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There was a pit forming in Ronnys stomach as the vision from the crystal faded. He could feel the emotions of that day coming back to him. When he was younger, there was always some kid after him. They would all pile on him for his interests or his braces, nobody ever thought anything of him until Lars came along. The day they met Ronny thought he’d found his new best friend. He wanted to do everything with Lars. Seeing this moment play out in front of him made his throat close up. Tears were close to falling as the thoughts of that day came back. He’d thought he was a failure of a friend, that Lars was right and he’d just embarrassed him. Ronny even considered stopping the Explorers Club, to give up on his dream of adventure. He thought of that now. Leaving all his research and joy behind, maybe it was time to grow past it.
Lars sat on the wood floor, clutching his knees. Steven whispered to the crystal and hugged it to him. He looked up to Ronny with concern. Steven stepped away, forming a bubble around the blue gem. Lars looked away from him. He looked like he wanted to run. Ronny sighed, “I didn’t want to embarrass you that day.” Ronny joined Lars on the floor, sitting by his side. “I just wanted to show the world our discovery.”
Lars turned his face to see Ronny. Streaks of tears curled down his cheeks. He was red and scared, like he’d just relived the memory in real time just as Ronny had. Lars sucked in a breath, “I didn’t mean to tear it up the photo Ronny. I’m sorry.” He slung a hand over his face, tracing his tears away with his sleeve. Ronny smile at this, remembering the honest Lars, the Lars who loved and cared for things.
Over the years it seemed like he’d lost that spark that he had when we was with Ronny. Maybe it was that day in the lighthouse, maybe it was just the weight of high school bringing him down, but Lars changed. And Ronny wanted to bring him back to himself. Ronny put a hand on Lars back, rubbing a little circle. He’d helped Petey calm down from his panic attacks before, he thought this might help him slow his brain down a bit. ‘It’s okay Lars. It’s all in the past.” When Lars looked back to him, his eyes were big, and hopeful. “We were kids then, right? I wanted to forgive you the next day, but you’d run off.” Ronny looked to the wall of the lighthouse, the carved name a bitter sight now. “You know I thought the world of you back then?”
Lars uncurled his knees, turning himself to face Ronny, “You did?” Ronny smiled, “yeah. You were my best friend, you always encouraged me when I went on my explorations. Even when I got a little too into it.” Ronny rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling. Lars giggled, “you did get carried away a couple times.’ Lars sighed, looking at the room, “it’s kind of comforting to know you haven’t changed.” Ronny crossed his arms, proud, “You should know that I never change Lars.”
They smiled together on the ground. Lars put out his hand for Ronny to take, “Friends?” That word nearly knocked Ronny back, it filled him with an unbelievable amount of joy.
“friends.”
The following week, Lars spent most of his free time with Ronny. Their reformed friendship picked up almost exactly where it left off, with some exceptions. Reynaldo started the club back up, transforming the lighthouse into a little hideout. He wanted to make it special for Lars, so instead of his gut feeling of fairy lights and a conspiracy board, he opted for metal band posters and some dark curtains. When Lars saw it he laughed, thinking Ronny had turned into some kind of vampire or something.
Reynaldo met him at the Big Donut every morning to check in, spilling the new details he found for the Keep Beach City Weird blog. Lars entertained it, seeing the child like glee he got from ranting on about crystals and explosions. He didn’t realize it before, but there was a part of him who really wanted the kind of peace Ronny felt in his hobby. He just wished he could shake the self consciousness that came with it.
Sadie grinned, wiping down the glass cabinets as Ronny ranted that morning.
“But it has to be something, right Lars? Something out there that’s making all this happen!”
Lars sighed, “Isn’t all the crazy stuff just Steven and his weird moms?”
Ronny frowned, “no! Well, I mean yeah some of it, but it goes much deeper than that!’ Ronny pulled out his phone, showing Lars photos of aliens and monsters as he droned on.
Ronny left for the day, already late for his shift at the fry shop. Lars leaned against the counter, sighing as the emptiness of the shop carried back in his absence.
Sadie chuckled, ‘I didn’t know you two were friends again.’
Lars grimaced, ‘no, we’re not friends, he just- we just made up.’
Sadie smiled, ‘he’s a nice guy, I’m glad you found someone to hang out with who isn’t me or Steven.’
Lars crossed his arms, huffing, ‘I don’t hang out with Steven, he just showed up.’
Sadie rolled her eyes, “whatever. Reynaldo is a good friend to have though. He seems to like you a lot.”
Absently, Lars smiled, “yeah he does.” With realization, his face burned red, “no, wait, I meant, he’s just really clingy.”
Sadie leaned against the counter with him, shoving his shoulder gently, “ Lars, drop the act. I’ve know you too well for that schtick.’
Lars sighed, glancing to Sadie, “I don’t know Sadie, it’s just different from when we were kids.’
‘How so?’
‘I’m not sure, he’s changed. We’re both older now and he’s kind of matured since he was a kid.”
Sadie giggled, “this is mature Reynaldo?’
Lars smiled, “yeah, he keeps surprising me with how much he’s changed, even though he seems childish.”
Sadie pat Lars back, “you should tell him that. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”
Lars blushed, getting defensive, “what? No! I can’t tell him that!”
Sadie raised an eyebrow, “why? Because you’re too cool for that? Stop being a wimp Lars.”
She shucked of, filling the napkin dispenser again. Lars thought about what she said, about telling Ronny how much he sees in him. He couldn’t fathom opening up to anyone, but it seemed like if anyone were to understand him, it would be Ronny.
He made his way to the lighthouse after work, the trek up the hill seeming more steep tonight than ever before. Ronny greeted him at the door, a big dumb grin on his face as Lars lugged off his jacket.
“I’ve got big plans for tonight!” Ronny beamed
Lars slouched down in the bean bag in the middle of the room, “what’s the agenda?”
Ronny pulled out a tape from behind his back, “I finally got my hands on SnakeQuake! The earthquake of snakes! Plus the sequel, SnakeQuake Aftershock!” He waved a colorful tape cover in front of him, a mismatch of snakes and rocks in a colorful blur.
Lars cackled, grabbing the tape, “oh my god! I can’t believe you found it! This thing looks so bad!”
Ronny smiled, “I heard there’s a scene where they left a full bag of Chinese take out on the set. They didn’t even edit it out!”
They laughed, reading over the back of the tape and joking on about the horrible production. The sinking feeling Lars felt on his way up the hill somehow melted once Ronny settled into the bean bag with him. His shoulder brushed against Lars, the weight of him evening out the bag as he sat. Alone, the chair seemed too big, but somehow, Ronny filled that space perfectly.
They roared through the first movie, laughing every time the main female lead fell on her butt. Ronny paused it halfway through to spot the Chinese take out in the scene and got up to point it out. Lars sighed, watching him do his thing as he giggled from the chair. He wondered what it would be like to hold Ronny, what his big arms would feel like around his waist.
The thought recoiled through Lars’ head, filling his face with red. He stopped the thought immediately, trying to think of something else, but as Ronny turned his back, all he could picture was going up and hugging him. Lars hid his face, trying to calm himself down from the thrill of the thought. But his face only flushed more as he thought of what Ronny must smell like after a shower, probably less like French fries than usual.
Ronny turned back around, catching Lars staring. He frowned, “Lars are you feeling alright? You look red.” He walked up to him, placing his hand on his forehead.
Lars jumped, slapping his hand away, the red flushing to his neck now, “wha! Whoa, yeah, I’m fine. Just- I’m just warm.” He turned away, shielding his face from him.
Ronny tapped his arm with concern, “are you sure? I can open a window or something” he looked around the room, seeing if he could reach any of the tall windows.
Lars turned to face him. He was close, close enough to touch and something came over Lars. A wash of warmth through his stomach to his heart. He didn’t pause, but took Ronny shoulders, wrapping him into a hug.
Ronny stuttered, confused at first, but finding his arms wrapping Lars back. Lars sighed, holding him close, the warmth of Ronny body felt so good against his bare arms, the grip on his waist so strong. It all felt a little too fitting. Ronny closed his eye, smiling into Lars chest, “this is nice.”
Lars separated, holding Ronny shoulders, “sorry, I just-“
Ronny smiled, “it’s okay.” He looked away, suddenly shy, “I um, I think I needed that.”
“Me too” Lars laughed
Ronny grabbed Lars arm, tracing a circle into his elbow, “is everything okay with you? You’ve been… different lately.”
Lars’ fading blush returned pink in his cheeks, “I’m okay. I’ve just uh- I’ve had a lot in my mind lately.”
Ronny raised an eyebrow
He sighed, turning away so Ronny couldn’t follow his embarrassment, “I’ve just been noticing how much you’ve changed since we were kids. You’ve really grown into your passions and it’s just really… I don’t know, it’s really cool. I guess.”
The pink from Lars made its way to Ronny as he soaked in the complement. He grinned at his feet, “oh. Wow, I didn’t think that’s what you were going to say at all.”
Lars laughed, “what? What did you think I was going to say?”
“I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to be my friend! I thought I embarrassed you!”
Lars’ eyebrows gathered at his forehead, he frowned with uneasy realization. ‘I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. Like you were an embarrassment.” Lars stepped away. Letting his hands drop from Ronny’s shoulders.
Before Lars could get too far, Ronny grabbed his hand, clasping tight. “You never made me feel that way. Bullies at school? Yeah they made me feel like a failure, but you could never hurt me Lars. I always knew you were just tying to protect yourself.”
Lars’s eyes grew tight with tears, he could feel his through closing, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Ronny.”
He smiled, a small tear growing on his face too. They held both hands together, sharing the strength between them. They look into each other eyes for what felt like the first time. They didn’t see each other, but everything the other had feared and felt without the other. Lars’s heart overflowed, like he was pushed into a vat of something warm and fulfilling. Ronny could feel a little part of his trust rebuild itself, could see the shame and hardness inside him falling apart. The two boys grinned, quietly snickering to themselves. The air broke and they began to laugh, filling the fear with delight.
“I missed you Lars!” Ronny said, looping his arms around his waist into a hug
“I missed you too Ronny.” He gripped his close, letting his face fall into Reynaldo’s hair.
The hug was like a high they didn’t want to come off of. Ronny breathed in the smell of sugar off Lars work shirt, smiling at the sweetness of him. Lars’s cheek brushed a surprising softness of Ronny’s hair, letting it brush his mouth. He sucked in a breath, shaky still from tears. His heart began to pound louder with the breath.
Ronny’s face grew red as he listened to Lars’s heart pick up. He leaned back to see Lars’s face. Ronny traced his fingers against Lars neck, gently rubbing against his collar bone. Lars grew pink, focused intently on Ronny’s eyes, then Ronny’s cheeks and then Ronny’s lips.
Lars breathed in, holding the courage in his lungs and grabbed Ronny’s face. He kissed him, gently and easily. Ronny sighed as he did, leaning in with relief. They kissed with caution, letting the other lean in as they pulled. But as Ronny’s hand traced from Lars neck back to his waist, Lars pushed.
He pulled Ronny’s head closer, hand grasping his hair. Ronny grinned into the kiss, bringing Lars’s tongue to curl around his own. Lars moved his hips stomachs touching. Ronny gasped as they separated all of a sudden. Lars’s eyes searched Ronny for endorsement or rejections, nervous of either he’d find. Ronny could see the panic and cupped his face, tracing the worry from the corner of his eye.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Lars stumbled over his words.
Ronny stopped him with his hand on his chest, “it’s okay Lars. I wanted that too…”
Lars’s mouth gaped with shock, “really? For-for how long?”
Ronny looked to his feet, shy, “for.. um for a while now.”
Lars grinned, fading and eyebrow, “I knew you liked me”
Ronny giggled, “stop! I don’t like you!”
Lars poked him, pushing him away, “you liked me! You liked me!”
Ronny flopped down on the bean bag again. He covered his eyes and groaned, “unfortunately I still do.”
Lars collapsed next to him, his arm curling Ronny’s shoulders to him, “ well that’s a relief cuz I like you too.”
Ronny turned, eyes bright, “wait, really?”
“Well duh. I knifed of just kissed you, you lard.” He pushed him
Ronny smiled, “wow. I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Pff, yeah I can’t either.”
Ronny sighed as he flicked the movie back on. The roar of the people on the screen echoed through the lighthouse. Ronny curled into Lars side, feeling more at home than he’s really ever felt. A thousand things raced through his head, most of all how much he wanted to kiss him again. But he let the feeling linger, hoping Lars would open up again like he did before.
Lars smiled, letting, for what seems like the first time, his body relax. He let himself take up the space on the bean bag like he never had before. And beyond anything that happened tonight, he felt safe.