Chapter Text
“Oscar?” The Australian feels as if he’s underwater, the voice familiar but distorted.
“Sweetheart,” He looks up to see a very concerned Charles looking at him, it comes back to him then, where they are and why. He can feel Max’s taller frame next to him, both looking afraid to touch him. The smell of antiseptic stings his nostrils, that’s right they’re at the hospital.
“We can wait,” Charles assures him, eyes red rimmed but still impossibly kind. Oscar has to think about what they’re talking about. Then it begins to sink in – they’re talking about their baby, their baby who died and is still inside him. Bile rises up in his throat but he swallows it down. No he needs her out, waiting won’t help.
Oscar looks at his hands again, unable to bear looking at his two favourite people in the world. “Can we do it now?” He can’t make out his fingers, too blurred by tears. His voice is steady, and Oscar has never hated his composure more. The two drivers next to him, his boyfriends who were so excited at their impending arrival now devastated, race weekend abandoned. Charles sat one side reaching over to hold his hand tight barely keeping his body from shaking with sobs. Then there’s Max, whose hand is on the other shoulder, trembling with emotion. Oscar just feels numb, his whole world has fallen apart today. The plans they’ve made not just for the next year, but for a lifetime has gone, and here he is monotone as ever. Vaguely the Australian registers a nurse wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his arm.
The doctor nods, face sympathetic, “We will get a private room set up for you. Do you want us to call anyone?” She asks gently.
Oscar just shakes his head blowing out a breath. He can’t bring himself to look at Max or Charles to see the utter devastation on his boyfriend’s face. Their little girl is gone. Just stopped moving at 6 months and 2 weeks, and now he has to deliver her. The doctor leaves and Oscar lets his head lean back against the examination bed eyes closing.
“Osc?” Charles’s voice is choked with tears, gently squeezing his hand. Oscar isn’t sure how he can stand to look at him, let alone touch him – he failed. He couldn’t look after the most precious thing in the world. His baby, he couldn’t keep he safe, he wants to apologise but it’s not enough. He should have come in earlier, he hadn’t felt right the past few days, so much so he skipped the Spanish GP and stayed in Monaco. Shit Mark is still in the waiting room having driven him in.
“I..You…you should call your mum,” Oscar stutters out, finally making himself look at the man, Charles’s tears remain silent and still he is looking at him with so much concern Oscar just cannot stand it. He looks away quickly swallowing thickly, but it’s Max on his other side, brow furrowed and eyes red.
“Do you want to call yours first? We can do it together” The Dutchman suggests, voice breaking a little at the end. There’s no discussion about telling his family. The two other people in the room are his family now. He briefly considers ringing GP, but shuts it down – not now. Not when it feels this raw.
The younger man knows he should say yes, that they should be supporting each other through this but he doesn’t think he can cope to explain it more than once. It’s so selfish but he just wants to call his own mum and no-one else. Oscar knows he’s taken too long to reply when Charles gives his hand another gentle squeeze. It’s seeing his concerned and heartbroken face that makes the tears finally come. Here are his boyfriends, as devastated as him, but still supporting him.
“I…I don’t think I can say it more than once, and then…. ….” Oscar trails off not sure how to describe the labour he will have to endure. His breath stutters and the tears start to fall in earnest. How did this happen?
Max moves in then, deciding enough is enough and saves Oscar from his self-imposed comfort exiled. He wraps a gentle arm around him and pulls him to his collar bone. “You won’t have to.” Voice soft but firm and the Australian lets himself lean into it, as if soaking up that strength.
Charle’s face crumples, he squeezes his hand gently. “Ok, I’m going to give my mamma a call. Take your time.” He gives Oscar a kiss on the forehead and hesitantly leaves the room. Max stomach lurches wanting to be there for them both, heart split into two.
“There’s a private room down the ward you can use,” The nurse interjects as she frowns at the monitor numbers. Oscar watches the Ferrari driver leave, aware of Max rubbing his back gently, letting his own silent tears fall.
“I’m going to come back when you’re ready, press the button when you’ve finished or need anything,” Anna his nurse smiles gently at him handing the buzzer. If she knows who they are she’s got a very good poker face, face void of any recognition. The relationship between two former and one current WDC was discussed heavily, and the three have lost support on all sides, but remain popular. For Max it cost more family members than he is willing to admit but still, they weathered the storm, and were ready to start the next chapter – but he never thought it would end like this. Max nods a thank you.
“Wait..What, what happens now?” Oscar asks, pulling away from Max and sitting upright wincing at the pain in his back. There’s a sense of urgency in his voice he wants something else to focus on. That’s what Oscar is good at, he focuses and executes a plan. The younger man wipes his face, voice returning to being steady. There’s a job to do, he can focus on that.
Anna comes back from the threshold of the room, and holds him under a gentle, sympathetic gaze.
“We’ll move you to a room, and they’ll give you some medication to start labour. It might take a while with it being your first. Dr Lawson will probably want you to stay overnight so we can keep an eye on you, your blood pressure is a bit low.” Anna looks at him carefully, as if trying to tell whether this is sinking in.
Oscar just nods silently, chewing on his lip like he does when he cannot get a racing line in the sim. Max wants nothing more to pull him back into his arms, but respects Oscar’s need for space. His own stomach is sick at the word labour but he doesn’t react, he can’t right now.
“Can I get you anything?” She asks gently and Oscar shakes his head, unable to speak through the lump in his throat. “Ice Chips maybe?”
“No Thank you.” He forces the words out and gives her a small smile. Anna gives his hand a gentle squeeze and leaves, presumably to set his room.
XXXXXXXXXXX
“You should check on Char,” Oscar’s finally able to push the words out as soon as she’s gone. He exhales and makes himself look up for the second time. He almost wish he hadn’t, the Dutchman’s eyes are red rimmed, tears rolling down his face.
“I don’t want to leave you here alone,” Max replies, gently reaching out and gently taking his hand. Oscar tries not to tense up at the touch.
“Please Max,” Oscar mumbles closing his eyes again. Max holds his tongue, not wanting to upset him even further.
“Can you….” The Australian exhales trying to compose himself, one eye opens, “Can you tell Mark?”
Max nods, “Ok Schatje, ring me if you need me,” He kisses his temple, trying to convey all his love, and all his reassurance in it. He’s here, they’ll get through this. Silently he takes the Australian’s voice out of his backpocket and passes it over.
Oscar can barely read his phone through the tears. He notices a few messages from the drivers who saw Charles leave the practice session early with Max who was only there bye at Oscar’s insistence, his car not particularly competitive. It’s the usual culprits like Alex, Lando, George. He doesn’t read them though. His mum and sisters haven’t been in touch yet, still too late at home to have heard the reports.
Stalling his fingers hover over the contact named Mum. He can’t believe he has to do this, it’s like he’s watching this from outside of his body – a TV drama or a really strange episode of DTS. Suddenly he wants Max and Charles here, holding his hand and telling him they’ll be ok even if the words sound hollow and he feels incredibly selfish for both wanting that, and for sending them away in the first place – Charle’s especially as he always wants company when he’s sad.
Realising that none of these thoughts are going to get him through the task at hand Oscar shakes his head and presses dial. The several minutes it takes his mother to answer are the second longest of his life – the first was the results USS that confirmed the stomach pain and lack of movement only meant one thing.
“Hello Oscar? Darling what’s wrong?” His mum sounds worried, and she should be it’s the early hours back home and doesn’t ring enough as it is.
The big lump Oscar’s been trying to swallow since the pains started comes back, making his breath stutter.
“I.Uh….I lost the baby mum.” Oscar forces the words out and bites back a sob.
“Oh honey,” Nicole’s words are quiet, shocked and heartbroken.
“I’m…I’m ok, I’m just at the hospital.” Oscar has to stop to catch his breath. “Max and Charles are here, I have to….Mum I’m going to have to deliver her.” He really starts to cry then as his mum makes comforting noises down the phone.
XXXXXXXXX
“Charles, ” Charles’s brain freezes when he hears her surprised yet happy voice, clearly she hasn’t been watching the practice runs like usual. He should have realised when there were no missed calls from her – or from any of his family. Almost all the drivers have contacted him, wishing him, Max and Oscar well, realising there must have been a problem for him to leave so quickly. Tears burn again at his eyes but the young driver knows he needs to get the words out, clear and quick.
“Mama I’ve got some bad news….” He manages to get the words out before a sob, chest heaving.
“Oh sweetheart….”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Oscar looks so much younger than his years lying on the bed. There’s a cannula in his hand for the medication he might need and the gauze is already itching his skin. It all feels too much, the monitor too loud, room too cold, too white. He feels almost like he’s watching from outside himself. This cannot be real. He puts a hand on his stomach, wincing at the lack of movement. Max and Charles are still outside somewhere.
“Oscar, I am going to give you the medication to start labour, your body will take care of the rest.” Dr Lawson’s eyes are kind, tone soft. “It might take a long time, do you want an epidural?”
Oscar just shakes his head. He doesn’t want to be out of it, he needs to be present for her, for Charles and Max too. He needs to be able to say a proper good bye.
“You can’t eat just yet but there’s ice chips and you can sip some water ok?” Dr Lawson advises giving his hand a squeeze. “Do you want me to wait for Max and Charles?”
Oscar shakes his head, knowing they’ll be back soon, he doesn’t want this to go on any longer then it needs to. The doctor gently squeezes his hand and injects the medication.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Labour took 12 hours in the end, Oscar refusing most pain relief bar the paracetamol Anna had almost insisted on. His whole body is throbbing and he’s exhausted and nauseous by the end. They hold her, so small in their hands and name her Sophia. There’s a lot of discussion about memorials and things to keep which pretty much all go over the Australians head. He lets Charles and Max take the lead making most of the decisions and let’s Charles hold his hand even if the touch feels as if it is burning his skin. If Oscar wasn’t so out of it he would be feeling guilty for letting the two people he loves most in the world take charge. The three are exhausted both physically and mentally, all three up for over the worst 24 hours of their lives.
It’s almost midnight by the time they say their final goodbyes but Oscar’s not really ready. His eyes follow the team that take her away, biting back the urge to shout for them to come back. Charles is sobbing next to him and Max looks as lost as he feels. Max beings to pace the room trying to think of what’s next. The pair have already discussed with the nurse about getting a place for them to sleep, not wanting to leave their partner in hospital.
Oscar, however, is determined to head home. He let’s her check his vitals again and gently suggests to his partners to take a break and bring back some food while Oscar cleans himself up.
“I don’t want to leave him,” Charles voice is wobbly as he leaves the room.
“Just for a few minutes Char.” Max leads him out and kisses the top of his head, the hospital corridor is deserted.
“I’m going to let Mark know, and I need to ring the team,” Max sighs rubbing at his face. He had sent the retired driver back to their place to try and sleep before the labour started.
“I need some air,” Charles mumbles, when Max grips his hand tightly, “I’ll be ok.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Max winces as he hears a quiet argument at the door way of Oscar’s room. He had rung GP, unable to face ringing the team principal and the phone call had been too long. It helped a little, to hear the familiar calm voice he’s so used to. Clearly the younger man had no intention of staying the night whether the three could stay together or not.
“Please I just want to go home,” Max raises an eyebrow at Charles as he sits beside his boyfriend on the bed, he doesn’t think he’s ever heard him sound so exhausted. The tone is pleading, almost childlike. The Red Bull driver was worried refusing the pain relief was a way of him punishing himself, now he realises it’s also so he can go straight home instead of staying in the hospital. Really, he should have seen it coming. He gently places a hand at his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. Charles is sitting in the chair opposite.
“I really would recommend you stay the night Oscar,” Anna explains patiently, “You’ve had low blood pressure since you came in. It’s been a long day, resting tonight here would be best.”
“Osc we can stay with you, get a cot set up.” Charles tries to appease but he’s interrupted. Max looks at his partner and sees the way his hair is ruffled from running his hands through it – clearly they’ve been at it a while.
“No. Please I just want to be home. I don’t need to be here.” Oscar sounds almost frantic, words tumbling out fast and he pulls away from him and tries to self soothe, rubbing at his arms, as if trying to hold himself together.
He looks so pale and small in the hospital gown that Max really can’t bring himself to argue. All the young driver wants to wear his own clothes and be in his own bed, aware from all the concerned looks and glances.
The pair share a look. Truthfully both Max and Charles would be happier if Oscar spent the night, but after today and the long labour they can’t deny him a simple request. Max nods slightly at the concerned nurse. They all still have trainers, medically trained people if something goes awry. The medical team leave, clearly not happy but resigned and the atmosphere in the room thins a little.
“I’m sorry,” The Australian mumbles so quietly Max almost doesn’t hear it. The dutchman heat breaks a little more. Charles is immediately on his feet and sits on the other side.
“Nothing to be sorry for Mon Coeur,” He gently pulls him into a hug, pulling him into his chest. Oscar accepts the comfort, too tired to do anything else, but keeps his arms crossed against his chest, defensive. The apology is heavy, full of things they will probably need to discuss, but not right now. Charles kisses the top of his head and frowns when he can feel the small tremors running through him.
Oscar shakes his head. “You think I should ask Mark to ring Zac and Andrea?” he asks looking up eyes swollen and tired. He doesn’t want to do it, but he certainly doesn’t want Charles or Max to have to do it either.
“That’s a good idea.” Charles nods gives him a gentle kiss on his forehead. He hates they have to think about these things but in their line of work it’s a necessity. Mark is insisting on coming back to pick them up, although none of them should be driving, up for too long and too distracted.
Oscar nods and sits up a bit. He stares at his feet in silence until he’s allowed to get changed back into his clothes.
“Let’s get you ready Schatje,” Max takes the initiative and gently helps him to the side of the bed. Charles grabs the hospital issued bag with his clothes in while Max steadies him. Oscar can barely hold himself upright he’s so tired.
Gently the pair dress him and by the end he’s trembling with fatigue but determined to make it home. So, he is sent home with painkillers, antibiotics and leaflets about ongoing help and signs to look out for. He’s due back in a few weeks for a check up which both boyfriends have resolved to dragging him to if needs be. The three meet Mark in the Lobby and Oscar is wheeled to the car, who doesn’t even protest at the wheelchair.
The journey home is surreal. It is the complete opposite of what this moment should have been – the world dark, no carseat or grumbling child – just silence. Oscar’s ears are ringing anyway and he feels like his is moving at half speed. He aches and pains just the same, the labour long and exhausting. He just cannot quite comprehend it, leaving their girl here who never got to grow bigger. Discussing memorials instead of car seats and sleeping plans. Legs trembling like he’s been at the gym Oscar grits his teeth and climbs in to Marks’s car. Max stays close behind him, ready to support if needed and Charles climbs in the other side. It hurts but none of it really registers against the emptiness in his stomach. Charles gently holds his hand as the retired driver climbs in and starts the car. The quiet continues and Oscar feels himself drifting himself off against the lull of the car.
“We’ve got 40mins, get some sleep,” Max mumbles gently tugging him to rest into his body instead of the hardness of the seat. Oscar’s too raw and tired to argue, so for he takes the comfort offered. Max reaches up and gently brushes the curls off his forehead, gently playing with them. The Dutchman is exhausted himself, but he cannot rest until Oscar is tucked up in bed. Eyes burning he watches the building of Monaco blur past, a concerned glance from Mark every so often in the rearview mirror.
Oscar dozes in the meantime, face pale and drawn. Max understands his lover’s desperation to leave and be at home, but part of him really wishes he’d agreed to stay one night, just to make sure he was ok. He has no idea what’s in the fridge, or what’s been left out. Oscar had mentioned opening up parcels when the pain started, and Max’s stomach lurches at the thought of all the unopened shopping for their little girl. Charles sits on the otherside fidgeting with his hands despite his clear exhaustion.
“Char do you want to wake him up?” Max asks quietly, startling the other man as Mark silently parks the car outside their building. They had been looking at houses a little further towards the outskirts of Monaco, more space and a garden but that might change now. It’s weird to have Mark be so close to them, sure over the years they’ve gotten a bit closer with his relationship to the young charge who means so much to him. Generally they don’t spend much time together. Still, he’s here and cares for Oscar and that’s all that matters. Right now, he’ll take all the help offered, Charles too.
Charles doesn’t even acknowledge the words and so Max forces his tired body to get out the car. He tries to takes the bags off Mark who gives him a shoulder squeeze instead.
“I’ll take your bags up ok? Take your time,” he advises before getting out the car without waiting for a response. Mark had already been back and tidied up the flat for them, getting basic groceries and putting the parcels away in the spare room that was unofficially hers.
Max steels himself, just an hour or so and then he can cry and sleep – in no particular order. He just needs to get his loves into bed. Charles is still staring out the window, not asleep but certainly not paying attention to the world around him. Max takes a breath and heads around to his side.
“Char, we’re home” Max gently places a hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. Charles vacant eyes sharpen as he startles slightly at the contact.
“Sorry, I….”he trails off, looking so lost Max’s stomach drops.
“It’s ok, let’s get him awake and upstairs, and then we can cry and sleep” Max suggests, needing to focus on the task at hand. Charles just nods still looking utterly bewildered.
“Oscar, wake up babe.” Charles gently shakes a shoulder.
“Hmm?” Oscar can barely open his eyes.
“We’re home,” Charles gently pushes his hair away from his face.
“Ok let’s go,” Oscar’s eyes snap open, realising where they are. He bites back a groan when he leans forward to open the day, back and stomach protesting the movement. He thought he hid it well but a gentle hand on his shoulder stops him.
“Wait a second I can grab the door” Max opens the door and offers his hand which Oscar takes with a wince as he pulls himself out. Max holds him for a second while he takes a minute to catch his breath, head resting against his shoulder and Max can feel the small tremors running through him. For his part Oscar takes a few deep breaths, savouring the sandlewood sent which means home to him.
“Take a minute,” Max soothes strong arms around his torso.
It’s painstaking process Oscar’s legs feel wobbly and he’s a bit light headed but he plods on. He feels better having both Charles and Max at either side, offering them both physical and mental strength. The lift is nearly his undoing though, standing still is the hardest. He stumbles as he steps in, legs shaking and knees bent. Max is there though, instantly wrapping a gentle arm around him and pulling him to his chest gently holding him up. Charles and him share a look, communicating with words which only come from years together.
“Almost there ok?” Charles frames his face with his hands. He kisses the ailing man’s nose. Oscar opens his eyes, not sure when they closed. He hums and nods, words beyond him. Just a few more minutes and he can lie down. Max tightens his arms.
“Where’s Mark?” Oscar asks voice hoarse, a shaky hand rubbing his face.
“In the apartment, he brought the bags up.” Charles explains returning his hands to Oscar’s face. He rubs his cheekbone gently. “Nearly home.” It seems to soothe some of the upset.
Oscar hums and leans back further into Max.
“You need to try and drink some electrolytes before bed, doctors orders.” Charles fills the silence further. Like Max’s needs to protect and look after, and Oscar’s needs to focus on the task at hand, Charles needs to nurture. It’s also a reminder to both himself Max about the instructions from the nurse. Ideally the Australian would eat something, he’d forced down a slice of toast before leaving under threat of not being allowed to be discharged, but the Ferrari driver knows he won’t want anything else and it’s a battle the three are just too tired for.
“I just want to lie down,” Oscar sighs sounding so weary it makes both their chests hurt. Charles just kisses his forehead.
“Soon” he promises.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Mark’s clearing some of the dishes from the bench when the three make it in, the sofa’s and tables clear. Max has a sneaking suspicion all packages are in the room they’d designated as storeage – still not starting on a nursery. Leo looks up from his dog bed when he sees the three come in, but doesn’t rush like normal instead he waits until Charles peels off to give him a cuddle. Sassy and ?? run off to their own beds as if sensing the atmosphere.
Oscar heads for the sofa, needing a minute before he can think of walking to the bedroom. Max helps guide him there as Charles heads to the cupboard, praying that between the three of them there must be some electrolyte drinks in. Mark finishes his task and turns to look over where Oscar is slumped into the couch cushions, starting off into space.
“No-one should be bothering you three from Mclaren about anything for a good few days.” Mark explains voice soft and low, “But Zac and Andrea are worried, so maybe give them a call when you can. I’m heading back to London tomorrow, but you need anything just ring. I’ll get some more groceries delivered tomorrow.”
Charles nods immensely grateful to not have to think about anything for a few days. “Thank you, and thank you for being with him until we got there.”
Mark swallows thickly and nods. “Wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. I’ll go and say good bye.” He pulls the driver into a gentle hug before heading over to Oscar.
“Mate I’m heading off now ok.” Mark’s knees pop as he bends down and if Oscar was more with it they’d definitely be a comment about his age. Oscar looks up drawn out of his thoughts and nods.
“I’m heading back to London tomorrow, unless you want me to stay?” Mark offers, a gentle hand on his knee, in two minds about leaving but there isn’t much more he can do here. Oscar slowly shakes his head.
“Ok well call me if you want to talk or need anything, no-one’s going to be bothering you about anything for a while ok?” Mark pulls him into a very tight but gentle hug which Oscar uncharacteristically grabs on to.
“Thank you,” He mumbles into the taller mans shoulder, “for being here and everything.”
“Anytime kid.” Mark ruffles his hair, “Go to bed.”
Charles comes over with a glass of water and electrolytes which Oscar sips at quietly before Max helps him to the bedroom.
“Do you want the meds the nurse gave you?” Charles asks quietly, bottle in hand following.
Oscar just raises an eyebrow from where he sits on the bed – question clear. He evidently hadn’t been listening to his discharge instructions.
“To help you sleep Schatje,” Max explains settling beside him. He prays the younger man will take it – he looks the most exhausted he has ever seen him, eyes heavy and body drained. He needs plenty of rest.
Oscar looks at his hands and much to the surprise of both Charles and Max he nods. The Australian can’t bring himself to get changed again, or even brush his teeth. Instead, he just takes off his hoody and shoes. Charles crawls into bed next to him, but rather than spoon as they had been, Oscar curls into him instead, head resting on his chest. Max gently kisses his forehead and goes to brush his teeth. It takes a few minutes but quickly Oscar drifts off.
“How are you doing?” Max whispers quietly, crouching at Charles’s side of the bed.
Charles looks up, lower lip trembling now he doesn’t have Oscar to think about.
“How could this happen?” He whispers, voice breaking on the last word.
“I don’t know Char, I don’t know..” Max gently catches the tears with the pad of his thumb. He feels a lump in his own throat, for the first time in the past 16 hours or so this is sinking in. Charles carefully reaches out his free hand grabs his hand giving it a squeeze.