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The bathroom floor felt cold under tsuki as he sat on his phone typing yamaguchi‘s username in all over again. He didn’t exactly expect to see anything new especially not what did actually pop up. A ring? A fucking ring? He felt a flare of something in his chest. Jealousy? Fear? Anything bad was probably right. Clicking on the post didn’t make anything go away either. It made his chest ache as he scrolled through the pictures of yamaguchi with some other guy. A guy that wasn’t him. That was the issue here.
Tsuki watched the phone screen blur and he pushed his glasses up his nose but that wasn’t the problem. How long ago did he post this? An hour? Couldn’t have been longer than a day that was when tsuki had last checked if he posted anything. He knew yams was with a guy but he hadn’t expected it to actually last? Or maybe he hoped it hadn’t. He couldn’t tell the difference anymore.
Yamaguchi was happy in those pictures. Seeing his smile again was something Tsukishima had wished on a shooting star for but maybe he should’ve been more specific. The last time he saw yamaguchis face was when he told him he wished he was a girl but now he only wanted to take that back. If he hadn’t let that hold him back would it be him in those pictures now? Would he still be sitting on the bathroom floor crying?
Tsuki swiped out of Instagram and pressed his fingers to his closed eyes till colors danced in the darkness and when he opened them again he was opening his contacts. This was stupid. Ludicrous even. Would he even pick up? Or was his number blocked for the rest of time. Only one way to find out isn’t there? He clicked the call button and put it on speaker so he could take his glasses off and press his head to his knees.
A few rings later he was rethinking his decisions and about to hang up when yamaguchi picked up.
„Hello? Who’s this?“ god his voice mad Tsukishimas chest ache.
„Y-you don’t have my number saved?“ curse this moment and his stammering.
„Tsukishima?“ yamaguchis voice got quiet and it hurt. He didn’t wanna hear from tsuki and he knew that but he couldn’t help it.
„Yeah“
A long pause
„I saw your post you… you looked happy“
„I am“ yamaguchi, on the other end, moved outside into the warm summer air but it felt suffocating right now.
„Yams do you ever think about us?“ it was abrupt and the nickname made yamaguchis breathing catch like his chest wouldn’t allow him to move on from that. And Tsukishima had tears dripping down his cheeks saying it.
„Like when you told me you wished I was a girl?“
Tsuki went quiet at that. Just for a moment to gather his thoughts again.
„I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that or even thought it for that matter-„
„why are you calling me?“ yamaguchi interrupted „its to late. you know that right?“
„Yams please just listen-“
„I’m trying but it’s hard to be on your side right now when you’re making me relive the exact moment my life fell apart“
„That’s not what I’m trying to do I just…“ *he stopped and yamaguchi was started to cry on the other end of the line* „I’m better now. I know me. I’ve figured it all out and now I’m looking back and realizing everything I lost“
„It took you this long?“ yamaguchi choked out. He leaned against the wall the warm salty wind blowing through his hair brought no comfort at this point.
„I know I’m sorry and I know you won’t let me back in I just needed to hear you again“
„You got your fucking wish.“ and tsukis phone went black.
Then it buzzed.
just once.
A text.
„I’m sorry.“