Chapter Text
“Wait, what?” You stood, bewildered, facing a delighted Papyrus at your front door.
He sighed. “I shall repeat myself so that you may understand me. Would you be interested in courting my brother? Would you please date him?”
His words took a few seconds to sink in before you responded. “Is Sans really so lazy that he has to send his brother to ask me out instead of coming up here himself?"
“No, no, no, human! I have come here completely of my own accord! Asking you to be his datemate was completely my idea!” Papyrus said proudly.
“...Papyrus, what the fuck.”
“Language, human! And as to your question, it is very simple! Sans doesn't get out enough, especially after coming to the surface. I believe a romantic partner may be just what he needs to start... stopping being such a lazybones!”
“Okay, okay, but why me?”
“That, too, is a simple question to answer! I have done a lot of dedicated research these past few days, and made plenty of very good observations, and through my efforts I came to the conclusion that you are the ideal datemate for my brother! You will surely be beneficial for both his mental and physical health!”
You could only manage to stare at Papyrus confusedly. “And what exactly made you come to that conclusion?”
“Well, I can't list off the gargantuan list of reasons off of the top of my head, but I assure you, there are many reasons. Many very good reasons. If you want, I can go home and get the notebook I wrote them all down in and show y-“ He turned as though pre-emptively leaving to get the book, but you grabbed his arm and stopped him before interrupting.
“No, Papyrus, that's fine, you don't have to do that.”
“Oh, good! So, will you do it?”
You sighed. It was hard saying no to that face, but you had to do it. “I'm sorry, Pap, but I'm just not interested in Sans that way. And I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me. We're just really good friends. That's all. You're gonna have to find someone else to get that guy off his bony butt.” He looked severely disappointed, and boy did it hurt to see Papyrus frowning as he was. But you weren't interested, and you had shit to get back to! “But hey, good on you for trying to help your bro out. I'm sure he'd appreciate what you're doing for him. Now, I really have to go, so, uh, I'll see you later, Paps!” you hurriedly closed the door and tried to avoid looking at that saddened face again, and as you turned away from the door to walk off, you heard Papyrus one last time.
“But I dedicated a whole wall of my room to figuring out the perfect match for Sans! And I disregarded any other possible suitors because I was so sure you would accept! Now Sans and I are datemate-less! Why would you let this tragedy befall us, human?!”
You couldn't suppress the giggle that came from you at Papyrus’ antics. Oh, that skeleton.
Sitting down at your computer, you opened your chat window again.
[hey Alphys, I’m back]
{Hi!}
{Who was it?}
{At the door, I mean}
[Papyrus. he was asking me to go out with Sans]
[lmao]
{Wait, Sans likes you?}
[no, I guess Pap just thought that if Sans had a datemate (me specifically) then he'd get up off his ass once in a while haha]
{...}
{...I ship it}
[NO YOU STOP THAT]
[I'M NOT INTO HIM LIKE THA T N O]
{Hehehe}
[ALPHYS ~HOW COULD YOU~]
{Sorry, I just got this sudden image of you two in my head for a moment}
[DESTROY the thought]
{You'd probably be really cute!}
[nNNOOOO we’re just frieeeeendsssssss!!!!!]
[also not as cute as you and Undyne for sure]
{!!!!!!!}
[haha]
[but yeah no Sans and me is not a thing that's happening and you need to stop]
{Ok ;)}
[don't you winky face at me]
{Hehehe}
{Are you sure it's not happening?}
[as sure as you are yellow]
{...}
{What if I}
{Dumped a bucket of purple paint over myself or something}
[Alphys stop no]
{Heehee}
[no paint]
{Yes paint}
[I'm out I'm not dealing w/ this anymore goodbye]
{Nooooo wait come back!!}
[nope I'm gone]
[I'm going]
{:(}
[to go get some lunch and then I'll be back]
{:D}
[and then we can play video games or whatever]
{Sounds good!}
Thankfully, neither Papyrus nor Alphys hounded you about Sans for the entire afternoon. The entire evening, too. You were thankful for that.
You got to sleep peacefully that night, any thoughts of this whole Sans situation having disappeared from your mind.
By the next morning, you had entirely forgotten about any skeleton-related conversation. Things were good. For the whole day, nothing was brought up again about a potential relationship between you and Sans.
Had you remembered Papyrus' proposal from the day before, you would have said something along the lines of "Thank god that's over" to yourself, and hoped Papyrus was successful in finding the right match for Sans.
Sans.
Your friend.
And nothing more.