Chapter Text
It had been many years since the sixth Hokage started his lifestyle as a ninja for the Hidden Leaf. There had been ups and downs, but he was quite content. As he lay in his bed and thought about his life. At one point in his life, he felt completely alone after losing his father, teammates, and sensei. To his surprise, the world kept going even after he felt everything was crumbling down around him. With the rapidly moving world, he found he wasn’t alone anymore.
Anyone could tell by the way his former students came to visit him every so often to check up on him. He reminded them he didn’t need to be babysat, but they refused to listen to the 82-year-old.
It was earlier in the day when the three came over with bags of food, being held by both men.
“While I love my three students with all my heart, you three were here not even a week ago. What brings you around today?” The old man had asked from where he stood, holding the door open.
“What? Is it such a bad thing for your three favorite people to come visit you often, Kakashi sensei?” Naruto asked as he walked past the entrance, followed by Sasuke with the groceries.
“Not exactly, but I do like my own time and space as any other normal human being does,” Kakashi said before Sakura led him to his wheelchair, which he quite hated. He started using it two years ago and wished he could burn it to ashes. He hated the fact that he had to use it to move around more easily, and even worse, Gai had started to ask him to race each other on the things whenever they got together.
“Don’t we all? Even so, it is important to spend time with the people you love. If you don’t, you’ll regret it,” Sakura said after sitting him down in the rolling chair.
Kakashi frowned under his mask. He didn’t need to be told twice about that. In all his time as a shinobi, he realized that his biggest regret was not spending time with the people he loved most. If he had known everything that would have happened in his life beforehand, he would have done things differently.
“I know I’m old, but you three don’t need to babysit me. You’re in your sixties, and your children are in their forties. You have grandchildren, too. They should get more of your time and attention than your old sensei,” Kakashi said as Naruto shut the fridge door.
“Nonsense, Kakashi sensei. You may not be biological family, but you’re still family to us,” Naruto said.
“That’s right! You’re important to us, too,” Sakura said as Sasuke nodded in agreement.
Just looking at them, he could tell that someone had told them about how he kept getting visits from a medic more often. Sakura hadn’t been the hospital director anymore, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get information about his frequent meetings. Was it legal? Absolutely not. It didn’t faze him. All his students did something illegal at one point.
“Don’t feel bad about us coming to see you. We want to be here,” Sasuke said. An attempt at trying to lighten the mood. Something he rarely did.
“I guess it can’t be helped. So what are we doing today?” Kakashi asked as the three smiled lightly at his words.
“How does a walk by the river sound?” Sakura asked with a bright smile.
—
It had been hours out with the entire team. The walk was long, and the trio took turns pushing their sensei as they walked by the riverside.
“I think we should stop here. Let’s take a break and then go back,” Sakura said as Sasuke passed water bottles to them, and Naruto opened the bag of snacks for the group.
“Kakashi sensei, can we ask you anything?” Sakura asked after they sat in silence and peace for a while. They were under a tree facing the beautiful river as the animals chirped.
“We’ve known each other for years. Go on,” Kakashi said.
The pink-haired woman stayed quiet for a moment as the three men looked at her.
“Why didn’t you ever end up marrying someone?” She asked suddenly as the older man’s eyes widened along with the other boys.
“I mean. I can’t imagine not ever marrying the person I love and not having him and our family by my side. If you married someone, perhaps you wouldn’t have been as lonely all this time, and someone would have been by your side at all times,” Sakura rambled as she turned slightly red.
“That’s right. Maybe what you needed was to marry someone. There had to have been at least someone you were in love with,” Naruto said, curious himself.
Not once in all the time they knew him have they ever heard him talk about someone he was in love with. It had been strange, but they never questioned his life decisions. At least not until they heard he was getting rather sicker and was alone most of the time.
“It wasn’t possible,” Kakashi answered simply with a small laugh.
“Not possible? Have you seen yourself? There were plenty of women who liked you, and you could have married at least one of them if you gave them a chance, you know. I know it’s been rough with the war and then being Hokage, but even I ended up marrying someone. You could have too!” Naruto said as he crossed his arms gently.
Kakashi shook his head and then looked up at the sky.
“No, I couldn’t. The girl I loved died when we were younger,” Kakashi said as the three went still and silent. The older man was still looking up when he didn’t notice both Uchihas punching the blond on the shoulder from each side.
“I’m sorry, Kakashi sensei,” Naruto said as the man looked back at his students to see their saddened expressions.
“There’s no need to be. It happened years ago,” Kakashi said, trying to put on a slight playful attitude to lighten the mood, but Sakura’s eyes told him it wasn’t working.
“What was her name?” Sasuke asked, surprising the three.
Kakashi stayed quiet, making the students believe he wouldn’t answer anymore questions. It was a few moments later that he opened his mouth again.
“Rin Nohara,” Kakashi answered simply.
“How was she like?” Sakura asked. Curiosity was growing among the students eager to know more about the girl.
“She was sweet and always smiled even when things got tough,” Kakashi said with a small smile.
“How’d you fall in love with her?” Naruto asked.
“If she was able to gain your love, which no one else has ever accomplished after years, she had to have been special,” Naruto added.
“She was special, but I don’t know when exactly I fell in love with her. It may have been longer than I originally thought,” Kakashi finally admitted not only to his students but to himself. This was the first time that he admitted aloud that he had fallen in love with the girl. Even the thought alone used to make him feel like a traitor to his former friend who passed away, but somehow telling his students felt like relief.
“She was just that great of a person, huh?” Sakura said, amused as she smiled warmly at her sensei, who nodded.
“How’d you meet her?” Naruto asked like a kid.
“We met at the academy,” Kakashi answered.
“But how’d she capture your attention? I know you met more girls at the academy, but you aren’t interested in them,” Naruto clarified.
“I think I captured her attention first,” Kakashi said.
“She eventually became my teammate, and my attention was on her from there. After all, I always saved her,” Kakashi said with a small shrug.
“So you two fell in love and dated from there,” Naruto said with a teasing smirk.
“No, we never dated,” Kakashi clarified as the three students' mouths dropped.
“What? But you said you liked her and said you captured her attention first. How didn’t you two end up dating after that?” Naruto complained, frustrated with the older man.
“It was complicated,” Kakashi said quietly.
“How was it complicated? Two people falling in love shouldn’t have been complicated in getting together,” Naruto said as Sakura shook her head.
“Naruto, you and Hinata getting together was complicated, so how could you expect others not to experience the same?” Sakura asked as the male grew red.
“But that was because some alien came down and wanted to take her from us. That didn’t happen to Kakashi sensei,” Naruto said before turning to the man.
“Did it?” Naruto asked quietly as Kakashi laughed lightly at his ridiculous question.
“No, it didn’t,” Kakashi answered.
“Then why didn’t you two get together? If you both knew each other's feelings, why didn’t it happen?” Naruto asked, invested in the love life of his sensei.
“She didn’t know my feelings at the time. I didn’t even know of them myself at the time,” Kakashi said as the three grew quiet at his words.
“Even if you didn’t confess. I can’t imagine a girl not doing it. It’s too much to keep it to herself for so long,” Sakura said softly.
“She tried once, but I stopped her before she could,” Kakashi said as he swallowed hard at the memory.
“Now, why would you do that, Sensei? You could have been together if you heard her out,” Naruto said, rubbing at his face as if it were him personally.
“Our other teammate died saving us both, and he made me promise to protect her no matter what. He loved her with all his heart. How could I possibly accept her confession after that? She always belonged to him,” Kakashi said with a small sigh as his three students watched him carefully.
“That’s bullshit,” Sakura said angrily this time, catching the three others' attention.
“She doesn’t belong to anyone or owe anyone else anything as a woman. If she chose you in the end, then your friend would have to accept it. It’s not fair that you didn’t have your time together because of the guilt you felt for your other friend dying,” Sakura said as her eyes saddened.
“Wait a minute, was this friend Obito?” Naruto asked as he remembered the man. It had been a long time, and he didn’t pry too much into Kakashi’s life to ask him more about the former friend who was an enemy once.
Kakashi nodded as Naruto gasped lightly.
“I was never deserving of Rin’s love. I abandoned her and failed to protect her,” Kakashi said as the pink and blonde-haired students shook their heads.
“That’s not true, sensei,” Sakura said.
“Yeah, she’s right! It’s not your fault she died!” Naruto said as Kakashi shook his head.
“It was my fault. She died at my hands,” Kakashi confessed aloud. It felt like he was burned. His heart ached at the memory. His students went silent, and he heard the hitch in Naruto and Sakura’s breath. Maybe his students would look at him as the monster he was for what he’s done.
“I didn’t mean to do it. I should have seen the signs,” Kakashi let out as he closed his eyes. It had been decades, but the memory would always haunt him.
“She was kidnapped by the enemies, and I was too late in saving her. If I had been there earlier, then they wouldn’t have turned her into the three tails jinchuuriki,” Kakashi admitted.
“I told her we would have found a solution, while she told me they were planning to use her and the three tails against the leaf village. I was so focused on getting us out somehow that I didn’t realize the silence and looks she gave before she decided to take her own life with my chidori meant for the enemy,” Kakashi let out painfully. He had always lived with the memory of what happened when they were thirteen, yet he never told anyone what happened except for Minato sensei.
A sudden hand on Kakashi’s shoulder made him turn as he looked at the raven-haired male.
“It’s not your fault,” Sasuke said.
“She chose to die bravely at the hands of the one she loved to keep him, and the rest of the village protected from harm,” Sasuke said as two other hands grabbed Kakashi’s own as he turned to look at Naruto and Sakura.
“Don’t let yourself continue feeling guilty, Kakashi sensei. She did it to protect you and the rest of the village. It was her choice,” Sakura said.
“Can you imagine how Rin must feel looking down at you, only to see you still holding guilt for what happened when she decided to do it?” Naruto asked.
“She’d be heartbroken to see you like this years later. She did what she thought was best for all of you, and seeing how much blame you put on yourself will make her feel terrible about what she’s done. After all, hurting the person you love is the worst anyone can feel,” Sakura said.
“Just allow yourself to be happy,” A voice said, but instead of seeing Sakura in front of him, he saw the look of the girl who loved him years ago. He swallowed hard before closing his eyes and opening them, now seeing his students.
“You’re right. If I still feel guilty by the time I see her and Obito again, she’ll be heartbroken,” Kakashi said in a soft tone.
“Even if we all had survived together, she still would have chosen Obito over anyone else in the end,” Kakashi said, another idea that had crept into his mind years ago.
“How could you say that if you never told her your feelings yourself?” Sakura asked.
“She chose to love you until the end, and based on everything you’ve told us, I think if you allowed her, she’d continue to do so,” Sakura said as Kakashi’s eyes widened.
“That’s right, Kakashi sensei. Give yourself more credit!” Naruto said encouragingly, even as Sasuke gave him a small smile.
Kakashi couldn’t help but laugh lightly at his student's words.
“Unfortunately, it’s too late to fix things here. Where were you guys when I was thirteen?” Kakashi asked jokingly.
“Not born yet, but if I was I would have been the best wing man for you,” Naruto said, making the group laugh lightly.
“You may not have fixed things here, but when you go over to the other world, you have the chance to make up for everything over there,” Sasuke said more seriously as the group went quiet.
“Sasuke, don’t joke like that,” Naruto said, suddenly feeling solemn at the words that would eventually come true. Their sensei was in his 80s, and his health had been declining.
“Right, that better not be for a long time, Kakashi sensei,” Sakura added.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere,” Kakashi reassured them as they smiled, relieved at his words.
It felt nice opening up. It had been a long time since he had. Seeing the smiles and happiness in his students' faces told him they were glad to hear about his story and life even more.
—
Kakashi finished reading late when he finally decided to go to bed.
Warmth enveloped him as he became comfortable underneath the blanket.
It was getting colder in mid-October, but the warmth felt reassuring as he dozed off gently.
Another day would be tomorrow.