Work Text:
...What makes us all so afraid
of two men or two woman
being together?
All the things we could fear in this world
we pick love.
1998 / 6 / 21 ~ Saturday, Dazai's birthday party
It was early morning—sun had yet to rise—when he was woken up by his father, Ougai Mori. A soft voice along with gentle hands shook him out of his slumber. Groaning, Dazai stretched up and out of his bed. He turned eight years old two days ago. Today would be his little celebration with his father, his younger sister, and a friend he met at school. Dazai had been excited—earlier that week that is. He no longer had any interest in going anywhere. Usually, when he was in moods like this, Mori let him do what he himself insisted on doing. This always made him feel bad later—he knew his father did it on purpose. Though, he also knew that it wasn't with bad intentions. Plus, it worked.
Unfortunately for Dazai—and surprisingly—, this wouldn't be the case today. Mori was actually forcing him to get up and get ready. Huh.
Five minutes of back and forths. That's how long it took for him to finally get up.
As he was walking over to his closet, yawning dramatically as an attempt to make his father pity him, he spoke up for the umpteenth time.
"Dad—do we have to go to the beetch?" (beach)
Dazai's front tooth had finally fallen out, but this now gave him a lisp.
Despite the words, he still grabbed an outfit from his closet—or tried. He wasn't quite tall enough to easily grab clothes. Many times before Mori has tried to help him, Dazai denied the help each time, leaving Mori to laugh at him from his bed. Dazai could never decide whether being playfully laughed at or asking for help and feeling inferior was worse.
"Yes, I thought you wanted to go? You were so excited the other day, Osamu"
He could practically hear the frown on his father's face. Gah! Not fair! Dazai felt bad now!
"I did..." He dragged his foot back and forth againstthe carpet, still trying to get a shirt. "I dunno what happened!"
Dazai thought about continuing his comment, but then he finally got the shirt down. Proudly, he held it up for a moment before running over to his bed and jumping on the edge.
"I guesth it's okay... Odathaku is going, right?"
"Mhm, he is. And we'll pick him up as soon as you're showered and ready. Go, stinky"
"Hey! I'm not sthinky!"
His voice got higher and he frowned. He hopped off the bed, and stomped away with his clothes in hand.
He wanted to shower anyway. Or, that's what he thought in his head—not that it was true. He was just trying to make some sort of point.
___________
Dazai and Elise were matching outfits. Both wearing clothes with a blue plaided theme. Dazai had button up and swim shorts on. Elise had a swim dress on.They were standing against the car as Mori tried to get some nice pictures of the two. In most, Dazai was glaring down at Elise—she was leaning against him, half asleep. In some, he was attempting to smile, but also giving her bunny ears. The one 'nice' picture Mori got was blurry.
He found himself uncomfortably shivering. His hair was still wet and there was a slight breeze. No matter what day of the year, Dazai was always cold. And of course, he'd forgotten his jacket in the car after school yesterday. This meant his jacket was also going to be cold!—or that's what he insisted to Mori. His father sighed, paying to mind to the whining. Could the boy not see he was trying to put Elise in her car seat?
"Dad, I'm sthooo cold," Dazai whined before quickly adding:"you sthould let me thit in the front seat..."
"Why, child? You'll be there for not even ten minutes. You know Oda's house isn't far" He'd finished buckling up Elise and was now looking down at Dazai, hand on his hip as he frowned. Such a demanding child.
"Ten minutes is ten minutes" Dazai shrugged
"Fine. Only today, though. Okay, Osamu. Do you understand?"
Dazai's face went blank fro a moment before he beamed a whole smile and hopped up. As soon as he heard 'fine', he stopped listening.
Excitedly nodding his head, he began to run around their car, over to the passenger seat.
"Mmmmhm! Yeeuuppp!"
Mori stifled out a small laugh, closing Elise's door—she'd fallen asleep right after being sat down—and opening his door. He glanced over at the passenger seat, his smile softening. Dazai was already seated, seat belt fastened, and that wide smile still on his face.
"We got everything from the house, right?"
"Yeah! yeth!! Let's go"
"Mm, alrighty. Remember, when we get Oda, you go to the back seat, in the middle, and you better not mess with your sister... please.. She's actually napping."
"Okay... I will, I promise" He was the slightest bit quieter. Elise always whined in the car. He didn't like loud noises like that.
___________
As soon as Dazai's recognized the red brick house—he hopped out and ran to the front door. He rang the door bell—not once, not twice, not three times—but five times in a row. Mori watched this, also hopping out the car, much calmer than how Dazai had.
Mori had met Oda many times before, and still, he didn't understand how the two boys were friends.
Dazai went to a kindergarten to eighth public school. So, it was no surprise to Mori that he'd somehow made friends with an older kid. But this kid—Sakunosuke Oda—he was a stark contrast to Dazai. Oda was twelve, a quiet and mature child. Mori knew he wrote and read... and occasionally played sports with Dazai. That was about it.
Despite the differences and confusion, Mori didn't mind their friendship. It wasn't like Oda was a bad kid.
Oda answered the door, a smile painting his face, his mother followed behind him.
"You be good okay, Saku?"
"Yeah, I will ma'!"
Mori and Oda's mother watched the two boys run to the car. The mother had a sweet smile of her face. She looked incredibly proud.
"I can not thank you enough, Mori, for letting Sakunosuke go with you guys. Although, I—me and his father.. do apologize for not being able to accompany you all"
"Don't worry about it at all, I know how hard it can be to make time between schedules. We should get back into town at one-ish. That okay?"
"Oh, of course. Perfect actually. If anything comes up, don't hesitate to phone us!" She smiled and waved "Have a nice time"
"Thank you, again." He waved and began making his way to the car.
As he opened the door he was met with his daughter crying, his son giggling, and Oda telling him to stop (there was still a slight giggle in his tone). Ah, so the boy was not the goody two-shoes he thought he was. With a sigh, and got in and began driving.
"Mr Osamu's dad, I put my bag on the passenger seat" Oda said, still trying to shush both Dazai and Elise.
"Ah," He glanced to the side "okay. Thank you, Oda"
What? What was Mori saying thank you for? He really sucked at talking to children, other children—or really anyone. He was only good at business talk. Studying to be a surgeon, he enjoyed sounding smart at work. Casual talk, though—was not his strong suit.
Oda hummed before going back to listen to Dazai's endless strings of chatter. Elise butted in a few times, telling him to 'shut up'. Mori had try ti explain to her inna way that she understood that saying that was not nice.
At the twenty minute mark the three kids had fallen asleep—or so he thought. He could've sworn Oda was asleep, but apparently he wasn't.
"Mr Osamu's dad, if I asked if I could sleep over, would you let me?"
Mori noticed the boy's voice was smaller than earlier. Hm.
"Well, it'd depend on what your parents say. I wouldn't mind.. Did you want me to ask?"
"Yes, please. Thank you."
"Of course, kid. I'll ask when we get down."
His view on the child hasn't changed much on this ride. Sure, he saw a little mischief earlier, but who didn't get at least a little mischievous when they got close with Dazai? All of Dazai's friends Mori has met were evil little kids. Oda was different. A kind child.
As a matter of fact, lately, Dazai has been becoming friends with different types of children. Ango Sakaguchi was another example. Mori could see an excellent future in that boy, he was quite smart. He was also quiet, so it confusing him. Mori could only wonder how Dazai came to be friends with them. He'd ask tomorrow.
___________
Mori was so thankful these children stayed asleep the whole time. He also found himself to be surprised they did. It was almost an hour drive.
But at least, now, they were finally here.
"Kiddos... we're heeere...." He tried softly, then he tried a bit louder.
"Kiddos, we're here"
Why were all these children deep sleepers? Oh, wait. Oda was waking up.
"Could you wake up Osamu for me, Oda?"
The boy hummed and rubbed his eyes and leaning closer to Dazai's ear. Mori watched them in the rear view mirror. Oda spoke into his ear, not whispering, normal speaking. Ow, that hurts—Dazai's done that to him.
"Daaazai... Daaaaaaazaii.. Daaaz-"
Oda was cut off Dazai's groaning and rubbing his face. His elbow accidentally hit Oda's face.
"Ow.."
"Arggghhg.. ... sorryy. Elise! Elise, wake up!"
"No, no Osamu..." Mori sighed when he began to mess with Elise.
"Whaaaat? She's gonna be awake anyway"
"I know.. I know."
Elise ended up waking up and began to mess with Dazai back. She pulled his hair and called him a fishy. Dazai struggled with denying the fishy comment because of his teeth. Oda stayed quiet, but Mori saw him, he was smiling at the whole thing.
Then, before things got too out of hand, Mori took a deep breath and clapped, beginning to speak up.
"Okay,.. are you guys ready to swim?"
Dazai and Elise stopped their banter, but now they had a competition of who could say yes louder. Mori opened his door and closed it once he was out, just listening to the sound of the quiet waves for a moment. Then he realized you could hear the two children from outside the car. He opened Elise's side and unbuckled her before walking around and opening Oda's side. The back doors had to have child lock on. Dazai was not a good kid sometimes.
"Daaad... Elithe is sticking her tongue out at me!"
"Mmm... how interesting," Mori used his keys to open the trunk. "Get your guy's bag. Oh, Oda,"
"I got my bag already"
He looked down to see the kid looking up at him, holding his little backpack up.
"Okay, good"
Then he felt sand on his arm, and on his legs. Dazai was throwing left over sand from in the bag at Elise, which was getting on him.
"Osamu... you can throw sand down at the beach.." He had a subtle frown on his face, not that the expression meant much. "but before you start running off, put sunscreen on! Oda, do you have any, or do you need some?"
"I have some."
"Dad... I don't like thunscreen! It makes my skin feel icky!"
"Dazai, I have some that doesn't make your skin icky"
Dazai looked over at Oda, his bug eyes staring for a moment befire he smiled.
"Can I use it?"
Mori looked away from the two boys and at Elise, she was already beginning to fall asleep again. He gently smiled and set her down in the trunk for a moment. She had special sunscreen because she was allergic to the other one they had. It was a cream one, so he put it on her. It's not like she would. Right now, she was half asleep. Mori wondering how she was able to fall asleep so quickly. Was she not just fighting with Dazai?
When he was done, he glanced over, Dazai was drawing on himself with the sunscreen. Oda seemed to notice as well. He put his hand on Dazai's stomach, where the stick man was.
Dazai gasped, looking up at Oda and back down at his stomach.
"You killed him! You killed Henry, Odathaku!"
Oda silently ignored the comment and wiped the sunscreen on his hand onto Dazai's shoulder. This made Dazai grumble and also rub the sunscreen on. Oda helped with his back.
Mori grabbed Elise, holding her in his arms again. She was getting too big for this. Though she was quite a small child for her age, Mori also wasn't the strongest man in the world, and Elise had just turned four a few months ago.
Closing the trunk and locking the car with his keys, he walked over to Dazai and Oda.
"You two ready?"
"Yes yes yes!!" "Yup"
"Alrighty, then, go run off and find a nice place to sit"
The two boys looked at each other before taking off.
Despite the nice weather, there wasn't many people. Mori was very glad for that. He didn't really enjoy crowded beaches.
Mori watched the two race, Dazai dropped off the bag, kicked off his shoes, and tripped. As Oda tried to stop himself from tripping over Dazai, he was too late and fell over on Dazai's back. Mori could hear the grunt and giggling from where he was.
He knew they two where probably okay, but he still rushed a bit faster over to the two.
"You' two okay?" There was a slightly rumble in his tone, he was trying not to laugh.
"Odathaku is trying to kill me, dad!!!" He dramatically whined.
"You're trying to kill me!"
Mori set Elise down, seeing as she was awake now, and she jumped on top of Oda. Dazai and Oda groaned, shrieking ow's.
Sighing, he just reminded them to be careful and then walked over to where Dazai put down the bag. He saw Oda's bag next to their's. Good. Mori had brought a large umbrella from the car. So, he tried his best to stick it in the sand, and then he laid down a towel.
When he looked back, the three were already back up and running again, to the water.
The thing about Dazai is he can't walk straight. His feet tilt slightly inwards when his walks or runs. So again, right when he got in the water, he fell again.
Mori smiled before looking down at his own little bag he brought. Putting away his keys, he took out a book and his phone. He got a text.
Sakaguchi —
"We'll be there soon
Like five minutes.."
That text was four minutes ago.
Now
"Hey, just letting you know, we're here!
Up at the parking lot"
"We're down at the beach, by the rocks"
Mori looked up, putting his phone down and standing up. He slipped on his sandals and began walking up. Then he saw them and waved.
Ango and his father, Niichirou Sakaguchi.
The younger boy was holding his father's hand. Ah, yes. Ango was the timid one. Unlike Oda, who was more calm than timid.
"Hello! Sakaguchi, We're over there, boys and Elise are down in the water." Mori pointed to their bags.
Ango being there was a surprise for Dazai. That much was obvious when Mori heard Dazai shout and then scream 'Ango'. He almost flinched. That boy could be so loud... but at the end of the day, Mori truly was just glad he was happy.
Mori walked Sakaguchi over to their little spot.
That's when he remembered he needed to ask Sakunosuke's mother about staying over. Perhaps he should ask Niichirou as well.
______
"AAAAANNGOOOOO!!!!" Dazai suddenly screamed. Oda, who was facing the opposite way flinched and looked over at Dazai.
"Ango?"
"Look!!"
So he did. Oda looked up at where Mori was, and then over... and saw Ango and his father. Before he knew it, Dazai was running. So, he started running—then he stopped and looked back. It wouldn't be safe for Elise to stay by herself.
"Elise, do you want a piggyback ride?"
She looked up from the water and smiled, nodding before stumbling over to Oda. He crouched down and she climbed on his back.
"Hang on, alright? I'm gonna run"
"I will!"
Oda tried his best not to flinch too hard but she did just yell in his ear. Anyway, he started running. It was much harder running uphill while holding a child. Although; she was lighter than he thought she'd be.
In the distance, he heard Dazai and Ango.
Dazai was clinging to him. While Ango was trying to push him off.
"Hey, Dazai get offughhhh!!" When Ango saw Oda, he yelled out to him, "Odasaku! Get this fish off me!"
"Heyy... What's with everyone calling me a fith?!"
"Because you stink!"
"I took a sthower??"
"Well then you look like one!"
"What does that even mean??"
Oda stared at Dazai's face. Huh. He did look like a fish.
"Dazai, Ango," He pointed down to the water. "let's race"
He really couldn't think of anything else to get them off each other. Even though he'd lose, at least they'd quit it—for at least ten seconds.
"You're on, Odathaku."
Immediately, Dazai was off of Ango at at Oda's side.
"Hey, wait you're racing with Elise on your back? I don't think that's safe." Ango worried
"I can run straight, unlike someone" Oda glanced down at Dazai. Dazai could not run or walk straight.
"Hey.. that's not my fault! That's how I wath born!"
Ango was never the one to take their racing seriously. Majority of the time, he thought they were childish. This was only because it was always for dumb reasons, dumb consequences, at dumb times, and dumb places. But maybe, he could surprise them and win. It's not like they were paying attention—him and Oda were bickering. And this was the perfect place.
So he ran, sticking his tongue out after he yelled,
"Bye bye slowpokes!"
Perhaps Dazai was rubbing off too much on him. A couple months ago, he would've never done something that immature. Although... it wasn't terrible acting like a child. It was fun.
Dazai's jaw dropped and he put his hands on his head. He was stunned at Ango's actions. In the seconds of his short trance, Oda had also began running. Right now, he was in last place.
Osamu Dazai was no rotten egg.
He started running as well. He wondered how Oda was so fast while still holding Elise on his back. She was shrieking and giggling the whole time. That didn't help. He may be a sore loser, but he is NO ROTTEN EGG!!!
So, he sped up and yelled,
"ODA THAKUNOTHUKEE, THAKAGUCHI ANGO!!"
Seconds after speeding up and yelling, he passed Oda and shrieked. His foot got ahead of the other and he tripped. This made him tumble and roll down in to the water. He also tripped Ango.
The moment Oda saw him trip, he stopped, taking a step away—just incase, you never know what could happen. Elise had a fun time watching him—at first—then she felt bad.
In the distance, Oda and Elise heard;
"OWWWUGH!! DAZAI THAT HURT! OW OW OWW!!"
"AAAAA I'M SO STHORRY!!! OWWW!"
Then, Elise ordered Oda to let her down.
"Let me down Odaaa..." She whined. Once her feet touched the ground, she began to run—stumble—over to Dazai.
"AAA 'SAMUU!! ARE YOU OKAY?"
Elise screamed.
Everyone was screaming... Oda felt bad for the other's on the beach. He glanced over to the rest of the beach, there were people staring. Boo... Still, he jogged over to where Dazai and Ango were drowning—they weren't drowning.
"Is this my end?–blub bllbb blubbb..bb" The waves washed over Dazai's face.
"I can't believe I'm going to drown next to Dazai Osa–blubb glubgg... blb...bb.. glbbgg..." The waves also went over Ango's face.
"AAAAA... Bubby!!!! Samu!" Elise shouted before jumping on Dazai's stomach.
This erupted a scream and water shooting from his mouth. This also made him sit up. He did hold onto Elise when he abruptly sat up. He didn't want her to fall.
"Owh... I'm okay Elisee...." He whined
______
The four continued to play in the water. At some point, Elise forced them to be her knights and built her a sand castle. It was actually decent—if it wasn't Ango's judgement—for their work. Sure, it looked like a mountains of sand, but it had pretty shells and sticks and seaweed and stuff... It even had a moat! So, Ango's judgment didn’t really matter in the end because Elise was satisfied with the castle anyway. They were all just having fun. Dazai found a crab and chased people with it. Ango found a sand dollar and a shark tooth. Oda found a dead fish—which Dazau convinced him to chase Ango with it. And Elise found a bunch of shells... and after necklace.. somehow.
Despite all this fun and excitement—it truly was exhausting at the end of the day. Dazai had never been good with people—even as a baby he showed obvious distaste for strangers. He liked, his father, his sister, and his mother. That was it—for humans at least. Sometimes, Mori felt like Dazai lived in his own little world. He was constantly in his room, especially during little events where people would be at their house. Luckily for Dazai, they didn't have many of those anymore—since his mother passed. She was a social butterfly. She was the one who helped Dazai meet new people and succeeded.
That was the real reason why Mori couldn't help himself but be the slightest bit confused about how Dazai made these friends—how he was so close to them. Nonetheless, he was still really proud in a way. It made him happy to see his son finally happy with other people.
Thought Mori had been watching the kids most of their time there, towards the end, he got swept up in a conversation with Niichirou.
This is why he didn't notice Dazai sneaking away.
___________
It was past the hour mark of their time on the beach. A particularly big wave knocked over Ango, which made Oda fall as well, and then Elise jumped on the two. They were all distracted. No one would notice if he walked away. So he did.
Dazai stared down at the three children, laughing and limbs tangled, looked up at the two fathers full-body laughing and talking to each other—and then turned around and walked. He didn't quite know where we was walking yet, but he would find out soon enough.
And that's exactly what happened. As Dazai continued to walk, he saw a dock in the distance. It looked unused. There were no boats attached. Perhaps it was more for fishing instead of boats. When he arrived at the wooden structure, he sat down at the edge. The water was high. He let his feet dangle into the water.
It was quieter over here. He enjoyed it. As much as Dazai seemed to enjoy screaming a lot—which he did, most of the time—like most things, it got tiring to just hear yells and laughing. It was also much more tiring to partake in those actions.
So, the sound of gentle waves, the distant seagulls, and muffled music from a restaurant above the cliff was... relaxing.
As Dazai was looking down into the clear water, kicking his feet—something caught his eye—in his peripherals. Shiny. Orange.. What was that? It looked like a fishy.
"Fiiiishy.... have you come to play?"
Dazai mumbled, giggling to himself. The scales shined in the sun's rays of light. Gorgeous even.
Then it swam by again, and he noticed something else. Hair. Why did he see hair? It was also pretty. Each time it swam, he saw a new part of the strange fish.
Its scales, hair, fins, skin, waist—human waist, fish tail, it's face.
It's absolutely ethereal human face.
How? Who?
This didn't make sense.
Dazai scoot closer to the edge, trying to get a better look at this beautifully strange phenomenon. Unfortunately for him, luck was not on his side today.
As a consequence of leaning closer, he fell in.
For a split moment, Dazai didn't even realize he was in the water, he just sank, eyes open and watching the blurry, glowing, blob of orange in the near distance. Naturally, the moment didn't last forever.
He only noticed he couldn't breathe seconds later when he didn't immediately float back up. At first, he just slowly kicked his foot, expecting to go up. Then he felt a tug. Ah.
There was something wrapped around his ankle— both his ankles. How strange, he just got in the water—had he not? The realization that he was indeed drowning—made him notice other things:
This water was deeper, much deeper than what he was used to. It was also much colder the deeper he was.
The sun shining down into the clear water made the floor of the water look brighter; he didn't notice the seaweed or other sea plants.
That fish was part human—a mermaid. Or maybe he was seeing things
That was a big possibility, his vision was going spotty. His noes was stinging—yet he didn't flinch or even struggle against the tug on his feet or the feeling of salty water filling his mouth–his throat and lungs. The last thing he remembered was seeing the mermaid swimming over to him—diving to his feet. Hey... that mermaid didn't have a shirt on..
How silly of him. He was seeing things. Surely.
___________
"Mr Osamu's dad, where is Dazai?" Oda frowned.
_______
After they had finally gotten Elise off and regained their breaths, the three of them grew confused. Where was Dazai? So, they all walked up the sand, to Ougai and Niichirou.
"Yeah, papa, where's Samu?"
"Hm? I thought he was down there with you guys?" Mori tilted his head.
"He was. And now he's not. Did you see him come up here?"
This was deeply worrying to Mori.
Any loving parent would be worried if they were told their child wasn't with the group they left them with. But Dazai had a reputation to do... not the best things to himself. So, Mori worried much more.
Niichirou knew a bit more about Dazai now that he's talked to Mori a bunch. They somehow talked about some of the most personal things. Anywho, he also knew this beach very well. He had family who live in this town so it wasn't rare they came down here.
"There's a little dock, Mori. It's quite the walk for an eight year old though." Niichirou said, making attempt at help.
"Distance doesn't matter to him." Mori's tone sounded quite serious—not unkind to any of them in particular—just to the situation.
He stood up and slipped on his sandals. Then, before taking a step forward, he hesitated, looking back at Niichirou.
"Could you show me? Where it is—please."
Damn it, Dazai.
Sakaguchi's father nodded silently, standing up befire beginning to walk.
The three children stayed quiet and followed behind. They were all as curious as kids get, but this seemed different. They all silently agreed.
Upon nearing the docks, Mori squinted his eyes. He couldn't see anything yet, the weeds in the water surrounding the dock were too tall. Despite this, he sped up. Niichirou understood and stepped off the the side, stopping.
At first, he still failed to see anything in the water. Each step against the wood made his insides feel worse and worse, but he pursued. If Dazai was here, he needed to be quick.
Of course, Niichirou was correct about the suspicion, he himself was right about the suspicion.
Standing at the edge of the dock, he looked down and bit his lip. Having no time to waste, he kneeled down.
There his child bobbed in the water with the waves. It was a sickening sight. Mori was extremely glad the others stayed back for this. Elise didn't need to see her older brother like this. Sakunosuke and Ango didn't need to see their friend like this.
Reaching down, Mori pulled Dazai out of the water, flinching at the coldness of his skin. He was a doctor—studying to be a doctor. A surgeon. He knew CPR. He knew how to check for pulse and breathing.
So he did. Mori had never been more relieved to know his child was breathing (this was lie, they've been in situations before where Mori has doubted Dazai's breathing. He's been relieved many times. This wasn't the first, nor woukd it be the last)—it was shallow and faint, but he was breathing and his heart was beating. Barely.
Mori began the motions of CPR—gently at first. Dazai was cold, he didn't want to risk hurting anything more. Then he got impatient. He was beginning to seriously worry, so he put more pressure. Feeling the slight rumble of a cough in his chest filled him with hope.
One minute, thirteen seconds. That's how long it took until Dazai began to cough and spit out water. He shot right up and tried to breathe. His throat hurt. There were arms around his waist, hugging him. His dad.
The other's must've heard or saw Mori and Dazai because Elise began running towards them. She was crying. Suddenly another set of arms were around Dazai. A long with s sister crying his name. Samu.
Everything around Dazai felt muffled and blurry. He didn't understand what was happening.
___________
The car ride back home was quiet. Dazai loved the quiet—but it was odd this time around. Silence had never felt like this before. It felt murky
He's also never drowned before. It still felt like there was salt water running throughout his body. His lungs, esophagus, ears, noes—it'll felt terrible.
Before they left, Mori had asked (many minutes later) if he wanted to stop by the restaurant near by. He had, before he almost died. Even so, he said yes. He didn't want to completely ruin his little celebration for everyone. So they ate, he didn't eat much.
This time around in the car, he was again sitting in the back, middle seat. But, this time, Oda and Ango sat next to him. Elise was asleep in the front. Mori knew a way with no police, just in case.
Mori had told Dazai that Oda and Ango would be sleeping over.
That night was better than most. Though it wasn't the most productive or talkative he's had with the two, it still meant a lot to him. They cared, and he knew that full well... kind of. He doubted everyone's care sometimes. It meant more to him after that.
___________
2005 / 6 / 19 ~ Sunday
Dazai was fifteen today. He wasn't sure how to feel about it.
His health hasn't been the best, but he's been happy. For the most part.
Oda and Ango were adults now. nineteen and eighteen. Wow. Just a few more months and Oda would be twenty.
Dazai frowned, he didn't like that thought. He didn't like getting older, he didn't like others getting older. It was getting harder to talk with Oda and Ango. It really sucked.
Today, he found himself sitting at a beach, in a more secluded area. Three years ago, they moved. To a town closer to this beach. It wasn't for the beach. It was for Mori, his job. He was a surgeon, or he was becoming one. They would probably move again in a year or two.
Staring at the pebbles on the ground, holding his knees to his chest, the sound of waves bouncing off the rounded walls behind him—and oranges scales in his peripherals. Hm?
Seven years. It's been seven years since he drowned and saw the creature—unless directly reminded of it—Dazai wouldn't remember.
He paid no mind to the fish and fell back into thought.
Over the past year, he has struggled majorly with his identity. Sometimes he didn't really feel like a boy—or human at all. For a short period of time, he tried to be a girl and despised it. Going back to being a boy after that felt draining. Living was always exhausting and he fainted almost everyday. Since then, he's gotten slightly better. Dazai has accepted that he with never know what he is and stays to being a boy. He thinks of himself as a foreign alien, no one knew that. It was extremely disgusting and dramatic that he thought like that—or that's what he thought. He had no doubts that others would think like that as well.
The after effects of all that identity stuff was not pretty. And that's one of the reasons he hated beaches. Dazai could no longer dress like a normal boy going to swim without looking like a very obviously mental ill fool. Bandages coated his chest, neck, arms, and thighs. He was truly a fool. What immature coping mechanisms. He understood this and still did it sometimes. Disgusting. Who goes to the beach fully clothed?
A that shine in the water caught his eyes once again. So, having nothing better to do, he stood up and walked closer to the beach line. He put his hands in his pockets. It was still cold. In june. Dazai didn't expect to see the fish again, it just felt good to stand up.
But he did see it. Scales, then hair, fins, skin, human waist, fish tail.... Instinctively, he reached to pull up the ends of his pants, and then started walking. He was being rather mindless of where he was stepping. As a consequence, he ended up trustfully stepping on a very slippery rock... the face. It was the same thing—fish—mermaid?—as that day. He was still on his hands and knees, result of falling, but slowly he sat up on his knees.
Dazai remembered the day seven years ago. He drowned. He saw a mermaid. That—this mermaid saved him, untied the weeds from his ankles so Mori could find him. Why was he seeing it again?
He decides to stand up again and run deeper. His pants were already soaked, who cares. A head peaked up—ginger hair, the mermaid had different colored eyes, blue and brown. A tail flick up out of the water—beautiful orange scales.
"Fishy?"
Naively, he said. He thought in that moment that if he called out to the mermaid as he did all those years ago that it'd come to him. This wasn't a movie, this wasn't some fantasy book. In return, nothing. He didn't see the mermaid after that.
He knew Mori would be looking for him. Dazai didn't tell him that he was running off for the moment. They've already been through this before—Mori had reason to worry.
Spending the rest of the time he had there until Mori found him gave him time to think. The water was thigh-high deep where he was. Who was this mermaid? Dazai thought mermaids weren't real, so is that a lie or is this thing....? No, it couldn't be a lie. He's seen the mermaids full body before. How could he forget (now)?
Five minutes of standing in the warm water until he heard his name shouted by his out of breath father and worried sister.
Dazai didn't turn around yet. At this moment, he realized that right after he had said 'fishy', there was another voice. He couldn't figure out what the mermaid had said.
"Osamu, come here"
"Samu... you're okay, right?"
With a short sigh, Dazai began to turn before he was met with his father holding him—hugging him—desperately. Mori had reason for this worry. So, Dazai didn't say anything, just hugged him back. Elise ended up coming over and hugging them as well.
___________
An hour later
Dazai was in his room, cold after shower and wrapped up in blankets. He was thinking over that situation when Mori knocked on his door and stepped in, closing it behind him.
"Hi, dad"
Mori sat on the edge of his bed.
"Osamu" He nodded his head "What were you doing?"
His tone wasn't accusing, just confused and tired. Dazai pitied him, Mori shouldn't have to worry this much.
"I saw it again—the mermaid. Do you remember when I drowned? I told you about it when Odasaku and Ango left."
"...Really?"
"Really," He realized how it sounded and frowned. " I wasn't trying to kill myself—I don't.."
"Be honest with me, please Osamu"
"I wasn't trying to drown. I didn't try to drown all those years ago either. You know this"
Mori believed Dazai was trying to die. After the ways he's been acting.. and the things he's done to himself—it was hard to believe he wasn't. Despite believing this, he was really sensitive. Mori couldn't bear to hear Dazai talk about that anymore. So, he entertained the idea of Dazai seeing this sea creature.
"Okay, okay. Yes—sure. What... was the mermaid like then?
Dazai could immediately tell that Mori was just trying to get away from the subject. Didn't he deal with suicide victims? Was it just him he personally couldn't hear it from? Nevertheless, he would respect it. He was too tired to be cruel.
"It was gorgeous. Although, it showed me less of itself than last time. Last time it saved me. The only reason I drowned was because I fell in and got tangled with the weeds at the bottom. It untied the weeds so my body would float up. It had ginger hair, it's tail was different from last time though. Last time it was completely orange, this time it also had stripes of blue. It also had heterochromia."
Perhaps it soothed Mori's nerves to hear Dazai speak. Maybe it worried him to here his son talk about a fictional sea creature like it was real. Or maybe it wasn't so fictional.
Either way, Mori still scooted closer to Dazai and laid down with him.
"It sounds truly pure, Osamu."
Mori just wanted his son to feel and be okay.
It was late, they'd already eaten dinner. Mori and Dazai fell asleep like that, Elise joined.
Like before, it was nice having people to be with. Unlike before, Dazai loathed the doubt. He didn't... try to kill himself. He wasn't planning to die there or like that. Drowning sucks. It burns your noes and throat.
It he were to choose how to die, it wouldn't be drowning. Of course, that wouldn't stop him for trying. Perhaps if he was feeling truly miserable he would try to die like that.
___________
2006 / 6 / 18 ~ Sunday
Mori worried so much about him drowning and trying to off himself, and yet—he still found himself in the same spot. Except, this time he told Mori was he was going.
Dazai found that this spot was better than the docks. It was more secluded and overall more visually appealing. The pebbles ans shells were pretty. The short cave behind him was pretty with the vines and moss growing along the walls, hanging from the top. The water was gorgeous.
His mermaid seemed to like that place as well it seemed. When Dazai arrived there, said creature was out of the water, looking at the ground It had something shiny in—his hands. The mermaid was a merman. Dazai just stared, not in fear—not in disgust—he was absolutely in love.
Okay—love was a bit far, but if you saw it you'd feel the same way.
Dazai could've sworn the sea creature was a mermaid. His body was slim, much like his own, except he just didn't eat a lot—that mermaid was healthy.
Of the few seconds that he was granted to stare, he noticed that the mermaids ribs looked slit, but not bleeding. It confused him until he came to the conclusion that they must be gills.
Before the mermaid had dashed back into the water, he'd let out a short surprised yelp. This made a small smirk creep onto Dazai lips.
"Fiiishyyyyy... come on. We've basically known each other for eight years.." He whined as he approached the water.
He saw a head pop up from the water, just for a moment. Then a splash, and he was soaked. Hey! He was still fully clothed! The mermaid flicked his tail and splashed Dazai with water. What a dick—he was getting to comfortable! (hypocrite).
"Hey!" He grumbled.
Taking of his shoes, socks, pants (he came prepared with shorts this time), and coat, he began to run towards the water. Unfortunately, over the past eight years, he had not gotten to better a running straight. So, right at the water line, he tripped on a slimy rock. That wasn't the part that made him fall. Sure, he was put off balance, but he could've saved himself—if he hadn't stepped on his own foot.
A giggle—and not his own—was audible after he fell.
With a face of sand and his body already soaked with water, he whined into the water.
He sat up, and said,
"Elise... I told you not to follow... me?"
As he turned around, he realized that he was alone—almost. The mermaid. That sea creature giggled at him, not Elise.
So, he looked back out to the water. The redhead was very close—five feet away. Dazai's eyes were immediately wide, his cheeks red. Damn it! Stupid blood vessels.
As soon as Dazai saw him, he began to swim away.
"Hey!"
He chased after the mermaid. It was quite saddening how unfair this game of catch was. Not only did Dazai not know how to swim well, he also didn't run well. Sure, he could be fast, but with all the seaweed out, and the fact he already fell once—catching up to the redhead was not going to happen. That's what he would've thought if he wasn't determined. And he was so much more than determined—the most he'd been in a long time.
He began to notice that the seaweed was also slowing down the mermaid. This gave him some sense of hope. Although, he was beginning to get exhausted. He was not in shape whatsoever.
Just as he felt a wave a fatigue, he saw the mermaid... stop? He rubbed his eyes and looked closer. Oh, ha. He was stuck in seaweed.
A small chuckle came from his mouth. He stopped running. Instead, he walked closer. Until he was right by the sea creature's side—then he sat down. The water was up to his chest.
Gently, Dazai helped him untangle from the vines. A moment of nostalgia hit him. This was so embarrassing.
His face—his ears—grew even more flushed at the thought of the comparison to right now and all those years ago.
"Fishy, you untangled me eight years ago. Guess what I'm doing right now?"
"Quiet, human"
This made Dazai pause. The first words the mermaid spoke to him. He sounded just like a teenage boy. Well, maybe he was. He looked younger than Dazai himself.
A subtle smile fell to his face.
"If I untangle you, will you stay? I want to talk to you"
"Are you that lonely? Talking to fish?" The mermaid mocked Dazai when he said fish.
"Mmm... I'll take that as a yes"
So, Dazai continued to rip away the green. When he was done, he grabbed the mermaid's wirst. It was a loose enough hold that—if he wanted to—he could easily swim away. Except he didn't. He stayed. He sat down with Dazai.
"What's your name, Fishy?"
He was met with silence.
"Hmm... I guess I'll just have to keep calling you Fishy, hm?"
"Nakahara– Chuuya."
"Na‐ka‐ha-ra Chuuuu–yaa...." Dazai sighed. "Why do we keep meeting everytime I come to this beach, Chuuya?"
Silence—again. Only for a moment.
"Do you want a full explanation? I could just say because I want to."
"Obviously, I want a full explanation"
"Okay. Well to be blunt, I made you drink my blood when you drowned. That's the only reason you survived. With how long you were underwater and the temperature, you would have died."
Too blunt. Dazai stared at him for a few moments before speaking up,
"That's not a full explanation. What does your blood do?"
"I was getting there... To answer your question, it heals anything with a beating heart, if they ingest it. But that's the shallow explanation.. I found out because of you that it marks a human if ingested. Only humans though. If a fish were to drink it right now, it would heal and go on with it's life. But now since I've marked you, I have an exceptional sense for your scent. I didn't know at the time that's what happened, I was young. I just didn't want a human to die because of my actions."
"Ah. You still look young. Perhaps you were a newborn when it happened" He teased, and smirk finding his face.
"That's what you got out of all that talk?" He scrunched up his nose in irritation.
"No, I understand. You're just sooo tiny... Are you related to a dwarf goby?"
Chuuya grumbled. "No, I'm only sixteen. I'm still growing you chumscum"
"Chumscum? I'm sorry, Chuuya there seems to be a language barrier between us... I'm not quite sure what you mean" Dazai dramatically whined, putting his free hand to his forehead, acting hurt.
The redhead rolled his eyes.
No, Dazai didn't want silence yet. That is exactly where this exchange would go if he didn't say anything.
"So, what now? You marked me, so what?"
Chuuya glanced over at him.
"You're mine. No other sea creature can mark you." He tilted his head to the side. "You blood and scent is probably putrid to any creature who has the ability to mark with blood. But to me, it's the sweetest out there."
"Ah, I see. What is the point to marking?"
"Well, in the past it was used for relationships between us, not with humans—and it still is. But since we're similar species, mermaids found out that humans could also be marked. Again, I was young, my mother had not taught me that. In simple terms it's for relationships."
"Woah... So if I had a girlfriend would it be cheating?"
"What?.." Chuuya looked up from the water and at Dazai. "You do? Well—in technical terms.. I suppose?"
"Well I don't, never did" Dazai smirked "Would you be jealous if I did, Chuuya?"
"Yes"
Dazai was not expecting that quick or serious of an answer. It caught him off guard.
"Noted"
The two of them sat in silence for a moment. Dazai never really let go of Chuuya's wrist. He just moved to hold his hand. This was terrible. He had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who wasn't even fully human. It's not like he was against having a boyfriend—that wasn't the part throwing him off.
Dazai had another question. Actually many questions.
"Can you turn into a human?"
"When I'm eighteen"
"Since we're similar species can I give you my blood too?"
"...yes."
"What happens if one of us dies?"
"The bond is broken. If you die, my blood becomes weak and looses the ability to heal and mark. If I die, my blood in you with begin to weaken. You will not be able to be marked, but blood from sea creatures will be able to heal you. Your blood and scent won't reek, but it will have a certain smell everything in marine life knows"
"Do you like like me? Or is this just binded by blood?"
"Its biologically written in my blood to love you now." (Just his way of saying I love you)
"Mmm... so can you drink my blood? Does it make the bond more.. pure? Or something?"
"It completes it. Since we're still young, the blood in your system can weaken, but if you were to let me ingest your blood it can only break by death"
"So can you?"
Chuuya went quiet and glanced away.
"Do you truly want it?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
Dazai tugged at his hand, leaning closer with a more honest snd true smile. His free hand went to the button on his shirt, unbuttoning the first few.
"Why would you?"
"Nuh-uh-uh~ Chuuya, I already asked. Look at me"
So, he did. Immediately, he noticed the the smile on his lips and buttons on Dazai's shirt.
"I could just bite your wirst.."
"What's the fun in that?"
"...are you sure?"
There's been many times in Chuuya's life where he could've experienced this. Being close—intimate with another. He was very pretty. Of course, he didn't. Once people got too close, they always caught the scent of a bond.
That day eight years ago, when he came home to his mother, he was stared at. Everyone in that household could smell it. Where ever he went in the following years, he was stared at. The beings of the sea were confused. Why was a boy so young marked? It raised a lot of questions. The Nakaharas were even criticized. Some thought that he was being treated poorly, or that his safety wasn't secure. As he grew older, less people stared, less people made comments. Elders didn't stop.
The water beings were known to live longer lives. So, when elders who grew up knowing that, met youngens who were already bonded, they criticized them. "There was no need for young relationships." "They should live life before doing that." "Why do the parents of this age allow them to mark so young?" "It's disgusting for children this young to be doing that!" When in reality, it was teens to adults through their early thirties who they denounced.
Chuuya never liked elders. They always relied on old rules—even if those rules had been overruled or eradicated. Even if they had been deemed unlawful of wrongful. The elders called the new age "sensitive". When really, it was them who couldn't handle the fact that things were changing. Normalities were changing. Just like how the elders' elders normalities changed. If things never changed—nothing would evolve. Their species would become weak and unaccustomed to the environment around them and they would go extinct. To survive, there needs to be change.
The elders had to accept change. And they couldn't. Teaching techniques, defensive techniques, offensive techniques, architecture, eating patters, economics, the ages of which ones bonded, the fact difference species of marine beings bonded, the genders of ones who bonded. All these things and more were changing, and they couldn't handle it.
Homosexuality was a more prominent one for Chuuya. Even before and after he marked Dazai—he'd never being interested in anybody, much less girls. They were always weird about him because he was pretty. At first, he hated that he was like this. He didn't want to be different—he wanted to fit in. Over time he got used to not being like everyone. The fact he was bonded so young and deprecated by the people around him, pushed him to not care too much about being different.
"Of course I'm sure you dummy, I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't. Stop thinking so much and bite me"
Chuuya was more confident in himself because of the push, because he was criticized and judged. He was a better person because of these things. His grandmother saw him go through all this—she didn't say a word about it. But she acknowledged the change. His great-grandmother acknowledged it. So why couldn't other elders? That acknowledgement meant so much to him. And it shouldn't have. He shouldn't have longed for acceptance that much after appearing and being so confident of himself.
Maybe he just wanted someone to notice that he wasn't weak.
Maybe he just wanted his lover. It was silly. He knew nothing about Dazai, and yet, he held so much affection for him. Many times, he's tried to convince himself it was just biology. The tie of blood. That he didn't love him. Now he was sure.
He really should stop thinking.
"Okay, okay..." He mumbled.
Dazai, slowly, shifted to sit on Chuuya's lap. He leaned his body to the side slightly, and using his free hand, he help the collar of his shirt back.
Chuuya wasn't used to this. Still, he trusted this boy. He trusted the bond their blood held. So, he loosely wrapped his arms around Dazai's waist and leaned to kiss his collarbone. He placed little pecks against it, until he decided to go up. Dazai's hold on his hand tightened. Surely that meant he was doing something right? So he continued, the kisses became more confident up until the bite. Right in the soft spot at the beginning of the start of the side of his neck and then end of his collarbone—Chuuya gently nibbled at first. He quickly figured out that wouldn't puncture the skin despite the sharpness of his teeth. So he stopped for a moment, just breathing, and then the final bite. The second after Chuuya bit and sucked on the skin, Dazai made a strange noise and got ahold of him by the hair, keeping his head against his neck.
Just as Chuuya had thought, Dazai's blood was sweet, delicious even. But he wasn't a vampire—so he had no interest in sucking all the blood out of him. Chuuya licked the wound, it should begin heal, before raising his head. Dazai's hold in Chuuya's hair loosened and his hand fell to the nape of his neck, then to his shoulder.
They stared at each other for a moment, breathing heavily and face flushed, before Dazai smiled and leaned to kiss Chuuya. As soon as Chuuya realized what he was doing, he reciprocated—or, tried to. The kisses were a mess, but they still made him happy. They were both happy and laughing in the end.
"You- You suck at kissing"
"Shut up! I've never kissed anyone like that before!"
"Nee, Chuuya, I haven't either"
Before Chuuya could say anything back, Dazai kissed him again before pulling back. He just could not contain his laughter.
"Mm–hey! if you're going to kiss me do it right!"
"You're saying that like you know how to kiss"
"Whatever, shut up, Osamu"
"Make me"
"Maybe I will"