Work Text:
“A toast to the groom!” Matt lifts his glass into the air with a smile. The blood red wine sparkles in the light of the golden chandelier. It wakes memories of battles long gone. Matt takes his gaze away from the wine. This is not the time to think about the war, not the time to think of what’s long past. He pushes these thoughts aside. It is time to celebrate. All that matters right now is the present.
“To the bride!”, he continues and looks at the newlyweds. Allura looks stunning in her flowing white dress, adorned with crystals; her hair flowing over her shoulders like a veil of moonlight. “From your best man Matt who is always by your side. To your union!”
Somewhere behind him, Lance throws in: “To the revolution!” Shiro and Allura both giggle.
“And the hope that you provide. May you always be satisfied!”
Matt sits down again and feels Katie put a hand on his arm. “You did great”, she whispers so that only he can hear it. Matt manages a smile.
“I tried.” He really did. He’s trying so hard to be happy today, to be happy for this couple. For Shiro. And so far, it seems to be working. Nobody except his sister would suspect how he really feels. Well, his sister and man whose wedding he just praised while wishing to be in Allura’s place. Oh, but Shiro knows. He’s always known.
Matt isn’t one to make much of romantic feelings. Never has been. They’re illogical, they can turn your whole world upside down. They can prevent you from being great. But whenever he’s with Shiro, his feelings make sense. They feel right, for the first time in his life. With Shiro, things are great. Where Shiro goes, there is hope. Even when they got captured by the Galra, when Matt had to watch his own father die, he still had Shiro and Shiro always kept his little spark of hope aflame. Together, they would survive anything.
After so much time has passed, Matt thought he’s gotten over it, but when the invitation came in the mail, jealously lit in his chest like a defect wire. And now, at the wedding, everything comes crashing back at once. Ever so strong and ever so painful.
“I think I need to catch some air”, he tells Katie and practically jumps out of his seat before she can reply. He leaves the room through the back door.
He’s not too familiar with the castle, but Katie has given him a brief tour once. So after crossing corner after corner, he reaches the door to a small balcony and decides to stay there for a while, until he can think straight again. As if that would ever happen.
Matt looks up at the starlit sky. Somewhere out there lies his past, Shiro saving his life and Matt losing his heart.
The bright sky, the constellations glowing, the chilly air, his shaky hands and scattered thoughts … it all reminds him of that one fateful night which he just might regret for the rest of his life.
Matt had always had a strong dislike for parties, even when the was the special guest.
No.
Especially when he was the special guest.
This whole situation could probably have been avoided if his friends hadn’t known that his parents were out for a fancy dinner, or if he simply hadn’t opened the door. But now, it was too late. There were about two dozen people in his house, all of them students from the Garrison, some of which he didn’t even know the name, dancing to deafening electro-pop and drinking beer and mixing up drinks s he really didn’t want to try. Or know what they were made up.
His best friend Brian had somehow failed to understand that Matt was headed to space in less than two days and that he had other things in mind than partying. Getting enough sleep so he’d be concentrated and didn’t lead his crew straight into certain death was one of them.
They were celebrating the Kerberos Mission - they were, Matt wasn’t - but couldn’t they wait until their glorious return? Or at least party without the pilots? There wasn’t much to celebrate before they had achieved anything, after all.
Matt didn’t feel like partaking in these festivities but with a friend like Brian, that was almost inevitable. His sister Katie was extremely into it for some reason, too. Or, well, into it as in ‘nerding around with some other girls and telling them how she would go to space one day herself and become one of the greatest pilots ever. She smiled sheepishly at the girls, telling them they could assist her on that mission. Was she actually flirting? Or trying to flirt at least? The girls were giggling - oh boy, she even succeeded at it!
Matt flirted about as much as he went to parties - he didn’t - but soon enough, Brian had talked him into having one or two beer. Not enough to get drunk, only to loosen up a bit, he said.
It wasn’t until a few hours later that Matt started to bop along to the bass ringing in his bones and not feeling too silly about it. He had just drunk enough not to be drunk drunk but to not be sober, either. The state in which you become light-headed and brave, but not bold enough to start crazy shit, pass out in the weirdest places and get yourself arrested when you wake up in a skirt and high-heels a few hours later. Yeah, he had to bail out Brian one or two times. He knew how bad it could get.
After a while, someone changed the music, swapped the pop with slow ballads, a quiet ambient sound that you don’t really notice anymore. Groups of people sat on floor and couches and chairs, talking and laughing and telling stupid drunk stories about how they almost got killed. Brian had fallen asleep behind the couch for some reason, even though he hadn’t been that drunk, yet he was still participating in the conversation via mumbling and grunting. He did that, sometimes. He had already had the habit of talking in his sleep when they went on an week-long excursion in their Freshman year. Matt heard some shit over those nights that made him view Brian in a completely different light and most of it were things that you don’t want to know about your best friend.
Matt was done drinking for the night since he didn’t want to risk ending up with a hangover on his last day on earth.
He went outside to catch some fresh air. The night sky was clear, the stars sparkled and touched the mountain tops in the distance. The crescent moon poured its silvery light over the trees like a veil. Crisp night air rustled through the leaves. They slowly began to turn red and brown and orange already. Summer was almost over.
Matt tried to take in as much as he could since he wouldn’t see a scene this tranquil and calm and beautiful for a long time. There was nothing quite as stunning as being among the stars but there’s something about late summer nights that you can’t compare to anything else in the whole universe. Matt’s heart stinged.
What is something happened out there, what if something went wrong, and they died out there, among the stars, where nobody could ever find out what happened to them? A tight knot formed in his stomach, he shook his head as if that could scare away this thought. It would probably be fine, after all, they did have the newest technology and people had gone to space with far less and come back safe and sound. It wasn’t like they were going to get kidnapped by aliens, after all.
“Tired of the party they threw for us?” A sudden voice startled Matt. He winced, whipping around. His head spun a moment longer than his body and a blurry person came into view. When his vision cleared, it met dark eyes that perfectly reflected the starlight. Tiny galaxies of their own.
Shiro’s cheeks were flushed, he’s probably had a bit more than Matt, but then again, he could also probably take more than him.
Shiro was the pilot of their mission, the star of Galaxy Garrison, even at his young age. One of the youngest cadets ever to go on a mission to outer space, and he definitely deserved it. His flying skills were remarkable. Well, pretty much everything about him was remarkable.
The way he smiled always made Matt’s heart flutter a little. A big little. Before they had been chosen for the mission, they had never had much to do with each other but Matt had found himself with some sort of infatuation soon enough anyway. He had never truly been in love so this had been a weird new sensation. Weird, yes. New, definitely, but bad? Nope, not bad at all.
“Kind of”, Matt replied after a short moment. He diverted his gaze from staring into Shiro’s eyes. “Don’t want to end up with a hangover.”
Shiro nodded. “Yeah, there’s still stuff to prepare”, he agreed. He leaned into the porch railing and looked up at the sky. “Man, I can’t believe we’re doing this. We’re practically living the dream of every kid who’s ever seen Star Wars.” He glanced at Matt with a grin. “With less war, obviously.”
“It’s really hard to believe somehow”, Matt mumbled. “We’re going farther than any man has ever gone, we’ll see things nobody before us has seen. This is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity.”
Shiro faced him completely now, one eyebrow raised. “But?”
Matt shrugged, sitting down on the porch steps. The knot in his stomach tightened into a big ball of anxiety and despair. He didn’t want to talk about it. Talking about it would’ve made his fear even more real. He couldn’t show that weakness to Shiro. “Stage-fright, I guess”, he lied.
“We all feel like that”, Shiro assured him. He sat down beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It can be a bit much.”
Matt put his knees up to his chin, resting his head on them. “We won’t even be able to see Earth anymore from up there. Aren’t you scared that something … could go wrong?” There, he’d said it.
“Of course I am”, the other said sincerely. “But there’s risk in everything we do, and we can’t spend our lives renouncing things that might be dangerous. We’ve got this chance to be great and we’d be damned if we didn’t take it. We’re a good team, you and me and your Dad. Everything will play out just the way we want it to.” His words really managed to take some of the doubt away. Shiro always had that calming effect on people. The way he said it, everything sounded so easy, too. Like a trip to the grocery store, a visit to your grandmother, and not to outer space. Like the worst thing that could happen was being late for dinner. Maybe he was scared, maybe he wasn’t but it wouldn’t keep him from going out there.
“Maybe you’re right”, he said and managed a slight smile. “We’ll be back home in no time.” He paused for a moment, looking back at the door over his shoulder. “I guess we should head back inside before someone decides to burn the trash cans.”
Shiro laughs. “I can’t believe indoor grilling isn’t a bit more advanced by now. But they’ll be fine, I’ve been to more parties with these guys. They can handle themselves. Besides, I wanna stay outside a bit more. The sky’s amazing tonight and it’s loud and sticky and crowded indoors, anyway.”
Matt couldn’t argue with that and even if he could’ve, he probably wouldn’t have. He felt a slight blush creep up on his cheeks and turned his head away. The chipped paint on the railing suddenly seemed far more intriguing than the stars. Maybe he could get Katie to repaint it for five bucks and a lesson in hacking sometime.
They sat in silence, listening to the rustling of the leaves and the muffled music from inside. The swirling scents of Katie’s flower garden played around them, blowing messy strands of hazel into Matt’s eyes.
“Is something else bothering you?”, Shiro asked after a while.
“I’m good”, Matt replied quietly. There sure was something bothering him but he couldn’t place a finger on what it was. Maybe it was the muffled rap music in the distance, maybe it was the chipped paint - hell did he know. No way in hell could it be Shiro, sitting right there next to him, so close and yet completely out of reach for him.
“Matt?”, Shiro asked again. Well, he hadn’t been very convincing, apparently. “What’s wrong? You’ve been kind of … avoiding me since I got here.”
It’s somewhat weird that Shiro couldn’t seem to figure out the obvious but then again maybe he was as bad with feelings as Matt was. He sighed and turned to look at the other. “It’s nothing. Really. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”
Shiro was looking at him, too, and suddenly they were face to face and way too close. Matt saw stars. Galaxies and constellations in Shiro’s dark eyes and he got lost in that very instant. The music faded out into a faint buzzing and suddenly things didn’t matter anymore. The party, the mission, the fact that Brian was probably going to puke onto their carpet later - Matt didn’t care. The fact that his parents would kill him when they found out about the party was something that’s way too far into the future to even bother thinking about it. The world around those eyes had stopped turning. It had stopped existing.
“I really like your eyes”, Matt whispered and wanted to blame it on the alcohol but he hadn’t had enough to justify this since such a statement definitely fell under “stupid shit you do when you’re wasted”. His voice was ever so silent, almost inaudible against all the background humming but Shiro had heard it. His cheeks turned red and he obviously didn’t really know if and what to answer. It seemed like a silly thing to say - especially in such a situation - but for some reason, Matt didn’t really care about that either.
They looked at each other and didn’t say a word. Matt’s face was burning. Okay, so maybe this had been a bad idea. He’d blame it on the alcohol he hadn’t drunk, nobody knew.
But then, Shiro leaned forward and touched Matt’s cheeks with the tips of his fingers. His touch was scorching hot, in a good way. Like warming your hands on a chimney on a cold winter’s night.
Their lips met and it felt like coming home from a storm.
“I really like you”, Shiro mumbled against his lips. And they kissed again and again and again, under the light of a million stars, on a chilly September's night.
It was night like this, exactly like this, goddamnit, and that’s what makes it so, so painful.
They’d spent the night outside, kissing and lying on their backs on the grass in the garden, stargazing and talking, and nobody came looking for them because they knew and it was the most beautiful night Matt had ever lived through. He still remembers every word they spoke, he remembers soft touches and both of them giggling like school boys. It’s what gave him hope while being imprisoned. It’s what kept him going. What kept him alive. Yes, he remembers every little detail.
Shiro? Not so much. Maybe he’d forgotten all about it - blame it on the alcohol? - maybe he simply pretended it didn’t happen, but the next morning, he was behaving like nothing had happened at all. For the sake of their mission, Matt had played along. Shiro was back to his old self and he wanted to keep him as a friend, at least, if not as a lover. He didn’t dare ask for more. Shiro would always be his friend, even if nothing more ever again, but by now, he was so much more than that. He’s the bravest man Matt’s ever met, the greatest pilot, a true hero. When they got captured, he became not only the champion, no, he became something far more important. His saviour. He became the saviour of the whole universe.
And tonight, he became a husband.
Matt leans onto the railing.
“A toast to the groom”, he mumbles, still remembering the feeling of Shiro’s lips against his own perfectly. “To the bride…” He knows they’ll be happy with each other. They’re going to start a family, live a perfect life among the stars. Something Matt will never get to have with him. But it’s fine, this isn’t about him, or his broken heart. Tonight is all about Shiro and Allura’s wedding, about their happily ever after. If it doesn’t include Matt, that’s fine, too. If Shiro’s happy, he’ll be happy too and it’s already more than enough to simply keep Shiro in his life. To keep his enchanting eyes in his life.
“May you always be satisfied”, he adds while turning from the starry sky to go back inside. He doesn’t want anyone asking where he went. This night is not about him.
“I know I’ll never be satisfied.”