Work Text:
The thing is that she knows the MACOs' schedule puts them off-kilter to her own today. She's seen their schedule and her own — more importantly, she's seen Hayes' schedule — so there's no reason for her to be upset when she sees them leaving the mess as she enters.
There's no reason for the flicker of disappointment that comes in reaction to seeing Hayes and McKenzie heading for the exit.
McKenzie waves as they pass — a gesture Mallory returns with a small smile — and Hayes' eyes seem to see down to her bones, to the depths of who she is as a person when they land on her. For a moment, she can't breathe; the smile feels frozen on her face, like a mockery of human emotion. But he doesn't react to that, he just taps McKenzie on the shoulder — you go ahead — and comes back into the room, to Mallory.
"Hey,"
"Hello."
"Did you see the training proposal I sent through?"
The word yes nearly leaves her mouth without thought, despite the truth, and she suddenly hates him for throwing her off like this. "No. I've been on the bridge all morning."
He grins in response, a little self-deprecating, eyes darting down to the floor. "Yeah, of course. Just let me know when you get a chance to look it over?"
"Yeah," she echoes, "of course."
And then he's gone, jogging off to catch up with the MACOs.
She exhales once he's out of sight, forces her shoulders to settle, and follows the familiar path through the mess without really seeing it.
Hoshi, Trip, and Travis are already at their usual table — trays taking up most of the space, conversation mid-flow — and Hoshi looks up first, her smile already forming as Mallory approaches.
"Hey."
"Hey." Mallory echoes, sliding into her seat. She pokes at the food she'd chosen, appetite abandoning her, and finds her gaze drifting to the doors Hayes had just disappeared through.
"Mal." Trip kicks her lightly under the table when she doesn't immediately look up. "Hey. What's up with you lately?"
She blinks. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you. You've been swinging wildly between being super relaxed — like, more relaxed than I've ever seen you — and super uptight."
"What?"
"You're uptight at the moment, in case you were wondering."
She lets the expression on her face answer him — confused, irritated, and vaguely disgusted.
"OK, that was mean. But, seriously, what's up?"
"There's nothing up."
"I've noticed it too," Travis agrees, apologetic, "it gets worse before you take your little walk-around breaks."
Hoshi leans in suddenly, eyes bright. "Wait," she says, the beginnings of a grin forming on her face, "are you getting laid?"
Both Mallory and Trip splutter.
"What? No!"
"Sure?"
"Hoshi." Mallory finds herself stammering, and waves a hand vaguely between the four of them as she gets her thoughts in order. "I am in a position of authority on this ship. With my position, who could I possibly be having sex with?"
This was, apparently, the wrong question to ask. The almost dangerous glint in Hoshi's eyes that made Mallory wonder what she'd noticed, grows, like she was waiting for it.
"Someone not directly in the chain of command, perhaps? Someone who technically outranks you, but is functionally under you? Hopefully in at least two ways."
The genuine outrage that crosses Mallory's face makes Hoshi laugh — although she's smart enough to smother it behind her drink.
"Wait, Hayes?" Trip asks, confused.
Hoshi grins. "Uh huh."
"I am not having sex with Hayes!"
"Why not?"
"Hoshi!"
It's easier to be outraged, to get annoyed at Hoshi's bluntness than it is to actually answer her. What would the answer even be?
Because wanting him feels reckless?
Because wanting anything right now seems like tempting fate?
Because she has learned — painfully, repeatedly — that the moment she gives in to wanting something, the universe takes it as a challenge?
Because people like her don't get to be happy?
"OK..." Trip says slowly, "I don't think I want to participate in this conversation anymore, so—"
"You know who has been getting laid?" Mallory interrupts, stabbing her fork in his direction. "You."
The two Ensigns turn on him like sharks scenting blood. Trip ignores them both in favour of giving Mallory one of his patented offended looks.
"Hey. Don't look at me."
"Ooh," Hoshi says, leaning forward on her elbows, "I don't know."
"I think the same questions Mal pointed out apply to you as well," Travis adds, "who are you— is it that MACO? What's her name?"
This last part is directed at Mallory, who answers with a suppressed level of glee. "Cole. Amanda."
"No," Trip cuts through their shared look, "for your information, I am not sleeping with Amanda. And if I am then... that is... none of your business."
It might have sounded more authoritative if he hadn't turned it up into a question at the end, suddenly uncertain of himself.
Mallory scoffs. "Oh, but mine is?"
"You," Trip points his fork at her — an inverse of her earlier gesture — are trying to avoid the subject. Hoshi's right, you have been getting closer with Hayes."
"The Captain ordered us to... settle it."
"OK. Did the Captain also order him to help us with the little-mutiny-that-wasn't?"
"Would you stop calling it that?"
Trip squints at her. "Why did he help us at all?"
"He's part of security." Mallory answers, a little too quickly. "It's part of his job."
"To help with mutinies?"
Hoshi taps the table with her finger, breaking the staring contest that had begun. "Sure, that's kind of his job, if you stretch the definition, but I'm more interested in the, uh, late-night reassurance he's been providing."
Mallory freezes. "What do you mean?"
Trip leans in, ignoring her attempts to avoid his gaze. "Late-night reassurance?"
"It's not... I just talk to him. Outside of working hours. Sometimes."
"Late at night?" Hoshi asks, sweetly.
"Outside of working hours."
"On the comms?" Travis asks.
She glares at her plate. "No."
"In the armoury?" Trip presses.
"No."
There's a pause, she's not looking at them, but she can feel them exchanging looks over her head.
Hoshi leans forward, enough that Mallory can't avoid meeting her eyes. "I'll bite. Where are these discussions happening?"
It's obvious enough that Hoshi knows the answer, but the other two are waiting.
She exhales sharply. "In his room?"
Trip's fork pauses, halfway to his mouth. "You've been in Hayes' room?"
"Not like that."
Hoshi makes a disbelieving noise at the same time Trip starts looking around the room to see if Hayes might still be in the mess — clearly he hadn't seen the MACOs leave.
"It's about work!"
"At night." Trip says.
"In his quarters." Hoshi adds.
Mallory glances at Travis, but he doesn't add anything.
"Sometimes, I just need a second opinion."
"Define sometimes."
"...No."
Even Travis — her current favourite of the three — doesn't seem convinced by this.
Hoshi taps the table again. "He invited you?"
She hesitates; just long enough for them to pick up on it, and for Trip to point at her triumphantly.
"That is a no."
"He gave me the code." she blurts. "OK? I have the code to get in."
There's a stunned silence.
"Well," Travis says, brightly, "at least he's the same flavour of insane about this."
"I'm not insane. About this."
Trip snorts a laugh at her clarification. "Oh, sure, you're not. Now, come on, what is actually happening between you two? Considering that you, uh, kicked the shit out of each other about a month back."
Her plate is suddenly very interesting — the food that she'd lost appetite for suddenly requiring her undivided attention.
"Mal."
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
She shrugs. "He asked me on a date."
"You've been on a date?"
"And didn't tell us?"
"No." She glares at the pasta. "I said no."
Hoshi steeples her fingers and takes a slow breath. "OK. Tabling the room-breaking for now. Why did you say no?"
"Because!" Mallory waves her fork pointlessly. "We're in the middle of very weird, hostile space, everything keeps going wrong, people keep dying, and I need to stay focused!"
"Breaking into his room helps you stay focused?"
She ignores Travis' comment. "But. I did say that if we both make it back to Earth — and... and if he doesn't change his mind — then yes. He can take me out to dinner."
"If?" Trip echoes.
She scowls at him and doesn't dignify that with an answer.
"OK," Travis cuts in, "so, what's the problem here? We all live, we make it back to Earth, happily ever after."
Mallory stabs a carrot. "You need to stop showing those fairy tales at movie night."
The three of them exchange yet another glance over her head, and she stabs the next carrot harder than necessary, the tines scraping the plate with a faint, ugly sound.
"Mallory," Hoshi presses her fingers to her forehead, "he asked you on a date."
"And he could change his mind between then and now." Somehow, it feels good to say it out loud, to acknowledge it.
"You said he gave you the code to his room!"
"Because he worried about the security override sending a ping in the system or something."
"You were using the sec— never mind."
Trip exhales a laugh. "Mal, listen, I love you, but if you kept breaking into my room, I would not give you the code. I would tell you to fuck off."
"I already know the code to your room."
"What?"
"OK." Hoshi snaps her fingers, redirecting their attention to her. "Trip has a point."
“He also could’ve changed the code if he’d changed his mind,” Travis adds.
“Well…” Mallory trails off, clearly without an answer.
“No.” Hoshi leans forward, forcing Mallory to meet her eyes. “What’s the actual problem?”
Mallory opens her mouth — and nothing comes out. The look behind her eyes crumples into something small and miserable.
“Is this about your dad?”
Hoshi and Mallory both snap their heads toward him — Mallory indignant, Hoshi visibly wincing.
Mallory opens her mouth again. Nothing.
For a moment, the mess noise fades, replaced by the familiar pressure of having once said too much — and learned not to do it again.
“What about my dad?” she asks finally, too evenly.
Trip shrugs, not unkind. “Well, you know, he’s…” He pauses, winces. “Yeah. Uh, Hoshi?”
“He knows nothing about you.”
Mallory grits her teeth. “He knows enough.”
Silence falls. The others exchange glances she can’t quite read.
“Your dad’s not a bad person,” Travis says, ignoring the looks the other two give him. “He just… seems like he was always busy.”
Mallory looks down at her tray, throat tight. “I turned out fine.”
“You did,” Hoshi says immediately. “You’re brilliant. You’re capable. You hold everything together.”
“You just have a few issues,” Trip adds.
Both women kick him under the table.
“Jesus! Sorry.” He bends to rub his shins. “I mean, we love you — issues and all. It just took a while to get past the…”
“Ways that I’m fucked up?”
“Barriers, Mal. You put up barriers to keep people out, and I’m fairly certain the only reason you ever let me in is because you thought we were going to die.”
The way she won’t look at him probably confirms it.
“Hey.” He taps her forehead with one finger, ignoring the way she swats him away. “We care about you. We want you to be happy. We want you to let other people in, too.”
“Let him into several places, if you catch my drift,” Hoshi adds.
“Hoshi!”
“I think you set yourself up for that one.”
“We are having an emotional discussion!”
Mallory listens to them bicker and smiles, just a little. She looks up to find Travis watching her — concern creasing his brow even as he smiles back.
“OK,” she says, letting the others fall silent. “We all live. We make it back to Earth. Happily ever after.”
Travis punches the air. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"
They're getting confused looks from the rest of the mess, but it doesn't bother him, he just leans over the table, hand out for Mallory to shake on it. "Deal?"
She sighs. "Deal."