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It was late in the cycle as Adam sat comfortably on the Milano living room couch with a book in his hand. It was some sort of silly romance fantasy novel about vampire detectives that Gamora told him to read simply because of how ridiculous it was. And she was right, so far it was pretty ridiculous.
Everyone was in their own rooms so almost no sound was made in the ship aside from the vaguest engine humming as they floated along at a snail's pace.
That was until Rocket came out of his room and stopped in the middle of the hallway, “Ah, there ya are.”
“Good evening, Rocket.” Adam greeted, sparing him a glance, “Can’t sleep?”
Rocket grunted with a shrug, “Nah, just usin’ the can. But Quill said he wanted to see you.”
Adam rose a brow and tucked a bookmark into his book, “Me? Any particular reason?”
Rocket shrugged as he walked off to the bathroom, “Mm, didn’t say. ‘M sure Loverboy’ll fill you in when you get there.”
Adam assumed that was the end of the conversation. Honestly he couldn’t say he wasn’t too surprised, Peter had been acting weird all day and even yesterday, something was always distracting him and he hadn’t been as bright and chatty as he usually was. So Adam put the book aside on the coffee table and got up to make his way to Peter’s room.
Gently, he knocked before hearing Peter faintly call out that the door was open, letting himself in and closing the door behind him, “You wanted to see me?”
Peter was laid bundled up on his bed with his nightstand lamp on. It gave the room a nice warm colour but it also revealed just how messy Peter’s room was at the moment; Clothes and snack wrappers were scattered on the floor, his nightstand and dresser was a mess, it was surprising how bad it got in only two days.
“Hey babe,” Peter greeted gently from his bed, voice slightly muffled from his face being stuffed into his pillow, “Mind locking the door?”
It was done as soon as it was requested but Adam remained where he stood.
“Are you well?” He asked now that they were truly alone.
And that was when Peter had finally turned around and Adam’s heart sank at the sight. Big blue eyes red and puffy and the saddest pout he’d ever seen on the other was pretty striking from one of the most happy go lucky people he’s ever met.
Immediately, Adam took a step forward, “Peter?”
With a tight swallow, Peter just outstretched a hand with a hopeful look and then, through the most meek sounding whisper he’s ever had, he asked, “C-Can you sit with me?”
It came out of Peter like it stung, and knowing how Peter worked, the thought of possibly being too much to handle probably scared him. But Adam’s warm hand took his without question and he came to sit in the messy bed, bringing his other hand to close over the back of Peter’s so as to not risk pushing his limit of touch right now, “Are you alright?”
Peter swallowed again with a few quick blinks. His jaw flexed as he seemingly bit down on his molars to bite back whatever it was he was feeling. But something small happened; a microscopic twitch in his eyebrows before his eyes began to well up. Peter reacted like he’d been caught doing something wrong, immediately bringing his other hand up to wipe his eyes quickly with a mumbled apology.
“You don't have to apologize, Peter,” Adam reassured him concernedly, “I just hope you’ll tell me what it is that’s making you upset..”
Peter took a second to compose himself, and when he thought he had it all together, he looked up at Adam but suddenly it all got worse once their eyes met. The pure concern on Adam’s face combined with the gentle holding of his hand, the no judgement of his room’s state, the immediate answer to his call..
There was so much fucking shame clouding his head.
Suddenly, Adam was carefully tugged down into the bed and Peter had curled up on his chest, taking a deep and shaky breath in and out as he hid his head under Adam’s chin while wrapping his arms around Adam’s waist, “I-I just need a hug or something..”
Another whisper. Adam obliged and just rubbed Peter’s back for now, “.. Did you want to talk about it?”
Then Peter’s head shook and he swallowed again, “Not now.”
It was a harsh phrase but it sounded like it was all Peter could get out or else he’d start to bawl. So Adam didn’t question it and instead just opted to hold Peter all the tighter. They had stayed like that in the dimly lit room for as long as Peter needed, the lamp helping them not sit in total darkness. Though what finally struck Adam as supremely off was the fact that Peter didn’t have his radio playing, not even on low. Whatever was upsetting him was definitely no small matter.
But to Peter.. god, he felt like such an idiot. A galactic level idiot. It’s been 15 goddamn years and he still has these bad days, you’d think he could at least get through this stupid fucking holiday sober or stable but no. Just another thing he would always screw up on.
Peter sighed hopelessly as he tried to push deeper into Adam’s collarbone, wishing that he was fucking drunk right now or something. But of course he wasn’t, they were in the middle of space and he didn’t feel like he could pilot them anywhere right now. He wished he could just get swallowed up by the floor and never be seen again.
But as a gentle hand combed through his hair and soft lips kissed along his hairline, he immediately felt a stab of guilt. He’s so selfish. How could he be thinking like this even when in the arms of someone he loved? What’s wrong with him?
“Shall I turn off the light, Peter?” Adam had asked like he was speaking to a skittish animal. It made him feel awful all over again, but if Adam didn’t talk to him like that right now, he’d probably do something stupid and rash. So he just swallowed his pride and took the gentle hand.
Peter glanced up at the lamp and thought about it for a moment before shaking his head, “No.. thank you.”
He’d rather die than be in the dark right now.
Adam was honestly the only thing keeping him from completely spiralling at the moment. If it was dark and he was alone, it would be all too easy to remember how being a caged animal felt like again. To remember how the bars of his cage were indented on his knees and palms, how his nails were never clean, how he’d obsessively pick at his skin so much that he still had a scar on his ankle from it. How it felt to be watched and stalked and poked at by horrific chitauri, unable to understand what they were saying, what anyone was saying because he didn’t have his translator chip implanted yet.
Even when he was allowed to be alone, which was something he always wanted, he hated it. His breathing echoing off the walls of his cell, trying to keep cuts he got from fighting some other small alien kids for the amusement of his captors clean with his spit. They’d both be so fucking skinny they could barely stand and so unkempt that they could claw at each other with their nails as weapons when they weren’t given any. All for a slightly bigger portion of food or another thin blanket, or even just the sight of the stars sometimes.
Why did he even start thinking about this? It just made him feel even more sorry for himself, envisioning himself as a small and helpless kid that no one felt bad for. It was fucking stupid to be sad about this. That wasn’t his life anymore and hasn’t been for a long time. He was doing way better for himself now. He was the Starlord! Peter Quill, leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy. He was better now.
But with a tight swallow that hurt his throat and stinging eyes, he found only one question being repeated in his cloudy head, why did that happen to me?
And here came the stupid waterworks again.
He trembled as he tried to keep himself calm but felt like a boiler about to fucking burst doing so. Squeezing his jaw shut as tight as he could get it, breathing in through his stuffy nose. Trying to be still but shaking so fucking much. In his vulnerable and exhausted state, Peter huffed out a sigh as Adam rubbed his back.
“Peter?”
“I-I miss my mom.” Was all Peter could admit. He mumbled it under shuddery sobs, now breathing irregularly as he finally and properly let these horrible feelings out. It was like trying to put spilt water back in the bottle. Once it was out, he couldn’t stop.
Why did it have to be her of all people? Why did his birth get her killed? Why did his dad not give two shits about them? Where was his stupid dad all those years ago when he really needed him? Why did no one care?
Once again, hopelessly, Peter just sniffled and sobbed into Adam’s chest, feeling like an idiot for getting his boyfriend’s shirt wet and gross.
“‘M—“ Peter’s voice cracked and a cold wash of humiliation absolutely drowned him, “‘m sorry about your- your shirt..”
Adam didn’t reply with words. Instead, he ignored the apology and readjusted Peter to a more comfortable position on top of him, taking Peter’s hands that were gripping the sides of his shirt tight. He took one hand and smoothed it out slowly, extending the fingers and giving Peter something else to focus on instead of his pain, even for a second. That pale hand shivered in his grasp like a newborn puppy.
“Your hands will cramp up, my love.” He explained softly, his thumb grazing over the joints with a soft glow in his palm to help soothe the ache.
Peter sniffled choppily, his heart still heavy but momentarily distracted by the sight. Enough that he just laid his head on Adam’s collarbone with a pout and felt the magic soothe the ache in his hands he didn’t even realize he had. Then Adam’s fingers came to gently touch the hinge of his jaw, and Peter was reminded of just how hard he’d been clenching it.
Slowly, he realized how tense his entire body was. How sunk his legs felt, especially his ankles. Like they were chained to cinderblocks or something.
Then gentle lips pressed against his head and Adam’s hand imbued more soothing magic into his back. The tense feeling made itself ever more prominent as it faded and suddenly, Peter felt heavy instead of stiff, like deadweight flopped on top of the other.
“.. are you okay?” Adam asked finally once more.
Peter sighed softly, trying to fix his breathing again as he rubbed his wet eyes dry, “.. I guess..” He managed to whisper, then spoke up a bit, although his voice was still raspy, “Thank you.”
“Is there anything more I can do to help you?” His wonderful boyfriend asked him and Peter closed his eyes to keep himself under control. He really didn’t want to start thinking about Adam’s backstory and start sympathy crying about that too.
He tried not to think about how scary it must’ve been to just exist one day to be enslaved with absolutely no one around to help you. At least he’d had his mom to keep him safe in his younger years, Adam was literally thrown to the wolves almost the moment he was born. Reacting like a terrified animal and barely ever in control of his own life. Never given another option.
Peter squeezed his dampening eyes shut tighter as he tried not to envision a younger, naive, and optimistic golden boy not even realizing he was being used, craving oblivion so soon after.
“My love, you must stop focusing on that which makes you sad, it’s only upsetting you more..” Adam’s voice brought him back to the present, grounding him once again.
“S-Sorry.” Peter took a slow deep breath in and out. He did it a couple times to make sure he’d keep it together. He really didn’t want Adam to think he was too much. He didn’t want to give Adam any reason to leave him, especially if it was because he was too emotional.
“.. but if you cannot help it, then I ask again,” Adam took one of Peter’s hands to hold it caringly, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Peter stared at Adam’s glittery skin with sad eyes before taking a deep breath in, nice and slow. Like his mom taught him.
“.. it’s.. Mother’s Day, on earth.” He finally admitted.
There was a silence that stretched on for a while more and the longer it did, the stupider Peter felt for being upset about this. But then Adam smoothed his hair back and pressed a proper kiss to his forehead.
“I’m sorry, Peter.” Adam could only whisper in return, “I can only imagine the grief you must feel.”
“There’s just.. I wonder what my life would’ve been like.. if she was..” Peter trailed off and sighed sadly, “But that was so long ago.. I shouldn’t be wondering like this..”
“It’s only natural. As I understand it, it wasn’t just her passing, but what followed too.” Adam told him, “.. I know what it’s like to wonder about things that might’ve been. Often, I think about what would’ve been had I been destroyed early, as my creators’ planned.. sometimes, for a while, I wished it had been so.”
“Don’t say that..” Peter couldn’t help but whine, feeling his headache come back. He didn’t want to think about Adam being miserable for so long.
“But if such things had happened, then I wouldn’t have what I do now. In my time, I’ve learned many things and loved many people. Like you. And.. because of you, I’ve learned to just.. ‘roll with the punches.’”
Peter let out a wet laugh, not expecting to hear his own words come out of Adam. But then there was that moment of pause, of clarity. Adam had learned from him, and if he could teach Adam Warlock something, then maybe he wasn’t doing too bad..?
For some reason, it didn’t make Peter want to cry again, at least not out of grief again. If anything, it gave him an unexpected sense of relief, the reassurance that maybe this was worth crying over.
Peter sniffled and gently moved his grasp so he could graze his thumb over the back of Adam’s hand. He shrugged with a shake of his head, “.. S’not my first time crying like a baby over this stupid stuff.”
“Please, do not diminish your feelings, my love.” Adam’s tone was firm but not unkind, sounding more disapproving of the deprecation if anything, “Work on accepting them. For they’re here to stay, as annoying and/or trying as they may be..”
And Peter didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he stayed quiet and listened to Adam’s heart. He thought about those words for a second before coming to the conclusion that healing was hard and annoying and felt impossible. But it wasn’t, he just had to.. roll with the punches.
“.. Is that all you wish to say?”
Peter thought about it for a moment before nodding slowly, “.. For now..”
His voice sounded horrible. All nasally and thick from the tears and his sinuses felt sore. He needed to blow his nose as soon as possible and thankfully he had tissues next to his bed for no reason at all.
“.. can you hand me a—“
Before he could even finish, two tissues were plucked out of the box and handed to Peter, who gratefully took them and mumbled an apology for how gross he was about to be. He’d blown his nose and tossed the wads in the small garbage bin next to his bed before he sighed with one last sniffle, relaxing into Adam’s arms again.
“Thanks.” Peter mumbled as to not shatter the haze the room had, then yawning. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was until now as it hit him like a bus. Water would be nice but he just wanted to sleep now.
“You‘ve no need to thank me,” Adam reassured him and rubbed Peter’s arm, “I’m just glad you decided to call on me when you needed me rather than sit alone.”
Peter let out a dry chuckle, “Thank you for responding so quickly. It usually never calms down this quick.”
“It?”
“The breakdown. This is far from my first rodeo but it’s definitely the quickest it’s ever passed..” Peter rambled as he traced Adam’s chest with his finger idly, “.. I think the hug helped.”
“I hardly did anything but sit here.”
“That’s all I asked from you,” Peter reminded him softly, lifting his head and bringing that hand up to carefully lean Adam’s face closer to his own, pecking a disgustingly sweet kiss on his golden cheek, “You should take your shirt off, it’s all gross and damp.”
Adam, face now a little warm, turned to look Peter in the eyes, raising an incredulous brow, “That’s the only reason?”
Peter let out another chuckle, but this one sounded more like himself, a small grin growing on his rosy face, “Yup. Totally,” He teased, grazing Adam’s high cheekbone with his thumb, “.. hey, am I heavy?”
The question caught Adam off guard so much so that he huffed out a single laugh, “No.”
“Ooh, my workout video tapes are working.” Peter joked now and got another laugh. He smiled fondly as he mentally recorded that sound before sighing deeply, bringing their foreheads together, “.. I could so go for a nap now. Maybe even full sleep.”
“It is late in the cycle, perhaps sleep is best.”
“Gonna cuddle, teddy bear?” Peter teased and giggled when Adam lifted his face away from his own, “Hey, come back..!”
Adam tucked his arms under the Terran’s knees and behind his back before scooping him up and tossing him to the side of the bed. Peter bounced once with a bubbly laugh before he started to get all comfortable in bed, getting a nice view of Adam’s back muscles as the tight shirt came off.
His heart was still feeling a little weighted with his sadness, but he didn’t feel the need to absolutely drown the feeling in booze or any other substance, so he’d call this a success. He had been hesitant to call on Adam before but now he was glad he did, more than glad.
So for now, he smiled as Adam turned the lamp off and laid down, letting himself be velcro’d to.