Chapter Text
The sun rays are blinding Yoshiki’s eyes while he lays in bed, blankets all over the place forgotten on the floor. He lazily starts searching his phone to look at the time, reminding him he already is going to have today a horrible long day. He shuts his eyelids off as if he can stop the time this way, reminiscing of the last minutes of freedom he owns before starting to get ready.
The room is awfully clean, besides the many books that are everywhere on the floor. Yoshiki moves them with his foot as he walks, being too tired to even pick one up, even though they have been in his way for weeks at this point. White empty walls guard beside him, being accompanied by dusty furniture, this place’s decorations being nonexistent, as if a ghost has been living here for almost a year.
In the kitchen, the usual coffee is being prepared, this becoming an ordinary habit ingrained in Yoshiki’s routine.
Taking the first sip of the bitter beverage, he contemplates going to classes or not, then he remembers that he isn’t even pursuing college anymore.
He feels relieved at first, then the distress starts to settle in.
He used to go to a seminary college, being the only option he had in order to leave the village he spent his childhood in. Like the rest of the people living there, his parents were incredibly religious, and they expectedly pushed those beliefs into Yoshiki and Kaoru from a young age. It felt like living in an invisible locked room that if you dare to leave it, you will suffer eternal suffering. Now, he is in the way of parting ways, the past dragging him back while the future is waiting impatiently.
If he is being honest, Yoshiki has never felt an actual connection with the religion he has ‘theoretically’. He never felt the happiness, adoration or any type of usually positive emotions like the other people show towards this doctrine. And only thinking about this fact makes him sick. He tried to recreate or even straight up copy other people’s actions (in sense of praying, going to church and all that stuff) in order to change this numb state he is in, beacause he could observe how content they are with their life. Who wouldn't want that feeling after all?
How’s so easy for them? What do they have that I don’t?
Yoshiki even feels jealous when he often contemplates this side of his life, and every time he does this it is making his heart ache, because he knows his black stained sinful soul cannot be ever recovered from this state, the only obstacle being himself.
Why can’t I be normal like the others?
The rapid thoughts invading his mind are suddenly interrupted when a notification pops up, making him surprised because he has an awfully dry social life. Preferring to resort to distractions rather than thinking about the same problem, he opens it and reads the text that his landlord sent him.
Tanaka: u gotta around home today if u wanna meet ur lovely roommate cause i aint here in town
Yoshiki sighs and starts to rapidly move his fingers across the screen before Tanaka pretends to ignore his messages.
Yoshiki: Now I have to show him around, what am I, your employer?I’m not doing this
Yoshiki almost forgot about this, even though Tanaka had informed him just a weel ago. How is he supposed to interact with that stranger? He isn’t a shy person, but right now, at this point in his mental state, the last thing he wants to do today is to act awkward around some person he doesn’t even know how he looks like. He feels tired just by thinking of the fact that from now on he is going to suffer the hastle of sharing his home with someone.
Tanaka: dont be so stupid anxious he is a nice guy he talks a lot u 2 are going to get along well
Tanaka: anyways , dont destroy my house while im gonee !!
He could hear his dumb cheerful voice saying this. Yoshiki doesn’t try to reply, knowing he doesn’t have any other choice. After all, he doesn’t even know how long is he going to stay here. He is sure that when his parents will know he hasn’t been going to seminary for 2 weeks, let alone dropping off, he would be instantly executed by them. He is just waiting for the inevitable action, and most probably that they will stop supporting him.
At least, he still has some sort of savings and Tanaka would not be that evil to let him on the streets (he hopes). His head is hurting just thinking about what’s about to come.
After a few hours of wandering around, the black haired boy starts to get ready in order to go to work. He puts on his usual simple but comfortable outfit, black jeans, matching t-shirt and a dark blue zip up hoodie despite the warm weather that arrived once the summer started.
Walking among the crowds invading the streets of Tokyo as the evening’s sun is burning everything and everyone under its hot and orange strong gaze, he feels strangely anxious, invading the mind and body of his, as if an invisible persistent presence is strangling and observing every movement and expression he interprets.
Even though it is probably his exaggerated carefulness and his vast imagination, he looks around to maybe find a possible cause for this sudden strange feeling, but nothing rigs his attention. He tries to dodge careless people that come from the opposite direction, blocking his way, and he continues to travel around the big city.
After a couple minutes, he arrives at the destination. A relatively small convenience store that not so many people visit, the perfect place for someone like Yoshiki. He usually doesn’t need to interact with many customers and the tasks are easy to complete.
At the counter, a girl with short layered brown hair is standing there, looking bored out of her mind till she rotates her head and spots the person that is coming towards her. She waves cheerfully and smiles at him. She wears shorts with a green vest and white milky t-shirt. The sun is hitting on her face, exposing her few dim freckles that are on her nose and cheeks.
She always looks so happy, the boy sometimes wanders why she is always so friendly towards him when he is so distant. Though, he considers her a friend and likes to spend time with her and her girlfriend, Yuuki. He feels comfortable when he is alongside them, being one of the few persons that understands and respects Yoshiki’s boundaries, not pushing them.
“Hi, Asako.” Yoshiki tries to smile back in order to not seem rude to her. He thinks that is way better not to mention his problems with her. He doesn’t want to feel like a burden to others for problems he created himself. They deserve better than that.
“For a second I thought you weren’t coming today! I’m glad you’re here though!”
“I’m not that late. Why are you still here by the way?”
Asako’s shift for today ended almost half an hour ago, so she definitely wanted something.
“Well, me and Yuuki want to go to the aquarium this weekend, and we want you to come too.”
Yoshiki stares at the neon lights of the store for a bit, thinking about the offer and in a matter of a few seconds he concludes this seems like a nice way to spend his time. He definitely needs some sort of distraction and the constant silence present in his apartment doesn’t help him in this case.
“That sounds nice.”
“You won’t regret this, I promise. If I remember correctly, you are interested in this kind of stuff and apparently this new aquarium is incredible!”
When he hears this, Yoshiki is surprised that Asako remembers this detail about him.
“Oh, I gotta go now, or I won’t catch the bus.” She starts rapidly collecting her stuff and rush to the door, pushing her back against it in order to open it while she waves with her hand.
“See you later!”
Yoshiki almost laughed when she almost tripped not even one second after leaving the store.
Being now alone (not really alone though because customers are still around him), Yoshiki looks at the keychain attached to house keys. It is from Master x Master, then he remembers about Hikaru.
His face drops just by thinking by visualizing the white cloud alike hair and his constant smile.
They were inseparable. Hikaru was- (he refuses to think is dead) is the only person he could be honest to. Hikaru never judged him like the others did, never made him feel he was out of place, never forced him to change his personality when they were together. Their relationship was the only thing in Yoshiki’s life that made sense, that felt right, the only reason he has the motivation to wake up and continue this life.
Is this how people feel when they are praying?
He thinks often about this. The only times he had sensed such strong emotions that other people proclaim to have is when he was with Hikaru. It was like he was on another world, their own world, turning their backs on the village and having the time of their life.
Unfortunately, people started rumors in order to ‘ridicule’ them. When Yoshiki became aware of them, he felt so dirty and ashamed of himself, especially because he knew how people treated others who are like that. He never understood why people cared so much. Love is love no matter what. Why society has the need to demonize someone’s feelings just because they both are the same gender? It just doesn’t make sense at all.
Despite the people of the village talking, Yoshiki’s urgent need to be close with his best friend was far stronger than the discomfort of thinking about the comments.
Yoshiki would do anything to be with Hikaru, and Hikaru would do anything to be together with Yoshiki, no matter what the world thinks of them.
✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦
Once Hikaru disappeared, every day of Yoshiki’s life is becoming worse and worse by every minute.
Yoshiki was only 16 years old when it happened.
It was winter and it was a rough one. People wouldn’t even dare to leave the house, the cold wind never stopping circling in the air. Enormous snow flakes blinding the way, falling rapidly and steadily to fuel the white land. This snow desert makes someone feel delirious just by looking at the ocean of blinding white, freezing even the eyes.
Despite this, Yoshiki was bravely fighting the storm in order to go to Hikaru’s house. Even though the distance wasn’t much, it felt exhausting only making 3 steps in that mess of ice.
When he arrived, he knocked on the big door, waiting for the similar face to appear. After a few minutes of insisting, he gave up. With struggle, he retrieved his cold phone from his pocket and checked the messages again. Hikaru hadn’t responded for more than two days, and they used to text each other every day constantly.
Maybe the internet had been cut off for them because of the weather.
After hesitation, Yoshiki picked up the ice-cold handle and tried to open the door. To his surprise, it was open, concerning starting to invade his body.
Entering the familiar house, he observed that not only was it empty in the sense of no person being there, but also in the literal sense, all the things that made the Indou household feel warm and welcoming had disappeared. Yoshiki, out of reflex, rushed to Hikaru’s room, desperation and confusion settling deep into his core. Almost tripping in his way, his eyes scan the room which used to belong to his friend, the area’s vacantness feeling like a stab in Yoshiki’s figure. It was like all the reminiscences they had been going through was all whipped out in a matter of seconds and now Yoshiki stands in the aftermath of that, having no guide of what’s about to come next.
Not one individual knew why they vanished or where they disappeared. It was like no one was there in the first place, this fact making Yoshiki even more sorrowful, feeling like he was mourning a ghost, the only epitome who could make light appear in Yoshiki’s essence.
His parents tried in their own ways to comfort him, and obviously ‘their own ways’ was to pressure Yoshiki into praying even more than before in order to ‘protect’ Hikaru, whatever that is supposed to mean.
He was taken away from him, for no reason at all, and now he gotta praise the supposed divinity that caused all of this? He did the first act without needing any adoration, so why can't they reverse it?
The pressure put by his mother and father made the situation even worse than it actually was. They made Yoshiki feel like he didn’t have the right to feel sad. The only thing they kept saying that it is ‘God’s plan’ and that it is sinful of him if he dares to question that, and downright atrocious if he has the guts to criticize their judgment.
( authors note: I personally prefer to refer to God as an actual deity, not limiting the status bc of the pronouns(cause I think it is misogynistic asf but that’s another topic) so I refer to God as them, idk if it makes sense but it is my fic so I can write whatever so yeah)
Nonetheless, he absolutely refuses to even consider the fact that Hikaru is dead by any type or form. Visibly, he can admit he mourns their long-lasting ‘friendship’ they had - have. He could endure lonely misery any day for the rest of his existence rather than admitting the possibility of death of his best friend.
After that, his life has been going in an almost mechanical manner, days feeling one and the same, the dull duplications infecting Yoshiki’s sanity slowly but steadily. Not even when he moved out to the city this tedious feeling hasn’t left him. It was only a cheap distraction to avoid thinking about the actual problem he was avoiding, the effects of it altering his identity and living experience no matter how hard he tries to take no notice of it.
In addition, going to that hell of a place, respectively the Seminary College he is - was attending , hasn't been helpful to say the least. Each time he set foot on that building, his heart and mind became more and more distant to the beliefs that were taught and the overall doctrine he was supposed to trust. His rationality just doesn’t collide with them, in spite of trying them to match. It feels like he is betraying his individual self if he tries to do so, making him tired just by hearing them.
He still hasn’t contacted his parents to tell the wonderful and great news his son, will, at some point, be forced to share and surely they won’t be disappointed with him, right??
It is not like he really talks to them after all. The only one who sometimes reaches out to him is Kaoru. He doesn’t want to burden her with his problems, so he mostly listens to her ramblings about the random things happening in her life. When he left home, the only regret that still lingers in his soul is that he left her alone. He can tell that she isn’t honest with some aspects of her life. Never bringing up school, or when she does it she tries to joke about how people there don’t even recognize her anymore. Yoshiki knows very well from experience why someone could decide to act the way she does. It is painful for him to notice how much they are alike. Yoshiki wishes that she is, at least, handling it better than him.
✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦
The dark settles in the streets of Tokyo, the painfully glaring of the building surrounding the traffic trying as if to block the shadows to invade the avenue. The rain pours aggressively against the crowd and the hyper tall buildings, poking around in almost every exposed inch, invaded by the rapid and precise dampness that comes with every drop of crystal-clear water. A refreshing moist smell penetrates the walker’s lungs, so calming in the crowded atmosphere, the serene feeling almost becoming addictive in the breezy atmosphere of the first week of June.
Standing in the margin of the road, Yoshiki is being poked around by sharp ends of colorful umbrellas, his own trying to survive in the jam he is unfortunate to be part of.
He is, again, suddenly feeling anxious. He is mostly sure the reason is not the overpopulated place he circulates in right now, but that thought is not reassuring, only making him have more questions as he rapidly tries to reach his way home. The deafening honks of the cars cannot cancel his contemplation as they usually do.
After a few minutes, he loses the strident streets and begins to throw himself into the discreet neighborhood where he lives. By each minute the wind becomes stronger, leaves being forcefully stripped from their branches, making a mess by navigating in the air, seeming like they will never reach the dirty ground.
The constant violent breeze is slapping Yoshiki’s face intensely, making it hard to keep the eyes open. He tries to hurry as fast as he can in order to abandon this horrid weather, grabbing the metallic handle of the black umbrella he owns.
Suddenly, he has the curiosity to check how late it is, so he tries to reach for his phone hidden in one of the pockets of the navy hoodie. When he opens it, he tries to read the notifications popping up in the lockscreen. The screen is immediately drenched with thick drops of water and as he tries again to read the messages, the storm steals his cheap umbrella, immediately being swallowed in the corruption of the unforgiving weather.
He looks at the stolen object with annoyance visible in his eyes while he tries to somehow retrieve it. He mutters some swears as he aggressively pulls his falling hood over his head for the 20th second time and puts his freezing hands in his pockets.
He sighs loudly when he is near the apartment’s door, relieved that he finally has arrived.
Unexpectedly, he hears exactly three footsteps. Not from outside, where Yoshiki is.
He notices that the sound came from inside his flat.
The crippling anxiety conquers his body like never before. He stayed in front of the door for five minutes and he counted every second of them in order to try to calm himself even though it didn’t really work.
In that span of time, the only thing he heard was his rapid inhales and exhales, making sure he paid attention in order to identify if any more footsteps would be heard from inside.
He concludes that it must be his imagination playing tricks on him as it usually does, though this thought hasn’t calmed him at all. His shaky hands reach for his keys, picking them up in the horrid silence making them sound extremely loud.
As he inserts them to open the door, his precautions instincts order him to open the wooden door slowly in order to check if anyone is inside.
After a few moments of intensive observation, he decides to move forward. Even though it shouldn’t take much to search the small studio, Yoshiki takes his time, moving slowly while trying to control his breath.
The room is being flooded by the blue light of the moon, accompanied by the harsh sounds of the ongoing destructive rain.
When he turns around, he starts to feel relieved for a few seconds, then he turns his head around, noticing the figure standing a few meters in the back.
Something is off.
That’s how Yoshiki has been feeling for this entire day, and now he knows the reason why.
In front of him, the boy with frosted hair is holding his persistent gaze towards the other one, two red glowing dots from his eyes that are even more evident in the dim light of the room they are in. The pupils widen even more when they meet Yoshiki’s. The piercing gaze makes Yoshiki feel like knives cutting his soul in millions of pieces.
When he tries to breathe, every part of his lungs burn, as if they are too scared to even function, any sound that could be made feeling like a threat for the sacred silence that controls the studio.
But, despite this obvious threat, why is his heart beating so fast for a different emotion than fear?
The shorter one starts to grin mischievously, flashing his right snaggle tooth in the process.
With a low tone, ‘Hikaru’ starts to speak, slowly starting to head towards the other one.
“I guess we finally meet again, Yoshiki.”