as religion in Texas could get, and Jinyoung would realize in high school that the people that would preach for peace were the ones always scrutinizing others. But a young filial Jinyoung, was led to believe that he was lucky because when it rained God was upset and punishing for something. But he wanted to ask why then were the harvest seasons always so rough, and why the farmer that lived down the street always cursed up to the skies.
In high school, Jinyoung was introduced to Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms. He loved the novel and carried a copy with him for days when he was exhausted by the sun and wanted to read alone. Jinyoung learned about symbolism in his English class. What a young Jinyoung associated with the rain, now made sense and his mother was always right. The rain was anxiety, it was fear and it was symbolism for all the unhappiness in life. But Jinyoung loved the rain nonetheless for reasons he’d later realize.
Jinyoung flew to California right when he graduated high school. With a literature scholarship, a naive Jinyoung was thrown into a world where rain was common and people idolized it.
“Don’t you know about purple rain?” His friend, Jaebum, a film student from New York asked.
“It’s about loving someone who loves another.”
“Well sure, but it can also be talking about loving someone so strongly. The passionate color enveloping the love you have for each other. It’s romantic.”
That was the first time Jinyoung associated rain with love. A little ambiguous, but Jinyoung accepted the theory.
“Don’t you get tired of staring out the window?” His roommate, Mark asked once during their senior year.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Jinyoung traced a few raindrops hitting the window and coursing down. Mark was born and raised in California, he saw his share of storms so rain was a normal occurrence. But Jinyoung thought a lot when it rained. And during one of those thoughts he decided once he graduated college he’d move back to his hometown and write about the wonders of rain.
So now back to the café, Jinyoung thinks back to Jaebum and Mark. How they saw the rain as ordinary and romantic. While his own quincentennial introspective thought, adored the rain for being misunderstood.
“Are you writing a new book?” The overly friendly barista, which he’s grown quiet acquainted with asks.
“Yes, Youngjae. It’s a children’s book actually.” Jinyoung opens his notebook and show the barista a few lines he’s scribbled down.
“Wow you’re truly a literature major. So deep.” Youngjae chuckles. “But you shouldn’t make the rain out to be so scary. Did you know that in Hinduism rain signifies life and love? Sure it brings sadness as well, but as a way to appreciate the good. I’m not doing it justice, but I learned it during my world religion course.”
“To appreciate the good.” Jinyoung repeats the words long after Youngjae returns behind the counter, and even as he walks out the coffee shop, shielding his eyes from the sun. He walks to the nearby bookstore for a hope of motivation.
He walks in and a book catches his eye. On the recommended display he finds a copy of A Farewell to Arms. He reaches for it, but it gets snatched away by a man almost falling onto the table.
“Sorry, it’s the only copy in the store.” The man, no older than he is, smiles sheepishly as he fixes the books neatly again.
“It’s fine, I wasn’t going to buy it. It just reminded me of something.” Jinyoung returns the smile.
“Have you read the book before?” The stranger asks after a moment of silence. Jinyoung nods. “It’s a great book right? It’s raw and beautiful.”
“I wouldn’t call it beautiful. Sad? Unfortunate sure, but not beautiful.”
“Have you even read it properly?” The stranger drags Jinyoung to the chairs near the back of the bookstore designated for quiet reading. “How old are you?”
“24” Jinyoung answers.
“Then how can you not understand how tragically beautiful it is? They’re both trying to forget something incredibly painful while being together. That’s love.”
“That’s painful.” Jinyoung frowns. “There’s too much symbolism to look past the sadness.”
“The rain?” The stranger almost grins, like he was expecting Jinyoung to say exactly that. “You’re not understanding the proper metaphors. The rain signifies the cleansing of all the bad.”
“To appreciate the good huh?” Jinyoung repeats Youngjae’s words from earlier.
“Exactly!” The man cheers.
Jinyoung’s never interpreted his favorite book, which he’s read probably religiously, in such a way. It has him intrigued and wants to reread the book but also wants to know what the man think on other issues. So they stay cooped up in the back of the book store talking about poems and songs that have deeper meanings than the clichéd public opinion.
“Oh I’m Jackson by the way, 24 as well, and work as a Sports editor for the newspaper.”
“Jinyoung, I’m a writer.”
“You should let me read some of the stuff you’ve written before!” Jackson practically begs, and Jinyoung’s never met anyone honestly interested in reading his work so he blushes and nods. So he shows Jackson a few sonnets and short stories in his email and waits patiently for the critique.
“Wow.” Jackson lets out a deep breathe. “It’s great, but you talk as if the rain only holds a glimpse of hope. Come with me.”
With no clue of where Jackson was taking him, he matches his speed and grips tightly on the hold of his hand. They end up in a music store, with instruments to vinyl, and Jinyoung wonders how he never knew this place existed.
“Okay, so the first song I ever remember hearing was the one. Every musician is probably tired of it, but it holds a special place in my heart. Just listen to it and tell me what you think of it afterwards.” Jackson places a pair of headphones on Jinyoung’s head and plays a track on the disc player.
It’s a marimba piece, and Jinyoung clears his mind, allowing the music to write its own thoughts.
“If you have to describe this song with one word what would it be?”
Jinyoung with his life dedicated to books has no idea what the song is trying to mean, so he says the first word he thinks of, “Hopeful.”
“Exactly. It’s called Yellow after the Rain. I’m from Seattle and it’s a constant downpour there. After only ever seeing the rain, you start wondering what the warmth of the hot summer sun would feel like. If it’s as comforting as it’s made out to be, or if what my mother always said was true, “people are angry when it's hot.” But in all honesty, one wouldn’t be as beautiful without the other.”
“Why’d you move here?”
“This is my yellow after the rain.” Jackson smiles, and it’s too cheesy of a moment but Jinyoung smiles back and lets Jackson show him other songs that exemplify the happiness in sadness.
Months pass, and Jinyoung still thinks of Jaebum and Mark, but also Youngjae and Jackson, who ironically asked him out while watching Purple Rain. None of them aware of the others, yet their meaning of a gloomy day all have positive connotations. His own idea, morphing into mesh of thoughts that with each day that passes, he hopes for rain while no longer cursing at the sun.
“But don’t you ever get sad when it rains?” Jinyoung asks after they finish having dinner at his apartment.
“Well sure, but it’s not the rains fault. People are usually already sad, and blame it on the weather. If you’re happy, then the rain can be comforting and soothing.” Jackson says as he gets up to look outside the window. Jinyoung steps out to his balcony and smiles.
“It’s going to rain.” Jackson says from behind his shoulder as they watch the purple hues forming in the afternoon sky from Jinyoung’s balcony. As much as he’d like to look forward to sun that’ll come tomorrow as much as Jackson, he can’t help but think about what Jaebum said all those years back.
With the rain falling through velvet clouds, Jinyoung can feel the passion of it all. So he turns around and kisses Jackson. He feels a few drops hitting his back, but he doesn’t pull away, and neither does Jackson.
“You’re beautiful.” Jackson breathes against his lips, and Jinyoung wonders if the clouded skies made him as attractive as his mother was when she looked up to it.
“Do you think tribes would still do the rain dances if it rained frequently?” Jinyoung asks Jackson in between kisses as they cuddle on his bed. It shouldn’t be as comforting as it is, but Jinyoung lets himself be engulfed by Jackson’s omitting radiance and snuggles closer.
“Probably, as thanks maybe.”
Jinyoung would like to believe so because Jackson is proof himself. He smiles when he can smell the rain coming, or when they forget their umbrellas and they’re hit with a scattered shower and he laughs while running for cover. Someone so used to sad weather, greets it with opens arms each time.
Jinyoung’s love for the rain was confirmed that night, as Jackson held him passionately and made love to him while the rain drops musically fell down the windowsill.
He visits Youngjae later that month, and shows off his completed children’s book. Completely different from his original drafts, but happy with the result. It’s about a young boy who’s sad because it always rains. He meets several friends who hug him and explain why the rain is important. It’s a bit comical but with a lesson to be learned, it’s bound to be a success in elementary schools.
“Is this because of your boyfriend?” Youngjae refers to his optimistic change of heart.
“What boyfriend?” Jinyoung blushes.
“The one that order his Americano and a vanilla latte with caramel just like you usually order yours. His name is Jackson and talks about a Jinyoung like he was the moon.”
“Oh, that boyfriend.” Jinyoung smiles and sits at his usual table. He notices the other customers now ordering warm drinks, thanks to the cool autumn chill. He doesn’t need to look out the window and romanticize the gloomy weather or chase after the rain. Because he has Jackson, who is the love that comes with rain and the embrace from the sun that follows.