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A lot goes on in Gorgug's mind that people generally don't see in him. In fact, that's one of the things that he thinks about a lot. Gorgug isn't like Riz, he isn't like Adaine; he isn't someone that comes off as… well, smart. And maybe even that's the wrong word for it— maybe the right way to say it is that he's more confusing, than anything. Weird. Most people don't get him. He can't blame them for that. He doesn't get him half the time either.
He doesn't get why he's so mad, all the time, all the time. It's scary. He doesn't get why nobody is scared— why his parents still smile at him, why his friends like him at all. He doesn't really fit in his own body, as big as it is. The rage is bigger, so much bigger, than Gorgug will ever be. And when he gives into it, when it consumes him— it's only then when he stops thinking.
There are few people Gorgug knows who know rage like that. One of them was sitting next to him right now, playing crystal bloodrush.
“FUCK DUDE! FUCK!” Ragh aggressively growled at the TV. “NO! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, DUDE!”
In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea for them to play crystal games. This was getting kinda intense.
“Maybe we should take a break…” Gorgug worried at his lip.
Ragh scowled. “Fuck no, man! I'm gonna turn this around! My team is gonna fucking destroy yours!”
Gorgug was getting annoyed. “We should stop, really.”
Ragh huffed, “Quit being a chicken shi—”
Gorgug's entire body clenched as he snarled out, “Stop it.”
Well, so much for not getting mad.
Ragh's face softened, which pissed Gorgug off even more. Why was nobody scared of him when he was like this!? He was dangerous like this! He killed people like this!
“Fuck, sorry dude, I didn't mean to… yeah, a break sounds like a good idea,” Ragh gave him a pat on the shoulder as he got up, and Gorgug shirked it away. Ragh left the room, giving Gorgug space to calm down.
But there never was any space for Gorgug. Neither inside his body, nor out.
His breathing got heavy as he tried and failed to work himself back down to sensibility. He gritted his teeth. It wasn't fair that Ragh wasn't also seething right now, it wasn't fair that Gorgug was the only one getting unreasonably upset.
He wanted to fight Ragh, he wanted to hurt him. He wanted to prove to everybody else how horrible this was for him, how horrifying it was to live like this.
He wanted to scream. He wanted pain. He wanted blood.
He threw the controller and punched wildly. Crack. He yelled out as his hand made contact with the bedroom wall.
Somewhere in the distance, he registered his mom's voice jovially saying they'll have to patch it over. He hated her for it. He hated himself for hating her. He hated himself for a lot of reasons. For his rage and his stupidity and for being so fucking big in a world that's so fucking small.
He punched again. “I hate you!” He yelled at himself. Thick globs of tears rolled down his face as he pulled at his hair and sank his back against the wall. “I hate you!”