Chapter Text
Fucking—again?!" WPNZ snarled, ejecting a smoking shell from his cannon as the Death Cube plowed through another brick wall like it was wet cardboard. The machine's surface barely registered the hit, its single red eye scanning the alleyway with mechanical indifference. Toomp let out a panicked gurgle and pulled WPNZ down behind a dumpster just as the Cube's targeting lasers sliced through the air where his head had been.
This wasn't adrenaline-fueled fun anymore—it was just tedious. Normally, WPNZ would've relished the chaos, but this thing didn't even have the decency to look damaged. He glanced at Toomp, who gave him a wide eyed look. Without second thought, he scooped the pink blob up and started running. It was rather embarrassing for him to just head tails. It felt cowardly. For the first time in his life he was truly at a loss. No plan, no backup, just running.
The alley twisted into a dead end, and WPNZ skidded to a halt, nearly dropping Toomp. The Cube's heavy footsteps thudded closer, its gears grinding like a predator savoring the kill. WPNZ's fingers twitched, readying his guns again even though he knew they would be useless. Stupid, useless instinct. Toomp suddenly lunged from his arms, morphing mid-air into a perfect replica of the Death Cube's front panel. The real Cube paused, its eye flickering in confusion at its own reflection.
The moment of hesitation was all they needed. Toomp slammed his makeshift body into a rusted fire escape ladder, sending it crashing down behind them as they bolted through a broken basement window. The Cube roared, tearing through the ladder like tissue paper, but its bulk couldn't follow them into the narrow underground tunnels. WPNZ didn't stop running until the sounds of destruction faded, his breath ragged. "Alright, half-pint" he muttered, "where the hell did you-"
The sentence died in his throat as he kicked open a rotten wooden door, only to find himself staring at the flickering static of Mr. Puzzles' screen. The television-headed man had been crouched behind a moldy couch, clutching something resembling a makeshift remote in his hand. "Oh." His face dims, pixels stuttering. "It's... you."
Toomp let out a guttural growl, his small form bubbling with rage as he lunged, only for WPNZ to grab him mid-air. "Easy," WPNZ hissed, though his own fingers twitched with barely contained rage. Puzzles flinched backward, static scrambling into panicked zigzags. "I know you want to rip my head off right now, but listen, that thing out there? It’s gonna flatten this whole block in thirty seconds and follows us for eternity.
Puzzles motioned to the mangled remote in his hand, its wires sparking. "This.. this can jam its signals, scramble its targeting systems, but I need you to distract it long enough for me to-"
"Like hell," WPNZ snarled, his shark-like teeth gleaming under the flickering basement bulb. He balled his hands into fists, the metal screeching. "Last time we 'helped' ya, you put a bullet in my back." Toomp gurgled in agreement, his pink form stretching into jagged spikes aimed at Puzzles' throat.
WPNZ's claws dug into the concrete. The smell of ozone filled the air as his arm cannons whirred to life. "You got five seconds," WPNZ snarled, "before I turn this sewer into a scrap yard!"
Puzzles' screen flickered erratically, distorting his synthesized voice into something almost pleading. "I know what I did-" Static hissed through his words. "But that thing out there? It won't stop until we're all bolts in its gears!" The loud crash nearby proved his point.
"I don't want you to do this for me, Even if you were to kill me here, how else are you going to defeat it?"
Toomp glanced at WPNZ, seemingly leaving the choice up to him. WPNZ's targeting reticle locked onto Puzzles' screen, then wavered. The Death Cube's mechanical shriek echoed through the tunnels, closer now, vibrating the rusted pipes overhead.
"Fine," WPNZ growled, lowering his weapons, "but if this is another trick, I'm putting your circuits through a woodchipper." Puzzles' screen lit up with frantic gratitude as he scrambled to recalibrate the jammer, his mechanical fingers twitching like a spider tuning a web..
Toomp morphed into a makeshift shield, his form hardening just as the Death Cube's arms burst through the ceiling in a shower of concrete and sparks. WPNZ rolled behind cover, firing a volley of distraction shots, each bullet ricocheting off the Cube's armored plating with a metallic ping that only seemed to piss it off more.
"So what exactly do we have to do?" WPNZs gruff voice sounded through the dusty fog towards the scrambling adware.
"Just keep it distracted for a bit while I calibrate this damn thing" Puzzles screeched back, fingers fumbling over his jury-rigged jammer. Shooting electric currents through the remote.
The Death Cube's central eye pulsed red as it recalibrated its targeting systems, ignoring WPNZ's bullets entirely now and locked onto Puzzles' form. With a hydraulic hiss, its front panel slid open to reveal rows of teeth and a long tentacle like tongue shooting out.
Toomp reacted instantly, his pink form surged forward like living armor, hardening into a jagged shield inches from Puzzles' face just as the tongue struck with enough force to crack pavement. The impact sent Toomp's malleable body rippling violently, but he held firm, reforming his shape tighter around Puzzles like some deranged, protective exoskeleton.
WPNZ didn't waste the opening, he lunged sideways, firing explosive rounds at the Cube's exposed inner mechanisms where the tongue had emerged. The detonations sent oily fluids spraying across the tunnel walls, and for a heartbeat, the Cube shuddered, its movements stuttering like a corrupted video file. "Hurry up, Boxhead!" WPNZ barked over his shoulder, reloading with practiced speed.
Puzzles' screen became static as he jammed two frayed wires into the socket where his neck met the television casing. His own core was now providing the necessary energy and he could already feel himself beginning to overheat, but the remote in his hands finally sparked to life, its display showing erratic frequency waves syncing with the Cube's movements. "I need direct line of sight!" he screeched, staggering forward as Toomp peeled away from him just enough to let him aim.
The Death Cube recovered faster than expected, its internal gears grinding as it rotated toward Puzzles. WPNZ saw the shift in its focus and reacted instantly, his left arm detaching mid-run and launching like a grappling hook to wrap around the Cube's upper edge. He yanked hard, forcing its "face" upward just as Puzzles thrust the remote forward. "EAT INTERFERENCE, YOU OVERGROWN ICEBOX!" The Cube froze, its red targeting lights flickering wildly.
Toomp didn't wait for confirmation, he surged forward like molten taffy, slamming into the Cube's side with enough force to crack its outer plating, revealing it's maw and weakpoint. Sparks came out of the fractures as the machine spasmed, its limbs twitching in malfunctioning arcs. Puzzles' screen dimmed dangerously, his voice glitching between triumph and panic. "I-it's working! But I can't..hold the connection..much longer-!"
WPNZ wasted no time. His fingers clicked into position, barrels locking into place with a hydraulic hiss. He fired a concentrated volley into the Cube's exposed circuitry, not just bullets, but everything he has to offer. The rounds exploded on impact, releasing a corrosive payload that hissed as it ate through the Cube's inner workings. The machine let out a sound like a dying fax machine, gears seizing, lights flickering erratically. Its once-imposing frame slumped forward, dragging itself for one final lunge before collapsing into a heap of molten metal and sparking wires.
Toomp reeled back, panting, if blobs could pant, his form bubbling from exertion. Puzzles' screen flickered blue with static, his voice reduced to a whispery, distorted hum. "I...didn't expect that to actually work." WPNZ snorted, holstering his smoking fingers.
The wreckage of the Death Cube twitched once, ominously, before going still, but WPNZ didn't relax. He'd seen enough horror movies to know better. Instead, he grabbed Puzzles by the collar of his jacket and hauled him upright, ignoring the TV-heads staticky yelp. "Jammer's fried," WPNZ growled. "We move. Now."
The Jammer wasn't the only thing that was fried, if the burning smell of metal and Puzzles increasing static was anything to go by. He unplugged himself from the remote, exhaling at the slight relief it brings to his system.
Toomp croaked nervously, gesturing at their surroundings, smoke rising from the wreckage, distant sirens wailing. WPNZ cursed under his breath, hoisting Puzzles over his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, I know. We ain't staying for the encore."
Puzzles wheezed something unintelligible, his screen flickering like a dying neon sign. WPNZ smacked the side of his head lightly and barked, "Save the dramatic monologue for when we're not about to be Swiss cheese."