Chapter Text
It’s cold.
That’s the first thing Halilintar notices, as he pries his eyes open. His head feels like it’s been cracked open and stuffed full of cotton, every blink heavier than the last. There’s something warm running down his temples, the taste of iron sitting heavy on his mouth.
The second thing he notices is that it’s dark and incredibly cramped. The air feels stale, dust and dirt sitting gritty on his lashes every time he blinks. Something sharp and jagged claws at his side and even just lightly shifting sends his nerves alight with pain and muscles collapsing back into place. He can’t move.
He can’t move?
Halilintar thinks he should be panicking.
Objectively, this is a terrible situation to be in: trapped and bleeding underground, his comms dead, and no discernible way out. He thinks he should be feeling something, honestly: anger, sadness, fear– but there’s nothing. There’s a gaping maw where his feelings should be, like someone had carved into his head and dug out whatever they could find. It should be terrifying.
Instead, all Halilintar feels a dull twinge of curiosity for the ‘coffin’ he’s trapped in. Perhaps, with enough effort, he could force his legs to shove against the lid, but Halilintar doesn’t see a point.
It’s comfortable here, alone in this darkness. Quiet. Cozy even, if Halilintar could still care about that.
Halilintar isn’t sure how long he spends staring at the fractures in the stone. The memories slowly come back to him, out of order and stripped of any real weight. It’s as if he’s remembering a particularly boring slideshow: the abandoned building he had chased them into collapsing beneath his feet, flashes of a battle, chasing after the hunters– no, chasing after the power sphere that… that had…
His head throbs sharply. The thoughts slip away from him in the next moment, and Halilintar lets them.
With nothing left to focus on, Halilintar lets himself drift. His eyes have already long adjusted to the darkness, so all he can do is stare as time slides past him in a way he can’t measure, eyelids growing heavier and heavier every moment.
When he wakes up, nothing is different.
His stomach growls lightly, and instinctively, Halilintar’s tongue reaches to wet his dry lips. If there were a way to eat or drink, to take care of his body’s needs, Halilintar thinks he would do it. There’s no real sense of urgency to that thought, though. It’s just a loose thought bouncing off a memory of something Gempa had said once: Take care of your body! It hadn’t been directed at him at the time, but that doesn’t matter. Halilintar always listens to his brothers.
Thinking about his brothers makes his hands clench, red sparks flickering around his fingers and down his wrists, as something sharp and jagged wells up before abruptly disappearing. The sparks die just as fast. Logically, Halilintar knows he shouldn’t be trying. His powers feed off his emotions, and Halilintar has barely anything left. Still, the little that is left, some sort of echo of grief, has Halilintar flex his fingers and attempt once more anyway.
This time, there’s barely a buzz, the familiar hum of his powers building underneath his skin only to die immediately.
Ah. He’s going to die here, then.
He understands, in a detached sort of way, that staying alive is important. Staying alive means taking care of his body, and taking care of his body means fulfilling his purpose and thus doing what he’s always done: putting his brothers first. It’s a familiar line of thought, one he recognizes even if it doesn’t carry much weight anymore. It’s something Halilintar has known for as long as he can remember: his brothers come first. While the extent of that devotion is lost to him, Halilintar can still understand why.
Halilintar’s brothers are powerful and skilled; in the time they’ve spent at TAPOPs, their track record speaks to their high success rate. There were very few missions where one could say they outright failed, and those were few and far in between. This will be another one.
If there’s anything to be said for it, they can take solace in the fact that it’s Halilintar who’s dying here. He ranks lowest among them; fighting is the only thing he’s skilled at, unlike the rest of them. Any loss is bad in TAPOPs’ eyes, but that fact should at least soften the blow somewhat. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time they lost him. They had managed perfectly fine before.
It’s that conclusion that finally, fully settles him. Whatever burst of… something at the thought of his brothers that had him attempt escape before has fled him now, leaving him back where he’d started.
His watch vibrates. Once, then twice.
Correction, then. Almost back where he’d started. He could’ve sworn it was dead before.
There’s a dull shaking now, Halilintar notes, the ground trembling around him as his watch continues to vibrate, dirt and dust falling through the cracks of the makeshift coffin.
”T—f—-! H—— n—-!” The yelling above ground is barely audible, muffled by the dirt above him that feels as if it’s rapidly loosening. ”H———! ———ing gr————!”
Something cracks the lid, and then– light. Halilintar’s eyes instinctively shut, and he idly notes the pain crawling up his spine. There’s hands touching his face, his body, all over, a cacophony of voices all around him that makes the pain in his temples spike. These were all things that used to upset him. Now, Halilintar doesn’t let out a single protest as he’s tugged from the ground, legs shaking as he’s practically planted upright on the ground. Gempa’s tight grip on his shoulders is the only reason his legs haven’t collapsed out from under him.
“Halilintar! Ya’Allah, we’ve been trying to find you for the past three days!” Gempa’s grip goes from tight to bruising as he rants, barely restraining himself from shaking Halilintar silly. “Why didn’t you send a distress signal earlier? What is wrong with you? Did you think it was funny, leaving us to search and worry for days, Petir!?”
“Dead comms. There’s an injury to my left side. No.” Halilintar watches dully as Gempa’s face cycles through multiple expressions: frustration, confusion, finally settling on alarm as he fully registers Halilintar’s words.
“You’re injured!?” Gempa pushes him back, looking him over before focusing on his side wound. The congealed blood that staunched the wound has split from the rough handling and now, in the light, it looks much worse. Gempa reaches one hand down and swipes away at the blood and pus surrounding the wound, only jerking his hand back when Halilintar feels his body flinch. “That’s–!” Gempa’s face pales, mouth pressing into a thin line.
Gempa… had been the one who had said to take care of his body, hadn’t he? Halilintar hasn’t been doing a great job at that.
Taufan touches down next to them, brushing the dirt off his hands.
“--done moving it all, but I still don’t see the power sphere or the hunters in the immediate area, Gem. Oh, Hali! You look…” Taufan gives him a quick once over, and his smile twists. “Bad.” There’s a line of tension in his shoulders that Halilintar should do something about, to start some sort of banter to ease him, but the emptiness claws any desire for it away just as quickly. “...Petir?”
“Taufan, something’s wrong. I’ve already messaged the others to come back with the ship. Do you think he’s in shock?”
“Doesn’t look like it.” Taufan comes closer, snapping his fingers in front of Halilintar’s face. “Hello? Anyone in there?” Having his brothers near him sends a sharp pang of what could be happiness through him. It’s been a while since they’ve last been able to spend time together outside of battles and shouted commands.
With Taufan so close to his face, Halilintar can see the crease in his brows. He’s more worried than he lets on. Halilintar’s hand jerks up a bit, a sudden desire to put an arm around Taufan and pull him close, but it’s gone just as fast.
Halilintar lets his arm drop.
Taufan pulls away, before abruptly flicking him in the forehead.
“Taufan!”
“It’s okay! I just wanted to see if he’d react!” Taufan’s smile doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “I’m sure Hali will be fine once we take him back to the ship. Duri will fix him right up!” Taufan reaches over in that moment to ruffle Gempa’s hair, and Halilintar watches as Gempa lets go of him to smack Taufan lightly on the arm.
With no support, his legs give out almost immediately.
“Petir!”
-
As it would turn out, the wound in his side is infected, Duri having confined him to the infirmary’s cots after one look at him. It’s understandable, Halilintar supposes, to repair what’s damaged before it fails completely. Being unreliable is a liability in their line of work. He thinks he’d be grateful for Duri’s consideration, if he could be. As for everything else…
“The rogue power sphere hasn’t been identified, but I’ve managed to figure out some of its abilities from some of the records that Daun found. My current working theory is that it’s similar to Emotibot, except it eats emotions and desires.” Solar glances at him before quickly looking away. Halilintar’s not sure why all of his brothers look so uncomfortable but there’s a warm feeling in his chest at the sight of them all together after months of separation. It’s something that lasts a few seconds longer than he expects it to, gone as soon as he gives it any real thought.
“It leaves logic-based motivations and basic priorities intact. Petir, you said you tried to use your powers to get out of the debris, correct?” Halilintar nods. “You prioritized staying alive, but our powers don’t run on logic. When they didn’t work, you… stalled out, I suppose, for a lack of better words.”
That isn’t quite right. Halilintar knows he hadn’t been trying to get out to preserve his own life, but he doesn’t have any desire to argue that point to Solar. His theory had been a close enough explanation, anyway.
“So? What’s the point?” Blaze impatiently taps his foot. “Why’s it matter?” Ais leans his head against Blaze’s shoulder. He hasn’t stopped looking at Halilintar since he was brought in. Halilintar meets his gaze, and Ais tenses.
“It matters because I’m fairly certain Petir won’t be doing anything for himself past the bare minimum of staying alive. He’s incredibly susceptible to someone using him, because he has no reason to say no if anyone asks him to do anything.” Solar makes it sound like a problem, rather than an acknowledgment of what Halilintar is good for. “Just watch. Petir, stand up and get me a glass of water.”
Gempa startles at this, saying something to Solar that Halilintar barely pays any mind to. The water pitcher was by the door, if he remembers correctly. It takes a moment to swing his legs to the floor, and he can feel the stitching along his side pull uncomfortably. There’s hands on him immediately, trying to push him back.
“Abang, you can’t!” Duri says quickly. Is he worried Halilintar will ruin his work? He won’t. Halilintar knows his body’s limits. “Don’t leave the bed! You’re still hurt, and Cahaya can get his own water. Why are you getting it for him?” Halilintar immediately relents at Duri’s order, allowing himself to be shoved back into the bed. Duri sticks his tongue out at Solar, snagging a pillow off another cot to throw at him. Solar smacks it back immediately.
“He asked me to–“
Solar gestures in his direction. “See? I told you, he’s–“
“--and I don’t have any other use right now.”
A silence abruptly settles over the room.
Solar looks a little bit stunned, before rapidly composing himself. “What… exactly do you mean by that, Petir?”
“If I can be useful like this, there’s no reason for me to idle.” He had been pushed back onto the cot the moment he tried to leave it, after all. Halilintar knows his body isn’t in perfect condition right now, but it’s enough that he should be able to fulfill these small requests. What worth does he have right now, otherwise?
Solar doesn’t reply right away, mumbling something under his breath.
There’s a hand on his chin, and Halilintar turns towards Gempa’s frowning face. “Petir, that’s not… you don’t actually believe that, right?”
“I do.” It’s the truth. Gempa’s face twists further. Halilintar… said something wrong at some point, didn’t he? He’s just not sure what he said wrong.
“Petir. What do you think of me?” Halilintar looks back at Solar. There’s something grim in the way he sets his mouth.
“You’re quick-witted. Smart. Powerful. You can get caught up in the details and focus on yourself too much sometimes. Still, you’re a reliable strategist and a valuable member of the team.” The words feel… wrong, coming out of his mouth. Halilintar’s not sure why. Objectively, it’s a fairly good description of Solar.
“What do you think of me as your brother?”
…as his brother?
Halilintar stalls.
It shouldn’t be a hard question to answer. Halilintar has known Solar for nearly two decades. They grew up together. It’s not a hard question to answer. There’s so many memories to choose from. The words stick in his throat every time he tries to get them out. It isn’t a hard question to answer, but nothing comes to mind when he tries to open his mouth.
Halilintar remembers acting annoyed when Solar would whine about not getting dessert after getting them all in trouble with Tok Aba. He doesn’t understand why now. Halilintar remembers acting happy when Solar placed first in their second grade science fair. He doesn’t understand why now. Halilintar remembers acting scared, when Solar had been thrown into space. He remembers screaming and screaming and screaming, but he doesn’t understand why now.
Ultimately, he just has to go with what he knows.
“You’re my youngest brother. I trust you. You make good decisions, and I know you’ll use me appropriately.”
Solar sucks in a sharp breath and leans away. “I was worried about this.”
“What the fuck?” Ais wastes no time in extinguishing Blaze’s smoking hands, but Blaze is quick to shake him off. Halilintar watches as Blaze stalks forward, upset about… something. It’s getting too difficult to figure out what the problem is without any context. Maybe Halilintar should just apologize and be done with it, if it’ll get Blaze to stop yanking him by his shirt collar. He’ll pop his stitches. “Waste? Cahaya, what the hell is wrong with him?”
“Api!” Gempa’s voice is sharp, cowing Blaze somewhat under his stern gaze.
“Api, leave him alone,” Solar pulls Blaze out of Halilintar’s face, and Halilintar watches as Blaze is dragged back to stand beside Ais, jaw clenched and shoulders tight. “Petir’s incapable of lying right now. I… can’t say for sure if it’s because his emotions have been suppressed, or if this is how he’s always thought and now there’s no filter. Regardless, threatening him isn’t going to fix anything, you brute.” Blaze bristles at the insult, the temperature around them suddenly spiking as he turns on Solar.
A loud clap grabs everyone's attention.
Taufan moves to stand between Solar and Blaze in a clear attempt to separate the two of them. “Okay! That’s enough for today, I think.” There’s a grin on his face that’s a touch too wide.
“Angin–” Gempa starts, but Taufan shushes him with a finger.
“It’s been a long couple of days, and we’re all a bit tired from looking all over the place for Petir. We all need to rest, especially considering the mission isn’t finished yet– we still haven’t found the power sphere.” Gempa frowns, but he can’t offer any rebuttal. “Besides, we don’t need to keep digging, yeah? Not when Petir can’t answer like this.”
Halilintar tilts his head. “I can answer any question.”
Taufan’s smile tightens. “Right now, sure. Later?” He reaches over, pushing Halilintar’s hair out of his eyes. Halilintar blinks as he properly meets Taufan’s gaze, a stormy one that doesn’t match his cheery expression “You might be more than a little upset about it.”
It’s Taufan who sneaks into the infirmary later that night. The door creaking is what alerts Halilintar, met with his brother’s smiling face as Taufan steps inside. “Room for two?” Taufan asks.
Halilintar stares.
“Ah… just kidding. Tan-Tan would have my head if I tried to hop in while you’re injured.” Taufan pulls a chair over to settle by Halilintar’s bes, dropping into it before slumping his upper body over Halilintar’s blanketed legs. “I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit. Well, really, I’ll be talking at you. I was serious, y’know! You shouldn’t be answering things so quickly.”
“...Does it matter how long it takes? I’ll answer the questions regardless.”
“Not really what I meant. Some of the stuff you’ve let slip’s a bit… personal, y’know?” No. He doesn’t know. Taufan, as he said before, doesn’t expect a response. Instead, he fiddles with a loose thread in the blanket, before pausing and looking Halilintar dead in the eyes. In the darkness, the low glow of his irises are piercing. “We started searching the minute we realized we lost your location.”
“What we found… entire sections of the planet had given away near the spot where your location last pinged. Turns out, major parts of the planet’s crust are just hollow. Probably the reason why it’s been abandoned, though it’s not like we really cared about that at the time. At the time, you weren’t responding, so we thought–” Taufan swallows, faltering for a moment as he collects himself before meeting Halilintar’s eyes once again. “We thought we might have to recover a body. Your body.”
Taufan lets the statement hang in the air for a moment, scanning Halilintar’s face as if expecting to see something. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, honestly. Halilintar can count on one hand the number of missions where they’ve come back without a scratch. Halilintar is intimately aware of the fact he might come back to one less brother. There are too many memories of sleepless nights to choose from as evidence for how much he used to worry over a simple fact of their profession.
Taufan wilts slightly at Halilintar’s seemingly lack of reaction, but he continues on anyway. “I had to force Tanah to rest. He spent so long trying to detect any sort of movement, and y’know how he gets when things go wrong, Pet. Daun took over in the breaks, reinforcing the floors and searching the surface. Cahaya had to threaten Api and Air to go after the power sphere. There was nothing they could really do to find you without risking parts of the ground collapsing further, but Api was trying to convince Cahaya that between him and Air, they could build some sort of drill machine out of ice to search for you underground.” Taufan’s lips twitch up in a smile. “You should’ve seen Cahaya’s face! I thought he was gonna strangle him with the comms station’s wires!”
…Blaze had looked fine earlier, neck unblemished and pale.
Taufan’s already moving past that comment, his smile easing into something softer. “When your watch finally pinged, that was the moment we were all able to breathe again. Nothing else mattered except for the fact that you were alive, Petir. That was enough. That is enough.”
“I need you to understand that we care about you for you. Not what you can do for us, or for how well you fight. You.” Taufan presses their foreheads together. There’s a smirk tugging on the edge of his lips, some of its usual mischief bleeding through. “I thought it was obvious, but I guess not. Maybe I should start shouting how much I love Abang Petir whenever we see each other? In fact, I can start now!”
The bed dips as Taufan hops on the cot, sidling up to Halilintar as he presses himself against his cold arms. “Oh Petir, I love you so much, you’re so cool, I– mph!”
Halilintar blinks. His hand is shoved over Taufan’s mouth. When did he…?
Taufan chuckles, reaching up to take Halilintar’s hand off his mouth and into his own. “I hear you, I hear you! You’re still so easy to tease..” Halilintar lets Taufan pull them both down onto the mattress. The cot’s too small to comfortably fit them both. It would make more sense for Taufan to push another cot close or to just come back in the morning, if he’s done saying his piece.
Halilintar does not say any of this. He lets Taufan nuzzle his head against his shoulder, and he does not think about the pressure settling against his injured side.
“You’re going to be okay, Petir. I promise.”
Halilintar shuts his eyes.
It’s warm.