Chapter Text
Newborn
“Jilly,” Shane said skeptically, “You want to name our newborn daughter Jilly?”
Ilya nodded, “It's a good name.”
“You looked at this precious little girl,” he started gesturing to the newborn staring up at him in awe, her little finger wrapped around his pointer, “And thought, ‘I know, lets call her Jilly”
“Well, I don’t hear you offering any suggestions,” Ilya responded, looking at his new little girl. She was perfect, whatever they named her, it didn’t matter, it would be perfect just like her. It had been a long road to get here. As it turns out, it wasn’t super easy to adopt a child as two very public, very gay, pro hockey players. Then though, just when they were beginning to lose hope, the adoption agency had called them with the news that they had a little girl waiting on them.
It all happened so fast they hadn’t had a chance to talk about names. They had decided early on in the process that they didn’t want to talk about names until they knew they were taking a child home. It was too hard to let go of if they didn’t end up being selected. Of course that didn’t stop them from both harboring names without ever voicing it out loud.
“What about Kenzie?” Shane asked Ilya
Ilya scoffed, that was the name his husband had been stewing on? “Is a good name. For a dog” Ilya responded.
“Oh fuck you.” Shane responded immediately.
“Hey, language,” Ilya chastised, earning him a middle finger from Shane. “It has no meaning, her name should have meaning.”
“Because Jilly has so much meaning.” Shane dead panned but still smiled, “What about Irina?” He asked, this was the name that Shane had been thinking about naming a daughter with Ilya for far longer than he wanted to admit. Fine. Since the all star game in 2017.
“No,” Ilya said softly and Shane tried to hide the rejection on his face. Maybe not all that well as Ilya reached over and gently ran a hand through Shane’s hair peering down at their daughter. “Is very sweet, but I don’t want her to become… that thing,” he motioned with his hands in the hair the way he always did when he wanted Shane to finish his sentence but Shane remained quiet “when you become something by accident because you think you might?”
“Self fulfilling prophecy?”
“Yes. I want her to be her own person.” Shane nodded at the response not pushing it but unfortunately he was out of girl names. He would come up with something better than Jilly. It was a pretty low bar he thought to himself as Ilya started talking, “Jilly has meaning, Jane, Lilly.”
Shane softened at that, he looked back down at their little girl whose eyes were fluttering closed. “So you want her to become the closest lesbian who tells us that she’s been in a ten year long situationship?” Shane asked, “Self fulfilling prophecy.”
“Maybe this other woman is the love of her life. Not so bad.” Ilya responded, gesturing his arms for his turn to hold the girl. Shane gently handed her over, careful not to make too much movement.
“I just don’t know if I can in good conscience name our daughter Jilly knowing that she’s gonna grow up and have to put that on a resume someday.”
“Always thinking too far ahead моя любовь” Shane watched Ilya stare down at the little girl with such adoration that it was almost hard to believe this was his life. Never in a million years would he have imagined that he would be arguing with Ilya Rozanov about the name of their shared daughter.
“What about Jillian?” He asked suddenly, “You can call her Jilly and she can decide if she wants to go by Jilly or be respectable and go by Jillian."
“Jillian,” Ilya repeated, trying out the syllables on his own. Everything sounded prettier coming from Shane’s accent he thought to himself. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.” Shane replies. “I mean she kinda looks like a Jilian.”
“Jilly.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
Two Months
The sound of the infant crying was carried throughout the entire house. Shane bolted up off the couch where he and Ilya were dozing off next to each other, “I got her,” he said quickly walking up to the nursery where they had put Jillian down about two hours ago. “Coming,” he said even though he knew that she couldn’t understand him.
Once in the nursery, he scooped the girl up out of her crib and gently started rocking her. “Hungry huh?” he asked as he headed down the hall with her in his arms. She had calmed down significantly going from shrieking to normal crying now that she was in her dad’s arms. “Ilya,” He started to say as he walked into the kitchen but he found that Ilya was already getting the formula ready. “Thanks.” He breathed out.
“Go sit on the couch, I’ll bring it to you.”
Shane followed the direction sitting down gently on the couch and keeping Jillian snuggled into his chest. When Ilya came back into the room she turned her head, staring at him and then smiling. Ilya’s smile instantly became twice as big. “This girl is gonna kill me,” he said, handing Shane over the bottle which Jillian took immediately, her crying ceasing.
They both sat in silence, both men were physically exhausted. Being parents really took a lot out of them, and they were professionally used to being exhausted. But they were also both so blissfully happy. They had been lucky enough to welcome Jillian home during the summer when neither of them had anywhere to be, but Shane was dreading in two months when the season would start back up and they would have to drop her off at his parents house.
“Here, do you want to hold her?” Shane asked once she was done eating. “Do you want to see Papa?” Shane asked Jillian before handing her off to Ilya.
“Come here Jilly,”
“Jilian.” Shane corrected as he stood up off the couch. His heart melted in his chest at the way his daughter immediately snuggled up against Ilya’s chest feeling safe enough to let sleep take her. I get it, kid , he thought to himself.
Four Months
Ilya was laying on his stomach across from Jilly on their living room rug. She was now able to push up on her arms during the required tummy time which made it much more tolerable to her. Especially if dad was laying on the floor with her blowing raspberries.
It was something Ilya had discovered yesterday, he made the noise as a way to poo poo Shane’s terrible take out suggestion and much to the surprise of both Ilya and Shane, Jilly had started giggling in response to the silly noise.
So naturally Ilya had done it for what felt like hours on end the rest of yesterday and today. He would do just about anything to make his little girl giggle the way that she was now. There were already a hundred videos on each of their phones. It had been such a big deal that Yuna and David had made the drive over to hear her squeal in real time instead of over the immediate facetime call that Ilya had initiated.
“She’s so precious,” Yuna said sitting down next to Ilya to watch Jilly, “I remember Shane being this little and thinking that sneezing was the funniest thing on Earth. Pretty hard to replicate on command so you got off easy.”
Ilya smiled at the image of little Shane. Big Shane was disgusted by sneezing, always going on and on about how much germs were spread every time someone, Ilya, sneezes. He wondered for the first time what he found funny when he was four months old. There was no one left to ask. His brother wouldn’t remember even if he did pick up the phone and his mother had never written about his childhood in any kind of journal.
“She’s figured out she has hands,” Ilya said simply to change the conversation. “She keeps holding them up to her face and moving her fingers staring at them like it’s magic”
“Yeah, you’ll be watching her like a hawk in no time. Once they figure out they can do things with those hands, it’s game over.”
Ilya laughed himself looking forward to all the things that were coming for him and Shane. He never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loves Shane but now he genuinely can’t understand how it’s possible to love someone as much as he loves Jilly. And she’s only four months old, hasn’t spoken a single word yet and yet he would burn the entire world down for her if he had to.
“Dinner’s ready!” Shane shouted from the kitchen.
He picked Jilly up off the ground and followed Yuna into his kitchen. The four of them sat down at the table with Jilly in a high chair at the end of the table. She was holding her hands out in front of her face again, flexing and curling her fingers, staring at them with wonder.
“So, are you two ready to go back to the real world?” David asked.
“No,” Shane replied automatically with a groan. “It’s gonna absolutely stink, I mean I’m ready to get back on the ice as usual after a long summer, but I think dropping her off with you guys is going to be gut wrenching.”
Shane glanced over at Ilya who nodded in agreement. He didn’t say anything himself because it wasn’t the right time. He didn’t want to spring this on Shane in front of his parents, but Ilya truthfully had no intention of getting back on the ice. It was something that he had decided within seventy two hours of being a dad. While he hadn’t given his official notice, he had let Coach Wiebe know that he was thinking of it and he had been nothing but supportive. Ilya knew that he needed to tell Shane tonight.
The rest of dinner was uneventful with small talk. After David and Yuna had headed out, Shane had put Jilly down before joining Ilya back on their coach pouring himself a glass of wine from the bottle that Ilya had opened earlier. Ilya lifted his arm and Shane slid into his space, sighing once Ilya’s arm came down to rest on his shoulder.
They sat in quiet for a few moments each habitually exhausted and enjoying this moment of quietness in their increasingly loud lives. It’s funny the way kids change you, Ilya thought to himself, five months ago he would’ve already had Shane pinned under him on this couch but here they were sitting fully clothed content to just be for a moment.
“I’m okay with it,” Shane said out of the blue, breaking their moment of stillness.
“Okay with what?” Ilya asked
“You are retiring.” Shane said simply turning to look at Ilya who looked at Shane like he’d seen a ghost. He’d been so careful to not let Shane know of his plan for fear that the team wouldn't let him out of his contract or that Shane would be mad and take some convincing. But Ilya saw none of that Shane’s face now.
“How’d you know?”
“We’ve been together a very long time honey, you’re not that hard to figure out anymore.”
“Am too.” Ilya said stubbornly.
“No your not,” Shane responded laughing, “You never talked about going back, never expressed the same nerves that I did, you didn’t mark the start date on the calendar like normal, I can keep going?”” Ilya joined him in laughing as he realized that maybe he had not been nearly as sneaky as he expected.
“You really don’t care?” Ilya asked once the laughter had died down. Shane moved to put his glass of wine on the coffee table in front of them crawling into Ilya’s lap to pepper his face with kisses.
“No.” he said easily, “Sure, I'll miss you out there on the ice, and we probably won’ t win the cup this year but it’ll give Jilly more stability in the long run and I’d love to see you wearing my jersey up in the boxes.”
“Yeah right,” Ilya scoffed knowing damn well that he had imagined it. More than once.
“As long as you’re sure, I’m sure,” Shane whispered against his lips.
“I’m sure.”
Six Months
The cool breeze of late September blew through the pumpkin patch as they walked out into the field away from some of the people that had also gathered for fall. Jillian was squealing in Shane’s arms flinging her praying mantis stuffed animal around. It was almost a hazard to his eyes.
Who the fuck choses a praying mantis as the choice of stuffed animals at build a bear workshop? Ilya apparently. So now he had a daughter who was obsessed with a bright green praying mantis that had the creepiest eyes Shane had ever seen. It was also dressed in a black tux which looked ridiculous on the lime green thing but then Ilya had said it, Simon, was ready to go to NHL awards and Shane would deny it if pressed but his heart softened a little at the creature. Jillian loved the animal though which by osmosis meant that Shane loved the damn thing.
Ilya who was walking in front of him came to a stop towards the back of the field once they were fully away from all the other people. He started picking up pumpkins and arranging them to create a backdrop.
“Come here Jilly,” He said once he was ready to take the girl from Shane’s arms. Shane grabbed the stuffed animal out of her hand not wanting it to be in their photos. At least not all of their photos. Shane kneeled down across from her. “So stinking sweet,” Shane said as Jillian smiled up at both her parents.
Ilya pulled out his phone, opening the camera app. He was a far better photographer than Shane so he was more than happy to let Ilya be in charge of making sure they got some cute photos. Although every photo was going to be cute.
“Harrision wants a group photo for the instagram page.” Shane said. It was a topic that they needed to discuss and a Saturday morning at a busy pumpkin patch was probably not the place to have it but here they were.
Ilya continued snapping photos and Shane held Simon up above the camera, shaking it aggressively to try and get Jillian to laugh. “There you go sweetheart,” Ilya mused as his daughter started giggling. “I don’t know if I want her face plastered all over social media,” Ilya said to Shane while still taking photos.
“You’re not planning to post any of her on your own account?”
“People put the little uh, faces, over their faces. You know what I'm talking about?”
“The emojis?” Shane asked and Ilya nodded
“I just think we should protect her privacy. What if she turns 16 and hates us for putting pictures of her all over the internet?”
“Okay,” Shane said simply, he didn’t have the strongest preference over it but he loved how fiercely protective Ilya was over their little family. “I’ll tell Harrison that we want to control her image and aren’t comfortable with her being on social media.”
Ilya stopped taking photos offering a quick kiss to Shane, “it’s your turn to be in photos.”
Eight Months
“Shhh, I know sweetie, I know,” Ilya whispered in Russian, holding Jilly close to him and bouncing her trying to get her to calm down. Anya, who just recently started taking an interest in their daughter, had licked her face and that was just unacceptable to Jilly at that moment. “She was just trying to be your friend,” he said even though he knew the words meant nothing to his daughter.
It was the first home game of the season and Ilya needed to be leaving in five minutes if he wanted to make it there in time to settle in. He had gotten Jilly into her Rozanov jersey and had left for all of three seconds to get his own from the dryer and in that time his two children had a full meltdown.
After what had felt like an eternity, Jilly had calmed down to just sniffles although she was still glaring at Anya as if the dog had personally offended her. Ilya grabbed her back and a dog treat from the kitchen which he gave to Anya before heading towards the garage. Getting one kid to the arena was hard enough, Ilya genuinely had no idea how Jackie did this with four kids. He made a mental note to text her and ask for tips.
Getting to the arena was easier than he expected even if there was more traffic than he was used to. It felt like an eternity however with Baby Shark playing in the background the whole time. The repetitive noise though was soothing to Jilly who hated being restrained in her car seat. It was only mildly bearable to Ilya ever since she started making the same repetitive noise herself.
Ilya got her out of the car, gathering all their stuff before heading into the arena through the staff door. One of many perks of being the star player of the team. He headed straight to the locker room reveling in the chaos that he knew that he was about to create.
He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss it just a little. There wasn’t much quite like the pregame adrenaline and while he wouldn’t give up being a full time dad for the world, he did miss the thrill of the rush.
A hush fell over the roof if just for a moment before chaos erupted in the room, everyone talking over one another. “Why is she wearing your jersey?” Shane asked, getting a glimpse of his daughter's back as she was handed to Uncle Wyatt.
“Because i’m wearing yours,” Ilya whispered back
“Hi Jilly,” Wyatt said “Are you going to be our good luck charm for today?”
“Jillian,” Shane corrected under his breath but Ilya heard it. He didn’t miss the way his husband’s eyes darkened, taking over him in his own jersey. Jilly was giggling at something that Boodram was doing as Shane pulled Ilya into a hug, “you better still be wearing this when I get home tonight,” Ilya smirked ruffling Shane's hair before pulling away.
Soon another person joined the team in the locker room “Rozanov,” Coach Wiebe said.
“Coach.”
“Should you be in here right now?” He asked and it was clear that he was at least somewhat joking but Ilya also understood that it was important for the team to get their game plays ready. So Ilya took Jilly back, pressing a quick kiss to Shane’s lips. “Good luck sweetheart,” he said before heading out of the room and towards his seat in the suite.
Twelve Months
They were one day away from Jillian’s first birthday and their house was decked to the max with decoration. Ilya had maybe gone a smidge overboard with the streamers and balloons, but how often does your little girl turn 1? Anya was currently dragging streamers across their living room like she did with the toilet paper when she was a puppy, Shane was having a hard time caring though because Jillian was laughing like it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. It probably reminded me of myself.
Shane was sitting on the floor cutting apart stickers and washable tattoos so that when guests showed up they could get a tattoo for themselves or their kids. They were going all out for this party even though she wouldn’t remember a single second of it. “First birthday parties are for the parents more than they are the kids” Yuna had told him when he voiced this to her.
Shane was as Jillian stood and used the couch to move herself across the room to where she had dropped her stuffed animal earlier. Any day now she was going to let go of that couch and walk, Shane could feel it. It reminded him of the kids at Irina’s camp who were learning to skate for the first time. They always started off on the wall holding onto the ledge but it never took long before they were slowly skating off balance away from it.
“I could’ve gotten that for you sweetie,” He said once she had reached her stuffed animal and plopped herself down on the floor. Ilya came down from their bedroom fully dressed and showered after this morning’s festivities. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah,” Ilya responded leaning down to press a kiss to her daughter's head, “You sure you’re gonna be able to hold down the fort?”
“I think I'll manage,” Shane responded sarcastically,
“Missed you in the shower,” Ilya muttered leaning down into Shane’s space letting Shane get a whiff of his body wash and cologne. What an asshole.
“I guess you’ll just have to show me how much during nap time,” Shane responded, reveling in Ilya’s little smirk. “Go, before it gets any later.”
Ilya put on his shoes grabbing his jacket and Shane’s heart nearly burst out of his chest when he looked across the room to his daughter who was currently waving bye to her papa. “Ilya,” Shane said softly, trying to not disturb the moment but make sure that Ilya saw.
“Oh my god.” Ilya said when he looked up with a smile bursting on his face. “How am I supposed to leave now?” he whined before waving to Jillian and obnoxiously saying “Bye bye Jilly.”
Anya got up and followed Ilya to the door as Shane went back to cutting out sticks on tattoos. He heard the front door open and close and then the whine of Anya signaling that she had been left behind. The dog trotted back over to Shane sticking her face into his hands “Now you want my attention? As soon as your favorite human left?” He asked putting down the tattoo for just a moment to pet her head. Both of his girls and their separation anxiety when Ilya left them.
Once she realized that she was not going to get the attention she wanted from Shane, Anya went back over to Jillian to try her luck there. Shane watched her grab the praying mantis out of Jillian’s hands and shake the stuffed animal violently in front of the girl walking backwards away from her.
Shane was just about to get up and give Anya the scolding of her lifetime when all of a sudden Jillian pulled herself up using the couch and slowly but surely trotted out away from the couch towards Anya. “Holy shit,” Shane said as Jillian continued to walk towards Anya now giggling her head off like she had just unlocked the whole world.
“Jillian!” He exclaimed now that the shock had worn off, she looked over at her dad, a huge smile breaking out on her face as she stumbled her way over to him and threw herself down in his lap examining the dinosaur tattoos he had been cutting out. “That did not just happen,” He said more to himself before being angry that he didn’t get his phone out to video the moment. Ilya was going to be so pissed that he missed this.
Shane pulled out his phone to call the other man but then stopped. Maybe Ilya didn’t need to know. She was probably going to walk again by the end of the day and then Ilya can also experience this moment for the first time just as Shane did. “You gotta show your new trick for papa when he gets him, okay Jillian?” Shane asked. He looked over at Anya who had settled down by the window watching for Ilya to come home. It would be their secret.