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Arthur’s mare trotted in the forest and I gripped his waist. Despite being my first time on a horse, I wasn’t panicking, just slightly nervous. Odd, but I didn’t complain. I could enjoy the breeze, my proximity to someone I loved, the beautiful shade of blue the skies wore. Oh, and the clouds! So magical and pretty, constantly chasing us from afar. I had no clue of where Arthur was leading us, yet I trusted him. Actually, I didn’t care about what place we’d end up in. Everything was perfect.
Then, the mare stopped and Arthur dismounted her. I was about to do the same, when I realized how tall Galadriel was and my inexperience could make me fall down. It wasn’t a big deal, but I’ve always been a scaredy fool. Fortunately, Morgan was there to save me, extending his hand to me. I adored his rough hands, big compared to my tiny, soft ones. I caught myself occasionally wishing to have my hands like Arthur’s. Why though? I was proud to be a delicate twink, wasn’t I?
I rapidly shifted my focus once Morgan began talking. I couldn’t understand a word that left his mouth, nor that left mine. But it was a conversation nonetheless. Seeing Arthur smile, not only with his mouth, with his eyes too, made me feel so calm. Nothing made sense and I never wanted to leave. A reality hid in between paradoxic memories and colors we couldn’t see, it was real. It was Arthur and I, sharing unspoken love.
We ambled through the forest, casually chatting about things that didn’t happen, until Arthur sat on a rock, offering me enough space to relax next to him. I was cheerful, somebody I’d never be if I were alive, acting like being friends with Arthur Morgan was as normal as starving myself until feeling unwell. Suddenly, the man rolled his sleeves up. “I remember that a person forced me to show these.” I grasped his arm gently, pulling it closer to her a better look.
“Oh, Arthur.”
I hated when my vision got blurry. Besides being unable to see properly, I became desperate every time, desperate to contain the proof that I was a weak little bitch. And I failed every time. “That’s the way it is, boy.” His scars, deep and dark, were wet with my salty tears which escaped my eyes, streaming down his wrists. I loved when he called me boy. It could be friendly, brotherly, fatherly or whatever tone he intended. He could mean the three at the same time and I’d love him as the three.
However, I was speechless. What should I do? I despised cheesy phrases, empty of meaning, empty of truth. “It’ll be okay” or “You don’t deserve this” or “I’m here for whatever you need.” I would giggle angrily when people told me this. It changed nothing. But I wanted to support Morgan. He was loved, he was good. That’s what people told me as well. No words came out. Hence I raised my arms and Arthur looked down at them, observing how my fragile hands were awfully treated, light red spots indicating where my teeth had hurt them.
He furrowed his eyebrows, but didn’t look as shocked as I assumed he’d be. Without warning, Arthur took my jacket off, aggressively but gently. How did he know? Were those scars even supposed to be there? I suddenly remembered all the pain I inflicted upon myself, mostly in agonizing nights where my cries are unheard and my sanity is torn apart, goes away quickly. It was not enough. Why? I chuckled as he observed the evidence for my disgrace.
Arthur cupped my cheek, his expression unreadable. I could sense his speechlessness too. Perhaps saying something wasn’t a concern of his. Silence lingered, the birds chased each other by the tree branches, clouds passed by innocently, oh the clouds. Arthur’s eyes were greenish blue, his pupils wearing subtle golden rings. The more I stared into them, the more I forgot that I was breathing. He then stood up, removing his warm hand from my face moist with tears. “I need to go.” And he walked towards Galadriel.
I followed him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist as I flourished in his familiar smell. “I’ll miss you.” I confessed to the handsome outlaw. He patted my head, replying. “Me too, sweetheart.” I let go of him after a while, allowing him to hop on his mare. I refused to ask if we’d see each other ever again. Neither of us would return. The forest? Hidden in between paradoxic memories and colors we couldn’t see. It was never real.