Chapter Text
The bell had rung long ago, and the office rented by the photography club was empty. Or rather, it should have been empty.
Luka stood by the window with a camera in his hands. This auditorium was chosen for photography classes for a reason—it was as if the course curator had deliberately sought out the best place, offering a view not only of the sports field below the windows, but also of Seoul, visible from such a height at a surprisingly favorable angle. And to the right of the field, you could see a picturesque piece of the school garden, where cherry trees bloomed in the spring. The only drawback, according to Luka, was that it was too high up, so the people below on the sports field looked tiny and even blurry, especially if you had poor eyesight. The blond's lips twitched into a smile. How nice that his camera was powerful enough to zoom in on the image with virtually no loss of quality. It was worth saving up for it for almost two years, barely eating in the school cafeteria — even if his guardian scolded him for a long time when he noticed that his stepson had lost a lot of weight and even fainted a couple of times at school, and then dragged him around hospitals for a long time and even signed him up for a paid psychotherapist. Luka understood that Heperu cared for him in his own peculiar way, and so he couldn't be angry with him — especially since the main goal had been achieved, and he had bought the best camera on the market at the time. Yes, he could have simply asked Heperu for it — for example, suggesting that he give it to his adopted son as a birthday present — but for some reason, Luke didn't want to involve his adoptive father in this. Considering that he constantly kept in mind why he needed this camera in the first place.
Click.
Click, click.
The frame captured black hair slightly tousled from running. Luka clicked — the face was not visible. He waited a moment and pointed the lens again just as the object of his "surveillance" turned around again.
Click.
His lips parted in a small, trembling smile. Now the whole face was in the frame — flushed, with beads of sweat running down the temples (the camera was so good, you see why he bought it). Black abysses of eyes with pulsating red dots in the middle.
Luka paused for a couple of moments, admiring the resulting image, as if the small camera screen had hypnotized him. And then he returned to the sports field.
This guy in his photos—he moved so well. Static photos couldn't convey the full range of his graceful movements. I wonder if I could shoot a short video and then make a looping GIF out of it so Luka could watch it for hours...
Luka shook his head and lifted the corners of his lips again, as if mocking himself. Then his gaze fell back on the photos he had just taken.
The smile slowly faded from his face, and his eyes filled with coldness.
Ivan smiled so warmly in the photo — it literally warmed his heart. But the warmth was replaced by something sharp and nauseating when Luka noticed that the person Ivan was smiling at was also in the frame.
Just a glimpse of his usual dissatisfied face and disheveled gray hair. But a storm immediately rose inside Luke, and he clenched the camera tightly with his white fingers.
Till Zilber.
****
Till was heading to photography class, irritably clutching a bag with his gym clothes, which he hadn't even had time to put in his locker.
He was even more annoyed by Ivan, who had been hanging on him like a wet blanket the whole way from the locker room, cheerfully chattering about something undoubtedly stupid. He never said anything intelligent, at least in Till's presence, and that, to put it mildly, annoyed Till.
Till knew perfectly well how Ivan appeared in public and how he behaved with other people — sometimes cold and aloof, but more often than not, simply professionally polite. He could spout clever speeches; it was not for nothing that teachers always chose him as the school representative at various scientific conferences. He could be good at anything he set his mind to — but in reality?
Oh, Till saw the real Ivan as his foolish fans, both girls and boys, did not see him, who, apparently, were taken in by this guy's appearance and good manners. But the real Ivan was not what everyone thought he was.
In fact, he was clingy, arrogant, rather stupid in terms of close interactions with others, and completely lacking in empathy. Till sighed painfully and roughly pushed Ivan away, who was once again trying to hug him and hang on his neck, Till had no doubt, until the very end of their walk down the corridor. Till was not going to carry him. Moreover, Till was not going to let anyone touch him today.
But Ivan didn't seem to notice his friend's discontent and continued to try to hang on him. At one point, Till almost tripped and fell face first because of his actions, and if it weren't for the strong arms that grabbed him around the waist in time, he would have surely cracked his head open.
This was the last straw for Till, whose day had already been going badly since morning. He turned sharply to face Ivan — so sharply that Ivan recoiled in momentary fear — and slammed his fist into his cheek.
At that moment, Till didn't give a damn that he had ruined the perfect face of his supposed best friend. Because of him, Zilber almost fell — yes, thanks to Ivan, he managed to stay on his feet, but if it weren't for him, Till wouldn't have been in danger of smashing his nose on the tile floor.
Ivan stood there, a second ago looking at him with huge innocent eyes with a hint of emerging guilt — surely even a jerk like him understood that Till almost fell because of him — and now his head jerked to the side and his face disappeared behind his fallen black bangs.
Ivan fell silent. Till breathed a grateful sigh—finally.
So did he always have to beat this idiot to shut him up? It sounded harsh, but God knew Till was ready to do it if necessary.
He didn't even notice that he was saying it out loud.
Ivan was still standing there, not reacting, and for a split second Till felt guilty, but quickly pushed it deeper and snorted.
"If you're going to stand there all day, then I'm leaving."
And he really does leave, leaving Ivan standing in the middle of the corridor, surrounded by a small group of students who witnessed their argument and are now whispering behind his back.
If Till feels any remorse, it doesn't last long.
They are urgently summoned to the photography class for a meeting immediately after the end of lessons—Till and Ivan's last class was PE. Okay, Till thinks, he won't put his uniform in the locker, it needs to be washed anyway, so he'll just take it home.
He himself can't say why he joined the photography club when he likes music. It's just that Ivan was into photography and somehow managed to persuade Till to sign up too. At the same time, Ivan and Till went to the sports club on Fridays, and Till still signed up for the music club on Wednesdays. It was a hellish schedule, if you ask anyone, because they still had to do their homework and prepare for exams, and Ivan was constantly being taken to all kinds of scientific events because the entire teaching staff considered him the model student. Till acknowledged that Ivan was smart — too smart for his taste, in fact, when it came to academic and technical knowledge. He was literally a prodigy who found both technical and humanities subjects equally easy. Once, Till learned that in his second year of study, Ivan visited museums and theaters every Saturday, and for some reason, this news shocked him greatly.
Till had known Ivan since he was ten, and he had always seemed like a hyperactive fool to him. Hyperactive—only when he was with Till. Till could clearly see that Ivan only stuck to him and mostly ignored everyone else, not even getting close to anyone, let alone becoming friends. Till didn't really think about why — Ivan was just a strange, silly boy with Slavic roots who had moved to Seoul at the age of three. At two and a half years old, Ivan lost his parents, and Unsha, a man who looked like a typical Russian mafia boss, took him under his wing, and they moved to Korea. Till didn't really go into detail about why Korea and why they didn't stay in Russia — who knows, maybe this Unsha was really some kind of gangster in the past and he started having problems with his compatriots. Till always saw Russia as a scary country of gangsters and bitter cold, so as a child he came to believe that there was nothing strange about Ivan growing up the way he did—a little eccentric, with his own quirks and dark tendencies.
However, did Till care about Ivan's past or his mental state? Not really. As long as he was around, behaved as usual, and didn't cause too much trouble, Till could put up with it. Besides, weren't all people strange in their own way? It's just that Ivan's strangeness was a little more noticeable. It only annoyed Till that for some reason he was the only one who noticed these oddities, while everyone else considered Ivan, if not cool, then at least a pleasant guy, even if he sometimes behaved differently from everyone else.
When he entered the photography class, Hyuna was already there, swaying imperiously with a thick folder clutched in her hand. She narrowed her eyes when she saw Till at the door and pointed at him with her manicured finger. The long brown tip on her finger looked as if it was about to pierce Till's heart, and Till shuddered and obediently joined the circle of other club members. Out of the corner of his eye, Till noticed Dewey, who was two grades above them and belonged to the sports club, already gathered there (sometimes they crossed paths at competitions, and once Dewey even challenged Ivan to a fight to test their strength). Surprisingly, despite the difference in age and physique, it was unclear until the very end who would win, but Dewey won by a small margin, which was not surprising. Later, over drinks, he joked that he had let Ivan win — of course, you'd have to be a complete fool to believe that, Till thought as he sipped his soju.
Some of Till's other acquaintances, Acorn and Luca, were already there. For a moment, it seemed to him that Luca had glanced at him with a look full of strange hatred and contempt, but Till didn't think much of it — Luca was just an arrogant bastard that Silber didn't want anything to do with. It was unpleasant enough for him to see this strange guy at almost every club meeting—it was good that he didn't attend any other clubs with him, although Till had heard that Vicenti was also interested in music—mostly vocals—and that he didn't attend free school clubs, but attended a private vocal school every week in the evenings.
"Where the hell is Ivan?" Hyuna stared at him demandingly when Till took his place at the far end of the communal table, leaning his hip against it. Zilber narrowed his eyes at her unkindly in response.
"Am I his personal bodyguard, responsible for his whereabouts?" Zilber spat back.
Hyuna grimaced but sighed as if all these children and their antics had gotten on her nerves.
"We're here to discuss the terms of a new competition that we have to participate in on behalf of the school, and we need Ivan because his damn photos have been winning competitions for the second year in a row. In fact, I could have not gathered you all here and made only this guy participate, but you know that at least seventy percent of all club members must participate."
"Isn't that too high a percentage?" Dewey asked lazily, who seemed to be in this club only because his close friend worked here as the head. He almost never participated in competitions, but helped Hyun with organizational matters.
Hyun sighed wearily again, this time more softly: "You know, it's because we have too few participants."
Dewey clicked his tongue understandingly, as if to say, "Oh well, there's nothing we can do about that."
"Ivan is already participating ahead of schedule," Akorn suddenly piped up, and Tilly had to lazily pay attention to him. He was an unremarkable guy, but Zilber was positively disposed toward him. Compared to some of the black-haired, pushy jerks, this guy was quiet, diligently did the work he was given, and didn't stick his nose in where it didn't belong. Just a calm student, the kind that never causes any trouble. "Maybe we should sign up Mizi and Sua too? Mizi usually never refuses, and Sua will follow her lead.".
At the mere mention of Mizi, Till's heart began to race. Oh, Mizi. Sweet, sweet Mizi, whom Zilber had been in love with since junior high — she was one of the most beautiful girls in school, and her popularity was almost on par with Ivan's. But as it turned out — and Till was still ready to cry from disappointment and grief — Mizi Rose was a lesbian.
He met Mizi almost as soon as he started "hanging out" with Ivan. For a long time, the three of them played together a lot, representing the model "trio" of friends. This continued until it became clear in elementary school that Till was interested in kicking Ivan out and turning their trio into a duo consisting only of him and Rose, while Ivan—well, probably didn't want to kick anyone out because he and Mizi were quite close (which Till secretly envied), but clearly wanted to hang out with Till all the time.
And six months later, Suwa transferred to their school. And all of Till's dreams were shattered by the harsh reality that Mizi, as it turned out, was never interested in boys. Maybe he should have noticed this earlier — the way she spent all her time with him and Ivan and didn't feel embarrassed or awkward at all, even when they became teenagers. But next to the proud little Su-ah, who, like many in their group, had moved to Korea from abroad, Mizi would blush and even stumble over her words. At first, Till didn't think much of it—later, he would realize with shame that he had probably overlooked too many things in his life—even Mizi, whom he believed he loved sincerely.
And then, at the end of high school, Mizi came out one evening at a party with a small group of friends. Till remembers to this day all the anger and irritation directed at Ivan, who, after a long pause in which they realized the new information, smiled broadly at the girls standing close to each other and said something like, "Now kiss each other so we can make sure this isn't a joke."
Mizi was very embarrassed at the time, and Till hated Ivan for the first time in his life. By the way, of course, he later realized that these negative feelings were not directed at the brunette at all — he was just very sad to learn that the girl he had loved since elementary school was now dating their mutual friend, and he had never had a chance.
Moreover, at that moment, Ivan behaved like a true friend. He warmly and openly accepted his best friend's confession and supported her in a way that not many people could. He was so sincerely happy for the girls — Till had probably never seen so much empathy and support from him before.
Ivan was a true friend. Perhaps... perhaps that's why Mizi always considered him her best friend, and not Till.
Till feels a nasty chill every time he thinks about it.
Yes, he's not stupid. Despite the fact that the three of them have been friends since childhood, Till can sense that Ivan has become a little closer to Mizi than Till for some reason. At some point in early middle school, he even caught the two of them getting together behind his back. It's not that the two of them were trying to push Till out of the group — not at all, Till understood perfectly well that sometimes it happens that two of three friends get together, leaving the third one out for a while.
The only problem was that when it came to Mizi... for some reason, Rose always chose Ivan over Till when she wanted to spend time alone with someone from their group.
It was as if... as if Till felt a slight tension when he was alone with Mizi, or behaved strangely—mainly, of course, because of his feelings for her. With Ivan, he could be himself and not hide anything, but as soon as he was alone with the pink-haired girl, all his confidence evaporated, and he could act like an idiot. The more such moments occurred, the more insecure Till became, and at some point, he noticed that he and Mizi simply no longer remained alone together. And with the arrival of Su, everything changed — now the girls, of course, spent almost all their time together, even though Mizi, Ivan, and Till were still best friends from childhood.
"So this is how you lose friends," Till thought sadly one day, watching Mizi, who a minute ago had been chatting carefree with them and Ivan, walk away as soon as Sua appeared and took her by the hand. The two of them now preferred to spend time together, and who was Till to blame them?
Especially since Ivan didn't seem bothered by it at all. It seemed that he was still genuinely happy for them and ready to support any decision his best friend made. Till sometimes hated him for this, because he knew that he couldn't even share his feelings about the whole situation with Ivan Zilber. Yes, most likely, Ivan knew about his love for their mutual friend — he couldn't help but know, because Till was no fool, and he understood that he was behaving more than obviously, but they never spoke about it openly. They didn't avoid the subject, but they didn't bring it up either — according to an unspoken rule. Even though Till sometimes noticed strangely sad looks from Ivan's dark eyes, he didn't think about what Ivan thought (or felt) about it — not because Till didn't care about Ivan's feelings, not at all. He just didn't think it was important. After all, as long as Ivan behaved as usual — hanging out with him, making sarcastic jokes, teasing him in every way possible, and looking quite content — everything seemed normal. And how could one even talk openly about feelings with someone like Ivan? Obviously, his emotional intelligence remained at the level of a sea sponge.
Meanwhile, in the photography class, Hyun nodded as she wrote something in her work diary.
"Yes, I think Mizi won't refuse, but it's still worth asking her," she said and again looked thoughtfully at those present, stopping at Till. The guy shuddered imperceptibly. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even think that it might be his turn.
"What about you, Till? What do you say?" Hyuna asked, giving him an appraising look that Till found too condescending, so he struggled to keep from grinning. He knew that the club president had never taken him seriously — just as he himself had never taken the photography club seriously. Everyone knew that he was only there because Ivan had practically dragged him there by force. Ivan Rangel was the one who truly loved photography, as he loved many other things. He took all his hobbies just as seriously: sports, studies, music. Yes, Ivan also loved music—mainly because Till was crazy about it—and even wrote a couple of his own songs; but he couldn't play any instruments, so he asked Till to write music for him. Till grumbled, suspecting that his friend was only doing this to spend more time with him, but he didn't refuse. However, after helping Ivan with his last song, he avoided getting involved with him in any way when it came to music, and it seems that Rangel himself noticed this and didn't insist any more.
This was because Ivan's last song had greatly disturbed Till, even though it shouldn't have.
He still remembers how unpleasant it was for him to listen to Ivan sing it, his voice trembling with emotions that involuntarily penetrated the words.
Ivan's "Black Sorrow" caused a storm of conflicting emotions in Till, but one stood out brightly and particularly painfully — a feeling of guilt that came from nowhere.
Ivan didn't say who the song was dedicated to, or if it was dedicated to anyone at all. Nevertheless, Till felt extremely uncomfortable under the penetrating gaze of his best friend, who sang it, his eyes barely leaving Till's, hidden behind his eyelashes.
To be clear, Till never believed that Ivan was truly gay. Just as he couldn't believe that Ivan could be in love with him. Even if these thoughts had occurred to him once or twice in the history of their friendship, they evaporated just as quickly under the label "nonsense."
Because it's nonsense. Ivan can't love Till the same way Mizi loves Sua, or something like that. It's not right. Not because Till was homophobic—not at all, he ultimately accepted Mizi and Sua's orientation, didn't he? It's just... it's just Ivan. And the mere thought of Rangel being in love with Till made him uncomfortable and gave him unpleasant feelings.
Once, Till, more out of boredom than because he was seriously thinking about it, imagined what would happen if Ivan tried to kiss him.
Perhaps Till wouldn't have hit him, simply out of respect for their friendship. But even though they had been practically inseparable since elementary school, Till understood that their former friendship would come to an end. Till would most likely have stopped trusting Ivan. Maybe he would even have accused him of betraying him. After all, it's one thing when your best friend, almost a brother, hangs on you, tries to kiss you on the cheek as a joke, or grabs your waist — but once you find out that this same friend has actually had non-friendly feelings for you all this time, the situation takes a very nasty turn.
Because then it turns out that all this time, people around them could see one gay guy hitting on another non-gay guy, and the latter didn't even push him away. What would those people think? That Till didn't mind all this time.
And just thinking about it makes Till want only one thing — to smash Ivan's face in and never see him again. To erase him from his life forever, even if it causes both of them pain.
After all, Ivan doesn't seem like the kind of person who would dwell on someone or something for a long time. He's always positive, always smiling, laughing even in really shitty situations, and he can turn even the loudest arguments into jokes, even if the other person disagrees with him.
And Till? Well, he doesn't really care whether Ivan is gay or not. But he is genuinely concerned that he himself might be mistaken for a gay man who, moreover, is in a relationship with Ivan. Him and Rangel? God forbid. Ivan is the last person in the world Till would want to kiss, let alone (he can't even think about it) have sex with.
Hell, if Till were gay, he'd rather sleep with Luke—because he looked much more feminine than Ivan. No, Till wasn't blind and could admit that Ivan was objectively handsome, not ugly at all—but for girls. Yes. Other girls or gay men who like big guys with muscles and pronounced masculine features (like thick eyebrows, which Till could admit some people might like, but not him).
In short, no. Till didn't think about it much — simply because he didn't need to think much to understand that Ivan wasn't his type. And that's just his appearance — if you remember his character, everything is bad there. Till could barely tolerate this guy as a friend; they often quarreled (well, Till quarreled, and Ivan just looked at him, might fall silent for a moment—and then seem to forget that he had just been yelled at or hit).
Just like today, in fact.
Just now, in the hallway, Till hit Ivan in front of other students. All Ivan did was fall behind him for a moment on the way to the photography club.
Remember the sun — here's a ray of light: the door behind him quietly opens, letting Ivan in. The tips of his hair are wet, as if he had just washed his face, and a faint bruise is already visible on his cheekbone. Till snorts mentally, feeling no guilt whatsoever — Rangel deserved it: because of him, Till almost fell. Next time he'll be more careful. Although, knowing Ivan, he doesn't care.
Rangel walks silently inside and stands next to Till without looking at him. He immediately focuses on Hyun, who notices him and gets straight to the point.
If the others notice the strange behavior of the two guys and the abrasion on Ivan's face, they don't say anything.
However, Till's gaze accidentally falls on Luca, who is standing almost opposite them, and he shudders at the hidden malice with which the usually passive Luca stares at him. The gaze of the golden eyes moves from one to the other, but Till catches that Luka's face softens slightly and expresses almost pity when he looks at the guy next to Zilber.
Till frowns, but doesn't think much of it. After all, almost everyone at this stupid school sympathizes with Ivan in one way or another, and for the most part, no one cares about Till. Everyone except Mizi, Till sighs hopelessly to himself, and ignores everything else that is said at the meeting.
"Are you okay?" Ivan doesn't show any surprise that as soon as the meeting ended, as soon as he turned toward the exit, Vicenti caught up with him. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking from his face, because this guy knew how to hide his emotions — in this way, he was strangely close to Ivan. Ivan mechanically touches his cheekbone with his fingertips, but quickly pulls his hand away. Wiping the confusion from his face, he smiles perfunctorily.
"Yes, hyung?" Rangel said, tilting his head slightly. "What is it?"
For a moment, Ivan thinks Luka is hesitating. Despite his thick skin, Ivan is surprisingly perceptive and attentive, and so he can see that Luka is clearly struggling with whether to say something or to remain silent and leave, as usual. Ivan decides that he wants to give him a chance to speak, since he and Till ended on a not-so-pleasant note today, and it's worth giving Zilberg some time to be alone.
So Rangel is even glad when Luka, having overcome his hesitation, seriously suggests that he go to the infirmary and then, if he wants, stop by a cafe near the school to discuss the details of the contest. Ivan blinks, remembering that Luca expressed an unexpectedly keen desire to participate in the photo contest at the meeting.
For a split second, Ivan turns around: the doorway is empty. Usually, Till waits for him at the door to go home (or to the next class) together. Now there is no one there, and Ivan concludes that Till has left without him. It's okay, the brunette sighs mentally, these things happen. Till isn't obligated to be by his side 24/7, even if Ivan would do the same for him without question and would like Till to reciprocate.
Well, since Till has already left, Ivan has no plans for today, so he agrees, giving Luca a smile that is slightly more sincere than the one he gives to strangers.
After all, Luca was also one of Ivan's friends, so to speak. Not his best friend, of course, like Till or Mizi, but roughly on par with Sua. He and Luca met in their first year of high school, when Luca was temporarily acting as the head of the photography club until Hyuna joined.
Contrary to everyone's expectations, Luca and Ivan found they had a lot to talk about. Although Luca didn't like sports (as it later turned out, he was in poor health, even though he looked quite well and strong), Vinceti was into music, and Ivan later discovered that they were enrolled in the same vocal school. Ivan, who had never gone to school or clubs with anyone except Till, preferring either Till or solitude, unexpectedly found himself feeling respect and even a kind of sympathy for his older friend, and therefore allowed himself to deviate slightly from the rules and from then on, whenever the opportunity arose, he willingly went to vocal lessons with Luka, not forgetting, of course, to say goodbye to Till first, sending him a playful (not quite) air kiss right at the school gate, which naturally always made Zilber pretend that he was about to vomit.
At such moments, Ivan did not notice how the eyes of Vinceti, standing nearby, filled with storm clouds. But when Ivan turned to him with a relaxed smile, Luca always smiled back.
And now, too, Luca closed his eyes for a moment, as if trying to control himself, as soon as Ivan turned around in search of a certain person. But when Ivan turned back and looked at him, Luka's face seemed to light up with a soft glow.
As soon as the meeting was over, Till decided that it would be too strange to wait for Ivan as usual to go home together after what had happened in the hallway — but he also couldn't leave him, because they always went home together. So Zilber decided to wait for the brunette in the hallway, turning the corner and stopping by the window so as not to disturb anyone. Till thought he saw Luca heading towards Ivan before leaving, clearly intending to talk to him, which meant Till would have to wait a while for him to come out — so he decided to tell Mizi about what had happened at the meeting. She needed to know that they wanted to include her in the list of contestants, right? It's no big deal, Till—you're writing to her about school, not to flirt, so the formidable Sua, who clearly saw through his infatuation as soon as she saw him interacting with Mizi, won't be able to hold anything against him.
His fingers tremble slightly as he opens his contacts and types a message, and Till is so absorbed in the fact that he is writing to Mizi, whom he hasn't spoken to in a week, that he doesn't notice Ivan walking a few meters away from him, heading towards the exit with Luka. It's worth mentioning that Ivan himself was sure that Till had already left without waiting for him, so he didn't even look around to notice the boy, who was shyly hunched over by the window, intently staring at the screen with an open chat and a lit icon with a photo of their mutual pink-haired friend.
...So when Till deletes the text he has typed for the hundredth time to write something more neutral and cool so that Mizi doesn't guess what a loser he really is, ten minutes have already passed — and the corridor, except for Till, is still empty.
Lifting his head and turning off his phone, Zilber looks back at the half-open door of their club and waits another five minutes before he gets bored of it all. He walks back and peeks into the classroom.
The boy's eyes widen in surprise, and his eyebrows knit together.
In the office, he sees only Hyun, sorting through documents before going home herself, humming something under her breath.
Till clears his throat, slowly beginning to feel foolish and involuntarily blushing with annoyance. So, in order not to feel embarrassed, he starts to get angry and mentally devises a punishment for Ivan.
"Hyuna? Where's Ivan? I thought he stayed to talk to Luke-sonbae."
Hyuna turns to him, a look of confusion flashes across her face, and then it quickly changes to an almost pitying smile, which makes Till's vision blur — and he mentally swears that he will kill Ivan.
"Till? I thought you left before him, didn't you?" Hyuna tries not to smile, and Till hates her even more for it. Then she pulls herself together and tries to sound neutral, although pity still slips into her voice. "Well, anyway, Ivan left about ten minutes ago with Luka. I think they wanted to discuss the terms of the contest. Which, by the way, you're not participating in because, unlike Ivan, you're an irresponsible asshole," she teases harmlessly, but Till still feels disgusted by her words. He feels a mixture of slight shame, anger, and indignation.
"I don't have to participate in this shit!" he growls much more rudely than necessary and sees the cheerfulness disappear from Hyuna's face. Till feels awkward, but he's not going to take his words back because he's fucking right. This contest is complete nonsense for the sake of the school. Maybe Ivan likes this whole charade called "school events," but that's only because Ivan is an idiot. Till is a normal guy who wants to study less and, at sixteen, pursue his favorite hobbies and date girls, okay? Why is Ivan pretending to be a diligent student when he has the looks and mannerisms of an idol who could bring the world to its knees, or at least a couple of schools, but doesn't take advantage of any of the gifts he's been given by his genes and the heavens? Till doesn't know and doesn't want to know. But he is absolutely certain that if Zilber were as popular as this damn idiot, he would most likely have given up on his studies last year and gone into idolhood — and would never have sat at his desk again, watching his girlfriend coo with another guy.
Barely able to control his rising irritation, Till slams the door and rushes out of school, dreaming only of getting home as soon as possible. And preferably not seeing Ivan or that damn Luka, thanks to whom Till made a fool of himself in front of a member of the school board for at least a month.
****
"Oh," was all that echoed in Ivan's head when, led by Luke, they arrived at Rangel's favorite café with pastries. It was a little further from the school than the usual café where the students had lunch, but Ivan didn't immediately notice that they were going in the wrong direction, so he didn't ask. After all, it might have been a little irrational, but he trusted Luka-hyung.
"I love this place," Ivan couldn't help but comment quietly when they took one of the tables by the window, and he could have sworn that Luka muttered even more quietly, "I know."
Oh, Ivan was definitely hallucinating, so he just allowed himself to enjoy the food and pleasant company.
Out of habit, without any embarrassment — because he saw no point in hiding his food preferences from this person — Rangel ordered a large portion of his favorite ice cream, which looked like a killer for people with stage 1 diabetes, and when he finished it unacceptably quickly, he ordered another cupcake and a piece of cheesecake — simply because he couldn't remember the last time he had visited this establishment and had missed the local food. Well, since he was here, he wasn't going to deny himself anything—especially after what had happened in the hallway today, Ivan felt a petty need to cheer himself up a little and calm himself down at the same time. And nothing calmed him down after arguments with Till like large portions of sweets.
Ivan didn't follow Luka, but noticed that he ordered a simple salad and green tea, and tried to ask him as politely as possible if everything was okay — because, well, "you know, I can pay if you want to try more, because, believe me, the food here is very tasty." To which Luke just smiled briefly and somehow particularly happily, his eyes sparkling with a warm light, but he assured Ivan that everything was fine and that he was used to eating the way he did, although he agreed that the food here was truly magnificent.
Ivan smiled at how lofty Luke sometimes sounded—he found it charming in its own way, even though Rangel was used to Till's sharp and sarcastic tone with a bunch of filler words, as if he were a street kid and not a student at a prestigious school. This inconsistency in Till's character always touched Ivan, even though he began to notice that after so many years of communicating with him, Ivan himself was also becoming more and more tongue-tied. But what could he do? Isn't it customary for close people to adopt each other's habits? If these were Till's habits, Ivan would gladly accept them all. The only thing that kept him from swearing like a sailor was the need to maintain his status as a golden student. In the future, he wanted to pass his exams with flying colors and find a good job so that Till wouldn't have to shoulder the burden of middle-class life. Oh yes, if only Till would allow it, Ivan would provide for him for the rest of his life so that Till himself would not have to work and could pursue his hobby. But Rangel understood that this would only happen if Till allowed him to stay with him—if Zilber decided, for example, to move to another city, start his own family, and willingly forget Ivan forever, the brunet would be powerless to do anything about it, and their paths would diverge. In that case, Rangel knew for sure that he would live a lonely life: he didn't need anyone but Till.
"...About the photo contest..." After a couple of routine phrases about how he was feeling and his studies, Luke moved on to the topic of their mini-meeting, and Ivan tried not to think about how sincere Vinceti sounded when he asked if everything was okay with him. Ivan only hoped that the bruise on his cheekbone hadn't had time to blossom yet.
"You're participating too, hyung, right?" Ivan smiled, keeping up the conversation.
Luka looked at him for a second, then smiled. Ivan thought to himself that this guy was one of the few — if not the only one — who always looked at him so intently. Not critically, not judgmentally, but simply... with a strange warmth. As if he were looking at a beloved work of art in a museum that resonated with his soul. Ivan didn't know what caused this reaction, but he would be lying if he said it bothered him. In fact, if Till had looked at him like that just once, Ivan would have been the happiest man on Earth and could have died in that very spot with a clear conscience.
Perhaps, Ivan thinks, the look that Luka-hyung gives him is one of those "I'm proud of my student who brings me honor and a bonus to my salary as his teacher" looks that his teachers at school give him. Considering that Luka was his immediate mentor in the photography club for some time, Ivan can understand this and is not at all concerned. He even finds it pleasant.
"Yes," says Luka, sipping his tea and looking away for a second. "And maybe Hyun didn't say this at the meeting, but know that this is a pretty important competition for the school. I won't go into details about closing reports and achieving ratings in management — it's a rather mundane and even unpleasant thing. But we really should try hard this time. That's partly why I wanted to talk to you..."
"Do you want to join forces, hyung?" Ivan says, and Luka raises an eyebrow in surprise. Ivan laughs quietly. "I would have done the same in your place. And since you even called me to a cafe to discuss the competition, it was obvious."
Luka narrows his eyes slightly and looks at him for a long time. There it is. That appraising look from top to bottom — but there's something more... personal mixed in with it? Ivan blinks , unable for the first time to guess what his interlocutor is thinking. He knows only one thing — it seems that Luka considers him a much closer friend than Rangel had initially assumed. And this guess... warms his heart.
"I won't hide it," Luka finally says, stirring the remains of his tea with a small spoon and not looking at him. "You're good at everything. Well, if not everything, then at least a lot of things, including photography. You are our only hope for victory. We need to prove to the council that the photography club isn't just sitting around doing nothing, because, as you know, we already have a shortage of members, and every year it gets worse. Especially," here his voice sounds lower and rougher, almost angry, "with members like some who just show up for the sake of it but don't do anything.
Ivan's gaze darkens, but his lips twitch into a grim smile. He understands who Luka is talking about, and he also understands that it's true.
"Actually, Till is committed to our cause, it's just... he's more into music, you know..."
Luka rolls his eyes, gripping the spoon tighter in his hand, and tries to sound casual, as if Till's frivolity is normal.
"Yes, he loves music, I know. Just like you." He emphasizes the last word and stares intently at Ivan. Ivan, on the other hand, looks at the table instead of his opponent, and a pang of annoyance pierces Luke's heart. He clicks his tongue and leans back in his velvet-upholstered chair. "Okay, we didn't come here to talk about him. He's a talented guy, I won't argue with that. He won a music competition last year." Luka tries not to show his own irritation and annoyance at the memory. He didn't want to admit that Till was good at anything. Although, on the other hand, it would be much more offensive if Ivan really fell in love with a complete airhead. "Anyway, I suggest we do this together," I mean, visit the locations, take all these photos. We need to send at least ten from the club, and my heart tells me that no one but us and maybe Mizi will do it," Ivan snorts in agreement.
"Maybe we should invite Mizi too?" Ivan asks reasonably, and Luke knows that he is suggesting this out of practicality, but he still can't shake the feeling that he is being rejected. He clenches his teeth and, after a pause, shakes his head, looking away and trying to appear detached.
"I think she'll be much more comfortable with Sua."
Ivan can't help but agree, and they come to a compromise.
But despite all of Luka's fears and negative thoughts, Ivan is secretly glad that it will just be the two of them. Some irrational part of his brain that isn't fixated solely on Tilla.
Because when else will he spend time with someone other than Mizi and Till?
Besides, a more petty part of him brings him back down to earth — who knows, maybe Till will see Ivan spending time with someone else and get jealous? At least in a friendly way.
When they finish discussing the official part, the conversation smoothly flows into an informal discussion of everyday life. First, news from the vocal club, then a conversation about upcoming vocal competitions, and so smoothly to who prefers what food. Well, the latter doesn't seem surprising to Ivan, considering that he has already eaten five servings of various sweets during the conversation, while Luka has stuck to salad and tea — and only at the end did Ivan persuade him to try a piece of cake, from his own plate.
Ivan notices how Luka's pale skin reddens slightly as he leans over to grab the tip of Ivan's fork with a piece of cake with his lips. Too late, Ivan realized that he had done the wrong thing, because tasting food from someone else's fork is, at the very least, unhygienic, and at worst, people could misunderstand it. But Luka's face, except for a slight blush, remained impassive, and Ivan came to the conclusion that someone like Luca, if he were squeamish, would never have accepted the treat. So everything was fine, and he didn't mind.
But Ivan certainly did not expect what happened at the end of their meeting.
When the waiter approached their table with the checkbook and Ivan reached for his wallet, mentally calculating how much he had eaten today and how much it would affect his pocket savings, Luka beat him to it and paid for both orders with his card.
Ivan stared at him blankly, as if he were sitting in front of an alien with seven tentacles, speaking in his alien language about how he would dissect Rangel when he took him to his ship.
"Um, I, I have money, don't worry, I'll pay you back right now, just tell me how much it is..." Ivan began to mumble, digging even more frantically through his wallet in search of cash. Damn, don't tell me all his money is on his card and he forgot his card at home...
Seeing his confusion, Luke just laughed good-naturedly — the way obscenely rich people laugh when they watch beggars rummaging through their pockets for change. In any other situation, if it weren't for Luke-hyung, Ivan would have gotten angry. The truth is, he knows how to get angry. It's just that most people who saw the truly angry Ivan walked away from him with broken limbs, a broken nose, or a broken psyche — and never crossed paths with him again.
"Don't worry, Ivan-hub, I have money too," still laughing (why does Luka always look so much happier when he talks to him than when he talks to others?). "Besides, since I'm older and I invited you, I'll pay. Thanks for agreeing to eat with me — and even more thanks for your cooperation.
Ivan's lips trembled. He looked utterly lost now, even though he was trying his best to keep a straight face — and Luka's heart ached with an unbearable desire to put his hands on Ivan's cheeks and squeeze them gently, and then, perhaps, leave a light kiss on his forehead...
Luka mentally gave himself a slap on the back of the head.
Ivan continued to object, and the more he did so, the more Luka wanted to enjoy that timid, slightly trembling voice an octave higher than usual forever, and at the same time shut the guy up. Again, preferably with his mouth.
Don't get me wrong, Luke wasn't an old pervert or anything like that. If anything, he was willing to bet anything that Ivan had much dirtier thoughts when he looked at Till. This made his chest tighten with annoyance and at the same time sweet elation at the thought that Till would never let Ivan's dreams come true.
Luka had disliked Ivan almost from the first day Rangel appeared at their school. (Although who was he kidding? When Vinceti first saw this cheeky, smiling student in the hallway of their school, he wanted to wipe that smile off his face. Ivan seemed to him at the time to be a wildly annoying, pompous turkey with delusions of grandeur. But that image dissipated as soon as he saw how this big guy with a childish face, like a lost puppy, followed everywhere the sullen, hooligan-looking German, who seemed to have made it his goal to ignore his existence). Luka was also very perceptive and good at noticing details. So, on the very first day, when Vinceti noticed Ivan and paid attention to him, he figured this guy out.
Yes, Ivan could look intimidating, innocent, and self-confident, but none of that was his true character.
What did Luca see when he really looked at Ivan? Just a guy desperately in need of love and understanding, begging for it from someone who couldn't give it to him.
In fact, Luke had no objective reason to dislike Till. But the moment he saw Ivan clinging to Zilber, who pushed him away every time as if he had touched a pile of garbage, Luke mentally dubbed the German a "little piece of shit" — and could no longer think of him any other way.
Ha. It turned out that hating someone could be almost as pleasant as loving them. And Luke hit the jackpot — two inseparable creatures at once, one of whom he could pour his anger on (mentally, of course), and the other — his all-consuming adoration.
Finally, they left the café, and in return for the paid treat, Ivan offered to walk Luka home—fortunately, they all lived in the student dormitory not far from the school, except that their buildings were in different locations.
Luka was more than happy with this arrangement, but, standing in front of his building and torn between the desire to invite Ivan in for tea, he simply made him promise to start taking photos tomorrow. Rangel readily agreed, and Luka suddenly became curious—how often had Ivan thought about Tilla during the time they had spent together today?.
It wasn't that he seriously wanted to know the answer, guessing that it would upset him, even if it was "only once."
****
That evening, for some reason, Ivan couldn't concentrate on his homework, even though he knew that Unsha would be unhappy if his stepson's grades dropped. But in any case, he picked things up quickly and didn't need to cram, he just had to focus on the material.
The ease with which Luka paid for him today — and the fact that the blond guy took Ivan to his favorite cafe, as if he knew his preferences — knocked Rangel off balance more than expected, much to his shame.
He wanted to pretend that everything was normal, because he was used to the almost fanatical adoration of those around him — teachers held him up as an example, other students deliberately or casually commented on his good looks or pleasant personality (not that they knew Ivan's true character), and people on the street would stare at him openly — all of this was familiar, but it had no effect on his true self-esteem. He could act like a playboy and a tough guy, but that didn't mean he felt that way.
In reality, the real Ivan is the one who follows Till around, clings to him at every opportunity, and desperately begs for attention. Ivan himself understands that if Till didn't behave this way towards him — if he didn't ignore him so blatantly, didn't trample on his feelings, didn't pretend that Ivan didn't exist — Rangel could be normal. Damn it, it's not even that Till is to blame, who, although he was friends with Ivan, constantly behaved as if Ivan was nobody to him and was being forced to talk to him under duress. The point is how much Ivan himself wanted Till to pay attention to him. It was as if the more Ivan was ignored— —the more obsessive his desire became for this particular person to notice him. Till could even have been doing it on purpose, manipulating his weak-willed friend as he pleased — and Ivan would have bet that sometimes Till, who was not as stupid as he wanted to appear, did just that. He pretended that Ivan was no more valuable than a stone underfoot, worthy only of being kicked and left behind.
But what about Ivan? Even if he understood that Till sometimes manipulated him, so what? Zilber was still his best friend from childhood, the person closest to him, even closer than Unsh. How could he just give up their friendship because Till sometimes behaved rudely? After all, Till wasn't a bad person and never tried to hurt Ivan on purpose. It was just... his personality. He probably didn't even realize that his actions were hurting anyone. Some people are just grumpy by nature, and no one has taught them to be kind, caring, and loving. Ivan was ready to laugh through his tears — because even the way Till treated Mizi, with whom he was hopelessly in love... Did he show his love for her? Did he do anything over the years to make her love him back? Don't people who really love someone try to make their loved one just a little bit happier? To express their feelings, to do something to get noticed. Ivan saw how couples in love cared for each other. Even how Su-ah, as soon as she sensed Mizi's affection and possible reciprocity, began to make an effort for her sake. Ivan still remembers how Su-ah first invited Mizi to a cafe a month after they met. Then to an amusement park. Mizi then recounted how Su-ah constantly tried to pay for her, which at first caused awkwardness, and then laughter—and so Mizi also began to buy tickets or gifts for Su-ah. Simply because it was the easiest way to express her affection. At the same time, the girls got to know each other better and began to share not only news like "how was your day," but also more personal experiences or memories from the past. And it seemed that all this was the beginning of a normal friendship. Simple human relationships. Only for Ivan, it seemed like something special.
He and Till had been friends for many years, but did they do any of the things that ordinary friends do? They never shared their experiences with each other. Nothing personal or painful, nothing that really touched them, stirred them up, or caused them pain. Ivan learned about Till's family problems from Mizi, who accidentally overheard Till arguing with Urak when she was on her way to visit him. No matter how much they tried to ask Till questions or support him, Till only got angry and yelled (at Ivan) and avoided answering (Mizi's questions).
And when Rangel started having family problems (life became a little harder: Unsha was fired from his prestigious job and had to look for a new well-paid position to support himself and his stepson and enroll him in the same school as his friends); Ivan told Mizi everything, and she supported him. Till, on the other hand, behaved too aloofly and pretended that Ivan did not exist, and when Ivan tried to talk to him about even neutral topics, he often rolled his eyes and asked him to leave him alone. Ivan simply couldn't bring himself to tell Till anything important, because Till made it clear that he didn't care what happened to his "best friend."
Despite all this, Ivan continued to consider Till a close friend. After all, he understood that Till was also going through a difficult time — he had his own problems at home and at school, and Rangel tried to help him as best he could, because he saw that Till needed it.
And for personal discussions and emotional support, he had Mizi, whom Ivan also loved very much. At least, that's how it was until Rose met Sua — and she had less and less time for Ivan and Till, but they still talked on the phone often, and Ivan was overjoyed to hear his friend's happy voice on the other end of the line.
But how did Luke behave with Ivan? Damn, he didn't even do anything special, and Rangel understood that. After all, as Luke said, he was older and could easily afford to pay for the younger man out of politeness and decency. But still, something inside Ivan warmed up from the way Luke treated him, the way he looked at him. It wasn't about the money or even his favorite cafe. But Vicente looked at Ivan as if he saw something, wanted to get to know him better, as if he cared about this guy. This was especially acute when Ivan remembered how his "best friend" and first love treated him, as if Ivan were a nobody. It hurt, even though Rangel had convinced himself for so many years that he was used to it. But as soon as someone appeared who showed him how to really treat his friends, the difference was staggering. It hit him like a hammer blow to the head.
For the first time in many months, Ivan lay in bed in complete darkness and felt tears running down his cheeks, his lips stretched into a painful smile.
So that's what it feels like to be someone in someone else's eyes.
Mizi had always worried and cared for Ivan—but she was a soft ray of support, not enough to drown out the pain and fill the huge hole in his chest. After all, they weren't family, and now Rose had a real family, and, to be honest, Ivan knew long before that moment that sooner or later she would leave, abandon him. That's why he couldn't call her his family.
Till? He would have liked to include him in that concept. But what could he do if Till himself didn't want it — Ivan couldn't force him.
And so it happened that, among everything else, only Ivan remained. Alone. Just as lonely as when he lost his parents; he doesn't even remember them. Unsha was his guardian, but he could never replace his family, and he understood that perfectly well, so he tried his best to make Ivan's life at least comfortable and carefree. Unsha did a lot for him, and Ivan is grateful to this man.
But in the end... after so many years, Ivan remained just a loner in the crowd.
****
Ivan had been beaming since morning because Till was standing and waiting near his dorm to go to school together. He was taciturn as usual, preferring to grumble, while Ivan, out of habit, hung on him the whole way and chattered incessantly, like a happy dog who had waited for his master.
But before they had left the campus, a shout came from behind, urging them to wait. Ivan froze and turned around, while Till was forced to slow down because the brunette was still holding him, half-hugging him around the neck.
"Ah, Luka-hyung!" Zilber froze when the familiar annoying weight on his shoulders disappeared, and he widened his eyes in disbelief, turning and watching as Ivan moved away from him to greet the senior. Till frowned. A memory floated into his head of how he had recently waited for that jerk at school, and he had run off with that very "hyung" without even warning him. It seemed that Ivan later said that they went to his favorite cafe, and Luka even paid for his lunch — Till hardly listened to Rangel's chatter, but he caught that moment because it seemed too strange to him that some senior would just casually pay for Ivan. Zilber knew that if Ivan went to his favorite bakery, he could buy the entire assortment of desserts in one go — of course, Ivan did just that this time, but Luka still paid for him?!
Something about all this seemed wrong to Till. It was as if someone was trying to trick Ivan, and the fool was falling for it. Like a child who would get into any unfamiliar car if you just dangled a piece of candy in front of him.
But in any case, Till thinks, it's not his problem. Rangel is a grown man, and if he gets into trouble, he's the only one to blame. Till didn't sign up to be his babysitter.
"I didn't know you lived here too," Ivan rushed to greet his acquaintance, a little too cheerfully for Zilber's taste. Luca, paying no attention to Till and not even nodding to him in greeting, smiled at Rangel.
"I'm renting a room here just in case, but I plan to get my own apartment soon. I don't particularly want to live with my stepfather."
Ivan nodded understandingly, as if he wanted to say something — or rather, as usual, pour out a flood of information on a barely acquainted person, causing Till to roll his eyes — but he stopped himself in time.
"Are you going to school too?" Ivan asks instead, in a more businesslike tone. Luca responds in kind.
"Actually, remember what I said yesterday?" Luka clarifies, clearing his throat awkwardly, without taking his eyes off him. Till, contrary to his usual habit, watches them a little more intently. Something still bothers him. This Luka... Till knew that he had been in the photography club from the beginning, and that he and Ivan went to the same vocal school. But he had never noticed Rangel talking to this guy before. Maybe he just didn't notice... but now, for some reason, it came as an unpleasant surprise to him. "You promised to start preparing for the competition today, so I made an arrangement, and we were allowed to skip class to take some good photos."
Ivan—and Till with him in the background—opened their mouths in surprise.
Just like that, they were excused from class? And during exam prep?
Zilber looked more closely at the blond boy's profile. Something was clearly wrong with him, he was sure of it. Or was it because of his influential girlfriend, Hyuna? Was it because of her that he could so easily make arrangements with teachers, or did he himself have a special status at school?
Be that as it may, what worries Till most is how quickly Ivan, who always cares about his image and academic performance, agrees. It's as if skipping classes with Luka is his secret dream. As if he's not as devoted to his studies as he pretends to be.
"Oh, um, great," Ivan says, pausing slightly, and turns to Till. "Then I guess I'll see you later, Till."
Zilber is shocked.
The two decide to go look for suitable locations for photos right away, while Zilber stays there like some kind of fool who waited all morning for damn Ivan to leave the house, only to be abandoned halfway to school.
What's more, it meant spending the whole day alone.
And when you're used to having a noisy, healthy guy like Ivan hanging around your neck 24 hours a day, seven days a week, even going to school in complete silence seems like something beyond the pale and... unnerving.
So Till takes out his headphones and turns on the first German rock band he can find.