Chapter Text
Finn Daniels, Private Eye, watched in angered silence as his prospective “client” came in, slammed his iPhone 6s down on the desk, and plopped himself heavily in the opposite seat.
“How much would it cost for you to find out who that girl is?”
Next to Finn, Hakan “Slip” Marangoz looked from one man to the other with an increasingly anxious expression.
Without even looking at the phone, Finn took a long drink from his cup of coffee, carefully set the cup down, and delivered his verdict on what he’d just heard.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Aw, c’mon Eighty-Seven, I need you!”
“Don’t fucking call me that!”
“Sorry.” Michael “Nines” Hartevin darted a look at Slip, who shrugged in response.
“Finn, I need you. You’re a detective now, yeah? You can do this, and I said I’ll pay!”
“Dude. You want me to find a girl so you can, what, stalk her? Those aren’t the kind of cases I take. If somebody told you otherwise …”
He slowly swiveled in his chair to give Slip a glare. Slip knew good and well that Finn hated Nines and all the rest of the old crew from the old First Order Munitions factory where they’d all used to work, and to have this man in his office was almost more than he could take. He made a mental note to fumigate the office once Nines left.
“Nines, you’re gonna have to do better than that,” said Slip in a quiet voice. “Who is this girl, where’d you get her picture and what the hell do you want to find her for?”
Finn glowered at Slip. “I don’t give a shit about any of that. I’m not taking this asshole’s case!”
“Aw, c’mon …”
“I think we should at least listen to what he has to say,” said Slip. “We haven’t had a case in weeks.”
“We?”
“Yeah, we,” said Slip in that same unnervingly quiet voice. “Unless you have some other ex-partner who nearly got his head blown off chasing that weapons smuggler last month?”
Finn grumbled under his breath. Slip had a point. He would always have a point when it came to that. Sometimes Finn had nightmares about it, and in his nightmares, he never got to Slip in time to pull him out of the line of fire. Slip had decided to leave the private investigating business as soon as he got out of hospital, though he still consulted every now and again. That near-miss was - pardon the pun - heavy ammunition for Slip to use on him and it galled Finn that he was wasting it on a dickhead like Nines.
He still looks up to him. After all the shit he’s pulled, Slip still actually thinks this loser is some great person. Fuck!
Finn finally looked down at Nines’ phone. It was now on the lock screen and he motioned for Nines to unlock it so he could look at the picture. Nines hastily did so and Finn stared down at the screen.
The woman was about their age, so early 20s or thereabouts, white, and had eyes that could have been green or could have been light brown set in a delicate, fine-boned face. Her hair was brown and thick, hanging almost to her shoulders, and her lips were thin and pink, curved upwards into a trace of a smile. The picture showed only her face and upper body. She wore a dark, sleeveless shirt with an intricate design spiraling down the front, and her arms looked to be dotted with freckles.
Finn was positive he’d not ever seen this woman before, but he had an odd sense of deja-vu looking at her picture. She looked a bit like a younger version of one of those big actresses – maybe the one that had been in that soccer movie a while back – but Finn knew that wasn’t what was twigging his senses. Maybe they’d crossed paths at the grocery store? The DMV?
One thing was for sure, the woman was way out of Nines’ league, and it made Finn even less enthusiastic about “finding” her.
“Who is she?”
“Well, if I knew that, I wouldn’t need you, now would I?”
Finn ground his teeth, and Slip broke in with, “Okay, fine. Where’d you get the picture?”
Nines sighed. “Okay. You guys hear of uRsinnR?”
“Your Sinner?” Slip shook his head slowly. “Not me. Finn?”
“No. Sounds like another dumb app with stylized Rs.”
“It’s not dumb!” Nines flushed. “I mean, it started off dumb, I guess. It’s a dating app. Some old dude made it as a way for people to more securely cheat on their wives and husbands, I guess, after that Ashely Madison hack.”
Finn scoffed quietly. “Technology can make anyone an entrepreneur these days, I guess. Even cheating douchebags.”
But Slip looked puzzled. “Why would you want to use this app, Nines? You’re not married.”
“I know that. I said it started off dumb, but the guy or whoever made it, actually made a fucking decent app,” said Nines. “It’s like a cross between Tinder and Snapchat, and a lot of younger, single people have been using it since Tinder and Snapchat are getting lame. You go through profiles, like on Tinder, but it’s just ages, general locations and what they’re looking for – like long-term, FWB, dating, whatever. Then if you both swipe up – it’s up and down on this app, not left and right – you both get links to a page where technically the other person has uploaded a picture of themselves. After you look at the picture, it disappears in 30 seconds. Then you can decide if you want to meet or not.”
Finn glanced again at the picture.
“How do you still have her picture? This app lets you screenshot?”
“Sure it lets you screenshot. I don’t know if the person gets notified or not. You can’t do the load-but-not-open trick on this app,” said Nines. “So anyway, me and this girl swiped up on each other. She got the link to my pic and I got the link to hers. Then we texted for awhile and I asked her on a date. She said yeah and we got together last night.”
“You met this girl last night?” Finn sounded incredulous. “What, did she take one look at you and noped the fuck out? Can’t blame her.”
“Wrong. I took one look at her and got ghost,” said Nines, glaring daggers at Finn. “That girl in the picture was not the one who showed up at the restaurant!”
Finn and Slip glanced at each other.
“So what you’re saying, is that you were catfished,” said Slip. “Your date catfished you.”
Finn heard sympathy in Slip’s voice and that killed his desire to laugh. On the face of things, it was funny. Nines was such an asshole and so cocksure that it was almost hilarious to think of him being fooled in such a way. But on the other side, Finn felt annoyance. Nines actually thought his goofy social situation was important enough to bring to their attention? It was a place of business, not a fucking frat house.
“Look, you got played. It happens.” Finn yawned. “It probably happens a lot on an app like that where the main focus is fucking around on your spouse. I don’t know what you need us for.”
“I told you, I want you to find out who she is,” said Nines, gesturing wildly at his phone. “She’s gotta be out there somewhere! She’s not famous. I ran the pic through Google images and only came up with this one picture and it led right to the uRsinnR link I had! So she’s a regular person somewhere, and she might not be like the crazy bitch who tried to meet me last night.”
“Yeah, unlikely,” said Finn. “And we don’t go for sexism or ableism in this office, so take it down a few notches.”
“Are you shitting me right now?” Nines was sputtering. “I get my time wasted by some random and you’re on about some SJW bullshit?”
“Hey - hey!” Slip interposed himself between Finn and Nines when Finn pushed his chair back and moved menacingly toward Nines. “Calm down. Let’s all just. Calm. Down. Okay?”
Finn grimaced but didn’t say anything. Nines breathed heavily, but likewise was quiet. Slip looked at both of them for several long seconds.
“Okay, so Nines, what did the girl say when you saw her last night? Did you confront her about using someone else’s picture?”
“No, like I said, I didn’t stick around,” said Nines. “I could tell right off that the girl didn’t look anything like the pic, and I wasn’t going to sit through shitty beer and bad food pretending I didn’t notice. And be expected to pay for it all!”
Slip scratched his chin. “If you never approached her, then how do you know that she was the person you were supposed to meet?”
“She told me she’d be wearing a black dress with a red flower pin. That’s what this girl was wearing. Plus she was looking around like she was waiting for someone.”
“What did this girl look like?” asked Slip. “The one who showed up?”
“Not horrible-looking. Just nothing like that.” Nines motioned toward his phone.
Finn made a disgusted noise. “Details, dumbass.”
Nines sneered at him for a moment. “She was short. Five-three tops. A little chubby, but coulda been the dress – it wasn’t really flattering. Dark hair, like really dark, almost black. She was wearing glasses. Like I said, not horrible-looking. A diet, a haircut and maybe some contacts, and she’d be cute. Not my type, but cute. She looked like she had nice tits, so there’s something. Could’ve been a push-bra, though.”
“Yeah, okay, we got it.” Slip was standing between them again. “That’s a lot of detail for someone you only saw for a few seconds.”
“She was standing under a light,” said Nines. “And besides, at first I thought maybe she was just some random waiting for someone else and my real date wasn’t there yet. But then I saw her look at her phone and I saw the red flower pin.”
“You didn’t think of looking her up before you met?” asked Slip. “Or maybe Facetiming her? Skype? Google Hangout?”
“Nah, all that’s against the rules on uRsinnR. You’re supposed to be discreet,” explained Nines. “No phone numbers can be exchanged before you make a decision to meet, and they even suggest you either use a burner phone or a second-number app to do that. You can’t ask for extra pics, either. You do that and you get bounced.”
Slip shook his head. “That’s a fucked-up way to run a dating app.”
“Not this app. It’s for cheaters,” said Finn. “They have to give their clients a sense of security. Not allowing people to have more pictures or details before they meet up cuts down the risk that they’ll get exposed.”
“Yeah. What he said. They tell you all that when you first sign up,” said Nines. “You break the rules, you’re out. But once you agree to meet, it’s different. You can exchange numbers, Twitters, whatever.”
“So you got her number at some point?”
“Yeah, we gave each other our numbers when we decided to go out.”
“How long from the time you connected on that app to the time you two actually made this date?”
“About a day. I didn’t want to waste time with any back and forth and wanted to meet right off.”
“And she was cool with that?”
“Yeah, she was definitely down with it. Even suggested the restaurant.”
“Did you talk at all before this?” asked Slip. “Like when you got her number, did you text or anything?”
“We texted for a little while, like the day before, but it wasn’t endless or anything. I was at work, and I hate texting anyway. It was more like ‘Hey, we still on for tomorrow?’ ‘Yeah, looking forward to it!’ ‘Me too, see you then.’ That kinda stuff.”
“Did she try to contact you at all after you left?” asked Finn. “Any texts or calls?”
“Like eight texts and four calls. I had to turn my phone off.” Nines gave a sort of groan. “It was all ‘Where are you?’ ‘Are you okay?’ ‘What happened?’ She called a couple times and left some rambling message that I could barely understand the first time and then just hung up the second time. She called me a douchebag in the last text. Like she had some room to talk!”
Nines looked uneasy as Slip and Finn traded bemused looks.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“It’s just weird,” mused Slip. “She knew she was catfishing you. Most people who do this kinda thing realize when they’re stood up that they’ve probably been caught out, and they just try to fade in the woodwork. But she called you over and over and got pissed that you didn’t show.”
“Yeah, and a lot of times, catfishers’ll try to establish an emotional connection,” said Finn. “They figure if you start liking them before you meet, you’ll be less likely to get pissed off that they lied about their looks because you’ve already fallen in love with the real them. Sometimes, that’s how it goes, but you and this girl didn’t establish anything like that. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I told you! This chick is crazy! Kray. ZEE.” Nines glared defiantly at Finn. “I mean c’mon, by your own admission, even you would have to say she’s nuts.”
“No, I don’t have to say it, and neither do you. Not in this office. Say it again, and you’re done.”
Finn looked down at the phone and saw that it was locked again.
“Why do you even think whoever the girl is in that picture can be found?”
“She’s a real person. I mean, I saw that Ex-Machina movie and all, but science isn’t that advanced,” said Nines. “And Zeroes is all up on that celebrity shit. He goes on blogs and everything. He’s never seen this chick before so she’s not famous. So she’s out there somewhere. If she’s single and into guys or whatever … I mean, why not me?”
“You don’t really want me to answer that, right?” Finn was scrolling on his phone, frowning as he thumbed in a command. “Let’s say I find her. Then what?”
“Then I ask her out.” Nines shrugged. “We fall in love. Sixty years from now, we have a funny story to tell our great-grandkids.”
“Dude, listen. That’s … uh … kinda disturbing actually.” Slip was shaking his head again. “It sucks you got catfished. It really does. But what would stalking this girl, who had nothing to do with it, accomplish except to make you look like a creepy douche?”
Finn decided to keep his mouth shut on that one.
“Look, bro, the way I see it, I’m being a – a – a whatchimicallit, a good Samaritan.” Nines pointed at his phone. “Say you had a friend who was significantly less attractive than you are, and you find out he’s been using your photos to catfish people. A nice, sweet person who that friend of yours fooled tells you about it while also telling you that they were taken by how hot, er, how lovely you were. Or whatever. You’re telling me you wouldn’t at least give it a shot?”
“I’m telling you that I’d be creeped out that someone would expect me to be grateful after telling me one of my friends is using me like that. Hey, wait.” Slip squinted at Nines. “What makes you think that the girl from last night and your dream girl are friends?”
“Because of the picture,” said Finn, still tapping away on his phone. “It looks like it might have been cut out of a group shot, and chances are, if it was, Nines’ date from last night was in it. Besides, why do you think he was so nice to the girl?”
“Huh?”
“He’s the injured party. She tricked him. He could’ve gone off on her, with some justification. But she’s calling him a douchebag.” Finn briefly looked up. “He’s playing it sweet with the idea that this girl might be really tight with picture girl and if picture girl finds out he didn’t rail on her friend when he could’ve, she might see him as this sweet, caring, understanding dude.”
“You make it sound so … slimy.” Nines actually looked offended. “I’m just trying to be a good dude.”
“Yeah, try harder.” Finn’s voice was faint. His attention was focused on his cellphone.
“Look, whatever it is, I think you need to drop it,” said Slip. “Forget about this. These things have a way of catching up to people. If this girl is using someone else’s picture, sooner or later, it’ll catch up to her. You should’ve confronted her instead of just storming off. Maybe she’s been at this awhile and every dude she tried to trick just decided to leave rather than ask her what the fuck her problem was. Now, it’s too late –”
“I’ll do it,” Finn broke in. “I’ll take the case.”
Nines and Slip stared at Finn. Finn stared back, crossing his arms.
“Wait a minute.” Slip sounded shell-shocked. “You said earlier you didn’t –”
“It’ll cost you $250 as a retainer, then $75 a day, plus expenses, with a seven-day minimum.” Finn ignored Slip and focused solely on Nines. “You’ll get a list of expenses, and you’ll be able to object to them and then we could negotiate. But the other fees are in stone.”
Nines looked dubious. Slip just looked gobsmacked.
“Well, how long do you think it’ll take?”
“If I can find her, not more than a week,” said Finn. “If I can’t find her, then I’ll know that within a week, too. So you’ll really be on the hook only for the minimum.”
Nines looked at Slip. Slip just stared dully back at him as if he’d been out in the sun too long.
“That’s pretty steep, man. All I want you to do is find me a name. Maybe get me a number, or an email. And you’re asking for nearly $800?”
“The man can add. Amazing.” Finn was smirking.”That’s my price. Take it or leave it.”
“Eh. Easy come, easy go.” Nines took out a wallet. “You take Amex, right?”
“It’ll just be the retainer for right now,” said Finn, running the card through the reader on his iPad. “We’ll settle up at the end of the week. I’m going to need you to sign a client agreement form, which includes writing out exactly what you told me. For the record. I keep a file of all my cases. It’ll go in there, and the only person who’ll see it is me.”
“Yeah, okay.” Nines looked less than pleased about that part, but he seemed resigned to his fate. “When will I know you have something? Should I check in each day, or will you text me, or …?”
“I’ll give you a progress report in three days. By that time, I’ll know if I have something definite, or if it’s a dead end.” Finn glared hard at his former coworker. “There’s just one last thing. Something you have to agree to, or the deal’s off.”
“What is it?” Nines looked skeptical and even Slip seemed a little taken aback. “I agreed to your price and I’ll write the shit down. Now what do I have to do?”
“If I find her, I’ll tell her what happened,” said Finn. “I’ll tell her you’re interested in meeting her. I’ll give her your information. Whether or not she contacts you is up to her. I won’t give you her name, her number, her address, her Twitter handle, nothing.”
“WHAT?” Nines looked as if he were going to have a stroke. “Have you lost your fucking mind? I want you to find her so that I can ask her out!”
“No. This girl has been through enough. Someone’s using her face without her permission to scam people. Now you want me to just roll up and give all her information to some random dude she might not spit on if your ass was on fire?” Finn’s expression was cold. “Like I said, I’ll tell her what happened, tell her you’re interested and give her some contact info for you if she wants it. That’s it. You want me to find this girl, then those are the terms.”
“Eight c’s for you to maybe give someone my number? What kind of a deal is that? What if she says no?”
Finn gave Nines the smile. The special one he turned on to certain clients. The one that made them either leave immediately or piss their pants.
“No refunds.”