Chapter Text
It’s mid-December when their peaceful routine is completely upended.
Flakes of glittering snow drift down from the scattering of clouds in the pale blue sky. A blanket of white already covers the ground—hugging the branches of trees, dusting roofs, packed against sidewalks dotted with the press of boots and the scrape of shovels. Melting into grey slush along the edges of streets as it coats tires and collects along wheel wells.
Yuuta stares out the window and absently combs his fingers through the melting snowflakes in Toge’s damp hair, who dozes against his side in the backseat, a comforting and warm weight.
The mission hardly needed both of them. It was just a handful of grade ones. He’ll never complain, though. Not when they’re safer together.
That doesn’t mean he can’t still pout over how it played out, though.
When they got there, Yuuta had crouched down to tie his shoe, mentioning they should probably split up, as much as he disliked the idea. But he hadn’t even finished the suggestion, anyway—interrupted before he could by hands on his back and Toge vaulting over him into two handsprings with an upside-down wink and his marked tongue poking out. The shout of cursed speech that came after echoed between buildings, ping-ponging against the frosted windows framing the empty side street. Thankfully, the force of it shot the curse backwards and away from them, leaving their uniforms out of range, and therefore clean, as it exploded in a grotesque firework. Toge was—of course—very proud of that, strolling leisurely with his hands in his pockets, back to where Yuuta stood, whose mouth may or may not have been hanging open. And who sort of looked like as much of a useless idiot as he felt.
Well, not sort of. He definitely looked like a useless idiot.
At least he had helped a little, Yuuta thinks now, admittedly sour remembering how Toge had done all the work. All Yuuta contributed was healing his throat. At least it was more than nothing, he thinks around the guilt Toge would be scolding him for if he was awake.
But he supposes it is nice—the quiet and peaceful ride back to the school in spotless uniforms, watching frosted trees wrapped in string lights pass by.
What’s even better than that, though, is Toge’s warmth curled against him, and that he’s here at all. Yuuta’s more than used to endless solo missions, commuting on his own via train or by car with one of the managers, the stale rides to and from, the bone-deep exhaustion and need to hold Toge in his arms. As much as he’d love for Toge to never have to take a mission again, he knows that isn’t possible. So, this is the next best thing, right?
Yuuta’s gaze shifts, and he glances down, smiling softly before hooking the tip of his finger over the edge of Toge’s scarf to tug it away. A warmth blooms in his chest at the sight of fluffy, light lashes fluttering as Toge stirs, beautiful and adorable as ever. Yuuta dips his head down to press a kiss to chapped lips parted just barely, then another to the tip of his rosy nose that scrunches slightly with a tiny pout. Yuuta laughs silently and rests his head on Toge’s, tugging him closer against his side.
Snow crunches beneath the tires as they near the garage tucked at the back of the mountain, the only other sound save the soft and steady breathing near his ear and the faint click of the gear shifted into park.
“Toge, baby, we’re back,” Yuuta murmurs into damp bangs.
“Um, Okkotsu-kun—” Ijichi calls from the front seat, sounding flustered.
Oops. He forgot about Ijichi.
Embarrassment immediately flushes Yuuta’s face. He sincerely hopes Ijichi didn’t overhear that.
Thankfully, he’s saved from having to think too much of it by the car door being yanked open.
“About damn time! Get your asses inside!” Maki barks.
Yuuta has changed his mind. He has definitely not been saved.
Abruptly, Toge jerks awake, his forehead colliding with Yuuta’s hard enough for the sharp thunk to ring in his ears.
Yuuta winces. Apparently he can get through an entire mission without so much as a scratch, but a confrontation with Maki? He should’ve known better.
“Sujiko!” Toge hisses, flipping off their grumpy visitor with a glare and the hand not currently nursing his forehead. But Maki has already turned away, intentionally leaving the door open for the freezing wind to bite their skin.
“Mentaiko ikura sujiko—”
“Are you okay?” Yuuta asks, his hand that lifts to cup Toge’s face just as gentle as the concern in his voice. He brushes the pad of his thumb along the reddened mark starting to bruise, moving lower to rub circles into Toge’s cheek when it makes him wince.
“Sorry, let me—”
Toge doesn’t let him finish that reflexive apology. His expression melts softer with the warmth of all-too-knowing amusement. “Okaka, takana.”
“But—”
“Yuuta, tuna tuna.”
Yuuta sighs, tucking a few stray strands of snowy blonde hair behind Toge’s ear. “I know, I know, she’ll just yell louder if we keep her waiting.” He pauses to hook a curled index finger under Toge’s chin, drawing him closer. There’s a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his lips when he says, “But I don’t think a few more seconds will make much of a difference, hmm?”
Toge smiles, huffing a little laugh into the kiss brushed against his lips. Then the second… and the third. All of which definitely last longer than a few seconds.
Yuuta rubs at his forehead, subconsciously healing the bruise as his sneakers squeak against the hallway floor. He isn’t looking forward to the headache it’ll undoubtedly cause later that he wishes—not for the first time in his life—he could heal. Nor the one Maki is definitely going to give him in about five seconds, if he knows her at all.
“Fucking finally!”
Yep. There she is.
Toge slumps against his side, hiding his face in the hood of Yuuta's coat and grumbling something he doesn’t pick up.
“Maki, lay off, they just got back—” Panda starts from his perch on her shoulders, but Maki cuts him off before he can finish.
“Don’t care! If I have to suffer through even a second longer of this screaming I’m going to rip my own fucking hair out!” Her shoes thud against the wood floor as she turns and stomps down the hall.
Reluctantly, Yuuta follows.
He tangles his fingers with Toge’s, melting at the pleased little hum it gets him against his shoulder. Toge’s enthusiasm promptly deflates, though, once Yuuta starts traitorously tugging him down the hallway.
But then Yuuta hears the screaming, and slows.
To Toge’s dismay, Yuuta still continues in the direction Maki disappeared.
Towards the screaming.
Not for the first time since they met, Toge is shocked by Yuuta’s complete disregard for self-preservation. Or his sanity. Both, really. He uselessly tries to make an escape, but Yuuta’s hands are almost double the size of his and gripping tight as if to plead him not to have to go alone.
When they round the corner, it’s to find Yuuji holding a bundle of light-yellow blanket currently wailing loud enough to ring in both their ears.
“Oh, thank—” Yuuji breathes, relief flooding his face before it’s immediately straining again. “Wait, you’re not Ieiri-sensei.”
“No, not last time I checked,” Yuuta offers, brows pinching in confusion at just about everything that’s spanned the past ten minutes.
Less. Less than ten minutes.
He thinks he would’ve preferred the usual post-mission fatigue and desperate need for a shower to whatever they’ve come back to. Which he still isn’t quite sure even is.
Yuuta's first thought—logically, in his opinion—is that they’re dealing with some kind of curse. But he hasn’t the slightest idea why it requires all six of them, plus Panda, who can’t even fight anymore. And Ieiri-sensei, apparently. Or why Yuuji is currently bouncing it in his arms with increasingly strained shhs.
Maybe it’s a new cursed corpse? Does Panda have a baby sibling, now?
Toge shrinks further behind him, trying to disappear and just as confused but a whole lot less eager to be filled in.
Yuuta hears the click of heels against old wooden floorboards, then a tired and painfully disappointed voice. “The screaming hasn’t stopped?”
“No! If anything, it’s gotten worse!” Nobara moans from where she’s sprawled across one of the chairs near the window. Maki sinks down into the sliver of space left in front of her, burying her face in Nobara's stomach and covering her ears with both hands.
“Did you pick up the stuff on the list I gave you?” Ieiri breezes past Yuuta, her dark hair falling out of the clip that barely clings to it at all, and stops in front of Yuuji to inspect whatever he’s holding. She just sighs. It sounds remarkably similar to the one she uses at even the mention of Gojo. Which is frankly concerning, given that he’s presently away on an extended mission.
“Yeah, it’s all in the bag on the counter,” Megumi confirms. Yuuta didn’t even notice him until now, slumped in another chair opposite Nobara and Maki.
There’s a plastic shuffling as its contents are emptied beside the coffee pot and tacky mug tree adorned with fake little presents at its base. A tin of something he can’t make out the label of is set down, followed by… a pack of diapers?
“Who all has tried holding her?” Ieiri-sensei asks, grabbing what looks to be baby wipes with one hand.
Holding… her?
“What’s going on?” Yuuta asks before anyone can respond, eyes darting between all the other pairs in the room shadowed with dark circles definitely worse than his own. None of which were there this morning when he left with Toge for their mission.
They all turn towards Ieiri as she crumples the shopping bag and sighs. “Well…” She leans back against the cabinets, crossing her arms over her chest. “Around ten this morning, we got a bit of a… surprise delivery.”
Yuuta just blinks at the vague hand wave in Yuuji's direction.
“One of the assistant managers found a baby at the base of the mountain. No note. All we know is her name—Sayu—since it was written on her car seat’s emergency contact label. Conveniently, without any actual contact information,” she continues, massaging her temple as—what he now knows to be—infant cries continue. “She’s three months old, not that that means anything to any of you, and with Kento, Yaga, and even, dare I say, Satoru away on missions for another day at least, that leaves her in our care until it’s decided what to do with her.”
Something bitter settles inside him at that.
Until it’s decided what to do with her.
“Just keep him away from her until it’s decided what to do with him.”
The sting of old wounds buried deep throb in time with the growing ache in Yuuta’s skull.
“What do you mean?” he asks, tone sharper than he meant it to be. He’s never thought much about babies and children, only twenty-two himself, and, well… not in a relationship that could ever result in one biologically, accidental or intentional. Any thought he’s had didn’t go past the simple fact that they’re part of those he fights as a sorcerer in order to protect. They’re… abstract, almost. He knows they exist, but beyond that, they’re just something he was once, and not allowed to be for very long.
But even then, it still feels so wrong, hearing those words refer to a helpless child not so unlike himself at only ten years old. Discarded as if he were mold found in the walls. Hated and feared for the danger he posed to his family and everyone around him—especially his little sister.
He doesn’t know why this baby was left and abandoned at the school, but he does know there’s no possible way it was her fault. Unlike him. And yet, even if it wasn’t until years later, someone still took him in and gave him a home when no one else would. Someone—more than one—still loved him like family when his own hated the mere sight of him. They helped him grow and held out a hand whenever it was needed, and even when it wasn’t. Just because they cared.
Yuuta knows someone so much younger than even he was should never face the same fate. A fate no one so helpless could ever deserve. What she does deserve is everything he was given by those he now calls his family and friends.
But… how to accomplish that, he doesn’t know yet.
Ieiri continues before Yuuta can think about it any further.
“Well, the kids’ got an absurd amount of cursed energy—how, I’m not sure yet—so an ordinary orphanage is automatically a big no, or whoever left her here would’ve taken her there instead. She needs frequent care that none of us alone can give her. It’s anyone’s guess if Kento or Satoru are willing to adopt her, but I highly doubt either have the time for that to be a realistic possibility, either. Yaga has offered to help if needed, but he’s gone more often than not, now, with his new position among the higher-ups.” She slides the pen out from behind her ear, spinning it idly between her fingers. “Our only option—for now, at least—is an infant care crash course for all of you, a game of spit-up loaded hot potato, and a prayer to whatever’s out there that the flashlight-eyed idiot and Kento get back sooner rather than later. I’m not really a baby person, by the way.”
Yuuta shares a look with the others.
No kidding, is all he really has to say, but decides against it.
The pen stops, gripped with a loaded sigh between Ieiri’s fingers. “Baby formula is one of the worst smells to ever exist, by the way. So buckle up, kids.”
Ieiri lectures them late into the night, drilling their brains with information and warnings. Do this not that, remember this, never do that. She teaches them how to properly hold a baby of Sayu’s age, how to change a diaper, how to feed her a bottle, how to check the temperature of the formula before they do, how to burp her. She repeats over and over that nothing, not a single thing, goes in the crib with her, and that she has to be placed on her back because she can’t turn over by herself yet. She tells them how often Sayu will need to nap, how long, and shows them how to transfer her to her crib without waking her up.
They practice all of this on a creepy doll she fished out of some storage closet that’s missing one of its eyes. It’s straight out of a horror film—stains of an unknown substance discoloring patches of its rubbery skin. If he never sees it again, it’d be too soon. An opinion Toge undoubtedly shares with the rest of the group.
Yaga offers to take care of the actual baby for the night, thankfully available and the only one present with any sort of parenting experience. It’s eerily quiet at first once the pair leave the room that’s now become the base of their impromptu operation.
But, that quiet lasts not a second longer than the ten minute break they’re given before Ieiri’s voice is barking orders. She’s frighteningly efficient, her no-bullshit attitude a stark contrast to the teaching—though calling it that feels like a bit of a stretch—they’re all used to, thanks to Gojo.
Toge’s surprised to find it… wasn’t as hard as he was anticipating. He knows he’ll likely eat his words later, when creepy rubber is swapped for a living, breathing infant. But this opinion does not seem universal. At all.
Ironically, the few women amongst them like children the least. Which is to say, they don’t really like them at all. Yuuji has the enthusiasm, but put the diaper on backwards more times than they bothered counting, and accidentally launched the rubber baby across the room thanks to his freakish strength. Megumi didn’t struggle at all, although he seemed somewhere between embarrassed and uncomfortable for most of the night. Yuuta started out similar to Yuuji—thankfully without the baby launching, though—but got the hang of it pretty quickly once his anxiety calmed down some.
Toge has decided to ignore the fact that Yuuta caring for a baby, even if it was rubber and objectively terrifying, was doing strange things to his heart the entire night. He’s too tired to consider what that might mean.
All in all, it could’ve gone a lot worse. At least they actually know what they’re doing now and aren’t going in blind as a bunch of hazards to an infant’s safety, he thinks later that night after they’re finally allowed to leave. Exhausted, head throbbing from both information overload and the aftermath of the bruise he’s really starting to regret not letting Yuuta heal, Toge finds himself falling asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. He’d barely even had the energy to change and run through the rest of his night routine after they got home.
Now, Toge tangles his legs with Yuuta’s under the fluffy duvet, a cat curled against his personal heater. Content and sleepy as he tilts his head back just enough to catch Yuuta’s lips. It’s soft, slow. Loving in every sense of the word. Unhurried, and more than a little sleepy. Toge hums happily when a kiss is pressed into his hair after he nuzzles back into Yuuta’s chest.
“‘Night, baby. Love you,” Yuuta murmurs with a soft yawn.
Toge smiles, hugging him tighter and nuzzling deeper. “Tuna tuna.”
He’s just starting to drift off when something glows faintly past his eyelids at the same time he feels the soft brush of lips against his forehead. Toge’s eyes blink back open just as some of the pain throbbing in his forehead eases away, all that’s left a dull ache and the numbing tingle of a faint brush of RCT.
It’s not cold and sterile like Ieri’s, nor like Yuuta’s normally is at it’s full force. It’s gentle. The softest touch of a butterfly’s wings fluttering against the pulse hammering in his skull until it slows. It feels a little fuzzy, almost. A numbness suspending his nerves as the bruise’s pain floats away and all he’s left with is a dull ache of a headache far away.
“Sorry I can’t heal the headache, but hopefully that’s a bit better? I should’ve done it sooner, sorry,” Yuuta says softly.
The glow fades until it’s gone, but Yuuta’s lips linger for another gentle press, his nose nuzzling into soft bangs against Toge’s forehead, who does the same to where Yuuta’s throat dips into his collarbone. He smiles at the way it makes the arms wrapped around him tighten their hug, his heart melting to mush at Yuuta being Yuuta and caring so much about something so small.
“Shake,” Toge whispers, content and happy and wondering how he got so lucky as he drifts off to sleep.
The next day, Toge discovers one of his new favorite things: post-nap baby snuggles.
Sayu was still so sleepy after she woke up—curling into the warmth of his chest, two tiny fistfuls of his shirt gluing her in place. He’d wrapped her blanket around her tiny form and settled into the armchair beside the floor-to-ceiling windows, the rays of midday sunlight making the drawn curtains glow with bursts of soft blue. She felt something like a warm, weighted blanket snuggled against him, small and so, so fragile. It made him feel protective in a way he never had before—made him feel like he’d do anything and everything to keep her from harm. More than just moral obligation or doing his job. This felt… especially personal, and he wasn’t quite sure why. Not yet, anyway.
It was… strange. New. But not… unwelcome.
She’d cooed at him a little later, big grey eyes and fluffy white lashes wide and smiling as he smiled back, heart light and big in his chest that felt too small to even hold it but so big against her little nose pressed into the soft material of his t-shirt, his uniform jacket open and forming her own little cocoon.
He’d never thought of himself as much of a baby kind of guy, but apparently he was completely wrong. Maybe he just had to experience it once. Maybe that little spark was there all along, waiting to catch and fill his heart with a warmth he’d never felt before.
Truthfully, he’d been worried about how it would go. There was always the chance that his half covered face would scare her. Or the marks even more so. That it would make all the little things difficult. But he’s used to that. He’s used to all the little barriers and roadblocks. That’s nothing new.
What is new, is the immediate trust and… attachment, almost, as soon as she was in his arms.
She wasn’t afraid of him. She wasn't afraid of him at all. She hadn’t cried like she did for Yuuji, screamed like she did for Nobara, both like she did for Maki.
No. Instead, Sayu curled into him like it was the most natural thing in the world.
It made him feel things. Things he wasn’t sure he was even capable of feeling—had never thought about feeling. Things that scared him a little, if he was being honest. Things that meant change. And change meant his happy little life with Yuuta that he’s come to hold so dear wouldn’t be the same little routines he’s grown used to. The cozy, easy way they exist together in their weird little family that’s been the same since their second year of high school. He doesn’t want change, or so he thought. Now, he isn’t sure he knows what he wants. Not fully, anyway.
Naturally, Toge shoves all of that to the back of his mind, at least for now. He has an infant depending on him to keep her breathing; he can have a crisis later. Maybe in Yuuta’s arms after his favorite dinner. Yeah, that sounds better.
Perfect. Paternal crisis temporarily averted.
Toge adjusts himself in the fancy chair, the nerves in his arms beginning to sparkle with tingles where it cradles Sayu’s head. She blinks up at him around her bottle, her eyes wide and curious.
Maki had complained in the group chat earlier about how badly baby formula smells, and for once, Toge’s thankful he has to cover half his face.
Sayu doesn’t seem to mind, though. She’s devouring the stuff like Yuuta does Toge’s cooking.
The thought sparks an image of a little Sayu, maybe five or six, and Yuuta, sitting snuggled at their kotatsu as they happily feast on a steaming meal of homemade ramen just the way he knows Yuuta loves, snow flurrying outside the frosted windows. In his little fantasy, something flashes on Yuuta’s left ring finger as he hands Sayu a napkin, noticeably different from the one that sits on a chain around his neck.
Paternal crisis decidedly not averted.
His traitorous brain decides to fan the fire, supplying the helpful image of Yuuta, passed out on the couch in their living room, dark save the sparkling lights of Tokyo through their window. There’s a tiny line of drool at the corner of his mouth. His sweater is riding up and exposes the sharp line of his hip and the faintest hint of elastic.
And finally, Sayu—tiny, adorable, sound asleep, arms tucked under her like a little caterpillar—curled against his chest.
So much for “after dinner”.
Sayu blinks at him, oblivious to the tooth-achingly sweet turmoil she’s putting him through. Obviously, it’s objectively impossible to be mad at her for it.
Toge slumps in the chair and sighs, exhaustion still weighing on his brain from the night before and making any sort of pushback against domestic fantasies that much harder.
The worst part is, he can’t even deny that he enjoys every second of it.
Yuuta finds himself desperately missing the calm before the storm the next day.
He hasn’t even had his turn yet watching the baby—busy with missions all morning—but the sheer amount of second-hand stress he’s received from their group chat has drained more energy out of his system than cutting down curses one after another.
But, surprisingly, their group chat has been awfully quiet for the past few hours. He hopes it’s due to things going well, and not because the school exploded. Or was overrun by curses with few staff around to combat them. Or lost Wi-Fi and cellular connections.
Just to be safe, Yuuta sends Toge a short text asking how he’s doing, since it’s currently his turn to watch Sayu, before he slides his phone into his back pocket and continues his search for the last curse on his list for the day.
He swipes the back of his hand across his forehead, wiping away grime and sweat as he pushes his bangs behind his ear. There’s an eerie chill in the air that doesn’t feel like the same December cold fogging his breath and turning the tip of his nose and cheeks rosy.
Yuuta shivers.
It’s too quiet.
His heart is a steady thrum in his ears, but other than the whistle of icy wind and the thump of his boots, it’s silent. The kind of silence that isn’t silent at all, that drums against his ears as his pulse hammers in anticipation.
Yuuta stops in place. He closes his eyes—attempts to hush the thoughts hovering and buzzing like a cloud of gnats in his mind.
But then… there’s that chill again. The phantom shiver that doesn’t come from the cold biting his cheeks and numbing his fingertips.
So Yuuta waits. But nothing happens.
He continues searching the little abandoned farm nestled at the base of a mountain. The minutes tick by, five turning into ten, ten to twenty, twenty to thirty. There’s no sign of a curse, and—more importantly—no buzz from his back pocket with a reply from Toge.
Yuuta tries not to think about it too much. Toge could just be busy. Or… or not have any hands free. Yeah. It’s fine, Toge’s fine.
He’s not convinced, but the faster he exorcizes this curse, the faster he can get home, and make sure for himself with his own eyes that Toge is safe.
Changing his approach, Yuuta focuses all his effort into reaching out with his cursed energy, feeling around the shadows and dust and dirt for the curse, something like a metal detector.
But it’s… everywhere?
Cursed energy bleeds above and around him like a blanket of smoke, everywhere at once but nowhere at all that’s enough to justify the grade one ranking he was told. It’s not like the higher ups to overestimate a curse—especially one assigned to him.
He’s definitely missing something. It doesn’t make any sense. There’s cursed energy all around him, throbbing and pulsing in the snow coating everything white and collecting in the crooks of the mountain peaking through the patches of missing siding from the shed, but he doesn’t see anything.
Nothing is attacking him. Nothing is even moving. Nothing except the window howling and whistling through the decaying timbers lining the shed.
It’s still quiet. Eerily so.
Glancing around, despite knowing there’s no one nearby for miles—Yuuta holds up his katana, and—like the professional he is—waves it around in the air.
Still, nothing happens.
But then, just as he lowers his blade and moves to take a step forward, an ear-shattering, echoing howl erupts from above him.
Every flake of snow in sight begins rising and swirling like an inverted blizzard, collecting in one mass that looms a short ways up the mountain, growing larger and larger as it consumes what was nothing more than a peaceful blanket of snow only a moment before.
Yuuta takes a tentative step back. “Rika…”
Another howl shakes the crumbling shed as she materializes and shrieks back as if they were two children laughing with glee.
The mass of snow hovering above him has grown to the size of a building, threatening to fall at any moment and bury him alive.
“Yuuuuuuta?” Rika crows. Her form nearly vibrates with her… excitement? “Can Rika eat the biiiiig snow baaaall? Please please PLEASEEEE?”
Yuuta doesn’t hesitate. “YES! Eat it, please!”
So she does, growing to the size of a city block to chomp down on an equally-large mass of snow.
This is… not how he anticipated this mission to go, he thinks, panting where he stands relatively unscathed aside from his pulse that won’t slow and his breath that feels too thin at just how close he came to being buried alive and slowly suffocated in the dark of thousands of pounds of snow separating him from air.
But it’s over. Thanks to Rika, who shrinks back down to her normal size and hovers beside Yuuta.
“All doneee?” she chirps.
“Yeah, thank you. You did great.” It comes out something like a squeak, still rattled.
Rika crows happily before disappearing again. When she does, he notices the veil shimmer as it starts to rise from the surrounding area.
Yuuta heaves a sigh and tugs his phone from his back pocket, checking to see if maybe he missed a notification in the fight, hoping to see Toge’s name light up his home screen.
Nothing. Just a meme from Maki sent an hour ago on her way to her own mission.
That gnawing feeling that something is wrong burrows deeper under his skin as it grows louder and louder.
Please be okay.
Reaching the train station does nothing to ease his anxiety when every line is delayed thanks to the snow. Because of course they are.
He’s stuck waiting for an hour before any train into Tokyo departs. An hour of shaking hands, bouncing knees, and the repetitive click and flicker of his phone lighting to its lock screen and recent notifications. None of which are from Toge. Not a single message. He’d tried their friends, but they’re all out on missions and know nothing more than he does. To top it off, Ieiri-sensei hasn’t responded either, the only other person he knows for a fact to be at the school with Toge. She doesn’t often reply quickly, but still. That can’t be a coincidence, right?
Needless to say, Yuuta is an anxious mess.
As if it couldn’t get worse, the train doesn’t arrive until lunch rush, so by the time he finally gets on, the car is packed with pedestrians all too eager to give him strange looks and once-overs. He should be used to this by now, living in the city, and all, but he never quite figured out how to ignore the stares and wide berth he’s given thanks to his filthy uniform and katana strapped across his back.
The air feels thin and stale, packed with bodies and not enough to breathe, his pulse a drum and his throat thick with anxiety he can’t get down in a swallow that only grows as the minutes continue to tick by with no word from Toge. Everything’s too loud and jumbles together into one big cloud of white noise that grates on his nerves and sets him on edge, teeth clenched hard enough to feel the throb of his jaw ache in protest. Something itches under his skin as another passenger yaps at a volume that gets her glares from those around her. He can’t sit still. He can’t stop the avalanche of what ifs plaguing his mind and ticking the panic higher and higher as each minute passes with no response.
He knows he’s being overdramatic; knows it’s probably nothing. He knows—somewhere, buried far away where he can’t hear it, can’t truly believe it, can’t give it any space to even exist with every other part of him screaming its opposite—that this worry is far more than it needs to be. That he’s exaggerating, and Toge is probably fine. He knows, but that doesn’t matter. The worry is bigger. The anxiety is darker, crueler, more convincing to the point of irrefutable, its claws a tightening noose around his neck as he struggles to breathe evenly through the panic that wants to drown him.
It’s illogical. He knows it’s ridiculous—thinking what he is. But logic never matters. Not to his anxiety. Not to the beast in his mind that trickles down inside his ribs and squeezes his lungs and heart.
The doors can’t open fast enough when they finally reach his stop. Yuuta’s mind reels in panic as he rushes out of the station and towards the school, ping-ponging between pedestrians that all seem to be walking the opposite way and too slow and too many, all of them glaring as he pushes past. He mutters apology after apology under his breath, not even hearing himself speak it or think it anymore by the time he makes it to the base of the stairs leading up to the school that he takes two at a time.
Finally, finally, he reaches the top, breathless for more than one reason but no closer to stopping as he runs inside and down hallways until he’s standing in front of the room he can only hope holds Toge, safe and maybe just too busy to answer his phone.
His hand shakes as it grips the handle and pushes the door open, heart hammering and throat dry.
But…
But then… then he sees the reason for all the missed calls, the unanswered texts… and Yuuta’s heart nearly bursts.
Toge, peacefully dozing, legs tucked underneath himself, hair a haphazard mess, curled in the fancy armchair with Sayu hugged in his arms, both sound asleep.
Something shifts in him that he can’t really describe, but his heart feels so full at the sight in front of him that he can’t find it in himself to give it much thought at the moment.
Yuuta smiles—expression melting into something soft and warm—as he makes his way over to the chair, careful to keep quiet. He crouches beside the arm, tucking a few strands of Toge’s rumpled bangs behind his ear before pressing the softest kiss to his cheek.
He hadn’t meant it to, but the kiss wakes Toge, who blinks slowly and blearily up at him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just got back,” Yuuta says softly, cradling Toge’s face with one hand and something far past adoring in his eyes.
Toge yawns, and his nose scrunches as he takes a moment to fully wake up the rest of the way.
Once he does, he wastes no time immediately reaching his face in Yuuta’s direction. His brows are pinched with impatience, earning him a knowing, fond smile before Yuuta tugs down Toge’s scarf and brushes their lips together. The kiss is soft, slow, and a little sleepy. His mouth is warm, his lashes tickle as they flutter back open, his eyes are as beautiful as ever. He’s okay, and Yuuta’s anxiety floats away as if maybe it was never even there to begin with.
Toge hums happily and lingers when they finally part, still somewhat hazy from his impromptu nap and all the more adorable for it.
“I was starting to get worried with how quiet the group chat has been the past few hours, but now I see why. How…?” Yuuta asks in a hushed tone, their lips brushing as he does, noses bumping.
He had heard all about the… frustrations, to put it kindly, of Maki and Nobara. Yuuji had been distressed as well, but was definitely a whole lot more forgiving. The dislike seemed to be one-sided there, and not from Yuuji.
Toge glances down, finding Sayu to still be happily sound asleep in his arms. He smiles at her, in a way that looks like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. So soft it’s more in his eyes than the faint upturn of his lips.
He untucks one hand and readjusts the other so it’s still visible to sign. ‘Guess she just likes me? She hasn’t cried at all as long as I’m in view. Well, except when she was hungry.’
Yuuta’s quiet for a moment, thinking about how cute that is, and his poor heart is melting all over again.
There’s a soft buzz from across the room that doesn’t stop.
Toge glances down at the bundle in his arms, then back up in the direction the noise came from, then at Yuuta, who gets the hint and pushes to his feet to grab Toge’s phone from the counter.
He supposes it makes sense, now. Toge was asleep, and his phone was across the room. Yuuta feels more than a little silly at the height he let his anxiety spike to over, well… nothing, really.
‘Ugh, mission soon,’ Toge signs with a pout.
Yuuta hands him his phone. “Have you eaten lunch? I can hold her while you go grab it.”
Toge looks down, more than a little skeptical after this morning’s events, and catches just as Sayu’s big eyes blink open sleepily.
He braces for the worst and holds her bundled form out for Yuuta to take, but then…
She’s fine. Still content. No tears. No screaming.
They both stare dumbfounded for a moment.
“Maybe it’s because you’re still here?” Yuuta offers. “Go get your lunch.”
He does just that. Toge sneaks out of the room, making as little noise as possible, and heads to the nearest vending machine to get a drink, after. He tries to hurry and hopes the lack of wailing from outside the door is a good sign.
But when he gets back… Sayu’s still completely content.
It’s Toge’s turn to melt, this time. He leans against the door frame, tilting his head until it rests against the old wood, overflowing with sticky fondness so soft it feels as if it blurs the edges of his vision and turns the sunlight golden, tinging everything warmer, glowing rosy pink and sparkling like sugar. He watches Yuuta smile brightly as Sayu giggles from some noise or face he made, watches Yuuta’s heart burst as her little hand wraps around his finger.
Toge sighs, but it’s a happy sigh. A knowing sigh, maybe, that Sayu has already won them over, and stolen both their hearts in her tiny hands.