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The blue light of the monitor cast long shadows across the dim room, illuminating the dust motes dancing in the air. On the screen, the "GAME OVER" text flashed for what felt like the hundredth time.
Fubuki didn't rage quit. She didn't scream. She just slowly placed the controller besides her as her fox ears drooped on her head, dropped her face into her hands, and let out a breath that shuddered with pure exhaustion and frustration.
It was 3:30 AM, a suicidal time for a busy idol such as herself.
"I don't understand," Fubuki whispered, her voice muffled by her palms. "I watch them. I watch Korone-san grind for twelve hours straight until her fingers bleed. I watch Botan pick up a new game and speedrun it in a week like it's nothing. They just... do it."
Fubuki then ran her hands through her disheveled white hair that she hasn’t brushed since she arrived home yesterday.
Behind her, sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard, Mio watched her girlfriend’s shoulders slump. She knew this look. The look of someone who had the world on her shoulders and thinks it’s not enough responsibility.
"Fubuki," Mio said softly, setting down the book she’d been pretending to read. "Come here. It’s time to stop."
"I can't stop," Fubuki said, spinning her chair around. Her eyes were rimmed with red, her fox ears flattened completely against her head. "If I stop now, I'm admitting I couldn’t live up to what I told my fans. I want to be the 3rd Hololive Vtuber to clear this game. I know Korone and Botan are more attuned to playing challenging hard games, but I’m the leader of Hololive Gamers. If I can’t show off my gaming skill, then I might as well be considered a fraud,” Fubuki placed a hand flat against her chest.
The self-deprecation in her voice made Mio’s chest ache. Mio set the book aside and moved to the edge of the bed, patting the space beside her.
"Fubuki. Please. Come sit."
Fubuki hesitated, the dopamine addiction of "just one more try" warring with the exhaustion in her bones. Finally, she stood up and sat heavily on the mattress, looking down at her hands.
Mio reached out, taking Fubuki’s cold hands in her warm ones. "You put too much pressure on yourself, you shouldn’t expect yourself to be like Korone or Botan.”
"That’s an excuse," Fubuki muttered. "They work hard. I work hard. Why is there this difference between us?"
"Because you are you," Mio said firmly, squeezing Fubuki’s hands until she looked up. Mio’s gaze was intense, filled with a love that cut through Fubuki’s fog of insecurity. "Korone and Botan may have their gaming expertise, but do you know what I see when I look at you"
Fubuki stayed silent, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.
"I see someone who brings people together," Mio said, brushing a thumb over Fubuki’s knuckles. "You’re the one who organizes the parties. You’re the one who makes the chaotic collabs fun instead of stressful. You’re the glue. Botan and Korone are incredible at what they do, yes. But their strengths are individual. Your strength is everyone."
Fubuki let out a wet, shaky breath. "But I want to be like them. I want to have that 'gamer pride' of conquering something impossible."
"Sans from Undertale wasn’t enough for you,” Mio objected gently.
“That was years ago, I wanted to show I can still hang with the best,” Fubuki said.
Mio shifted closer, wrapping her arms around Fubuki’s waist and resting her chin on Fubuki’s shoulder. "You want to know why I fell in love with you?"
Fubuki leaned into the embrace, closing her eyes. "Because I'm cute?"
"Well, that," Mio chuckled, the vibration rumbling against Fubuki’s back. "But it’s because you’re kind. You’re thoughtful. You work yourself to the bone taking care of everyone else, your kouhais, the gamers, the entire company. You carry so much on your shoulders already. Why are you adding this weight, too?"
Mio pulled back just enough to cup Fubuki’s cheek in her hand, forcing her to make eye contact. "I didn't fall in love with a speedrunner. I didn't fall in love with a retro gamer. I fell in love with Shirakami Fubuki. The girl who tries her best, who laughs at her own mistakes, and who makes me feel safe even when she’s the one having a hard time."
Fubuki’s lip trembled. "Ok… I wanted to achieve something which you would be proud of me for.”
"I am so proud of you," Mio said, her voice cracking with emotion. "I’m proud of you when you are the shoulder for your genmates. I’m proud of you when you perform on stage. And I’m proud of you right now, for trying so hard to grow. But Fubuki... challenging yourself is good. Breaking yourself with too much work is not."
She kissed Fubuki’s forehead, a lingering, gentle press of lips. "You don’t need to be Korone. You don’t need to be Botan. The things that make them amazing aren't the things that make you amazing. And the things that make you amazing are the things I cherish most."
Fubuki sat there for a moment, letting the words sink in, letting the toxic pressure to perform dissipate into the quiet air of the room. She looked past Mio, at the "Continue?" screen blinking on the monitor.
For the first time all night, it didn't look like an existential threat to her career. It just looked like any other game.
"Okay," Fubuki breathed out, the tension finally leaving her shoulders. She leaned into Mio’s touch, seeking comfort. "Okay. I hear you."
"Good," Mio smiled, wiping a stray tear from Fubuki’s cheek with her thumb. "Because the Shirakami Fubuki I know needs her beauty sleep. She has a lot of people to take care of today,” Mio said grimly eyeing the time.
Fubuki managed a small, tired smile. "Yeah, let’s get some shuteye, I don’t want to look at the screen anymore."
"Absolutely."
Mio helped Fubuki up, and together they climbed into bed. The room was plunged into darkness as Mio reached over to switch off the monitor, finally killing the source of Fubuki’s anxiety.
As they settled under the covers, Fubuki curled into Mio’s chest, her head resting over Mio’s heart. The steady, rhythmic thumping was the only soundtrack she needed now.
"Hey, Mio-chan?" Fubuki whispered into the dark.
"Hmm?"
"Thanks for catching me."
Mio tightened her hold on her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Always. Sleep now, my hard-working fox. You’re already the best in my eyes."