Work Text:
“Give me some too—!” The quiet, hushed giggles are shared between the two. She stuffs her mouth with even more candies from the bowl, owning a scandalized noise from Firefly. “Hey!”
Halloween this year had been fruitful, the two of them getting a big amount of candies that they put together by the end of the night after walking towards the neighbourhood. They were in bed now, mixing their stuff so they could enjoy double the prize.
“Wimmer taes… itol.” Silver Wolf says between laughs and a stuffed mouth, grabbing another handful of sweets, only to get her wrists yanked away by Firefly, who tries to pull the candies in her own mouth, but instead, Silver Wolf drops them and pushes her face away.
buzz……buzzz…….buzzzzz……buzzzz—
The unpleasant buzzing of her alarm wakes Silver Wolf up for yet another day. Her eyebrows furrow, a small pout in her lips as she blindly reaches through her sheets to find her phone.
buzz…..buzzz……buzzzz—...
She sighs, rubbing her fists in her eyes before trying to force them open. The sunlight from the window is blinding, but with a few seconds of effort, she finally manages to focus her eyes on the ceiling. But after a moment, her arm comes to cover her face, curling on her temple as she lets out a loud sigh.
Another day. Her stomach grumbles, stopping her from dwelling on it any longer. She could manage.
She kicks her sheets off with a disgruntled noise, rolling her eyes and forcing herself out of bed. Her footsteps are lazy and uncoordinated, and she walks until she stumbles her way to the bathroom. She stops in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection for a few seconds.
“...” She blinks, “...tch.” with a soft motion, she threads her fingers through her bangs, getting them out of her eyes. She picks up the usual purple toothbrush, eyes fixed in the mirror as she gets through her morning hygiene with mechanical movements.
On her way to the kitchen, her eyes remain glued to the ground until she finds herself in front of the fridge. With the same practiced movements, she does the usual. Open the fridge, pick up the apple juice, turn around and place it on the kitchen counter, where her friend was already waiting for her. He meows, and Silver Wolf smiles at him.
“Good morning. You’re hungry too, huh?” She whispers, her voice hoarse from sleep. She raises her hand, gently scratching under the cat’s chin. The loud purring has her demeanor softening slightly, almost with a hint of reluctance. Eventually, she breaks the caress, moving towards a cabinet to pick up the cereal. “I’ll get your breakfast in a bit.” She talks, as if Terminus can actually understand her.
Silver Wolf doesn’t bother with anything else, opening the package and grabbing a handful of cereal, shoving it in her mouth. It doesn’t taste particularly good, but she had to avoid buying other stuff to buy Terminus’ vet visit. The cereal was actually something Ren had dropped by the other day when he found out she had been skipping breakfast because she couldn’t afford it herself.
Silver Wolf should have been thankful. But the idea of having Ren buying her food so she doesn’t starve herself makes her skin crawl with a discomfort she can’t pinpoint. She doesn’t want him to be worried about her; doesn't want to waste his time on such unimportant matters.
She feels the cereal making her stomach churn as she forces it down. The urge to throw up is instant, and she has to press her fist against her mouth to keep the food from coming back. Wouldn’t that make it a waste of his money? The least she can do is swallow it, since he already bought it anyway.
It doesn’t make it any easier to get down, though.
“Say cheese!”
“Get your hand off my face—”
Snap.
Quiet giggles echo inside the photo booth as another countdown begins. This time, Silver Wolf shoves Firefly’s face away, but the taller girl wraps her arm around her waist, pulling her closer.
Snap.
“Can you take one normal picture?” Silver Wolf grumbles, fighting a smile as Firefly chuckles quietly beside her, cupping her chin and squeezing her cheeks. Silver Wolf’s eyebrows furrow immediately at the forced pout on her lips, her own fingers coming to Firefly’s wrist to try and free herself, to no avail. Maybe if she was actually trying to escape, she would succeed. The countdown reaches the end again, and Firefly blows a kiss to the camera just in time.
Snap.
“This is how you pose.” Firefly says with a cheeky grin, to which Silver Wolf replies with swatting her hand away when her grip goes slack in her chin.
“This is how to be a goddamn pain in the ass.” Silver Wolf turns her head to glare at Firefly, but when she sees those sparkling eyes looking her way, there is no space in her body for any real annoyance. Maybe she is too easy for her, after all.
She doesn’t think about it anyway, not when it's involuntary how she simply smiles back, one hand moving to the collar of Firefly’s cardigan, pulling her down.
Snap.
She pets Terminus’ the black fur gently as she watches him feed. Her phone is pressed to her ear, hearing the voice on the other line.
“Hello, this is Firefly!” The cheerful, familiar voice welcomes her ear, but when she parts her lips to answer “Sorry, but I’m probably not available right now! Please, leave a message, I’ll reply to you later when I’m free.”
Her lips press closed again. A shuddering breath. “Hey.” She starts, hesitant. “Its me. I’ll be dropping by later and give you some flowers.” She swallows down the knot in her throat, and there is a long, suffering minute of silence, as if she is debating whether to say more.
She clenches her fingers around the phone for a second, her eyes still on her cat, but unfocused now.
‘I’m sorry.’ but the words don’t leave her mouth. She blinks at herself, shaking her head and forcing a smile. “See you later.”
She hangs up. The hand petting Terminus stops the repeated motion as she carefully sits down in the ground, eyes going back to her phone as she dials another number, this time less hesitantly. Silver Wolf’s eyes are drawn back to Terminus as she waits for the call to pick up.
And surely, after a few seconds…
“Hello, dear?” Kafka’s gentle voice welcomes her through the speaker, almost having a soothing effect on her.
“Hey. Can you pick Terminus up later today? I have to do some stuff during the weekend, and I don’t think I’ll be able to come back to feed him.” She says, playing with her own fingers this time, letting her head rest against the walls as she tilts towards it.
“Of course, but don't get in trouble now. You’re a few days away from your graduation.” Kafka reminds, but Silver Wolf doesn’t give her an outright answer. The line falls in silence for at least five seconds, but Kafka breaks through it with a weary sigh. “Are you visiting her again?” Her voice is soft now, and there is a hint of a smile in her voice.
“Yeah.” Silver Wolf says, smiling a bit to herself.
“Alright. Don’t worry about Terminus, I’ll keep an eye on him. You go enjoy your day, yes?” Kafka says, her voice lighthearted now, free of the previous tension. “Do you have money for lunch?”
“Don’t be nosy.” Silver Wolf scowls, rolling her eyes before huffing. “Yeah, I do. I’ll buy her a nice meal.” She grumbles, but there is a stubbornness in her voice, always there when Firefly is on the topic.
“That isn’t a surprise…” Kafka clicks her tongue, Silver Wolf can hear the sound of her swallow, probably her own breakfast. Silver Wolf can hear the buzz of the notification in Kafka’s phone, which she addresses a second later “Oh, I have to go now. Talk to you later, honey.”
“Kafka?” Silver Wolf calls out despite herself, clenching her fist again. She hopes her voice isn’t as weak as she feels. There is a disgusting, ugly feeling in her stomach
“Yes? Anything else?” Kafka waits, as patient as ever.
“Thank you.” Is all Silver Wolf can force out of her throat.
“Hah… hah…” The sound of Firefly ragged breath, panting on top of her like this, has to be one of the prettiest sounds Silver Wolf ever blessed her ears with.
She can’t even focus on her own breathing now, nor the way her legs tremble around Firefly’s hips. Her eyes are half open, but studying her face closely. Her flushed cheeks, the way her hair falls off her shoulders like silk, so soft and messy that she can’t help but reach out. Her traitorous, trembling fingers brush against Firefly’s cheek, carefully dragging her fingertips to tuck a few wild strands behind her ear.
“Ugh, look at you.” She groans, a sound from deep within her lungs, and maybe even her very soul, as she watches those sunset eyes flutter open again, gracing her with the gentleness of moonrise. “I am convinced you aren’t real.”
Firefly looks like a painting; the type of woman that people sing songs about and write poems for. All breathless, panting quietly, holding her like she is something precious. Yeah, she is sure that Firefly isn’t real, or that at least she doesn’t deserve this.
Firefly laughs, shifting closer so her chin is pressed against Silver Wolf’s chest. She stares back with such intensity that Silver Wolf almost feels flustered, even more so when she feels her cheeks growing warmer. “Why, thank you.” Firefly snickers, bringing a hand to intertwine their fingers together, squeezing them tenderly. “When did you become so sweet?”
“Shush.” Silver Wolf scoffs, feeling her stupid, stupid heart skip several beats at the feeling of Firefly raising their joined hands to her lips, kissing her knuckles gently. She fears it is written all over her face, though, because Firefly grins at her.
“I’m very much real.” Firefly hums. “Are you?”
“If I were a dream, I’d be your worst nightmare.” Silver Wolf says, using all her strength to shove Firefly off of her. She hears Firefly dropping in the bed beside her with a startled yelp. She snorts and drags herself up to her knees, straddling Firefly’s waist with a cocky grin.
“Y-Yeah… I’m really scared of pretty women.” Firefly blurts out, eyes roaming over her body in a way that has Silver Wolf’s skin shivering with want.
“You’re a poet when your mouth is shut.” Silver Wolf snorts, leaning down to kiss Firefly, clutching her hand tighter when she feels Firefly’s palm resting on her hips.
She stops by the florist as usual, the old lady behind the counter barely has to ask, Silver Wolf simply nods to her when she asks “The same as always?”
She spares a moment to look at all the other flowers in the arrangements. She never bothered ordering anything else, she only came here to buy white lilies. Maybe she should swap up for today, even if just a bit. She steps closer to the roses, picking one up. She looks at the petals, but there aren’t a lot of thoughts in her head. She clutches it gently, making her way back towards the cashier.
With the bouquet in one arm and lunch bag in the other, she lets herself be guided by the familiar path she has been guided to, every day in these past two years.
It is impossible to keep the memories from resurfacing.
“Marriage?”
“Yeah. Don’t you think about it?”
“Hah, okay. Slow down, pretty girl.” Silver Wolf snorts, raising an eyebrow as she turns her head, finding Firefly’s expectant gaze. “Where did that come from?”
“I heard Stelle and March are getting married.” Firefly sighs dreamily, staring back at the night sky. There is an easy smile on her face that sets Silver Wolf’s nerves into haywire. “It kinda made me think we should too.”
“March and Stelle have known each other since they’re like, six.” Silver Wolf argues, her eyes fitting the stars above them, as if they somehow held the answer. “We met in our first year of college because our friends made us make out when we were drunk in our first campus party.”
There is an unsettling long silence from Firefly, which causes Silver Wolf to turn her head towards her again. She stares at her curiously, but her eyes soften upon the sight of the stars reflected in sunset eyes.
“I just… didn’t want to waste time.” Firefly says, and her voice is barely louder than a whisper.
Silver Wolf moves immediately, her hand sneaking down between their bodies and intertwinning their fingers, squeezing them tightly. “We’ll have plenty of time to think about that in the future.” And although it's a lie, it's a sweet one. “We can wait.”
“...Silver Wolf.”
“...”
A sharp breath. It sounds awfully close to defeat.
“I guess we can wait.”
Silver Wolf hates the tone in her voice.
She makes a quick prayer, placing the bouquet down by the grave. She brings the rose to her lips, pressing a kiss to the petals as if she could still kiss Firefly herself, and pour her whole heart on the simple act. Her heart beats fast in her chest, perhaps syncing with the missing heartbeat in her life.
The thought almost makes her cry, but she smiles instead. The tears burning behind her eyes aren’t even close to the love she carries on her chest.
“I’m back.” She says, placing the rose down, near the bouquet. “This is my last visit, so I brought you something really good this time.” She pushes herself down to sit by the side of the grave. She opens the lunch bag, taking out the food that was still hot from the restaurant. “Sorry I couldn’t place it on a plate as usual, but I didn’t want to run on Kafka on my way to my dorm.”
She doesn’t eat the food. Doesn’t feel hungry.
“You can have it all, I bought it for you anyway, so you better eat everything.” She leans against the gravestone, staring at the motionless food. She clutches the bag tighter.
Even after all this time, she can’t help but feel a wave of grief wash over her again. It was beyond her, really. She couldn’t live without Firefly. It's like her very own heart had stopped beating too, but she was the only one that couldn’t rest in peace.
“Ah, of course.” She forces out of her throat, a bitter smile crossing her lips. Her trembling fingers reach for the bag again, pulling out an oak cake roll. It was from the bakery down the street of their dorms, the one Firefly got every single chance she had. “Here you go.”
She places the dessert in the stone carefully, hands hovering over it for a second before she brings it to her face. She doesn’t realize when she starts crying, but now that she did, she can’t escape the painful sob that rises in her throat, close to the sound of an animal dying. She gasps for air, but a muffled groan takes all the air in her lungs.
It's like they’re growing thorns, and they might as well be. She left this garden uncared for since the moment Firefly was gone, the flowers in her heart had long rotted and died, and the roots soon became spikes that scratched her insides with every dying breath.
“....I’m so sorry.” She whispers shakily, curling into a ball against the gravestone. Silver Wolf repeats, clutching her own jacket tightly, to refrain from gripping her own skin. “Please… come back to me...”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Silver Wolf stares blankly at Firefly, hearing the damned sound of her heartbeats echoing around the hospital room.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She feels like she is going crazy.
Both her hands are holding onto Firefly’s gently, careful not to squeeze too hard, as if she was afraid that one touch alone could draw the line for her. She would hate to be the cause.
The world around her doesn’t seem to spin, she forgot to do her dailies in her games for two days straight now. Every breath feels like there are a thousand pounds in her shoulders.
Silver Wolf never lost anyone before.
She never had anyone before.
It had always been her alone, fighting to get the best grades in school so she could get herself into a good college, and maybe finally start things from scratch? Maybe she would finally get herself a stable life, good friends and a job she actually liked, nothing of cleaning the old fast food and eating the food others left behind because she was too hungry.
She has been through hardships. She had faced more than most people have. But this?
This is unbearable. Watching the person you love the most in the world die, and not being able to do anything to help. Just watch with your very own eyes as that person slips through your fingers.
Beep.
Beep.
……..
Silver Wolf wasn’t a person to leave regrets behind. But there was one thing she sorely regretted, and it was too late to go back on it now. Maybe if she hadn’t hesitated, she could have given Firefly everything. Maybe then, she wouldn’t miss her this much… no, she knows she would.
She knew it from the moment she saw her body at the funeral. Silver Wolf wasn’t going to manage it. The only thing she could do was try for a little longer in college, try for Firefly, because she knows she would hate to see Silver Wolf throwing her life away because of her.
She tried. She really did.
But no matter how good her grades were, or how promising her future looked, Silver Wolf just couldn’t feel anything from it. Nothing made sense, nothing made her feel alive, not even a complete major with perfect scores that would get her in any job she wanted to apply to. Without Firefly, there was no point anymore. She didn’t want there to be any.
She just wanted to be with Firefly.
“For better or for worse,” She sits on the edge of the bridge, ring in hand. Her fingertips trail over the golden band carefully, her eyes studying the way it shined under the moonlight. “for richer or for poorer,”
She slides the ring in her finger carefully, taking a shuddering breath as she feels the warmth of the ring she had been clutching in her palm the whole time during her walk from the cemetery to that tall bridge.
“In sickness and in health,” her voice trembles, and it had been long since she tried drying her tears. “to love… and to cherish.” She brings her own hand to her lips, kissing the ring gently.
Her eyes look down, the moon reflected in the surface of the water, creating a beautiful scenery. Firefly would have loved walking past this, especially with how bright the stars shone from this side of the city, where there was less light.
She goes one last time over everything, the letter she left on her kitchen counter for when Kafka went to pick Terminus up—that she probably already found, given how her phone buzzed incessantly in her pocket. Her degree that she would never get to see the results of, and… that’s pretty much it.
With one single slide, she flutters her eyes closed.
Till death do us part.