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Dear Kwon Soonyoung,

                I love you.  That’s all I really have to say, but I can’t say it to you face to face because if I did I’d break her heart and I’d ruin myself and I’d probably hurt you as well and I can’t do that.

                So I’m stuck with writing letters and penning down all my thoughts because that’s what Myungeun does and she told me that’s how she copes with life crashing down on her and everything her heart stood for.  I thought it would help me with all the pent up emotion.

                It’s been a while since I’ve started writing these letters down.  I’m ashamed to say I still love you as much as I did before.

                For a moment I had thought if I wrote down all the love I had for you and burned up the letters, sooner or later I’d get used to burning up my feelings that  they’d stop, and everything would go back to normal.  I’m wrong.  Why am I always wrong?

                I can’t let anyone see me be weak though, I’m the one they all look up to.  If I fall, Lovelyz will fall too.  The girls are relying on me.  I can’t let them down.

                Have I ever told you why Myungeun’s heart hurts?  I shouldn’t bother with trying, you’re more observant than you let anyone else know and you’ve probably figured it out.  A part of me wants you to figure out my feelings for you, but what good would that do?  I don’t want to love you anymore.

                There are people in my life that I need to protect, and I can’t do it anymore when the only thing that lingers in my head is you.  It’s frustrating.

                I still love you.

Yours Truly,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                Myungeun’s inconsolable nowadays.  She tries to be brave and put up a mask when she’s around us, but everyone can tell she’s struggling.   I suppose you could say we’re all trying to cope.  It’s hard though.  However, we’re Lovelyz for a reason, right?

                That’s what you would say.  I’m sure you guys are having a hard time too.

                It’s upsetting for me to say that I still like you as much as before.  I’ve burned up so many letters that I can’t even count them anymore, and my feelings won’t change.  It’s frustrating.  You’re frustrating, Kwon Soonyoung.

                Unfortunately, I think Myungeun’s noticed that I still burn letters at night.  She thought that I was over you, that’s what I told her anyways.  She’s already upset over… him, I can’t let myself be a burden to her as well.  I’ve hidden it so well.

                Hopefully none of the other members have noticed.  I know they wouldn’t judge me, but they’d just be sad and they’d be too understanding.  I don’t know if I could take that.

                Maybe tomorrow I won’t love you anymore.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                I’m terrified.  I woke up in the middle of the night because I was dreaming about you.  It felt so good.  That’s the scary part.

                You’re happy with her, I should move on.  Those words I tell myself crumble down once I see your face, even if I just conjure it in my mind.  You’d think with all the rehearsals that Lovelyz have to do, I’d have other things to put my focus and attention on.  However, you linger at the back of my mind all the time.  I’m starting to find myself pathetic.

                But I’m just exhausted.  From everything, from you, from her, from the sorrow, from the pain.  Tell me what I can do to get rid of the cloud that seems to hover above me at all times.  When I’m alone, it feels like a battle to push you out of my mind.  When I’m with others, my eyes drift and I realize that I’m looking for you.  What can I do to stop this?  You’re the one who caused this Soonyoung, so it would be nice of you to tell me how I could solve my problem.

                You must be happy with her.  I can see her smiles whenever she talks about you.

                I wish I could erase them from my mind, erase all the things that cause me pain.  That’s not reasonable though.  It’s adversity that makes me stronger.  However, I don’t know if I am strong enough to face this.

                Sometimes, I feel Seokmin’s bright smile disappear.  I wonder why you don’t notice.  But, for some reason you have the time to notice me frowning.

                You’re not perfect though, I know that.  It’s hard to catch every single detail sometimes.

                So, don’t catch this detail of mine that I love you so much that it feels like

Yours Truly,

Lee Soojung

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Soonyoung,

                Stop making me love you.  I can't keep doing this anymore.

Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                I saw think Seokmin crying today.

                It was weird because I couldn’t really tell it was him, it was only after I passed by the rest of Seventeen, that I realized that the outfits were exactly the same.  I couldn’t say anything and when I wanted to do something, the moment had already passed by.

                Next time I see him, I should do something.

                Seeing you once again was hard, did you know that?  But I don’t think you noticed how hard it was for me.  I don’t think anyone noticed how hard it was for me.  I guess you could say that I succeeded, I don’t want to make my members worried.  They already worry enough.

                Myungeun hasn’t said anything about me burning letters.  I started burning them at very odd times, so I don’t think she’s noticed again.  Which is good, she’s still mourning… him.

                Stop being so wonderful, Kwon Soonyoung.  It’s hard to stop loving you this way.  Give me the strength to turn away for once.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                I think I know why I can’t get over you.  It just makes me feel pathetic though.  I suppose I haven’t really given up the idea of you and me.  Which makes everything that I’ve been doing seem stupid.

                There’s a part of me that I never wanted to recognize, the part of me that wants you to one day turn around and look at me.  For you to realize that maybe we’d be good together.  That’s selfish of me though, and unfair to her.

                I’ll be the one to turn away from you.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                It’s so quiet by myself.  I don’t want to love you anymore.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it as many times as I need to, so I can get over you.

From,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                I saw Seokmin today, I asked him how he was feeling.  He said he was fine with the bright smile I know him so well for.

                I wonder if he really is alright, maybe I should ask again.

                His smile reminded me of something, I haven’t really smiled much recently.  Not including the times I’ve been on camera.

                Maybe if I smile more, my members will feel better.  If I can be strong for them, maybe they can stand up again.  Especially Myungeun.  I need to be there for them when they need me, can’t be sinking in you all the time.

                You know that I worry about Myungeun.  I wonder if she really is okay.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                I feel terrible.

                Myungeun broke down in the practice room today.  She was crying his name over and over again.  His death really did leave her broken.  

                And she was always trying to stand back up.  My poor Myungeun.  She’s been suffering.  I held her until she slept, all I can do is be with her when she needs me.  I have to make sure she knows that she’s not alone, that she doesn’t need to hide it.

                I feel horrible, I should have known that she was hiding her true feelings.  Now they’ve overflown and left her drowning.  

                Do you think about …his death too?

                I barely have the strength to write his name down anymore.

Jeon Wonwoo.

                If he’s watching us from above, I hope he lends his strength to Myungeun.  Maybe leave a bit for me.  I need to get over you soon, I need to stand firmly by Myungeun’s side.

From,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                Myungeun’s completely withdrawn from the group now.  Sometimes I hear her mumbling his name in her sleep. 

                It’s hard.  It must be hard for you and her as well.

                The only thing I can do is support my members through the rest of this promotional period.  None of the members want to give up on this opportunity to promote the song, even Myungeun, and the company wants to keep going too.

                I can’t argue with that.  So I’ll just have to hold on and keep everyone together.

                Nowadays, it feels like an endless routine.  I’m drained from everything.  If only I knew what Myungeun was thinking before this all happened.  If only I had realized.

                Maybe with all the extra things I find myself doing, I’ll be too busy to love you.  Too busy to care about you.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                Seokmin came to me sobbing today.  He said he couldn’t take the sight of you and her together.  It all makes sense now.

                I have to keep Seokmin together, I can’t let him be as pathetic as me.  He doesn’t deserve to hurt, he’s always been smiling and happy and wonderful and he deserves so much more.  I wish I could tell you off sometimes.

                He came to me because he was at his breaking point, he was scared to tell any of his members, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore.  He felt he had no one else to turn to except me.  He was collapsing and he couldn’t make a sound as he fell.

                I’m going to carry him as well.  I have to carry Lovelyz to the end but Seokmin seems to be at his end, but I won’t let him fall so easily.

                After all, he’s suffering from the same thing as me.  Although, he doesn’t realize it.

From,

Lee Soojung

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Dear Soonyoung,

                Sometimes it amazes me on how clueless you seem to be about my feelings.

                You’re clueless about me.  You’re clueless about Seokmin.  She’s clueless about Seokmin.  We were all clueless about Myungeun and Wonwoo until it was too late.

                It’s stupid.

                Will we all have to live like nothing happened?

                Will I have to keep living like I wasn’t in love with you?  That’s my only way out.  I can’t break her heart, I can’t bear to hurt her with my own feelings.  She doesn’t deserve that.

                The only thing I can do is turn away from the both of you, and to make sure Seokmin can turn away too.  He’s suffering but he’s scared to tell anyone in his own group.  That kind of fear, it mirrors my own.

                We will learn to live on though, we can only move forward.

                Tomorrow, I won’t love you.  I hope.

Sincerely,

Lee Soojung

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Soonyoung,

                I’m living well.   I don’t know if you’re well anymore, but it shouldn’t matter to me anymore.  After all, I said I was going to stop loving you.  For your sake, and for her sake as well.

                Why are you still lingering at the back of my mind?

Soojung

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Dear Lee Soojung,

                I love you.  But, why do you spend so much time with Seokmin nowadays?  It’s my own fault though, I can’t seem to tell her the words that are stuck in my heart. 

                “I don’t love you.  Ryu Soojung, let’s break up.”

                I remember the day that she confessed to me.  A box of chocolates sitting there in the dressing room.  The name on the bottom had no last name and I just assumed it was you.  I shouldn’t have done that, because it wasn’t you that was standing on the roof.  I couldn’t bear to break her heart, she seemed so happy.

                How could I tell her about my mistake without breaking her heart?

                When I finally wake up from this dream, I hope you’ll be there.  Please don’t let Seokmin take you away from me.  I’ll come for you, I swear.  It’s selfish, but please don’t turn me away.  I don’t even know if you like me but, please just give me a chance.

                I’m done with watching everyone I love be in pain.  I should finally set things straight.

Yours truly,

Kwon Soonyoung