Work Text:
Why was I born a woman?
When Vi was born, Felicia only said "not a girl," not because she didn't loved her, she said that because she loved her.
And when Powder was born, Felicia only said "please not another girl." not because she wanted a boy, more than that. It was because she could see the difference between being a girl and a boy. More with the violence that's already Zaun's culture. More with the world's culture of letting the man decide.
When another girl was born, another young soul for the world to break, Jinx cried. Because of her own pain, because the pain her girl would have.
She saw it in a young age, in Powder's eyes when her parents died. Glad that the female body of her mother would torn to ashes because only Janna knows what would happen and God she did had mercy on her. Then, when Vander was taking care of the underground, she could still sense it, in the shadow was Sevika's eyes, not enough, never enough. The one who said "May Janna have mercy on her" when a new girl would born.
Vander was powerful, yes, but he was a man and Powder used to think that every man was powerful for the simple task of being born a man. And used to think that Vi was more powerful than her because she was the closest to the man and boys in the house.
Then Silco came. Like a storm. Literally. He held his cups like something sacred and no one ever said "woman" or "girl" no one ever said a thing when he could only hold her, calm her. Keep her safe, calling her his daughter. Jinx, deep down everything, down the respect, down the love, felt wrong on her throat because she was always someone's his, Silco's daughter, Vander's daughter, Mylo and Claggor's sister. Almost destinated to suffer from violence in silence, like any other woman in the world is, doesn't help much the actual situation of her hometown.
Ekko came in the middle of all that, not like a storm, he just appeared when it was needed, never pushed, Jinx finally felt like she was not just his, just a friend. Just someone, somebody by her own. Jinx felt like she could love him forever. Even when it was forced to stay a secret, thanks to Silco, she finally pushed too far. And now, the secret was not only revealed by Sevika first, then Silco, but the whole undercity.
"If you don't want your baby to get out of this city, you better pray for them to be born a man." Sevika said that night, never told it to anyone, she just waited to Jinx decide what she wanted to do. For the baby to stay or to make sure not other woman would suffer in this world.
Jinx didn't had a lot to choose, because she didn't wanted to die by the hands of an unknown man that was practicing an abortion on her. Telling Silco and saying she would stay with the baby was the safest choice. Not the best.
The last thing Jinx wanted was to keep a family, maybe hiding for the rest of the world, even when her world was Ekko, would make her feel less ashamed for being born a woman.
The old lady that Silco got for her to take care of Jinx's pregnancy, Sevika and some hiding shadow in the back of her mind were the only women in her life. The words didn't affect her at all in pain.
"Every woman goes through this." She said. "Every woman suffers from this."
Jinx remembers thinking why was I born a woman?
Every girl cries. Every baby cries. But not like a woman does her whole life. Everyone goes through some pain but it can be from just being born a woman, not taking really serious, not taking real care for them to just being the man.
The pain was unstoppable, it didn't stopped when she heard a cry, when she saw a face, because her nails already hurt Sevika's arms, old lady trying to calm her down, sister watching from a corner, sister, haunting from a corner.
"It's a girl." The old lady's voice sounded above the baby's cry. "May Janna have mercy on her."
Having Isha was scary, difficult to protect her and sad to imagine a girl in this world. But it was her girl at end of the day.
Jinx didn't said anything, but pray in silence. For Isha not to be her watching all the man taking the power and for herself to not be her mother who run when something was broken by the man.
Isha's name came out of her mouth, didn't sounded like a pray, didn't felt like one, but a wish for the purest girl to never reach day two of living because that's when the world breaks the girl.
Months later, she would cry in the floor, hands on the crib, Isha asleep not knowing what her mamma was saying.
"My girl. Why were you born a woman?"