Work Text:
You told me to close my eyes. You said you had something for me. Instead of my well deserved rose, you held a dagger. One you wished you could’ve plunged into my neck when you had the chance. One that felt my heart break with every blind swipe you took at me. One that fell to the ground when I let go of everything.
You called me your ‘perfect precious’, and said you’d give me the world. But you should’ve known better than to say something as treasonous as that. After all, even you knew you couldn’t do such a thing. You knew you couldn’t keep a promise like that.
I called you my darling, my best friend, my lover. yet you refused to reciprocate anything. It always took you forever to realise how much you meant to me. And we never had forever.
You never even said you loved me until it was too late.
Seven years wasted because we never knew what we were feeling. Seven years spent, dreaming about what we could be if we weren’t us. Seven years cherished and destroyed in the span of a few hours.
If only we could go back to when we were younger, when we met each other for the first time, and walk past one another without looking back. I always thought it was cruel of fate for throwing you into my world, fully knowing we could never have each other in this damned universe. I remember I told you that we couldn’t have each other in this life, but I hoped we could in another. And you told me that you didn’t want to wait until the next life- you wanted me in this one.
If you wanted me in this one so much, why did you do it then?
Why did you leave me there, broken,bruised and bleeding.
Dying because of you.
When you said you would always love me.
When you said you would never leave me.
When you said you would never hurt me.
When you lied to me.
I saw your face when you threw the dagger to the ground in defeat. I heard your cry of fury and dolefulness. I felt your hand shake. Well, I know it shook because you left a jagged scar. And that was unlike you.
You were always precise and perfect, deadly and deceitful. The better one between the two of us. You were the world renowned saviour, and I was the despised member of the monarchy. You were loved by everyone, and I was hated. They all treated you with such care, such compassion and respect- and they treated me like a stray mutt in the throne room. You shone like a star, I shone like a pebble.
Every time I dared to call you anything other than a companion or friend, you shunned me away. As if you were ashamed of being seen as gay. Your buddies wouldn’t have minded, your parents wouldn’t have cared, and none at work would’ve been disgusted of you. You were just scared of being caught with a royal, weren’t you? You hated them just as much as everyone else in this damn kingdom did.
Didn’t you?
You always kept a distance away from me when we were outside of our home, because you didn’t like the fact that you were being seen with me of all people.
Sure, you did say I was the love of your life, and you proved it countless times- but you never truly said you loved me. It was always your actions that spoke louder than your damning words did: The gentle touches you placed onto my skin, the warmth of your hands in my hair or on my waist, how soft your lips were against mine. They all told me that you loved me.
They all told me lies.
You always told me I was beautiful. Even with my scars and all of my flaws that clearly made me disgusting to look at. You said those words so much that I actually started to believe them. I saw a person in the mirror instead of a monster. But now all I see is a shell of that same person I saw weeks ago . As if it was a little kids old school project, made of paper mache, hollow and not useful for anything good.
You always held me when I cried, wiping away my tears whilst you told me it would be okay, and that one day I wouldn’t feel this agonising pain anymore.
But you never let me hold you when you dared to even shed a tear. You never let me wipe the salty blobs away. You never let me tell you it was going to be okay, you always told me that it wasn’t my job to do so. Even though it kind of was.
We were meant to care for one another, because we loved each other. Because we weren’t just friends, but because we were closer in a way that word could never express. And I wished that you just let me be close to you. You pushing me away because you didn’t want me to see how much everything hurt you, hurt me. If you had just once let me known how you were feeling then maybe we wouldn’t be like this. Maybe you and I would be somewhere in the countryside right now or we would be running through the current rain, laughing like children. We wouldn’t be like how we are now, with you in a comatose state, and me under suicide watch.
If only you weren’t so damn stubborn, we could’ve been something even better than lovers or friends with benefits or whatever label you’d like to use. We could’ve been married- or just been boyfriends. As simple as that. We could’ve been what we always fantasised about. Or we could be less.
I honestly wouldn’t care as long as we were something more than what we were this time round.
Going back to when I told you that we couldn’t be together in this life, I would wait hundreds of years to find you again. I would be prince and peasant just to be yours again. Just to be loved by you once more.
I hoped that you would do the same if you wanted to. Go from world renowned to not known whatsoever. Just to love me again.
You thought my favourite flower was a yellow chrysanthemum, but it was really just a rose. A stupid red rose. One that’s thorns would dig into my palms, cut through the marred skin there and leave scars. Scars that would remind me of how I fell for you. Without thinking. Without caring. Without knowing what you would do.
Now I’ve found that I can’t trust anyone because of you. Because of the scar you left on my heart those mere days ago.
I hope you’re happy now. I hope it isn’t that hard to go. I hope you regret it as much as I did.
I hope it hurts.
I hope you feel every bit of the blade scratch through your skin, hear the flesh ripping with every drag, smell the fresh blood coating your throat.
I hope you feel the cold, unforgiving concrete as your head slams into the ground, hear my voice in your mind as you remember what you did to me, taste the bitter blood that you and only you spilled.
I hope that every time you see my mangled remains in your dreams you know that you did that- you hurt me, you wanted to kill me.
Yet you didn’t.
I honestly thought you were better than that.
I honestly thought you were better at keeping promises.
I honestly thought you meant what you said to me.
But I guess you weren’t.
Fucking liar.
A cold breeze cuts through the air
There’s no point explaining now
Like Mother Nature is brushing my hair
Placing leaves onto my head like a crown
Eyes as blue as the sky
Like a weight easy to sink
It’s too soon to fly
Don’t you think?
Why do you seem so doleful?
Why am I filled with such woe?
Before you were greatly hopeful
But now it is not so
Please don’t go away, don’t leave me be
It’s too soon for you to go, don’t you see?
Don’t you see it hurts me too?
Don’t you see it won’t help you?
There are eyes everywhere. Cameras keeping track of my every move. People gazing at me like I’m an animal in a zoo, or a clown in a shitty circus.
My clothes are itchy. My skin burns. My head hurts. I want it all to end. I need it all to stop. I can’t bear it any longer.
My hands claw at my skin, trying to free myself of this god forsaken cage, trying to find a way to make myself feel better. It doesn’t help to cry anymore, now that you’re not here to help me. I don’t want to live anymore, it’s too much for me to handle, it’s too much for me to bear. I need you to come back, to jump out of that hospital bed and say that you’re okay and that you’re sorry and you love me and you’ll never leave me and that
Everything is red and orange. My room is an inferno of flames in which I do not wish to escape from. I just sit there. Stuck in the middle. Letting the fire lick past my face, and allowing this to be my cruel fate. Maybe god wanted me dead then, but maybe he waited. Just to spite me. Because he knew I wouldn’t fight against his will this time around. I heard screaming 523 seconds ago. I hope that whoever was letting out that cry is okay now. I wonder if anyone is looking for me. There were a lot of people shouting and screaming 378 seconds ago. The commotion has stopped by now though. I don’t know if my tears will save me this time. I hope they don’t. I hope I burn. I hope my skin scalds and that my body gets turned to ash. I hope I feel hurt. I hope I feel something. Anything. Anything than this overwhelming numbness that has smothered my senses. Made me blind to my situation, made me deaf to their prescriptions and their words, made me tasteless just as the pills had done, made me loose my sense of touch- everything feeling the same, everything feeling rough and uncomfortable.
My mind is all I have left.
And I’ve lost most of it to this insanity.
This insanity that wouldn’t have washed over me if I wasn’t me.
If only I was a normal person: a student with a part time job, or a teacher with a law degree.
If only I weren’t the disgusting, foul, low life prince of an even worse kingdom, with the most hated father on earth, maybe it would’ve been better.
If only I had accepted the fact that you were never for me, or that god had never wanted us to entwine our paths- yet we still twisted fates tricky will to get what we wanted.
Water and enzymes and whatever else there was trickle down my face into the pit of inescapable fire that surrounds me. I can’t see much anymore. It’s all just red and orange and grey and black. It’s all just fire and smoke. The sickly grey air is filling my lungs with every breath I take, immobilising me quickly. It’s not long till my limbs are sprawled across the floor, my body number than usual. I can’t tell whether my skin is burning or freezing. It doesn’t seem right to say it was burning, but it also doesn’t feel right to say it was freezing.
I guess I’m just dying.
Finally.
I’m finally dying.
After everything.
I’m dying in the place that they specifically put me into so I wouldn’t die.
Ironic, isn’t it?
A single electronic malfunction set everything ablaze. It didn’t help that that it was the middle of summer, dry and hot, unbearably hot. A single spark close to paper towels and a thinly covered wooden countertop.
A shitty, cheap microwave malfunction is going to be the cause of my demise.
A microwave.
And I expected something more.
I wish he had killed me that night.
I wish he had slit my throat and left me to die in a pool of my own blood.
I wish he had killed me.
If not him, then that damning mirror.
The mirror that shattered into pieces when I looked into it.
It meant something. I knew that.
That’s all I seemed to know.
I can feel the pain now. The fire burning my skin. Well fuck me I guess. It doesn’t matter what I feel anymore now, does it? It’s all going to end. I’m just going to be a name in a newspaper by the end of this day. I’m just going to be ash. A small pile of ash and bones. It’s sad I didn’t truly get to say goodbye this time. It’s sad I didn’t get to hear his voice for one last time.
It’s stupid.
It’s so so so foolish.
A microwave being the cause of my demise, just after I had been ripped away from the one who had loved me and left me.
The same one who had tried to murder me.
The same one who is barely a few floors away from me.
The same one who could be dead right now.
However much I disliked the fact, I had to face the realisation that he wasn’t mine anymore. And that he wasn’t in this building anymore. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t want me anymore.
He’s not even conscious anymore, he probably doesn’t even fucking know what’s going on, he might even be brain dead at this point but I still believe he’s alive. I’m that fucking delusional that I can’t bear to loose another person so I’m forcing myself to think he’s alive, making myself build a fake reality that I’ll die in. Im that desperate for some sort of knowledge that he’s alive and okay and awake that I’m imagining it all.
I’m so fucking delusional, so so so so fucking stupid and so ignorant.
The pain is so agonising I can’t believe I haven’t died yet, I want to die, let me die
Just let me fucking die
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
sometimes i wish you were dead
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
because id rather live in grief
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
than live in fear.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
i cant stop loving you
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
but i also
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
really fucking hate you.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
you left me to rot.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
damn you
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
it won’t stop burning
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
it hurts yknow
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
come and save me
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
come back to me
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
keep your promise.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
oh wait.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
i forgot.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
you lied.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
i wonder what else you’ve lied about.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
i hope you feel guilty.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
when you see my name in the newspapers.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
this is your fault.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
LET ME DIE
filthy liar.
LET ME DIE
LET ME DI
LET ME D
LET ME
LET M
LET
LET
LE
L
..
The next time I woke up it was in a hospital bed. My legs ached and I oh-so desperately wanted to rip my skin off. That was nothing out of the ordinary though, if I was being honest.
Lemon fragranced sanitiser was the only thing I could clearly smell. Doctors rushed to my side the moment I opened my eyes and I was shocked at their concern. I think the first words I could utter were questions of whether he was okay or not.
I had just been dead at least once and my first thought was about him.
My skin burned.
It was tightly wrapped up in discoloured bandages, gunk seeping through the cloth.
I had survived after all. When i really didn’t want to. damn you. damn him. damn everyone. you’re all filthy disgusting, worthless failures of whatever deity is up there. im ashamed. all of you deserve nothing but death. including you, god. you shameless never ending foul war. you’re as good as the sense of derealisation disguised as hope. you’re disgusting. you’re rancid- you’re a filthy, pathetic, worthless, cheap, sickening excuse for a man. or a woman. my hate is equal to all of you. especially you zerasius. the one who who ‘loved me’ yet left me for dead. the one who i undoubtedly know would rip out my heart with his bare hands and watch as I bled out on cold concrete. the one who lied. the one who loved me. the one who left me. lied. you lied. you’re a liar. a rotten, pathetic liar. You’re a liar. A liar is all you are. You’re a liar. You’re a liar.
YOURE A LIAR. YOULL ALWAYS BE A LIAR. LIAR
LIAR LIAR.
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
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YOU PATHETIC FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING
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YOU FILTHY DISGUSTING ROTTEN LIAR
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IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU.
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IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU
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FUCK
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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YOURE ALL AS FILTHY AND AS LOW AS ONE ANOTHER.
YOU ALL DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL.
FUCK ALL OF YOU.
YOU FUCKING LIARS.
YOU FILTHY FUCKING LIARS.
DAMN ALL OF YOU.
EVERY
SINGLE
ONE
OF
YOU
DESERVE NOTHING BUT DEATH.
ESPECIALLY YOU, ZERASIUS.
I WISH YOU DIED IN THAT ALLEY.
YOU CUNT.
YOU WORTHLESS PATHETIC, HORRIBLE, LYING EXCUSE FOR
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god won’t let me die.
[end of we are made of lies]