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They're travelling for the second of their back-to-back weekend games when Hayden sees it. An incoming message with a picture. An intimate picture. Shane flicks it away quickly, but Hayden has eyes. He can't miss it, not with his head lolling on Shane's shoulder like that — a shoulder which he immediately feels tense under his cheek.
They're on the team plane, which means limited privacy: no press or fans, but yes nosey teammates who can't be trusted not to overhear something they shouldn't. So Hayden does what any friend would do and gives a tiny, fake snore. Shane must know, of course, but it gives them both some time to think, and then they can talk about it. Maybe after the game.
But after the game, a loss that's borderline humilating, Hayden just wants to lie on his side and feel sorry for himself. He doesn't even try to entertain himself, just mulls over all of the worst moments of the game. Missed opportunities, passes that didn't connect, whole shifts where he just felt lost on the ice. Shane had a better game, of course, but he takes these kinds of losses even worse than Hayden - definitely not in the mood for a heart to heart about what Hayden might have seen on the plane.
Lost in their own thoughts, the silence grows between them until they're both breathing deep and even.
*
So Shane's Lily has a dick. Jackie says that serves Hayden right for looking at Shane's messages, but it isn't like Hayden had gone looking. He'd just been bothering Shane like normal and he'd looked over Shane's shoulder at his phone and blam! dick o'clock.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Lots of girls have dicks. Hayden doesn't know if he actually knows any, but Jackie watches Orange is the New Black.
It kind of makes sense of a lot of things. Why Shane is so cagey about Lily. Why he's so bad at the locker room talk - he's a respectful guy, sure, but also it must be hard to share details when you've got to edit out a whole organ. A whole substantial organ, from what Hayden could see.
Hayden had once asked if Shane would like him to leave when his phone rang, assuming both that it was Lily and that Lily and Shane might like to have some sexy and affirming phone sex. Hayden certainly would have liked to, and would do so more often if Jackie didn't generally have between two and ten children cosleeping when he was one the road. "I'm out of minutes, actually," Shane blurted, thumbing the silence button on the side of the phone, which was absolutely ludicrous. Hayden hadn't even heard someone mention a nights-and-weekends plan in years.
Jackie says Hayden should just forget he saw it, but Jackie isn't Shane's self-appointed best friend. He needs support. He needs to know Hayden has his back, whatever his girlfriend is swinging.
Also, Shane sort of seems to be avoiding him, which he can only barely get away with during the season, leaving after practice without lingering and sitting next to rookies on the next flight and getting to their shared hotel room and going straight to sleep. It will be easier for him in the off-season to avoid Hayden, so he needs to deal with it by then, which means he needs to deal with it before the playoffs start looming, which means he needs to deal with it now.
It isn't just that Hayden is some kind of pervert. Nobody would want their bro ruminating excessively on their girl's bodies, and that's not Hayden's goal. It's just that Hayden is pretty sure… this Lily, she's not a port in a storm. Hayden has roomed with Shane in so many cities. There aren't other names that cross his phone, there aren't cities that he gets furtive and sneaky in.
He's got the confidence of a road roommate, the intuition of a best friend, and the blue-balled experience of a monogamous hockey player all telling him that Shane is not getting laid anwhere else.
Honestly, Hayden is pretty sure Lily is Shane's girlfriend rather than just the only girl he wheels, and it makes Hayden a little sad that there is no evidence of her in Shane's apartment or in his conversations, besides what Hayden extracts from him in the fleeting moments in Boston when Shane is on his way out but is pretending he isn't. He doesn't have a partner at Christmas or in the stands at home games. He doesn't have a photo (not that one) as his lock screen or a cutesy polaroid selfie tacked to his fridge.
It's not fair, but with Shane barely able to acknowledge that he even — occasionally, in one city, still making it back by curfew — has romantic dalliances, Hayden can hardly confront him with his knowledge. Shane's head might explode.
Hayden googles "Lily boston transgender" which is not helpful, but then when he zooms out and instead searches for a more generic "my friend has a trans girlfriend" he finds first an unhelpful article about which states they can get married in and which have civil union options. Not helpful, living in Canada where the answer is "all the provinces, actually".
It would be cool if they got married. Not immediately - Shane probably needs at least a couple of years from acknowledging he's actually dating someone to even thinking about their future together - but eventually. Maybe before that they could do some normal couple things, like go on double dates with him and Jackie or whatever.
After that, he ends at r/relationships, and he doesn't find anything that really hits what he needs — there are lots of posts about how to support your male friend / brother / ex who is now dating men, but nothing about when your girlfriend doesn't fit the mold. He closes all of them out, but one of them advises some subtle trinkets to his wardrobe, certain colors that mean things to different people.
He doesn't like trinkets, but he notes the colors he wants, and with some ideas brewing, sleep comes easy.
*
A few days later, and Hayden's pretty sure he's crushing it at this supportive buddy shit. Half the ads he gets on Instagram now are for discretely tucking lace panties and epilators, so he's, like, assigned ally by algorithm or something.
Hey, that could be a way to let Shane know he's down for double dates with macrobiotic vegan burgers and pronouns and stuff. He could just casually show Shane something on the old 'gram and oops, what's that right under it, an ad for gender-affirming vocal training?
Unless that makes Shane think he thinks Lily needs to be a certain way in order to be a woman. Hayden doesn't know shit about shit, obviously, but some of those ads are kind of mean? Like, he knows Jackie hates it when she's exhausted and the kids are acting up and he's on a roadie and her mom is away and then fucking TikTok tries to give her a ten step tutorial to looking good as a busy mom and that's Jackie, literally the most beautiful woman in the entire world.
Not that trans women aren't beautiful, but no one is as beautiful as Jackie, that's just a fact.
Anyway, it probably sucks to get ads all the time telling you you're not hot enough, so maybe that's not the move when it comes to letting Shane know he's good with Lily's whole deal.
Damn. Being an ally is complicated.
What's not complicated is that Shane is Hayden's buddy and his captain and his favourite person he's not legally related to, and if Shane has a girl who makes him happy then Hayden is so there for that.
And she does make him happy, that's clear. Whenever they play Boston, there's a spark to Shane's game that fires up the whole team. He's an incredible player, natural ability and obsessive dedication coming together into a generational talent. But sometimes watching him play is like putting a penny in the slot of the most beautiful, complex, intricate clockwork doohickey: phenomenal to watch, but all the artistry went into crafting it and now it's just running on auto. It's never like that with Boston. He comes alive on the ice, playing hockey that's not just brilliant but also- Hayden doesn't really have the words. Creative? Joyful? It's like if the clockwork doohickey came off its stand and danced up to you, laughing.
Even that asshole Rozanov doesn't bring him down in Boston, which is saying something. Lily must be magic not to let that shithead ruin the mood.
Hayden hopes Shane doesn't have that association thing with Rozanov, like when the twins were little and the only time he and Jackie could really get in the mood was when her mom had them, and then Hayden started to get weirdly horny whenever he smelled his own mother-in-law's floral perfume. It would be tragic if Rozanov's ugly fucking face made Shane horny by proxy.
*
"Hey, so," Hayden says smoothly, like a supportive buddy just having a casual conversation with a soon-to-be-supported buddy.
He's blocking Shane into his stall a tiny bit, but with love.
"Hey man." Shane kind of grimaces as he speaks, which isn't fair. Hayden is going to crush this conversation. Everyone is going to be affirmed as fuck.
"You're coming for lunch with me," Hayden informs him. "We're going to that salad bar that gives you extra kale with everything."
"I've actually got a-"
"Best friend you haven't spoken to in like a week? Yeah you do." Hayden is not above guilting Shane into this conversation. He'll use every play at his disposal to get the puck of emotional support into the net of Shane's thick skull.
The salad place does indeed put extra kale on everything. The things Hayden does for friendship.
Shane starts shovelling his thirty dollar salmon and rabbit food into his mouth like the sooner he's done the sooner he can leave.
"So," Hayden says.
Shane grimaces at him again, this time through a mouthful of kale.
"I support you," Hayden says. "I love you, man. You're my best friend. If Lily makes you happy then-"
Shane nearly chokes on his kale. "What the fuck," he hisses, eyes darting around like anyone in here is focused on anything but pretending to like salad. "You can't- I don't know what you're talking about."
Huh. There's private and there's this. Hayden hopes for Lily's sake that she's as into this whole thing being a secret as Shane is.
"Right, right," Hayden says, trying to project the calm yet supportive vibes of an ally who can keep a secret. "Okay, so hypothetically. Hypothetically. If you had someone who made you happy."
Shane looks at him warily.
"Someone unexpected, maybe. Someone you think people might, I don't know, have preconceptions about when the things they have preconceptions about are none of anyone's business."
Shane doesn't interrupt or bolt from the restaurant scattering a cloud of greens behind him. Encouraged, Hayden warms to his theme:
"It's no one's business but yours. Because love is what matters, man. Love is love, you know. Love is love and all women are women and it's not about the details, it's about who makes you happy."
Hayden pauses to let Shane take that all in. He's going through a very Shane face journey, the kind that doesn't look like much if you don't know him, but means he's really processing what Hayden has said. Taking it on board. Feeling it.
"It's not-" Shane tries again. "I don't." It's not the panicked denial of before. "It's not serious."
Now that's a lie. "Bro!" Hayden says. Shane can be as private as he likes, but Lily doesn't deserve to be it's not serioused after god knows how many years of Shane smiling into his phone when he thinks no one is looking.
Shane looks like Hayden just pissed in his ginger ale. "It's not!"
"You don't have to put a ring on it," Hayden lies, 90% of his brain now fully devoted to crafting the best and most supportive best man speech ever given. He bets he could find that article again, the one with the list of where they could get married. "But, like, when you find someone who makes you happy, there's no point lying to yourself about it, you know? And maybe that's not the kindest thing to that someone, either?"
There. Lily will probably thank him in her speech, too.
"This is- This is not how I thought this conversation would go," Shane says.
Hayden tries not to be offended that Shane underestimated his allyship. It's a cruel world out there, and Lily's probably dealt with some shit in her time. It's only fair Shane wouldn't assume the best. "Of course not," Hayden says, nudging him with his shoulder. "How could you know? We've never talked about it, and that's on me, I guess. But a woman who makes you smile? That's priceless."
Shane picks up tab, smacking Hayden's hand away. Hayden feels the promise of it. Shane needs processing time, but he's confident this conversation is landing for Shane.
The first time I saw Shane text Lily, Hayden mentally rehearses, picturing himself and Shane in matching three piece suits at the wedding reception, I knew she must be something special.
*
His stick tape arrives. Hayden's not really a wait around kind of guy, and they're playing at home against South Carolina, who might not think it's kosher, but if so, that's exactly who Shane needs him see playing against. Hayden rarely gets to throw hands.
He tapes his stick in the locker room, and he's running late so he misses Shane, but they have their own rituals for warm up, a crossover mirroring they do that might as well be a secret handshake. If Shane ever Parent Traps the Metros, he better teach his twin all of the steps if they want to fool him.
It starts the way it usually does, Shane catching his eye from the blue line as he steps onto the ice and juts his chin to let Hayden know it's game on. The skate towards each other, doing opposite crossovers while passing between them, and then they clatter in the middle, bumping forearms and ending in a half hug helmet bump. It's only after they release from that that Shane looks down at his stick. "Oh," he says, frowning, a line between his eyebrows.
Hayden tips his chin at Shane. "Hell yeah, brother."
*
"Pike. Media is asking for you," Coach says. It's not quite a question. Hayden's pulse spikes, but he did set this in motion.
At least this way, it'll finally be over.
He thinks it goes well? He had a list of talking points jotted down but he left them at home, so he improvises in the key of ally.
He doesn't try to catch Shane after. Shane watches TSN or Sportsnet in the morning while doing his deep streching and his cardio, so he's sure they'll devote at least some time to Hayden who had maybe overshot when he said there were "a lot of transgender people who are MLH adjacent" and that he just wanted to show some support.
The reporter had followed up, rattling off a pell mell list of categories of people one might know (friends? girlfriends? trainers?) and Hayden had definitely swung too wide when he shrugged, grinning in a way he knows is boyish and winsome and is capable of acquiring a girlfriend-turned-wife, and said, "Sure. The MLH has all of the above."
What does Hayden care, though? He's a little wryly amused and full of the anicipatory buzz in his blood. He loves a good bit of drama, and he just knows it's going to be a soundbite. Plus, when he does media, he gets called hot in tweets, which doesn't hurt his self esteem one bit.
And then by tomorrow, when he sees Shane, it'll all be behind them. And then, step two: play a great game in Boston, winning against the Raiders in a six point full shutout to impress Lily, and then step three: meeting her, and step four: couple's vacations with him and Jackie in Montenegro. The future, Hayden knows with his whole heart, is bright and full of tropical fish.
*
Shane's Jeep is there when Hayden gets home, idling in the driveway.
Hayden hops out of his own car and raps on Shane's window with two quick knocks, making Shane almost jump out of his skin. He's clearly on the phone, and slams it face-down on the center console before he rolls down the window.
"Hey buddy," Hayden says, propping his elbow in the open window.
"Hayd," Shane says. He looks tight round the eyes, sounds strained, which is the opposite of what Hayden's going for here.
But then, that's kind of the whole deal with the two of them: Shane gets stressed a little too easily, Hayden maybe doesn't always get as stressed as the situation deserves. They balance each other out. Like if Bert and Ernie played hockey.
"Are you coming in," Hayden asks, gesturing at his house. "Or am I?" He gestures at the car.
Shane just kind of stares at him, halfway between anxious and determined, so Hayden goes around to the other door and gets into the front seat.
Hayden doesn't have to dodge any detritus in the front seat when he plants himself. Shane keeps an immaculate car, which Hayden definitely isn't jealous of. There's not a single stray chicken nugget or crayon in sight, which makes sense, but nor is there an assortment of gym bags or knee pads or chewed up mouth guards in cup holders.
"Good game, eh?" Hayden says, the safest possible territory. It was a good game. Shane got two goals - both off Hayden's assists - for a 3-0 win.
But Shane's jaw doesn't unclench, and his hands are tight in his lap, and honestly his whole posture is not screaming, thank you for affirming my beautiful girlfriend who is probably the love of my life.
"I'm sorry if you thought that was … too much," Hayden says. The giddy buzz of causing a stir and supporting his friend is fading into concern. "I just want to support you. And Lily. No one's going to put anything together if you don't want them to - you guys are super discreet, and I kept everything really general. But she makes you happy, Shane - that's all I want for you."
Shane pinches the bridge of his nose. "That's — that's the problem. I think. You're so stuck on thinking I have…"
He stops. Breathes deeply - in for four, out for eight, in for four, out for eight.
"Okay," he says, more to himself than to Hayden. "Okay."
He looks up, eyes set like he's about to take the most important face off of his career. "Hayden, I'm gay."
Hayden blinks at him. He did read a reddit post about this, but he didn't think he'd have to explain this to Shane. God, no wonder they aren't official. Poor Lily is — shit, dating the stupidest man on the team. Don't worry, Lily, he thinks. I've got this.
"Just because she has a dick," Hayden says patiently, "doesn't make you gay."
There is a rush of static that comes from Shane's speakers, and Hayden cuts a glance at Shane's screen. Oh shit. His car display is still blinking, counting seconds for — oh. Lily, 28:05. 28:06. 28:07. They've been on the phone since — probably around the middle of Hayden talking with media. They're still on the phone. Hayden's stomach drops.
"Hi Lily," Hayden says, flushing hot. "I'm Hayden. It's nice to meet you. I've heard…. well. Not a lot! But I assume you're great because you should see Shane's posture when we play in Florida or wherever. When we play there, he's in bed immediately after a game. I've never met another player who can just say no thank you adreneline! I'm going to bed now, like this guy. But in Boston? He stays out way past his bedtime."
"Hayden, shut up," Shane says.
"Sorry, I was just surprised, is all. Sorry, Lily, I did mean to make a better impression! I assumed dinner, maybe! You'll have to give me a do over later."
"Lily's in trouble, too. Remember when we both said goodbye?" Shane says. "Five minutes ago? I might not have noticed we were still on the phone, but you did."
But she must not be in that much trouble, because Shane's voice is doing that thing it does when he's enjoying being annoyed.
There's another rush of static — a laugh or an exhale? — but she doesn't say anything, and Shane doesn't hit the end call button, although his finger hovers.
"Okay," he says once more. All the fight seems to go out of him. "Go ahead and say hi."
"Hi, Hayden Pike," a voice says, and Hayden jumps out of his skin. "That was an interesting post-game. I enjoyed the bit where you said, what was it? Lots of WAGs are trans?"
It is a very distinctive voice with a very distinctive accent.
Also, Hayden didn't say that, did he? He can't remember exactly what he did say, but it can't have been that. Probably.
"Ally of the year material," the voice continues, reminding Hayden that he has more immediate problems.
"Oh my god," Hayden says.
"Maybe try that again but be 50% less of an asshole?" Shane says to the voice.
"Sorry," the voice says.
"You're not," Shane grouses, fond-annoyed. He's darting nervous looks at Hayden, like maybe Hayden's allyship doesn't extend to this.
"No, not really." Ilya Fucking Rozanov says, from — wherever he is — from Shane's car. From Shane's contact, who he's been talking to for years. Who Hayden has been trying to hint at since he saw — well. That certainly puts things into perspective.
Maybe Lily is dating the second dumbest man on the Metros.
"Is it still — nice to meet me?" Rozanov says. He sounds as tentative as Rozanov ever gets - only an 8 out of 10 on the self-confident asshole scale rather than his usual 12 - and more to the point, Hayden's best friend sitting right there bracing himself for impact.
Okay, Hayden thinks to himself. Right. This is new information, but the end goal is the same: double dates; couples vacations; Shane keeps smiling the smile only Lily ever draws out of him.
"I'm still rebooting," Hayden advises. Then, to Shane, "The gay thing is fine, it's great, I promise. It's just, you know, sometimes it takes me a moment to pivot."
Shane lets some of the tension he's holding drop. "Yeah, I figured," he says with that barely there smirk that means he's about to chirp someone really badly. "I mean, you told a room full of hockey reporters that everyone is trans if you think about it."
No, he didn't. Did he? Fuck, he really should try to remember his notes next time he wants to say something thoughtful yet provocative on camera.
"It was a good thing," Rozanov says on the phone. "I am glad Hollander has a friend like you, even if you skate like a cartoon character slipping on a banana skin and do not remember that men also have dicks."
Hayden looks to Shane for a defence, but he's just smiling his Lily smile like an asshole. Huh.
"Yeah," Hayden says, answering the earlier question. "I think it is good to meet you."
"It is good to meet you too, Mr Ally Of The Year."
"I'm going to — call you later, okay?" Shane says.
"Goodnight," Rozanov says, and then Shane hits the screen with an aggressive stab to hang up the call.
"Obviously he can't be trusted to hang up. He's so fucking nosy."
"He's fucking Rozanov," Hayden says. "The whole time?"
"Yeah, bud. The whole time." Shane laughs to himself. "I kind of thought we were going to talk about it when you saw his dick."
Hayden puts his hand on his face. "If it helps, I thought I was being a good friend."
"You are a good friend," Shane assures him. Hayden's heart hurts. If Hayden is such a good friend, why was Shane all alone with this? "You used trans pride tape to a game against the American South."
"Google seemed inconclusive about if it actually is the south."
Shane frowns. "South is literally in the state name. Anyways. It doesn't matter. You're a good friend. I'm sorry I didn't- I couldn't- Yeah." He rubs at the corner of his mouth. "I should have tried after you came to give me an after school special at lunch the other day, I just got confused by you saying literally any woman on earth would be better than any man I'm…"
Hayden waits to see if Shane is going to finish that sentence with dating or sexting. Like. Obviously Hayden knows which one is happening, but does Shane?
Shane dodges the question by simply not finishing the sentence.
"I'm so fucking sorry for being a total idiot," Hayden says. "I shouldn't have assumed. And I should have sat on you until I got to the bottom of it. Maybe even years ago."
"You couldn't have," Shane says with a tiny grin. "I'm faster than you. And I'm so wily."
"I would have gotten creative!" Hayden grins back, relieved Shane still wants to joke around with him. "I could have threatned to text your mom all those pictures I have of you if you didn't sit still."
Shane looks startled and deeply baffled. "Of what?" he yelps. "What could you possibly be threatening me with?"
"Of you not wearing your Reeboks," Hayden says, waggling his eyebrows. "And you wearing generic compression shorts. And a tasteful black and white shot of the Crest toothpast in your dop."
"Wow," Shane intones, under his breath. "You were just ready to go nuclear."
"With love," Hayden insists, laughing. After the wave of mirth gently recedes, he says, "I do love you. You're my best friend. You beat out my own brother for best man — this doesn't change anything."
"To be fair your brother did marry your ex-girlfriend," Shane says.
Hayden puts his hand over his mouth. "Oh my god I am trying to affirm you and you arenot making it easy. What the fuck, don't lick me."
Hayden looks at Shane expectantly.
"Okay. It's well past my bedtime."
Hayden raises his eyebrows. "I'm not getting out of the car until you say it back."
"Go inside. I need to call my —"
Hayden raises an eyebrow into the pause. "Yeeees?"
"Fuck off."
"Oh my god," Hayden hollers, and Shane slugs him on the shoulder, but then his hand lingers, kind of gripping Hayden's sleeve. Hayden hears the alarms going off in his head: it's happening!
"I do love you," Shane grouses. "Thank you for your wildly misguided support. And you never know, maybe it did make a difference to someone?"
Now there's a thought.
Hayden mulls it over while he puts his key into his front door. As he's thinking, he hears the faint ring of a sound he knows well: the ring that leads to the best part of his nights, sometimes. Hayden is hearing the sound of his best friend getting to do the better half debrief. It's a good sound. It makes Hayden smile as he ponders Shane's kind-of question: Did someone get something they needed out of his righteous if misguided crusade? Maybe. He hopes so. And anyways, he still has all that stick tape to get through.
Waste not, want not, and all that.