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“Shane, you sure you’re okay?” Hayden asks, lacing up his skates. “You seem… off.”
“Yeah, Hayd, I’m fine.” Shane slips his jersey over his head. “Let’s go out there and crush Boston, yeah?”
Shane is not fine. He’s not sure what started it, but he can feel the adrenaline dump happening as he skates out onto the ice. His body is in fight or flight the second he sees Ilya talking to Marlow. They haven’t seen each other in weeks, and Ilya doesn’t even glance at him. It throws him off his game, but not enough to make them lose, thankfully. Shane manages to make the winning goal with seconds to spare. He doesn’t celebrate with the team, just makes his way back to the locker room to start changing immediately. His phone lights up with a text from Lily.
Meet after?
Shane isn’t sure why it sets him off. His hands are shaking as he tries to tie his tennis shoes. Hayden notices almost immediately, because of course he does. He quickly leads Shane out of the locker room with both of their bags thrown over his shoulder. They take a few turns throughout the hallways until they’re at a back door. Hayden helps Shane sit down and props the door open so the cold air hits them.
“You’ve gotta breathe, Shane, you’re gonna pass out,” Hayden murmurs. He tries to reach out, but Shane flinches back. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But I’m here, bud, you’re gonna be okay.”
Shane tenses up when footsteps echo down the hallway.
“Hollander?” Ilya appears then, slowly approaching Shane like a wounded animal.
“Back off, Rozanov,” Hayden scowls. “This is not the time. You’re not welcome here.”
But Shane reaches his hand out for Ilya, gripping tightly once he has his hand. Ilya reaches up to cup Shane’s cheek gently.
“He doesn’t like to be touched, Rozanov-”
“Shut the fuck up, Pike. Hollander, look at me. You need to breathe.” Ilya moves his hand until he’s gripping Shane’s chin tightly. “Look at me.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” Hayden snaps. “Let go of him, you can’t grab him like that!”
Ilya takes a deep breath. “Pike, back off.” He turns his attention back to Shane. He keeps his grip on Shane’s chin, his free hand laced with Shane’s. He helps guide Shane through his usual breathing exercises until his body begins to relax. “Da, vot tak, lyubov,” he whispers. “Good?”
“Good,” Shane nods slowly. Ilya carefully lets go of his chin. “Thank you.”
Hayden can’t stop looking between them. “Does someone want to explain to me what the actual fuck just happened?”
“Hollander have panic attack, I help stop panic attack. Keep up, Pike.”
“Ilya, be nice,” Shane mumbles, leaning his head back against the wall. He’s exhausted. “I just want to go home and take a long, hot shower.”
Ilya helps Shane stand up. “I trust you can get him home safely?” he asks Hayden. “I would drive him myself, but people would see.”
“But you’ll meet me there, right?” Shane's voice is soft, eyes wide as he looks up at Ilya. “Please?”
“Yes, of course.” He kisses Shane’s forehead. “I will leave ten minutes after you do and come in the back entrance.”
Shane just nods. He follows Hayden out to his car. “Thank you for driving me.”
“Wouldn’t really trust you to drive yourself right now anyway,” Hayden says softly. “So. You and Rozanov are friends?”
“You could say that,” Shane smiles softly. “He’s really a nice guy, Hayd. You just have to get to know him.”
“Don’t know if I really wanna do that, bud.” Hayden helps Shane inside once they arrive. He puts their shoes neatly by the front door and brings Shane a protein bar. “You feeling okay?”
“Mhmm, I’m fine.” Shane stands by the couch as he nibbles on the protein bar.
Hayden doesn’t witness many panic attacks from Shane, and he really doesn’t know how to help with them. He wants to know how Rozanov knows- how he knows what to do to help Shane’s breathing, why he’s allowed to touch Shane like that when nobody else is, how he knew where to find them in the back hallways.
The front door opens shortly after they get home. Hayden’s jaw drops when Ilya walks himself in- he has the front door code. Shane immediately crosses the room and throws himself against Ilya’s chest.
“You can leave now,” Ilya tells Hayden. “I will take care of him.”
“I think I’m gonna stay and make sure you don’t try to murder my best friend.” Hayden crosses his arms. “What do you want with him?”
Ilya rolls his eyes. “I want to smother him with a pillow,” he says flatly. “What the fuck do you think, Pike? I want to take care of him.”
“Shower please,” Shane whispers. “I need to get clean.”
“Come on, milyy, let’s go.”
Hayden hears the shower running a few minutes later. He tries not to think about what could possibly be going on. He digs through the fridge until he finds a container of Shane’s weekly meal prep and sets out to start heating it up for him. He makes a simple sandwich for himself and refuses to think about why Shane has regular bread in his home. The food is finishing when Shane makes his way back into the kitchen in sweats and a Boston Raiders t-shirt.
“I’m sure you have questions,” he says softly. “You can ask whatever.”
“So… you’re gay?” Hayden murmurs, sliding the plate over to Shane. “Or bi?”
“Gay,” Shane nods. “I, uh. I figured it out around the time Rose and I had tried dating.”
Hayden hums quietly. Ilya joins them, wearing sweats and no shirt. “And how long have you and Rozanov been… whatever this is?”
“A while.” Shane instinctively leans back into Ilya’s chest. “We didn’t really get serious until the All Star game.” He looks down at his plate. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“What? No, Shane,” Hayden frowns, “you have nothing to apologize for. I appreciate you telling me now, I’m still here for you. You’re still my best friend- nothing will ever change that. I just- it’s- Rozanov? Really?”
“He cannot resist my Russian charm,” Ilya murmurs. He kisses the spot behind Shane’s ear. “And I cannot resist his neurotic tendencies and his freckles.”
Shane looks up at Ilya, bewildered and fond. “Who the hell taught you the word neurotic?”
“Is secret.” He squeezes Shane’s waist before going to grab a coke for himself.
“You two are disgusting,” Hayden says flatly. “You’re happy, Shane? Really happy? He treats you right?”
“I’m very happy,” Shane promises. Hayden believes him. “He treats me really well, Hayd. He takes care of me.”
“In more ways than one,” Ilya winks.
“Ilya- shut the fuck up, please.” Shane rubs his face. “I’m still working on training him. But really, Hayden, I promise. He makes me very happy.”
“Then I’m happy for you, bud,” Hayden smiles softly. “I’m still staying, mostly because I’ve already told Jackie and she put the kids to sleep, and partially because I’m fucking exhausted.”
“Yes, so exhausted after piggy-backing off your teammates for the win,” Ilya sighs dramatically. “And for the record, Pike, I would rather claw my own eyes out than ever hurt Shane. You don’t have to like me, but you need to trust that I will take care of him.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna grab some water and go to the guest room. Night, Shane.”
“Goodnight, Hayden.”
“Oh, and Pike?” When Hayden turns around, Ilya has a devilish grin on his face. “Do not call police if you hear Shane screaming- just means I’m really taking care of him.”
“Oh my fucking god, Ilya, shut the fuck up!” Shane hisses.
Maybe Hayden should just go home.