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OCTOBER 21ST 2023
Ilya Rozanov died exactly twenty years after his mother did. Ilya found his mother on the bathroom floor. A week ago, Ilya couldn't physically eat anymore (thanks to Alzheimer's inherited from his dad) and died.
Shane tried. God he tried. He fed Ilya but that just led to liquid in the lungs.
Instead of planning a Halloween party, Shane Hollander was planning for a funeral.
Instead of getting ready to celebrate for Halloween, Shane Hollander was getting ready for a funeral.
They were supposed to have stupid matching costumes but now they were in the back of Shane's closet and they were both wearing suits instead.
The funeral day was not rainy but it was definitely gloomy and cloudy. Rozanov died when he was only 32. He still had a whole life. With Svetlana. With his team.
With Hollander.
The Russian talked so much about his mother, clearly missing her so dearly. So Shane could only imagine what was happening in whatever afterlife does exist.
Shane tried not to worry what if there was no afterlife and they are just sleeping forever. But Hollander couldn't stop his worry.
They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But acceptance seemed like it could never come. Acceptance seemed impossible.
Acceptance was an easy thing to Ilya. Acceptance that he lost a game, acceptance of his boundaries, acceptance of his emotions.
Yet the acceptance of not only his mother's, not only his father's, but also his own death is impossible.
It wasn't Ilya Rozanov number 81 who found his mother's dead body. It was a twelve year old boy who was struggling learning the English his mom was teaching him.
Ilya Rozanov number 81 struggled to feel grief for his father but also struggled to accept it.
And the afterlife was fucking weird Ilya found out. He woke up after death in a house that he immediately recognized: his childhood home.
He woke up on the couch that he used to watch Dunno on the Moon on. In fact, it was playing on the TV that second. Rozanov sat up quickly, confused and honestly very freaked out.
Ilya couldn't tell if he calmed down or freaked out more when he heard a VERY familiar voice say, "Илья? Oh my sweet boy…" he turned around to see, "мама?"
Irina nods and Rozanov immediately relaxes, saying, "мама." Again as he runs up and hugs her, sobbing into her shoulder.
He couldn't stop the tears rolling onto her sweater that he always used to steal after he got a bad dream after she died.
"Мама…" Ilya says a third time, trying to process everything. "Oh baby… you are so young… why are you here, Мое солнышко?"
"Alzheimer's. Inherited it from Папа. I had someone taking care of me but eventually I just couldn't eat anymore without it ending up in my lungs." That reminded Ilya that Hollander was still alive, without his husband.
"Fuck, Shane!" Ilya curses. "Hey… whoever he is will be up here in due time." Rozanov hugs his mother again, everything was happening all at once and it was too much to process.
"'m scared, мама." Ilya quietly admits. What comes after your life? Is it any fun or will he be twiddling his thumbs? When was Shane going to get here? Is it wrong that Ilya wants Shane here even if it means Hollander would be dead? Is this real or is this all a fucking dream?
Irina felt real. Her sweater felt real and so did her hands… but this had to be some kind of stupid, not funny prank.
"You've kept necklace all this time?" Rozanova broke through Rozanov's thoughts, seeing the golden crucifix on his neck that once belong to Irina Rozanova. The latter swallowed thickly before choking out, "Yeah."
"Do you remember what I used to do when you were scared?" Irina asked when she noticed her son shaking. "Sang stupid Russian lullaby." And her soft singing voice filled the air, immediately making Rozanov relax.
Shane Hollander didn't die a hockey player even if he did die on the ice.
He died young and desperate. He died wanting his husband back.
He died playing against Boston but without his husband.
He started half assing his playing after a while, not seeing the point of competing without his rival.
When he suffered yet another horrible injury, there was no Ilya to say, "Is he okay? Fucking tell me!"
There was no hospital to wake up in. There was no Ilya to ask to come to his cottage.
So why should he hold on? Why should he care?
Hayden could move on eventually, so could his parents, so could every fucking one else.
Shane wondered why he woke up in his cottage. Last thing he remembered was being thrown up into the air and he hit the ice hard.
He should at least be hurting if not in the hospital but his body feels perfectly fine. Maybe a nightmare? If it was that was scarily vivid. Too vivid.
Holy shit.
Was he dead?! Was this the fucking afterlife?! No he's getting to far ahead of himself. That dream was just scarily vivid.
That's what he believed until he saw Shark, his dachshund childhood dog that died from cancer was Shane was 14. "Shark? Hey baby." Shane crouched and the dog immediately jumped onto him and licked him everywhere.
"I know. I missed you too buddy." He noticed one of Shark's old toys on the ground so he threw it and the dachshund chased after it.
If he was dead, where is Ilya?
Luckily his prayers were answered an hour later when there was a knock at his door and he answered it to see Ilya standing and smiling at the door.
Shane didn't care about anything else but Ilya. Hugging him and getting his lips all over him which Rozanov returned but broke apart too soon.
But it made sense why when Shane noticed a woman also standing there. "Oh— uh— sorry. Shane Hollander." He stuck out his hand awkwardly. The woman returned it with a smile and said, "Irina Rozanova."
Oh shit that's Ilya's mother!
"Oh my god I'm so sorry for kissing before you even—"
"His first crush was Captain America, trust me I knew." Irina chuckled. Rozanov sent his mother a death glare without any heat.
"Really?" Shane laughs. "I hate you both." Ilya grumbles. "No you don't."
They sat in the cottage's living room, talking about their relationship and how it came to be (of course leaving out all the explicit details).
Irina Rozanova was the kindest person to exist in Shane's perspective and Ilya was right. She is strong. She was just too sad.
And Shane knew how that felt after all that grief he experienced.
Shane even impressed Irina with his Russian (she even said Shane was too hard on himself for his Russian). Shane, being the gentleman he was, insisted to have the conversation in the Rozanov and Rozanova's first language if that made them more comfortable but they settled on English.
After an hour or two, Irina soon left and gave the couple some alone time.
They immediately spent their time having sex first but once that died down, they got to talking about this new chapter and what was going to happen now.
They were free. They could kiss in public without needing to worry. This was their afterlives and completely uncharted territory. It was terrifying.
But Ilya was with his mother again and Shane was with Ilya again which is all that matters.