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Artwork by Lademonessa
“No?” Felicity asked skeptically. She was struggling to believe that Oliver thought he could tell her, no. The southern California coastline was outside her window, but she only had eyes for the man who called her his partner and had just practically forbidden her from spending her own money.
“No,” Oliver said straightening his shoulders.
Felicity rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, “I wasn’t aware that this was up for a vote.”
Oliver looked at her quickly before his eyes returned to the road, “Why did you ask me to come with you, if you didn’t want my opinion?”
“I’ve never purchased anything so expensive before,” she said shifting in the passenger seat, “and I wanted the moral support. Plus, we get to have a romantic weekend away while Tommy’s in Gotham with Thea.”
“I will give you all the moral support you want for anything and everything, but please, don’t do this,” Oliver pleaded.
“I’m doing this for Tommy.” She placed a hand on Oliver’s thigh, “It will make him happy.”
Oliver made a sudden turn into a scenic overlook parking area. He turned off the ignition and got out of his SUV. Felicity followed him to the railing that looked out over the cerulean blue Pacific Ocean. She linked her arm through his and rested her head on his bicep. They stood side by side watching the waves crashing against the rocks below them. A dozen sea lions were sunning themselves on the outcroppings and their barks filled the silence that hung between Oliver and Felicity.
“I understand why you’re concerned, but you weren’t there when they took her from him. He was devastated,” she tried to explain.
Oliver scanned the water and his eyes stopped their sweep when they came upon a sailboat. “I hate that boat,” he spat.
“No, you don’t,” Felicity let go of his hand and moved to get a better look at the sea lions so she could take a picture for Tommy.
“He’s careless and reckless,” Oliver said chasing after her.
“He’s no such thing,” Felicity was offended on Tommy’s behalf. She remembered the summer they became friends and spent every weekend on the water. Tommy had never been reckless with their safety.
“Boats are dangerous,” he insisted.
“Oliver, the Gambit didn’t sink. A bomb took down the Gambit,” Felicity reminded him. The repercussions of Malcolm’s sins seemed to be without end.
Oliver narrowed his eyes and glared at her, “My father and her crew would fail to see that distinction.”
“I’ve already purchased The Sunnybrook,” she confessed. “I’m here to meet the man I hired to sail her back to Starling.” She braced herself for his inevitable explosion. The moment her bonus check hit her bank account, a plan to buy back The Sunnybrook for Tommy’s thirtieth birthday began to form. It took months, but she’d finally worn down the boat’s current owner. Even with a reluctant seller, she knew that Oliver would still be her greatest obstacle. She had decided to go with the old adage that it was easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
The muscle in his jaw ticked and the vein in the center of his forehead pulsed, “Why even tell me if my concerns don’t even matter to you?”
Felicity hated to be the cause of his distress, but so much of their lives had become about not upsetting Oliver. Felicity and Tommy accommodated his PTSD behaviors as best they could, but it was time he started to make accommodations for the people who loved him. “I do care. I know boats make you uncomfortable and that is understandable, but this isn’t for you, it’s for Tommy and it will make him happy. I want to be able to tell him that the boat is from us. I want him to know that he has your blessing to start sailing again.”
Oliver’s face turned crimson and he growled, “He doesn’t have my blessing. I don’t want him or you out on the water in that thing.”
Felicity was sometimes stunned by how obtuse Oliver could be. He loved Tommy, but he often failed to see what was right in front of him. Her hand squeezed his forearm, “You really don’t understand, do you?”
“Understand what?” Oliver looked genuinely confused.
“Understand what that summer was like for him,” she snapped. “You weren’t there.”
“I didn’t have to be there. I understand enough,” he said pulling away from her.
She took hold of his arm again, refusing to allow him to walk away from what he’d done, “You weren’t there, Oliver. You ran because you were so caught up in your own pain that you failed to realize there were others in pain too – your mom, Thea, Tommy, me.”
“You?” Oliver asked.
“Yes, me. Did you ever stop to think how I felt? I was the one that tipped our hand to Malcolm. If I’d done a better job of covering my hack, he never would’ve known. We would’ve found the second device. Five hundred and three people wouldn’t have had to die. Laurel wouldn’t have died.” Laurel’s death still haunted her. She’d only met the woman once, but her ghost was everywhere. Felicity often wondered what would’ve happened if Laurel had lived. There were times when dreams of crumbling buildings would wake her as she gasped for air. She would sit in her kitchen, waiting for the sun to rise, and wonder if she was living the life meant for Laurel. She knew that those thoughts were ridiculous. If Laurel had lived, Oliver and Tommy wouldn’t have reconciled, let alone confessed their feelings to one another. To justify hurting Tommy, Oliver and Laurel would’ve probably given it another go and they would’ve probably been miserable. Maybe she and Tommy would’ve somehow ended up together – finding comfort in one another after losing Oliver to Laurel. The thought of Oliver with Laurel and not with them, made Felicity sick to her stomach. They were a month away from their first anniversary and moving into the home they’d bought together. A year ago, a life shared with two men seemed unthinkable, but now she could no longer imagine her life without Oliver and Tommy in it. It was only in the long dark restless hours, when sleep eluded her, that she felt guilty that her happiness was a direct result of Laurel’s death.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Oliver said gently. “Only Malcolm is to blame.”
“I know that now, but that summer – you weren’t there,” she said, finally given voice to her anger over him leaving after the Undertaking.
“Felicity,” her name conveyed his guilt.
Her anger had been unleashed and bubbled out of her in her loud voice, “You weren’t there when he wasn’t eating or sleeping – when people on the street would spit on him and tell him that he should be among the dead. You weren’t there as the press speculated as to whether or not he was involved and how he should be tried for murder. You weren’t there when his mail was nothing but death threats, lawsuits and dead rodents. You weren’t there as lawyers stripped him of everything he’d ever known – stole pieces of the childhood he wanted to hold onto. You weren’t there when he visited your mom in prison, looked after Thea, ran your club and stayed up every night into the early hours of the morning to help me keep your company afloat. You weren’t there when they took this piece of his mom away.”
“Felicity,” her name was now his plea for forgiveness.
She clutched her clasped hands to her chest, “I watched his heart break when he watched his boat sail out of the bay, but I can fix this now. I can give this back to him. We can give this back to him.” More than anything, Felicity wanted Tommy to have some connection to his past that didn’t have anything to do with Malcolm and the shame and guilt he’d caused to take root inside of his son.
“I don’t want him to die,” Oliver shouted.
“Oliver, that’s irrational,” she shouted back. His fear of losing the people he loved placed too many constraints on all of them.
“I know that,” he said angrily. “Don’t you think I know that? I can’t fight the ocean – it always wins. Always.”
Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She pictured her anger floating away on the ocean breeze as she exhaled. She reminded herself that Oliver loved Tommy and that it was his fear making his decisions. Oliver needed to let his love for Tommy guide him instead. Felicity smiled as she remembered the last time she went sailing with Tommy, “He lights up on the water. He loves it. He feels connected to his mom and grandparents. He feels free. He deserves to do something that he loves and brings him joy. He could’ve found another boat, but he didn’t. He stopped sailing because of his love for you. Do this because you love him.”
“It terrifies me,” he confessed with tears in his eyes.
“Don’t you think he’s terrified by what you do?” she asked already knowing that Oliver gave no thought to how his choice to be the Arrow impacted his boyfriend and girlfriend. It wasn’t because he didn’t care or love them, it just wasn’t something he thought about. Oliver had a driving need to be Starling City’s savior and he was incapable of seeing beyond the importance of his mission.
“He’s never said anything,” he said defensively.
“Because he loves you and he knows that it’s important to you,” she explained to him. He was blind if he didn’t see how the color drained from Tommy’s face every time Oliver came home with a new injury. Oliver might be terrified of Tommy’s death, but Tommy had already lived the horror of Oliver’s death once and he worried every day that he might have to learn to live without Oliver again.
Oliver hung his head, “Why do you have to be right about everything?”
“It’s a gift,” she teased. She held out her hand, “Come on, let’s go see a man about a boat.”
He took her hand, “I still hate that boat.”
Felicity led him back to the car, “As long as you smile and let him do what he loves, you can hate the boat as much as you want.”
“The boat will be your present,” Oliver said opening the passenger door. “My gift will be to keep my mouth shut whenever you two go sailing.”
“Fair enough.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, “You’re a good man, Oliver Queen. You’re stubborn and pig-headed and you worry way too much, but we’re crazy about you and we love you very much.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss. His forehead dropped to hers, “I love you both so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost either of you. All I want is to keep you both safe.”
“It’s your job to love us, not to keep us safe.” Felicity rested her hand over his heart, “Bad things happen, Oliver. You can’t control everything. You have to let us live our lives and make our own choices and accept that when we make our choices that the outcome isn’t your fault.”
“I’m trying, Felicity, but it’s hard for me to let go,” he said honestly. “What if this is the best that I can do?”
“All I’m asking for you to do is to try,” she smiled up at him, “and this is a great first step.”
“Okay,” he stepped back so she could get into the car, “let’s go see a man about a boat.”