Work Text:
DEFINITION OF FAMILY
Chakotay enters the patio area and pauses, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark room. Seeing a figure sitting alone, he moves forward. “Can’t sleep again?” he asks when he is within earshot.
Kathryn looks up from the datapadd in her hand. “I thought I would just catch up on tying up loose ends.”
“At 1:30 in the morning?”
“Is it that late already? I didn’t realize.”
“Apparently.”
Kathryn lays the padd down and reaches for her cup. “What are you doing here at this hour?”
“Looking for you.” He sits down in the chair across from her and reaches for her hand while smiling in adoration.
When she feels his touch Kathryn returns the smile tenderly. “Well you found me.” They fall into a comfortable silence and she can feel Chakotay’s eyes on her. He lets her stay lost in her thoughts for several minutes before finally speaking again. “Care to share your thoughts?”
His voice brings her back to the present and she smiles once again, pulling her hand away from his and placing it on her belly. “I was just trying to think of a good way to tell mom our news.”
The ringing of the alarm clock wakes Kathryn Janeway from her dream and she groans aloud with disappointment. “Computer turn off alarm.” She stayed laying in bed, momentarily pondering whether she could get away with calling in a personal day.
“Good morning Mrs. Janeway” Chakotay greets while carrying a large mug of steaming coffee.
“Is it?” Kathryn opens one eye to see her husband standing at her side of the bed holding the cup out to her. Raising herself up onto one elbow she takes the cup and inhales the scent deeply before taking the first sip.
“Yes it is. The sun is shining this morning, the air is clean and fresh, and most importantly we have each other. And who knows, perhaps some time soon we will have children of our own.”
Kathryn chokes on her coffee and quickly sets the cup down before she spills some on the bed. “I have a busy day today Chakotay. I better get going if I don’t want to be late.” She quickly climbs out of bed and heads for the washroom to shower. “Kathryn….” The shutting of the door signals the end of their conversation.
Throughout the day Chakotay tries multiple times to speak with Kathryn but each time he does she seems to brush him off or give him short, blunt answers. Tired of how he has been treated he finally decides to go down to her office and not leave until they talk things out. “Kathryn what is going on with you? For the past few days every time I try to get close to you, you push me away.”
“I have a lot on my mind Chakotay. I’m sorry I don’t want to have sex every day of the week.”
“I’m not just talking sex Kathryn. I’m talking affection, romance, cuddling.”
Kathryn looks up from the computer screen she is concentrating on and looks directly at her husband. “Chakotay, with us affection and cuddling always seems to end up as sex and lately I am just not in the mood.”
Chakotay can feel himself getting frustrated with her. “Well, yes, usually it does but it doesn’t have to if you don’t want it to. If we... ” A knock on the office door interrupts their conversation. “Come in” Kathryn answers.
“I’m sorry to bother you Admiral, but you have a call.”
“Take a message please Ensign” Chakotay interjects quickly.
“Sir?” “Chakotay!” Kathryn’s stern look bears down on him but Chakotay doesn’t care at this moment. Turning her attention back to her assistant Kathryn nods briefly. “Who is it Alyssa?”
“A former member of your Voyager crew ma’am. Mrs. B’Elanna Torres.”
Kathryn nods briefly. “Thank you Alyssa, put them through.”
Alyssa nods her compliance and leaves. “I’m not done talking to you Kathryn.”
“Well, you will have to be Chakotay. I have a call to take now. Goodbye.”
“It’s B’Elanna! She would understand that you can’t take her call right now. Hell, I will tell her myself.”
“You will do no such thing Chakotay!”
“You can’t dismiss me that easily.”
“Watch me!” With that Kathryn activates the communications channel on her computer. “B’Elanna, hi. Hi Miral.” Kathryn puts a big smile on for them. “I’m sorry to bother you at work Kathryn but I just had to call you and tell you the news. Miral has started to crawl today.”
“Oh B’Elanna, that is so wonderful. You must be so proud. She is a wonderful little girl.” Miral starts babbling and reaching forward to touch the screen, as if she could feel her Godmother in person that way. Kathryn feels an ache in her heart and a look of sadness flickers momentarily in her eyes as she sees this wonderful baby in front of her. “Chakotay also told me that you two are trying to start a family of your own. Have you had any luck yet?”
Her boldness takes Kathryn slightly aback. “Uhhh, no we haven’t. Not yet.” They talk for another 20 minutes before finally signing off. “Take care of yourself and that family of yours B’Elanna. We’ll get together soon. I promise.”
“Sounds good. Bye Kathryn.” The screen goes black and Kathryn lets out a sigh. “Now will you tell me what is bothering you so much Kathryn?” Chakotay asks as he sees a shimmer of tears in her eyes.
“I am not in the mood to fight with you Chakotay so let’s not say anything right now alright?” Kathryn stands up from her desk and goes over to her replicator, then sits down on the couch in her office.
“No. I don’t want to fight with you either but you are leaving me no choice. Something is bothering you terribly and until you tell me I won’t stop asking you.”
“Well you will run out of breath first because I won’t tell you.”
“I saw the way you looked at Miral. Is that what is bothering you?”
“Enough with the talk of families and babies Chakotay! Please!” Kathryn snaps.
“Then tell me what’s bothering you. You can’t tell me it’s nothing. I know you better.” His voice takes on a defensive tone.
“It’s nothing to concern yourself with.”
“Well I am concerned Kathryn so talk to me.” He leans against the front of her desk, facing her, and crosses his arms over his chest.
“FINE! You really want to know what is bothering me Chakotay? Because I can assure you that once I tell you, you are really going to wish I hadn’t.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that?” He watches as she stares into her cup, figure out what will make the confession better. Finally she looks up into his eyes. “I went to see the Doctor yesterday for my scheduled check-up.”
“What did he say? Has it been long enough after your miscarriage? Are we able to try for another baby again?”
Kathryn’s eyes well up with tears and she swallows hard past the lump in her throat. Shaking her head slowly she finds her voice. “He said….. we may as well as get used to being alone. We’ll never have the family you wanted.”
“What?”
Kathryn looks up and the pain and sadness that is on his face is almost more than she can bear. “He said I’m infertile! I will never have a child of my own. EVER!” She breaks down in sobs now, her shoulders shaking.
“Oh spirits. Kathryn.” Chakotay feels like he’s been punched in the stomach and feels totally helpless right now. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry doesn’t seem appropriate right now.” He sits down beside her and pulls her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. “One thing I know for sure though is that I will love you forever, whether we have children or not.”
“Did you not just hear me Chakotay?! I’ll never have children. If I can’t get pregnant, how the hell can we have a family?”
“As long as we have each other and the Voyager crew, then we have all the family we need. Besides, there’s always the option of adopting a child.”
Kathryn chokes back a couple sobs, as she pulls back slightly and looks into her husband’s eyes. “You really mean that?”
He places a finger under her chin, making sure she doesn’t look away. “Every word. You are my reason for living Kathryn Janeway.”
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve everything you have done for me in our lifetime.”
“You agreed that without joining our crews together, our chances of getting back home to Earth would be much slimmer.”
“I love you Chakotay.” Her breath is barely a whisper. He lowers his head and meets her lips in a tender kiss. “I love you too Kathryn.”
THE END.