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He should have been at the hospital already.
But no, Trent was instead stuck in the middle of New York traffic, struggling to reach the hospital in time because he didn’t want to take the subway or a taxi on a cold January day. He needed the catharsis of speeding down the road like a man possessed, but even if he hadn’t been in New York, it wasn’t worth the risk.
After all, he wasn’t quite a year out of rehab. His public image didn’t need a car accident.
What the actual fuck was he doing, anyway? Trent hadn’t talked to Aaliyah since before rehab (his own goddamn fault), and the only reason he even knew she was pregnant was because of tabloids leaking the news. When it did, he didn’t need to the math to figure out who the father was.
Ever since, he had to stop himself from reaching out to her. And ever since, he had to accept that - more likely than not - she wouldn’t reach back. Why would he? He was an asshole, and she (and their child) deserved better.
But then the day came, and Aaliyah’s brother Rashad woke him up at three AM with a single phone call.
“It’s Aaliyah, she…her water broke.” He swallowed dryly on the other line. “They’re taking her to the hospital right no-”
“What hospital?”
Rashad gave him everything he needed to know.
The rest of the morning was a blur as he went into autopilot from his home in New Orleans, to the airport, all the way to JFK International. But now that he was stuck in a car that smelled too chemically clean, all by himself, and wasn’t feeling like turning the radio on, he was stuck with no company aside from his thoughts.
Namely, the thought of what the fuck was going to happen once he got to the hospital.
Would Aaliyah even want him there? Would her parents throw him out? Christ, would he even be able to see his own child?
And that made him feel like the scum of the earth. For all these months, Aaliyah had to deal with everything alone. He should have been with her, to take her to doctor’s appointments, to take care of her when pregnancy was making her miserable, to help her come up with a name for the kid…
He should have been there. He wanted to be there. Yet here he was, the eternal fuck-up with the need to push people away. And what did that do for him? It made him a shitty, absentee father.
It was early afternoon when he finally reached the hospital. When he got to the front desk, clad in cheap sunglasses to obscure himself, it suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea what he was doing. It wasn’t like he could just ask where she was giving birth and they’d let him into the operating room.
But he was already at the desk, and the nurse was looking at him in mild annoyance, waiting for him to say something.
“Um, I’m- I’m here to see Clarice Starling.”
It was the false name that her brother told her she was using at the hospital. It was the first thing that day that almost brought a smile to his face.
“Can I see your ID?”
Trent blinked. “Yeah?” He grabbed his wallet out, showed his driver’s license to the nurse, and she nodded.
“I’ll grab someone to take you there,” She said.
The day’s long journey was finally getting to him; his focus became mush when the second nurse guided him out of the crowded reception area. When they passed through the doors of the maternity ward, his heartbeat drowned out everything else - his footsteps, his breathing. Finally, the nurse dropped him off in front of a polished wood door.
Trent stared at the metal doorknob. “Do I just…?”
The nurse nodded. “They’re waiting for you.”
‘They’re.’ Jesus, how could it have all been that quick?
The nurse turned around and left him alone in the hallway. It was just him and the door now.
And all he needed to do was open it.
Easiest thing to do in the world.
“If you don’t fucking open it,” He whispered to himself. “Then you deserve nothing but hell for the rest of your life.”
Holding his breath tightly within his chest, Trent opened the door.
‘Heavenly’ was all that came to mind when he saw Aaliyah. Even though she was lying in bed looking her most exhausted, even though her hair was a mess, Trent forgot how floored the sight of her could make him. Her eyelashes fluttered at him, and she smiled at him in a way he never thought she would with him…
Relief.
“Come over here and meet your daughter, already.” Her voice was tired, but she tried to sound playful.
He finally noticed the bassinet next to the bed. He stepped closer, slowly until he saw the tiny figure sleeping inside. Trent fought the urge to reach inside, take her little hand into his. She looked so fragile; maybe she would fall apart if he got too close.
“I think I need-” He took a deep breath. “I think I need a moment.” He sat down at the foot of the bed.
Aaliyah laughed softly. “You say that like you’re the one who just gave birth.”
Trent didn’t respond, too busy staring at the baby.
Aaliyah turned serious. “I didn’t think it was fair if you didn’t get to see her. That’s why I had my brother call you.”
“I didn’t think you’d let me anywhere near…her.”
“Why?”
He dug his hands into the blanket under him. “Because I’m an asshole, and an addict, and I never bothered to call or see you or-” His throat tightened. “I’ve already failed her, just like I failed you. And I’m scared that I’m going to keep failing you both.”
In the bassinet, the baby murmured incomprehensibly in her sleep.
“You’re here now,” Aaliyah said, with feathery gentleness. “Doesn’t that speak volumes?”
Trent looked away from the bassinet, and to Aaliyah. She held her hand out weakly to him, with all of the love and forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve.
He reached out and took it.