Chapter Text
Steve was undoubtably gay. No matter how hard he tried- no matter how many pretty girls he looked at in magazines, no matter how many girls he hooked up with, he couldn't muster up any feelings for them. Romantic or sexual. Someone he could feel those things for however, was Sodapop Curtis. Steve was ashamed of it... he knew being gay was heavily frowned upon. He saw it happen all the time. They were called nasty things. Creampuffs. Fairies. Faggots. Steve vividly remembered walking home one day and seeing 3 boys beating up their classmate, shouting homophobic slurs and obscenities, onlookers laughing as the poor teenager struggled on the ground as his peers kicked and punched him. Steve thought for sure if he ever came out to the Greasers as gay that poor queer boy would be him. He'd get beaten up and kicked out of the gang, left behind and slandered by his only group of friends. If that wasn't bad enough, he was 100% sure if his father ever found out, he'd beat him raw before kicking him to the curb.
Steve POV
It was summer. A really hot summer. I was hanging out with the rest of the gang at the Curtis'. I sat on the arm chair, fanning myself and wishing desperately Darry would one day be able to afford AC. For now, we had to settle on a shitty, rickety fan. Two- bit sat in front of the tv, though his usual excited, whimsical smile was replaced with an uncomfortable frown as sweat dripped down his freckled cheeks. Johnny, Ponyboy, and Dally had left to get sodas at a diner in meager attempt to cool off. Darry was sitting on the couch, reading the paper and also looking pretty uncomfortable. Soda hadn't woken up yet.
We turned our heads as we heard a door open followed by a grumble- Soda was awake. I sat up a little straighter, fixing my hair and watching the entryway to the living room tentatively. I didn't register Darry send me an analyzing glance. Soda walked in, and I immediately looked back down. He was wearing only some pajama pants, no shirt. His hair fell over his sweaty forehead, a discomposed expression on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. "It's goddamn sweltering..." he mumbled in that sweet, soft voice of his.
I always wondered how his voice was so effortlessly smooth and calming, no matter the situation. I definitely wasn't jealous or anything. Darry looked up at his younger brother. "Take a seat in front of the fan then." My eyes widened. I was sitting basically in front of the fan, which meant- "Oof!" Soda plopped his ass right next to me on the chair that was definitely not made for two people. I hid my blush with a glare. "Wh- what the hell!?" Soda grinned at me. "Oh chill out, you're practically asking for it, hogging the fan an' all." I frowned weakly, trying to create space. Soda chuckled, wrapping a surprisingly firm arm around me. I stilled, no longer able to force down the blush rising on my face. I looked down, purposefully avoiding his gaze. What I didn't see, was a blush form on his face as well and Darry's piercing gaze from across the room. After an awkward second, Soda stood up and laughed awkwardly, sitting on the couch next to his older brother, who forced his nose back in the paper with an unamused eyeroll.
A little while later, Two- bit had gone home (something about wanting to take his kid sister out for ice cream) and Dally, Johnny and Ponyboy had returned and were playing cards with Sodapop. Darry was in his room, and I was watching the card game with mild interest. I pretended to know what game they were playing and not just be staring at Soda the whole time. "I win." Johnny murmured. The kid was soft spoken. Similar to Soda, but far more timid. "Fuck off!" Dally grumbled, tossing his cards on the table. Soda chuckled at his outburst. My heart sped up, just a little.
"Alright." Soda sighed after a moment, standing up. "I gotta take a leak." He shuffled off to the bathroom as the other three began a new round of whatever it is they were playing. My eyes followed him as he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, entering the bathroom and hurriedly shutting the door. I adjusted myself, hating how hot and bothered he always left me. Speaking of which...
CA CHUNK!
All of our gazes snapped over to the fan sitting on the windowsill that had just... died. Stopped working entirely. Darry entered the room, covering his face and groaning at the sight of the busted fan. "Aw what the fuck!?" Dally threw his hands in the air. "We bought that only last summer..." Pony groused in a whiny tone. I faintly heard a toilet flushing, then a door opening followed by a similar gripe from Soda. "Well fuck. It finally bit the biscuit, huh?"
"Whatever..." Darry sighed, pretending to be unbothered- though I could tell from the poorly hidden dejected tone he was upset. "It's cooler by the couch, closer to the window." He continued. Both me and Soda leapt for the couch. Soda got there first, landing on his back. I didn't have time to stop, falling on top of him. I quickly sat up, my hands planted on either side of his head as I stared down at him. We both went deer in headlights, my face heating up unbearably. I quickly scrambled off, sitting beside him and placing a pillow over my lap. He also sat up. We were looking opposite directions. Darry's gaze flitted between us, his mouth slightly open and his eyes calculating. They landed on me, analyzing as if trying to read my mind. I squirmed under his scrutiny.
Soda glared at him and he promptly headed to the kitchen. I cleared my throat and shifted, still holding the pillow firmly. Soda threw glances at me, but otherwise didn't say anything. Darry came back with a cup of coffee, sitting across from me on the armchair and giving me an interrogating glare. "Steve." He started. "What's happening?" I heard Johnny ask Dally, who shrugged, but watched our exchange with an entertained glint.
"You wanna tell me what that pillow's there for?" Darry asked, raising an eyebrow. I blushed at stuttered. "Wh- I- how- No! Fuck off!" Darry nodded, as if he expected that answer. 'What are you doing?' Soda mouthed. Darry paid him no mind. "Are you gay, Steve?"
Despite the heat, I felt my body go cold and my heart drop to my feet. "Wh- what?" Darry rolled his eyes. "You gay, Randle?" It's a simple question, I-" The sight of him went blurry as my hands shook. "What makes you think I'm- I'm fucking gay, huh? What gives you the right to- to..." My voice tapered off as I saw the bored look on his face. Sodapop was glaring bullets at his older brother. Dally, Johnny and Ponyboy all sat tense on the floor around the table. They knew. They all knew. My fear gave way to rage as angry tears spilled down my face. I didn't care if I was crying, they'd kick me out anyway. I stood up, pointing an accusing finger at Darry.
"And so fucking what if I am, huh? So what? You don't believe in love? Bullshit! Beat me up, kick me out, I don't care! You're just a cruel, heartless-" Darry's eyes widened, and he to stood up, setting down his coffee and raising his hands in surrender. "Woah woah. I never said I would kick you out, Steve, where'd you get that notion?" My face relaxed slightly, confusion filling me. "Huh? You're not kicking me out?" Darry took a step forward. "God no, Steve, I could never! Not 'cause you're gay! I got no problem with that! I was just curious! Nobody thinks bad of you because you're gay." He soothed. Dally spoke up from the floor. "He's right pal. None of us really care, and I'm sure Two- bit would say the same if he was here." Ponyboy and Johnny nodded.
I felt more tears spring to my eyes, tears of relief and happiness. I turned to Soda, finally, just in time to see him rise from the couch and hug me tightly. My hands found their way around his back, and I smiled, the catharsis of acceptance from the ones who's acceptance mattered the most, was the best feeling ever.