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"Cas are you shitting me right now?" Dean asked as he trailed Cas through the corridors of the local storage facility. It was exactly two weeks until they were moving to start their new life out in LA and Cas had only just revealed that he had a storage compartment full of "stuff".
"No Dean, I am not 'shitting' you. I told you I have some stuff that I need to sort through" Cas replied as he stopped in front of what Dean guessed was his storage compartment. Dean watched as Cas retrieved his key from his pocket and unlocked the roller door. When Cas returned the key to his pocket, Dean stepped forward and helped Cas with the rusted door. When the door was secured, Cas stepped inside and switched on the light. Dean's jaw dropped when the light filled the room. It was packed floor to ceiling with boxes of Cas' "stuff".
"Fuck" Dean said exasperated "Guess I better ring Sam and cancel our lunch. This looks like it's going to take a while" Dean looked over at Cas who had the decency to at least look a little bit guilty.
"I'm sorry Dean" Cas replied "I just forgot how much stuff I actually had at home. I have no idea if it's organised but it more than likely will not. Zachariah is not the kind of man to do that. I assume he would have hired someone to pack it up. I just hope they haven't broken anything" Cas' face hardened as he spoke of his family. He never liked to talk about them and Dean didn't blame him after what had happened when Zachariah had turned up at Cas' workplace. The dude sounded like a total dick to Dean.
Dean moved over to where Cas was stood and wrapped his arms around the man to comfort him. He knew how upset it made Cas thinking about his family and how he would never be able to see them again. All he had left was Gabriel and Dean could sympathise with him as he was in a similar situation only having Sam. But Dean knew it wasn't the same. Dean had Bobby, Ellen, and Jo around. They were his family now with his Dad God knows where. He just hoped Cas knew that they too were now his family.
Ellen and Bobby had been so accepting of Cas and had been so readily available to help out when he needed them. Ellen had actually offered Cas a job when he hadn't had much luck finding one on his own but Cas was stubborn and had been determined to find one on his own. Of course he eventually had but Dean couldn't help but be thankful for his makeshift family's generosity.
"It's okay Cas." Dean soothed as he rubbed his hands up and down Cas' back. "We'll get through all this crap of yours. Anything you don't want we'll leave in here and just tell the owner to dump it when we leave. Sound good?"
Cas pushed Dean away and scowled "It's not 'crap', Dean. It's my possessions and a lot of them have sentimental value"
Dean waved him off "Yeah, yeah whatever. Come on let's get started. The sooner we start the sooner we can leave. I don't know about you but I'd rather not be here all day"
Cas nodded in reply and the pair got to work as they sifted their way through the boxes. None of them had labels on them so each box had to be individually opened and sorted. Cas soon got frustrated with Dean asking him "keep or throw" every time he pulled something out of a box. With the tension rising, Dean decided now was a good time for a break.
"I'm starving" Dean announced after what seemed to him like hours of sorting boxes when in reality it had only been a little over an hour. "I'm going to head to the store down the road and get us something to eat and drink. You want anything in particular?"
Cas looked up from the box he was sorting through and over at Dean. He had tears in his eyes as he gripped tightly onto the frame he held.
"What's wrong Cas?" Dean asked softly as he made his way over to his boyfriend to see why he was crying. "Is something broken?" Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. Dean placed a soft kiss to Cas' neck as he peered down at what Cas was looking at.
What he saw was a photo frame of a younger Cas maybe 13 at the oldest. The person in the picture may only be a boy but it was undeniably obvious it was Cas. If the messy hair and the bright blue eyes didn't give it away, the toothy grin the boy gave the camera would have. He looked unbelievably happy and innocent and Dean couldn't help but smile at the sight. It was then when Dean noticed the other person in the picture stood behind Cas with their arms draped over Cas' shoulders.
He studied the face of the woman with long brown hair a similar shade of Cas, and matching blue eyes. Dean didn't need Cas to tell him who the person was. Dean had never seen a photo of her before but it was indisputable that the woman was Cas' mother. He squeezed his arms a little tighter as a tear dropped from Cas' eyes and onto the glass of the picture frame.
"She was beautiful, Cas" Dean whispered as he didn’t want to ruin the serenity of the moment. "You look just like her" He felt Cas let out a shaky breath before he nodded slightly. Dean pressed soft kisses into Cas' neck as more tears dripped from the end of his nose and onto the picture. "Tell me about her" Dean asked softly as he didn’t want to make Cas feel pressured.
Cas hadn't talked to Dean about his mother other than telling him they had been close and she had died two years ago which set Cas off in a downward spiral. The subject of mothers had been a sore spot for both men but with Dean losing his so young he didn't have many memories to share. But Cas had his mother for most of his life which left the wound fresh in Cas' heart.
Dean lifted his head off Cas' shoulder to look around for a place where they could sit. A few steps behind them were stacked plastic containers that could easily hold their weight as opposed to the flimsy cardboard boxes. Dean took a few careful steps back without relenting on his grip on Cas and sat down on the containers. They creaked under their combined weight as Cas sat himself in Dean's lap but easily held firm.
They sat in silence as Dean watched as Cas' thumb slowly stroked over the image of his mother. Dean was content to just comfort his boyfriend until he was ready. It didn't take long until Cas was ready to speak. Dean felt him let out a shaky breath and rub his nose with his hand as he sniffed.
"She was my everything" Cas spoke once he had gathered himself. "She just knew me. Most of the time I didn't have to even tell her something for her to know what was going on. The only reason I could survive school with those homophobes and asshole jocks was because every night I would come home and she would just wash away the anger. I didn’t officially come out at school. I just wasn’t ready but they all had their suspicions which I found hard to ignore."
Dean stayed silent as Cas continued. He pressed soft kisses into Cas' clothed shoulder while his thumbs rubbed soothing circles into his hips. "She was my best friend. She just understood me so well and I just-" Cas stuttered as he held back a sob "I miss her so much" It was then that Cas broke down and turned himself to sit sideways across Dean's lap which allowed him to hide his face into Dean's shirt and sob.
"Shh Cas, it's okay Sweetheart" Dean soothed as he rubbed his hands up and down Cas' back. He didn't know how long they sat there as Cas sobbed in his arms before he stopped. His shirt was damp with tears as Cas pulled back with a large sniff. Dean grimaced at the snotty sound "Dude, that's disgusting" Dean teased which caused a small smile to grace Cas' lips.
"You okay now?" Dean asked tentatively. At Cas' nod, Dean spoke again "Well why don't we both go to the store and take a little break. Fresh air will do you good"
Cas nodded again as he wiped his nose free of the snot before he sniffed again. "Sorry about your shirt" Cas apologised
Dean looked down to inspect the damp spot and noticed some snot mixed in there too. Dean grimaced again. "Seriously disgusting. It's okay, pretty sure I saw a shirt in one of these boxes before. I'll just wear that" Cas smiled slightly again and slid himself off Dean’s lap which let Dean stand up again. Dean quickly removed his shirt and handed it over to Cas who took it with confusion. “To wipe your nose. It’s already got snot on it what’s a little more?” Dean offered in explanation before he stepped across to the box he was sorting through.
He found what he was looking for and pulled out the white cotton shirt and inspected the front. In big black letters it read I Heart YN with a picture with a heart in the style of the popular I heart NY shirts. Under the text it explained the YN in brackets (you nude). Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at the shirt. He threw it on over his head and found it was a little snug and clung to his muscles more than his normal attire would.
“Are you serious, Cas?” Dean chuckled as he gestured to the shirt. “I didn’t think you would be one to wear something like this”
Cas sighed before he replied “I’m not. It was a gift from Gabriel. I’ve never actually worn it.”
“Ah huh” Dean replied “Sure you haven’t. I bet you used to wear it every Friday night when you went out on the town” he teased. Cas just rolled his eyes at Dean and made a move towards the roller door.
“Are we going to get some air or what?”
Dean chuckled again as he moved over to where Cas was stood and placed his hand on the small of his back and guided him out of the doorway. Once they were clear, Dean stopped and closed the roller door and locked the padlock again as he didn’t want to risk anyone going through Cas’ stuff. Once the door was closed, Dean turned around only to be pushed back against it by Cas as he attacked his mouth in a heated kiss while his tongue probed deeper into Dean’s mouth as his hands ran through Dean’s hair before he pulled back again. Dean stood as he panted against the door and stared at Cas while wondered what the hell was happening.
“Uhh, not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?” He asked cautiously
Cas pulled back from Dean and looked him in the eye with a smile on his lips. “For before. For being there for me and not pressuring me into talking”
Dean pulled Cas into a hug and pulled him into his chest before he kissed the crown of his mop of hair. “You don’t have to thank me Cas. I’m your boyfriend, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Come on let’s go before you get snot on this shirt too” Dean teased. Cas hit him on the arm as he pulled back before he slid his hand down Dean’s arm and entwined their fingers together before he tugged Dean along the corridors and back outside in the search of some much needed fresh air and food.
-
Even though there was still quite a bit to do, Castiel loved his time spent with Dean going through all his old stuff. There were so many boxes to sort through but there were so many memories packed away in there that he hadn’t shared with Dean yet and he was finally willing to let Dean see them. He had turned into a blubbering mess and ruined Dean’s shirt while he talked about his mother but Dean had been so gentle and thoughtful as he just comforted him through it. Dean was the best boyfriend he could ask for and he really couldn’t wait to spend his life with him in LA.
Castiel chanced a glance over at his boyfriend who was currently organising the things Castiel wanted to keep into a tidy stack of boxes on one side of the room and labelled them all so they knew what was inside and the things he didn’t want on the other. They had made steady progress and shouldn’t really be much longer before they were finished. Dean must have sense Castiel’s gaze as he once he had placed the box in his hands onto the pile he looked up at Castiel with a grin on his face. Castiel quickly returned the smile loving how contagious Dean’s smile really was.
They returned to their sorting in comfortable silence until Dean snapped Castiel out of his thoughts when he broke the silence.
“Hey Cas, what’s this?” Dean asked
Castiel looked over to where Dean stood holding onto a blue object. When Castiel realised what it was, he blanched before he blushed profusely.
“Uhm, uhh” He stuttered not knowing how to answer the question. He knew Dean knew exactly what it was. Dean wasn’t an idiot and just looked to tease Castiel further. “It’s not mine” Castiel finished lamely.
“Ah huh” Dean said unconvinced before he moved over to where Castiel stood.
Castiel gulped as Dean stepped closer and held the object out for Castiel to take hold of. With a shaky hand, Castiel took it from Dean’s grasp and stared down at the silicone object unsure of what to say. It had been another one of Gabriel’s gifts. Gabriel had known Castiel was gay for quite some time before he had abandoned the family for a new life and had teased Castiel constantly about the fact that he needed to get out more and get laid. When Castiel had refused out-right, Gabriel had sighed and seemed to have left it there. Castiel had never been more wrong in his life. Soon after, Gabriel kept sending ‘gifts’ which most of them Castiel had thrown away as soon as he had opened them having no interest in the toys he had received other than the one that was currently in his hands.
Seeing no way out, Castiel proclaimed the truth “Fine,” he sighed “So I own a dildo. Gabriel bought me all these toys when he found out I was gay and most of them I threw away because I didn’t want to use them except I really liked this one and I kept it and used it” He blabbered out as he stared at his feet the entire time and not stopping at all. He knew he was getting redder and redder as he carried on but when he had finished, he took a deep breath and held it while he waited for Dean’s reaction. When he didn’t get one straight away, he looked up at Dean only to find him staring at him with a huge grin on his face a glint of mischief in his eye. “What?” Castiel squeaked out afraid of what Dean was going to say.
“Nothin’, nothin’. Just wondering why you kept it in the box and didn’t bring it with you when you moved out here”
Castiel glared at him as the embarrassment faded away quickly “Dean, I was 17 when he found out I was gay. He found the porn collection on my computer leading him to buy me those ‘gifts’ shortly after that. I was horny and was no way near ready to come out to my school so I made do and used the dildo. Can we move on already? This is extremely embarrassing”
Dean laughed at Castiel’s expense which caused him to scowl at him. He was sure lots of teenagers had been in the same position with a secret toy they liked to use. Sure maybe their brother hadn’t bought it for them but it was all the same to Castiel. For someone like Castiel who had been a socially awkward in his teenage years, it had been an easy, pleasurable way to get himself off and he didn’t regret it for a second.
“You know,” Dean began once he had stopped laughing “This is quite large for a 17 year old. I’m quite impressed”
Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean before he resumed the box he was currently rummaging through. “What can I say, I like them big” he joked which caused Dean to laugh more. Castiel joined in this time and laughed along with Dean before they finally stopped.
“Jesus, Cas. Don’t ever change” Dean wheezed
“What, me in general or the fact I like them big?” Castiel joked which earned another laugh from Dean. He couldn’t help the warmth that rose in him as he watched Dean laugh at something he had said. It was something Castiel knew he would never get tired of.
Dean finally stopped laughing as he stepped forward and wrapped Castiel in his arms.
“You are, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m so glad that you agreed to move to LA with me. I love you so much Cas”
Castiel blushed as Dean spoke but couldn’t stop the butterflies as they fluttered as Dean told him he loved him. They had declared it to each other a while ago now but it was still new to Castiel having such strong feelings for someone only to have them reciprocated.
“I love you too, Dean. I can’t wait to start my life with you in LA”
They sealed it with a kiss that was sweet and loving with just the right amount of tongue and teeth before they finally stepped back from one another to resume their sorting.
Castiel had returned to the box he had been on before Dean’s sudden find only to be stopped again by Dean speaking.
“This is definitely going in the pile for LA” he joked as he slipped the silicone toy into its box and into the pile for LA.
Castiel smiled to himself as he continued to look in the box and refused to look over at Dean. Yep, he really did love this man.