Chapter Text
When Seokjin admitted during this year’s festa that he did not particularly like traveling, and by extension, did not care for Bon Voyage as much as the rest of the members, he was not lying.
He lies about a lot of things in his life, off and on camera, mostly for fun and other times for privacy reasons, but this was not one of them. He genuinely does not care if they do Bon Voyage ever again. So, when he receives an email notification on his work phone with the subject line that reads: “Bon Voyage: Season 5 Meeting Schedule”, he audibly groans, loud and long, directly into the phone receiver. Jungkook, on the other end, groans and curses for an entirely different reason.
“Hyung?” he repeats in different volumes and tones of worry before pausing the game they’re playing all together. Seokjin barely notices, too engrossed in reading the attached virtual packet in the email. He quietly accepts the death of his character on the computer screen for what it metaphorically represents.
“Is something wrong?” Jungkook tries again, and this time Seokjin musters enough tranquility to answer.
“Yeah, no, well. It’s–” and just as he is about to get into it, Jungkook interrupts him. “Sorry, Hyung, Taehyung is calling me. I’ll add him to the call, if you don’t mind. Do you mind?”
Seokjin wants to protest a little, but then Jimin is calling him, and so he tells Jungkook they can both add Jimin and Taehyung from their respective ends.
“Hyung, did you see–” Jimin starts as soon as the group call goes through, followed by Taehyung clapping twice. “Bon Voyage!” clap clap. “Bon Voyage!” clap clap. “Bon Voyage! Bon Voyage! Bon Voyageeeeeeee!” He finishes off by holding the last note on the final e. Jimin bursts into a fit of infectious laughter over the line, and Jungkook giggles, short, and full of childish joy.
That seals it. Seokjin cannot bring himself to complain or bring the mood down. He really wants to, but he can not. He is the fun hyung, and he intends to keep that title firmly in place for as long as they let him.
Seokjin whispers to Jungkook to resume the game, and then he proceeds to beat out his own personal record while the rest of them talk excitedly about their ideas of where they’ll fly off to this time.
—
They’re in the practice room when the staff starts trickling in groups. First are the makeup and hair noona’s to freshen them up before the audio team can begin attaching mic’s onto the hem of their necks. Lastly, the director and his assistants walk in with their tripods and mini, personal cameras. A few individuals carry the heavier bulkier cameras on their shoulder.
It all happens on the exact date and time, and in the same way it was detailed in the email packet. Seokjin’s heart beats faster. The thumps are hard enough that he can feel it in the skin over his carotid.
From across the circle they’re huddled in, Namjoon catches his eyes. He holds it for a few seconds until Seokjin nods slightly and gives a thumbs up, ‘okay’. Namjoon seems placated, but only momentarily. He gently nudges Jimin to switch with him, so he can stand next to Seokjin. It’s a small and almost insignificant gesture, but his ears warm up all the same. Thankfully, it is hidden away by the permanent flush on everyone’s faces from having just endured three hours of almost non-stop dance practice.
The company wants to capture the opening scene of this season of Bon Voyage in the dance studio room to continue their running theme of “BTS is back!”, and nothing screams that more than all seven of them, red-faced and bright-eyed in the dance room, hard at practice for an impending comeback. The Comeback.
As typical as it is for them, Jungkook and Jimin begin to play-fight now that Jimin is standing next to him. Yoongi whispers something into Namjoon’s ear while Hoseok gulps down his water bottle beside him, completely focused and in his own world. Taehyung knocks his head against Seokjin’s, trying to get a friendly rise out of him, but Seokjin isn’t in the mood.
They wait until the director gives them their cue, and then the cameras begin rolling. They’re instructed to sit on some folding chairs facing the wall. Only Yoongi and Jimin decline the offer to sit on the floor.
A projector turns on with this season’s new logo for Bon Voyage, with the 5 replacing the letter ‘g’ by being flipped upside down.
There’s a chorus of “wow”s! And “oh!”s throughout the room, mixed between inpatient remarks by Taehyung and Namjoon, shouting “where are we going?”, and, “where is it this time?”
“You’ll see in a moment,” the director says, and there’s an uplift to his voice, like it pleases him greatly to have this secret over them.
“Taehyung mentioned he wanted to go here before.” The director continues, and immediately all eyes turn to said member. “I did?” Taehyung asks, a bit shyly, at the sudden attention.
“Yes. With Yoongi-ssi.” The director provides a second hint.
“Oh!” Yoongi says and he’s already shaking his head, muttering “suchwita” under his breath. Hoseok’s eyes widen in curiosity while Jimin yells and hits Jungkook on the knee. “Another cold place” he tells him, pointedly, and Seokjin is completely unaware of what they’re talking about. He feels so out of the loop that it takes one glance from Yoongi towards his direction to get him to turn to Jungkook for elaboration.
“We–” Jungkook begins to explain, but is quickly shushed quiet by Jimin, who looks further back from the camera to where their manager is standing, to ask him something with his eyes. Their manager shakes his head ‘no’ and Jimin turns to address him. “I’ll tell you later, hyung.”
Later comes exactly 45 minutes after they’re done filming and Jimin lets him in on the secret broadcast he and Jungkook had filmed in Sweden not too long ago for their “Are You Sure?” series. For now, as far as Seokjin knows, they’re alluding to last season’s location in 2019 where they filmed in New Zealand. My god, 2019, he thinks. That was 6 years ago. A lifetime ago. Pre-military. Pre-Run Seokjin World Tour.
“I know!” Taehyung yells excitedly and raises his hand as if they’re being quizzed. The director smiles and nods at him before hitting the button on the remote that switches pages on the presentation on screen.
“That’s right, for this season of Bon Voyage, you’re all going to—”
—
“What seat do you have?” Hoseok plops down next to him in the van, and Seokjin pulls out his phone to search for his ticket.
“I think window.” He replies, but then Hoseok grabs his phone from his hand and compares it to his own. “I always ask for window” Seokjin adds, and Hoseok makes a noise in the back of his throat. He hands his phone back and laughs a little when he says, “I think you’re sitting next to Namjoonie. He always prefers the aisle. I also ask for window. I know Jungkookie and Jiminie also prefer the aisle, and Taehyungie and Yoongi hyung like the window.”
“Ah,” Seokjin nods and sits back to ponder who he’ll be placed next to. “The plane does not have single seats?”
“No,” Hoseok shakes his head.
“Okay” Seokjin says. Then the van door is slid open again, and he is handed a personal camera by the crew. The GoPro is smaller than he remembers. While before it was as lengthy and as ostentatious as a selfie stick, now it is the size of two of his fists. So much has changed in only a few years
“Ah, Jwehope!” He starts when they finish mic’ing him up and telling him the camera is rolling. Hoseok smiles, bright and wide, already getting into his role on cue. His camera is also in his hand. He whips it around to get a selfie shot of them in the car, yelling, “Jwann!”
—
Somehow Seokjin sleeps throughout the entire plane ride. He’s sitting next to Jimin, who also sleeps almost as soon as they take off, so it works out. He doesn’t like getting roused awake when he’s traveling, and some of the members fidget more than others, so he does not complain about the seat assignment.
He only rustles awake once when he feels Jimin get up to presumably go to the bathroom. Seokjin feels him sit back down less than a minute later, which confuses him, but when his eyes flutter open and he cranes his neck back to look, it’s Namjoon who’s sitting there instead.
“Bathroom. We’ll be landing soon, hyung, go back to sleep.” Is all he whispers in explanation, and Seokjin knocks right back out again.
—
It was December of 2012.
Seokjin was the last member to move into the dorms. By then, everyone had gotten more accustomed to each other. Some have even been living together since 2010. They all knew that in just one year they would debut. Tensions were high, food was scarce, and their hunger to perform was insatiable.
The need to take action thrummed under their skin with no outlet or direction. One night Hitman bang suggested they work on something. A cover, a Christmas cover? Post it online, on YouTube. “Film your own video. Get creative. Engage with fans, create buzz.”
Seokjin was in charge of vocals and, as the official visual, conceptualizing, and starring in the music video. He asked Rapmon to join after practice, but was rejected. “We should show our best.” Namjoon had muttered, with a tight jaw, but Seokjin roped him into it anyway.
He stayed up late many nights working in Namjoon’s space, using his mic, and headphones. Sitting in his chair, and getting vocal directions from him. Namjoon grew up in the music world. Seokjin recently stumbled into it. It felt good to be guided by him. Seokjin felt secure under Namjoon’s wings; he hung onto his every praise, greedily.
When they were finally done, Seokjin suggested they go out into the city for a congratulatory meal. The streets were decorated in the prettiest lights, and they reflected off Namjoon’s shades.
Seokjin pulled out his camera, threw an arm over Namjoon’s shoulder, and began to film.
—
Iceland is as beautiful as all the photos he’s seen online, and somehow even more so. The videos shared in the group chat barely do it justice.
The weather is as unforgiving as everyone has said, however, and the violent gust that hits him square in the face when he steps out of the airport is enough to have him ducking away, and hiding behind the tallest person in front of him.
Namjoon glances back at him quickly, but then turns around just as fast. His steps slow down to sync with Seokjin’s pace. Seokjin huddles closer and coughs the itch in the back of his throat from the harsh air.
“Hyung!” Sensing his cold, Jimin wraps an arm around Seokjin’s shoulders. He hugs him close, while everyone shuffles forward to the nearest bus stop.
The director already had them film a shot of them outside the lobby, looking half-awake, but excited for the adventures that awaited them. They were given the short instructions and directions to a nearby rental place, and assigned their budget for the trip.
Like always, someone had to take care of the money, and while they could all do it individually, it made more sense to assign the role to one person. Everyone unanimously picked Hoseok, who miraculously still had the little flower purse Namjoon gifted him back in Malta.
“Yoongi did it last, I can handle it this time.” Hoseok declared, without protest, and happily accepted the role of group accountant.
Now, as they all trudge to the rental building like father penguins bracing a harsh winter, Seokjin wonders how he survived the cold fronts in the military.
Seokjin, Jungkook, and Hoseok are the ones who volunteer to stand at the front of the counter to commence the paperwork for the rentals. In the end, all members, including Namjoon, are listed as possible drivers. Now that Namjoon has his license, the members collect on his promise to drive them around the next time the opportunity presents itself. That day comes sooner than he expects.
Sooner than anyone expects when Jungkook turns to ask him if he wants to drive the mini-RV back to the first campsite of the trip. Namjoon looks a bit uneasy at the prospect so Seokjin cuts in and takes the keys from Jungkook instead.
The three of them drive up front in the same vehicle, while the rest of the members take the bigger RV and follow behind. The staff warns them about the speeding cameras along the way, but for the most part, the drive to Reykjavik is easy.
Within their small group, Jungkook is in charge of the music and directions, while Namjoon snoozes peacefully in the back. Occasionally, the others cut in through the walkie talkie to point out a mountain or lake, with promises to return on their way back to the airport. And it’s good. Great, even. It finally starts to feel more like a vacation than work.
Seokjin glances at the rearview mirror to gaze at Namjoon’s sleeping face and his heart clenches with protectiveness.
—
He’s just starting to relax. They check-in, park, and put away their belongings with ease. No one loses anything or declines to help with the set-up. It’s still cold, which does sour Seokjin’s mood a fraction of a bit, but overall he is happy because the members seem to be happy.
The younger ones at least are in high spirits, and when they’re this playful and cute, it's hard for anyone to be upset at their antics. They all agree to tackle the first supermarket run together. They pick up food, and browse for any other household or clothing essentials they may need. They select wood pieces and burning liquid to start a fire; trashbags; utensils; plates; cups; extra toilet paper and paper towels.
After many years of coexisting together, they pick up on each other’s wants and needs without having to ask. When Seokjin glances at the cart, there are two bags of gummies, and a pack of eight chocolate milk boxes waiting for him. He does not know who put it in the cart, and Yoongi, the man in charge of the cart, doesn’t offer an answer. The sentiment warms Seokjin all the same.
—
It was December of 2013.
Six months passed after they debuted. They sold 34 copies of their first single album, 2 Cool 4 School, on its day of release. When they performed it live, Seokjin cried backstage. Back then the makeup stung his eyes, and the clothes felt scratchy against his skin.
The company constantly held meetings with them and spoke of promises for the following year. About improving, moving forward, and running. Reaching, always, for their next objective.
What are your dreams? What do you hope for? It was a recurring theme of discussion in their one-on-one progress reports held by their manager.
Seokjin did not know. He looked at the others, skinny and driven, and he felt pride course through his veins. He felt energized to continue, to persevere and reach higher.
The holidays neared. They won Rookie of The Year. They had to film a show for their YouTube channel. Connect with the global fans. Generate more buzz. Games were suggested. “Write an anonymous message to one another. Something you’d like to work on or improve for the following year. It can be anything. It can be a wish!” Those were the directions given to them by their manager.
There were serious ones like, “don’t be too hard on yourself. When you get hurt, we all get hurt.” and not so serious ones like, “pick up your socks and brush your teeth more.”
Once they were done filming and everyone broke off to do their own thing, Seokjin crawled into bed after taking a shower. He laid on his stomach and slid his hand under his pillow. His pinky made contact with paper, and when he pulled it out, in indistinguishable handwriting, it read:
Why is it so hard to say what I want to say to you?
—
When they get back to the campsite, the sun is beginning to set. They put away the perishables in a cooler filled with ice provided by the staff; and a few of the more specific items that have obvious destinations in the RVs.
Their next objective is getting ready to go to the hot springs nearby. It has been privately reserved just for them for the evening, which garners another round of “oohs” and “ahhs” from everyone.
The water is warm, with rocks acting as the border for the springs. A picturesque scene of the mountains can be observed in the background, while they soak off the rest of their journey. Steam rolls off their heads and shoulders from the difference in temperature, and Seokjin finds himself lolling to sleep in a matter of minutes. He had not known it then, but the almost two hour drive, followed immediately by a grocery run, had left him tense.
That is until someone splashes his face, and the war commenses. It’s not until Yoongi is complaining loudly that water got into his ear that they finally put a stop to it.
Usually, in a new country, and with a seamlessly endless budget, they’d opt to go to a restaurant for their first meal. However, after being separated for almost three years, everyone unanimously decides to gather together and prepare a family banquet.
Jungkook sets up the fire while everyone dries off and gets ready. Jimin lays out the supplies and ingredients to cook, Yoongi grills the meat, and Taehyung passes everyone a cup. Namjoon hands Seokjin a bottle of alcohol they bought at the store, and Seokjin pours everyone the equivalent of two shots.
“To the comeback!” Hoseok loops an arm around Jimin’s shoulders and raises his cup. His face is still red from the hot Icelandic water. The rest follow in his example, repeating, “To the comeback!”
—
In terms of chaos and adventure, their first night in Iceland is not as packed with dramatics as their earlier seasons, but it's enough for the director, and they wrap up the first day’s shooting quickly.
“Now you will take turns choosing sleeping arrangements,” an assistant hands Yoongi a cup with sticks. “The bottom of each stick is color-coordinated. We have three options: the RV, the mini-RV, and a tent. You will all take turns picking a stick, and will be divided wherever you get. No accommodations.”
“Aren’t we too old for this? I think we can all decide on our own.” Jungkook quips, but he’s smiling good-naturedly.
“Wait, which one is which?” Hoseok cuts through the starting chatter from the rest of the members reacting to Jungkook’s faux-outburst.
“Red is the big RV. Blue is the small RV, and Yellow is the tent. There are three reds; two blues; one yellow.”
“Where’s the tent?” Namjoon asks, fairly. Seokjin did not spot a tent box in any of the two vehicles they brought over, and by the curious expression on everyone’s faces, no one else had seen it either.
The director smiles widely behind the camera. It is unsettling because Seokjin can only see the bottom half of his face.
—
It was December of 2015.
For the first time since their debut, no one goes home for the holidays. In fact, they have a fully packed schedule on Christmas Day. They filmed from morning to night with few breaks in between. They took photos, posted on social media and filmed videos. They had to prepare and practice for their ongoing tour. They went to the airport that day to head to Japan.
Namjoon just released his mixtape and was about to perform it when he had an accident.
First it had been his hand, and then a nasty fall off a ramp. If Namjoon was directionless back in the dorms before, he was pretty much helpless now. Everyone took turns caring for him where they could, but with dance practice, shows, and tour preparations, everyone was overwhelmed, overworked, and with spent patience.
Namjoon would often sit back in the dance studio quietly, and wait for Seokjin to finish practicing with their dance teacher, Sungdeuk. He said he could get a hang of the dance moves just by watching him. Because they were the tallest they were often placed in the back together. The wings of the group. Mirror images of the same movements in the choreography. His unofficial dance partner.
Seokjin would drive them back to the dorm afterwards and prepare them dinner, or sometimes take a different route back home to buy them food with the small allowance he gathered. He’d help Namjoon cover his cast-bandaged hand with a plastic bag before his shower. He’d lay out his clothes; packed his belongings for domestic flights; and even helped him shave once before a variety show.
“Hyung…” Namjoon would whine, beet-red. He was sitting in the rim of the bathtub in only his boxers, embarrassed.
“Sit still. You are our best. We need you to recover. I can’t do much, but if this is what I can do, then I will do it.”
—
“This isn’t fair, why do I get punished?” Seokjin whines. He’s laughing while he says it, but he’s also dead-serious.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I told you I took it back. You don’t have to do it. There’s enough space in the big RV. You can still change your mind.”
Seokjin sighs. Namjoon isn’t looking at him, and he’s mumbling his words, the very picture of someone guilty.
Earlier when he had asked about the tent, the director had told him to say any member’s name out loud, and when all turned to look at him, Namjoon met Seokjin’s eyes first. His mouth shaped to form the first syllable of his name before they could all realize it.
That is how they found themselves in their current predicament, still building the tent while everyone else went off to shower in the campsite bathrooms. It had been a game within a game, and Namjoon was the unlucky victim. Genius, if you ask him, but Seokjin wouldn’t admit it out loud. Not now that he’s been compromised.
A particularly hard gust of wind almost forces the carp out of Seokjin’s hands, but he manages to hold on. He only loses his footing and stumbles to the side, but Namjoon stops him before he trips.
“Let’s just finish this.” Seokjin gets out between gritted teeth, and it only takes them ten more minutes to finish setting up. A few crew members take sympathy on them and help hold down the tent enough for them to insert the support sticks, but Seokjin still counts it as a win.
“Heater,” He sticks his head out from inside the tent a moment later when it's fully up and hammered to the ground. He tries to regulate his internal temperature while Namjoon assembles the bed cots outside. His body feels cold down to his bones; he does not know how Namjoon stands it. He’s shaking so much he does not register the sound of the front flap unzipping. His trembling only subsides once he feels a warm jacket thrown over his shoulder. The remnants of Namjoon’s body heat still clings onto the fabric. It feels like heaven.
“You’ll get cold.” He tries to convince him to take it back, but Namjoon shakes his head.
“I’ll be right back.”
After another ten minutes, the cots are inside along with their sleeping bags and a heater. Seokjin rubs as many hand warmers as he can and stuffs them liberally between both of their bags. He puts extra in Namjoon’s.
“I think I’ll shower in the morning. It’s too cold.” He states.
“Yeah.” Namjoon says. He stands in the middle of the tent between their cots, thinking. “Let’s move the beds closer.”
“What?”
“It’ll be warmer that way.”
“Okay.” Seokjin helps him re-align the cots so they’re practically sleeping side by side. By the time they turn off the lights and settle inside their sleeping bags, it takes Seokjin longer than usual for his breathing to slow.
When Seokjin opens his eyes in the morning, he instantly knows he’s alone. Namjoon’s sleeping bag is unzipped all the way so it is more of a large, flat, duvet than a sleeping bag, and sometime during the morning, it was thrown over him.
—
It was December of 2016.
That winter after they won their first Daesang, Namjoon announced to the group that in 2017 he would like for them to start calling him RM, and not Rap Monster. “Also,” he added, not looking away from his hands on his lap. “I don’t want to be known as the God of destruction anymore. I would like it if we left those names in the past. I want us to continue growing more as a team. I want us to achieve everything we dream of.”
The room erupted in sympathetic sounds of encouragement and understanding. Of course they would heed to what Namjoon would say. He is their pillar. He is their voice and direction. What he says, goes.
Seokjin’s eyes searched for his in the group circle when they hugged, but Namjoon did not look his way. The night they won their first Daesang, they had met up alone to drink over dinner. There, Namjoon told Seokjin he might be falling in love with him. Seokjin could not answer the way he wanted to. The silence stretched on for too long, too awkwardly, and as a result Namjoon did not look at him for a long time.
—
Their second day is packed full of sight seeing and exploring. At least that is what is promised in the itinerary of their email packet.
They finish cleaning up the campsite and putting away their things, and then they play rock paper scissors for who’s going to drive. Yoongi volunteers for the big-RV, and so it’s a stand-off between Hoseok, Seokjin, and Taehyung for the small-RV.
“Hyung drove yesterday.” Taehyung says and grabs both of Seokjin’s arms to pull him away from the betting circle.
“What? No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” He protests, but then Namjoon comes up behind him and puts a firm hand on his shoulder.
“You should rest, hyung. We have a long day ahead. You can get the next one.”
“Don’t you still have to drive?” Yoongi pipes up from Seokjin’s other side, and Hoseok claps and laughs when Taehyung drags Namjoon into the betting circle to take Seokjin’s previous spot.
“Wait-!”
—
“Seatbelt, Namjoon-ah.” Seokjin uses all his might to not grab onto the handle bars at the top of the passenger-side door.
Jimin tries, unsuccessfully, to cover a smile behind his arm. Jungkook scoots closer and hovers over the armrest to set up the GPS directions on Namjoon’s work phone. They’re both sitting in the back while Seokjin braves the front seat.
“O-oh, right!” Namjoon chuckles nervously and clicks down hard on his seatbelt.
Seokjin closes his eyes and sends a quick prayer up to whoever’s listening.
“Okay, you’re all set!” Jungkook plops back down on his seat, but he still lingers and rests his hands on both Seokjin and Namjoon’s shoulders. He beams at Namjoon proudly, eyes big and shiny. All his teeth show; he’s annoyingly cute.
Seokjin turns in his seat to semi-scold him. “Sit back properly. Both of you put on a seatbelt also.”
“Yes, sir!” Both of them sit up straight and make identical salutes. Dual clicks come a second later, and it’s scary how synchronized it is.
“It’s like having twins, right, Namjoon-ah?” Seokjin laughs, and Namjoon’s lips twitch in response. It is as if a smile wants to break out across his face, but the nerves won’t let him fully feel it. His face does something funny, and Seokjin puts a hand on his arm to be comforting.
“Nothing bad is going to happen. Just drive, it’s okay.”
“Yeah,” Namjoon squeaks out, then he clears his throat, and eases off the brake. The car begins to move forward slowly.
—
It was December of 2017.
They concluded their sold-out WINGS tour. They were nominated for multiple daesangs in the Korean entertainment industry end-year awards. Last month they were invited to and sang for the AMAs, making it their first ever U.S. performance debut.
Every day, every milestone, every accomplishment, it weighed on them like Icaru’s wings. For some, it was as heavy as Sisyphu’s boulder.
How long can we keep going? How long can we continue pushing; dreaming; flying? Those were the thoughts that took center stage during their late night talks as a group.
Everything happened so fast. They all grew even closer somehow. Some more than others. Then there was Namjoon, who traded out time in their shared dorm apartment for full nights alone in his recording studio.
Some days he was present, social, and warm. Especially in front of the cameras. Whenever they filmed a Run Episode or a Bangtan Bomb, Seokjin was almost convinced everything was okay and back to normal. Other days Namjoon was absent, distant, and cold. Seokjin would stare out the window and wonder when he would get home, or even if he would get home.
Taehyung would spend more time in everyone else’s room but his own whenever Namjoon came back. All he’d say, as he brought a pillow and blanket to his, Jimin’s, or Jungkook’s bed, is that Namjoon wanted space. As the frigid wind howled at night and shook the foundations of their building, and condensation settled on the frames of the window, Seokjin thought of how much he hated winter.