Chapter Text
The lull of boredom lingers in the air around me as I point the remote to the TV, pressing hard and fast. I mindlessly switch between the channels, mind droning on and on with shit they're spewing on the TV, the bitch of a hangover my brain is drumming on, and my motherFucking monster of a sister that's making it worse.
"SHIT! Goddamn it!" I hear from Stocking as my ears pick up any slamming, punching and shoving she does to every cabinet in the whole damn house.
"AGHHHH! NOOOOOOOOO!!" Her needy ass yells as if the louder she yells, the faster her problems will go away.
"my hangover is saynig ur too fucking loud" I whine out. "i mean unless ur missing ur period, that would SUCK" Whatever that bitch wants she could just say it instead of repeatedly slamming unnecessary bullshit.
"MY PUDDING IS GONE YOU TWAT!" She yells as she comes to fully face me, blocking my view of the TV.
"PUD - DING!" She repeats, emphasizing the syllables like she's talking to a toddler, like it could magically get me to understand better.
It must be apparent to my face because she continues to say, "It's specially ordered from heaven and has a five hundred year waiting list!"
She calms down for a minute til she yells out, "DAMN IT!! That pudding was legendary!". She's swaying around this way and that as she daydreams about her weird pudding fantasy.
I blink incredulously, what is the point of her fucking tantrum. "and?"
I could swear she almost cracked her neck turning around to face me. "Oh my God you ate it, Didn't you!"
"aaaaaaaaah?" This is getting ridiculously shitty, how thE FUCK am I Supposed to know when I inhale everything in the goddamn fridge everytime I'm hungover?
"DO NOT 'aaaaaaaaah?' ME! It was EITHER YOU or CHUCK!" She yells straight to my face as she slaps Chuck by her left arm. Chuck goes flying through the walls, almost performing a somersault in the air from the amount of force Stocking put on him.
"uh, y would u just assume it was me?" I shoot back, trying to get this off of me. "what?" I say after a moment of silence.
"I am not ASSUMING, I know it was YOU!" Stocking accuses me as she grabs my chin and pulls a magnifying glass to my pores. Honestly, all this yelling for food makes me want to eat more from the fridge.
"oh wait, ur tlaking abt pudding right?" I say out loud as I finally understand what she might mean. Now that I think about it, maybe I Did eat something like that. "yeahhhh i guess i Did eat that but it was disgutsing, sugary as shit".
She then grabs Chuck in lightning speed, wasting no time to punch, slap and twist every little part of Chuck's body. "Mother BITCH I knew it! It's pudding, Panty. You knew it was going to be sweet. What THe CRAP!!" She waves out her hands to further emphasize whatever bullcrap she's yelling out.
At this point, she's gathering too much pent-up rage in that dumbass little head of her's that I need to calm shit down. "Ooooooooooh kay. u need to relax Chica. its called pudng, not the end ofvthe world" after I give my brilliant words of calming, a loud resounding CRACK comes from Chuck as I look to see him stranged and passed-out on Stocking’s hand.
She gets louder than I thought was possible and getting all up in my face and practically spitting on it. "JESUS!! You always have to FUCK UP EVERYTHING DON'T YOU!?" She yells and shouts while I'm busy nursing my hangover with some weird flavored yogurt from the fridge and a pack of spice hot Doritos.
Normally, I'd let her go on til sundown but I'd rather stave off my hangover watching mindless TV all day. There's has to be a way I can get her to shut up and calm down.
"..ING THIEF!" she says as I quickly go to her side and try to snuggle her calm. From what I remember, its worked before and so it should work now. I throw in an few extra mock kisses to lighten the mood. "aaaaaaaaaaw remember that time when i told u to relaxe? u need some mothierFUCKinh peace"
She shoves me off of her and stands up, saying something in more of an irritated hushed voice. "I do NOT understand how I could EVER BE related to you." She's looks so much more like a small, little sister when she's mad.
I show her my opened pack of spicy hot Doritos and offer, "try theese, il let you steal some of my food ivf it would help you feel anybetter" I bring it closer to her arm for her to see. ”we cool?"
In no hesitation, she smacks it from my offering hand, a mess of scattered doritos now lying on the floor. And here I was trying to give her a pick-me-up.
Chuck approaches the food and muches down every last dorito he can before his usual beating from either Stocking or me. Seeing as he wasn't stopped, he even licks off some extra spicy powder, before he chokes to a stop, starts twitching uncontrollably and coughs out puffs of smoke and fire.
"look Hooker, I'm trying to b FUCKing nice here" I say, mourning my wasted Doritos on the floor. She could have just said she didn't want any.
"You know I do not like spicy food!" She speaks up loudly. I don't know how she can expect that when I already told her about my hangover.
An exaggerated scoff leaves my lips as I hear the bullshit this sugar whore is spouting. What does she know anyway. Its just a fucking piece of pudding, you can get those anywhere. Now she's going on bitching and moaning about it. But I guess I could get her another one so she could stop talking my ear off. I mean, how hard can it be? I could just suck someone off to get a piece. No big.
Whatever mindless banter was going on, what put on hold and tuned in on full force as Stocking then shot back with "You mean like that idiotic, muscle-headed, piece of shit you keep on the backburner?" What the fuck did she just say.
She continued saying "Oh by the way, I diddled him. I diddled him REAL hard." What The Fuck Did She JUST SAY?!
"And he said he was the BEST FUCK he had EVER HAD. WAY better than YOU." What The FUCK.
"Not that he should procreate, but I would TOTALLY have his abortion." THIS BITCH HAD NO RIGHT TO FUCK ONE OF MY GUYS! SHE HAD THIS LITTLE HISSY FIT NOW SHE BLAMES IT ON ME AND GOT ALL UP IN MY THINGS!! There's NO WAY I'm letting this SLIDE ASSHOLE!!
"well i FUCKED that little masochist FREAK u liked so much. he was TINY n NUMPLE so heads up buttercup!" I yell out as I stand to face her in all her UNBRIDLED FUCKING WHORE FACE.
"his fat ASS was all jiggly, just like ur fancy pudding n GIANT skincakes!"
We are at a standstill, me versus her cunt ass ready to tear eachother apart.
"Keep your MOUTH off my THINGS!!"
"LIKEWISE, BITCH!"
She draws out her sword as I pull out BackLace and aim to shoot. Before we could duke it out and have an all out cat-fight, the door slams open.
"Hey Panty!” That voice sounds familiar, that thought appeared at the back of my mind as I focused all my strength to hold back Stocking’s twin swords.
”How's it goin n all that. I hope I'm not bothering you two. Your father here was nice enough to show me the scenic way to your room which was lovely. He is a weirdly Very affectionate large man." The vouce kept going as I try my hardest to not lose my grip on BlackLace.
“I Still Wonder How you Got to Knowing Where we Live. Sure as Hell None of the Angels Here Said Any Shit About it.” Oh Fucking GREAT. Garter's here to yell and make both of our angel asses go on a stupid fucking mission.
"Angels Another Mandate has Arrived." He holds up a piece of parchment that says “ROPE” in all caps, red, and bold letters.
"Get Your Asses to the Scene IMMEDIATELY!" For once in this moment both me and Stocking agreed on something, we ain't Doing SHIT.
The silence stretches on like a ready-to-wear condom, neither of us moving from our sitting spots. "Alright, This is the Part Where you Guys GET THE FUCK UP!" no matter how loud Garter yells, my brain’s used to filtering it like TV static.
"No WAY!" Stocking yells and I can't help but agree again. "yeah, that's not gonna Happen Garter".
"Holy Shit, What now?” He says, big brown fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. An exasperated sigh leaves his mouth. “It ‘Cause of Some Bitch?" he should know the the drill at this point that he shouldn't ask dumb fucking questions.
"You heard what I said. I am not going ANYWHERE with that GOD DAMN, WASTE OF SPACE, WHORE!!"
"u heard what i said. i’m not going ANYWHERE w/ that GODDAMN, WASTE OF SPACE, WHORE!!” uh, what the fuck.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A WHORE!?"
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A WHORE!?” that was just a stupid coincidence.
"HEY FUCK OFF CUNT-BAG"
"HEY FUCK OFF CUNT-BAG” okay, this Has to STOP.
"I AM SO FUCKING OVER YOU!"
"I AM SO FUCKING OVER YOU!” Just SHUT THE FUCK UP.
"QUIT COPYING ME!!"
"QUIT COPYING ME!!”
Apparently the Bitch had enough of this shit because she fucking SLAPS ME WITH HER HAIR and heads towards the door. "Come on Chuck, we are leaving! We do not NEED that SLUTTY ASS HEAP OF TRASH anyway." She FUCKING CHOSE CHUCK, the dumbass dog, over ME!
"Yea, well that's FINE by me SUGAR TITS. i Don't NEED you either, n besides i would Rather hang out with Geek boy here than u ANY Day of the FUCKing week" I yell back just as loud as her Banshee Screams..
I then hear warbled, high pitched, gibberish coming from behind me. What the fuck was that? I'm almost tempted to turn around and see but suddenly the noises stopped. Whatever. I have to win this argument and beat my sister’s skank ass.
"don't FUCK with me asshole!" She CAN'T just walk her ass out of here thinking that she WON!I start heading towards her as she yells back, "Don't fuck with ME asshole." and SLAMS THE FUCKING DOOR AT ME!
I stare at the door for a good few minutes, scowling and huffing like those dragons in fairytales only sexier and wouldn't be beaten by a pathetic man with a hero complex.
"U-Uh hey, were you being serious? Do you really want to hang out with me!?" I hear that same familiar voice again, it's alarming how I know it when it sounds so high-pitched and fucking annoying.
Finally turning around and satisfying a small itch in my brain, I see a scruffy mop of bright orange hair with a cluster of freckles under each eye, some clunky metal headphones and a black vintage Ghostbusters tee. With just the way his face looks, I can guess that this boy is pathetic. "huuhhh, who the FUCK is this Dork."
“Oh h-he-hey Panty! I'm Brief, remember me? You met me in Daten City Highschool, where you captured a ghost that manifested from our previous Miss Popular and helped save me—and the school!” the pathetic boy says in a hurried manner that it almost made me ask him to repeat what he said.
“oh yea, those fucks are one of my top 20 so far” sigh I remember all those burly, strong muscle, footballers. And it was their first gang bangs! They were better than many of the people I picked up on bars.
“Uh, what were you saying? I uh- didn't quite g-get that.” freckles asks as he snaps me out of reminiscing about having great sex.
“augghhh, just come on geek boy” I grab his wrist and drag him forcefully through the mansion, down to where See-through stays.
. . .
As me and geek boy walk down See-through's tunnel I realise through the entire way here that he hasn't said a word. The boy can't even Handle making small talk! "first things first, we Gotta have a new Title" I start out, I could literally choke on a dick than deal with this silence. Everything is WAY better when there is constant talking, in banter, in arguments, in hot sex, EVERYTHING.
"i was thinking we should go as something like 'Panty n Virgin'" I say without thinking, just spitballing my thoughts out, does it really matter if its the truth?
He twitches with the name, looking displeased from the corner of my eye "Yea, but My Name is actually Brief." he puts up his arms to a shrug.
Oh, what, ew, no, freaky coincidence. "no, that's waayyy to obvious. how about 'Panty n Foreskin'"
"That's an awful word, no thank you." He quickly shoots down my suggestion, looking disgusted and horrified. Messing with him is Way too easy NOT to enjoy.
"oh i know, 'Panty n Smegma'" I suppress a snicker as I found The BEST title for this one-time duo.
"You're just messing with me on Purpose aren't you." With his irritated little frown fully visible through my view looking ahead, I almost cracked a smile.
It was then I heard a loud engine sound roaring through the tunnel, That fucking bitch got to See-through FIRST!
Bright light shines in front of me and I swiftly move out of the way. The geek boy, however, didn't move fast enough as he got hit from the back with the front of See-through, flung to the air, roughly landing on the ground. The idiot thought he could outrun it.
I see him try to stand up after a few minutes, winching a lot and shaking his head. He lets out a groggy "ugghhh" as I focus back on Stocking and her successful heist.
Aughh, how am I supposed to steal her kill now?! I repeatedly stomp my heel to the ground as I release my reignited anger and rage.
. . .
Eventually, the heel-stomping got tiring so I stopped, got out of the tunnel and used my small wings to fly up to the roof of the side tower.
From this view I could see the trace of See-through's smoke weaving through the city. I cross my legs and prop up my right shoulder to lay down my chin. I huff out a sigh “ i CAN’T BELIEVE she FUCKing went off with See-through like that!".
After a while, I hear the rusty swinging of a window from a little below my position.
“Panty, are you up here?” The high-pitched, annoying squeak of a voice that geek boy has once again brings me back from my thoughts. Garter’s right, it's weird how he knows where we are.
I hear the scuttling of steps as I look downward to see geek boy clumsily climbing up the dormer roof’s edge. His white running shoes swaying every which way just to get enough momentum to plant a foot to the side of the wall and hoist himself up. When he does he stands up and adjusts his baggy, olive, green pants before they fall down further from gravity, dusting off his newly acquired olive green hoodie with attached orange and light teal pins while he's at it.
He grabs the top of the roof I'm sitting on and lifts himself further up with his left arm, trembling after his climb up.
The trembling subsides when he comes to face me, tacking on a concerned frown as he says, "Uhm, Panty. Don't you think you should go with her, maybe?". He lifts his pitch a bit higher in the end.
Why would I do that when SHE CHOSE to go alone with Chuck?! And now that she has See-through the mission is even MORE of a pain in the ass! Not touching on that, no thank you!l
My thoughts seem to be reflecting on my face because he immediately backtracks and explains further. "I mean, she's all by herself! Anything could happen to her." He says in a worrying tone.
I would have countered his explanation, if he wasn't right. I stare back at the traces of See-through's smoke and try to flow the path but can't figure out how to get there through the streets. Well, it's time to get Something done.
I hum a sound of agreement and stand up on my feet, keeping my balance. I side down to the dormer roof as I turn to face him, saying “ok, but ur coming to help geek boy”.
“Huh? Me?? What c-could I even do to help?” He said as he pointed to himself. His face turned in confusion, looking slightly pink.
“come ON, it was ur idea! don't shrivel up and piss ur pants on me now” I yank his leg as I glide down to the walkway linking the church and the tower, with geek boy in tow dangling from my upstretched arm.
. . .
As I push the door, I hear Garter talking on the phone. No doubt talking to the backstabbing slut. "..e Bastard Ghost Your Looking for. Be Careful, This one's Tricky. It Uses Girls to—" Before he could finish, I pick up the phone to catch up with my Darling sister.
"listen HOOCH. if u apologise, i Might come out there n help u not make a GIANT failure of yourself" I hear a digital short, sharp beeping as a robotic voice calls out “The number you have dialed does not exist.”
That FUCKING BITCH fed the phone to CHUCK, That ruins the one plan I had to help get her ass! I slam the phone to the ground as I can, getting more murderous the more I stomp on it.
“FUCKIN BITCH”
“FUCKIN BITCH”
“FUCKIN BITCH”
“FUCKIN BITCH”
“FUCKIN BITCH”
“FUCKIN BITCH” “Uh”
“FUCKIN BITCH” “Panty?”
“FUCKIN BITCH” “H-He-h-Hey Panty?”
“FUCKIN BITCH” “Calm down now we can just—”
“FUCKIN BITCH” “Panty??”
“AUGHH, WHAT?!” I say to the nerd as I have YET to let out the last drops of my anger and if HE'S not careful it might just be aimed ONTO HIM!
“Calm down! We could still go out there and get to her.” As if its the easiest and most obvious thing. If this is all he had come up with I would Seriously STRANGLE HIM right now.
“and HOW do u suppose we do THAT ASSWIPE!?”
“I can track down her location from when she last called us, Then we can go out there and help her out!” He pulls up into a smile, like what he said was the simplest shit that you can ask anyone to do on the street.
“Is This Somehow Related to How you Found Out our Address?” Garter asks in the background, but I couldn't careless!
“well hop to it geek boy! I have a sister to bring down” I run out the door, quickening my pace as I start down the hill.
“Hey, W-WAIT! How are we even gonna get there without a vehicle!” He shouts out, just barely out of my earshot. Trying to keep pace with me as I rush down the hill.
“Figure it out FASTER! Stocking could be fighting it any minute and I REALLY wanna steal her kill before she gets through with it!”
. . .
“come oN! FASTER geek boy, they're just up ahead!” I enthusiastically shout as I point to the direction of Stocking shown on the tracker device he handed to me.
“While that's nice and all, is it really necessary for you to step on top of me?” He says, slightly bent over to where he's riding the motorbike as I put my foot on his back striking my amazing and exaggerated pose.
"quit ur crying geek boy, we got ASShole ghosts to kill!" I say as I see my sister tied up by the black rope coming from both of the ghosts’ asses.
I remove my foot from his back and jump of the motorbike which seems to have put it all off balance. geek boy swivels the bike around til he hits the garbage dumpster, putting him to a stop.
I turn back to Stocking, swift, fierce and determined. Its time to finish what we started.
. . . .
[not changing anything here, just watch the ep u fuckers]
. . . .
I feel the air lighten, exhaustion seeping out of my body as I hear Garter say a prayer. "as the Good Lord Says 'You are also my friend. I Have Been and Always Shall be Yours.'"
"Actually, I think that's Spock." geek boy adds as he turns toward Garter to correct him.
The clinking of the two Heavens alert my body back to the present. I reach down to pick them up and throw one to Stocking from over my shoulder. I hear ringing from the church bell as it is weirdly loud and prominent even from our location while I hop onto See-through's shotgun seat with Stocking following after.
I pull out a hand to close the car door when I come face-to-face with freckles. "u riding with us, geek boy?" I offer as he is the reason why I found Stocking in the first place.
“Oh! I would l-lo-love to but I'd rather I just go home now. But thank you for of-f-fering!” He's almost as red as my dress, sweating like a horse on a hot summer day. Just be thankful I didn't think ‘sweating like the men i bring over after i take them on a ride’
I close the door as I keep looking at him weirdly, "oohhh kay, whatever chaps ur ass"
“c ya, geek boy!” How is he sweatier and reder than me and Stocking when he didn't even fight?
I turn myself to look ahead, facing the front of See-through's glass onto the sunset. The engine springs to life and we begin to to head out home. The side mirror catches my attention as I see geek boy waving us off, that guy's so weird.
"so uuhhh. here" That was the worst way to start out a make-up conversation, the awkwardness sending a chill up my spine.
"Oh, “She turns the secure package of Heavens pudding around her hands, inspecting my apology gift further. “Where did you get this, did you spend your Heavens on it?"
"i'm not saying i did, i'm not saying i didn't" I really hope this can make up for it. An angry Stocking is a cute Stocking but I don't want her not talking to me all the time.
"oh" Is all she says, leaving me wondering how she's gonna take it. Seriously, I hope she liked it. I can't take anymore of the sile—
My thoughts are put on halt as I hear snickers, then giggles, then full blown laughter. Thank God she liked it cause I promised someone that'd suck their cock for it. I crack a smirk as we drive next to the sunset.
I can't think of what I’d do without her. "u bitch" I say jokingly.
"Hehe, you Cunt." Stocking says and I can feel the weight on my shoulders lift up.
Today has been a very long day.
—-
“c ya, geek boy!” I hear Panty, one of the blessed Anarchy angels, most beautiful thing to evwr walk the Earth, the love of my life, an absolute Godsend, say to me and my heart is beating like a parade drum. She can say that over and over and it won't ever get old in my ears.
I wave them off til they are about a mile away from me. The joy from Panty’s words almost made me forget about the pain in my back and side. Thankfully they didn't seem to notice me flinching a little bit too many times.
Well, I guess there's nothing to do but go— before I could turn and head off to the direction of the nearest bus station, I got blocked off by an insanely tall person.
“Uhh, Hey Garther! I forgot you were still there Sir.” How long has he been standing there behind me? Did he see me flinch?
Before I could ask, he grabs a hold of my right arm and drags down my hoodie sleeve. “Woah Boy, What Happened to You?”
“O-Oh it's nothing. While walking with Panty to See-through’s tunnel I got slammed by Stocking on See-through by the back and got shoved to the side.” I rub on my arm slightly to get a feel for how much petroleum jelly I need compared to the slight cuts I got when I got shoved on the sharp rocks in the tunnel. I hope it will be less of a worry than the bruising on my back. “But it's okay! I could ask and learn how to help heal ‘em.”
I hear a scoff come from Garter’s mouth. “Those Bitch-Ass Angels, They Still Don't Fully Understand That Humans Could Get Severely Hurt.” Garter explains as he lets go of my arm. I wiggle it around to get a feel for my arm again.
"Well, Why Don't we Have a Bite on Our Way Home, Then we Could Go Patch you Up?” He suggests as he heads to the direction of a the many restaurants in the city. Subconsciously I follow him.
I mean, I don't have a better plan than that.“Okay, why not?” I finally catch up to him, coming to a slow step next to him.
“It's a Good Thing you Said Yes ‘Cause you're Paying!” Garter jokingly points a finger at me, as I laugh humorously.
“Thank you for this Garter!” I smile at him as he tries to ask further on how I got their address and how it's “hella creepy”.
I try avoiding the question and he lightly shoves me on my left arm.
I guess I'll be okay.