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The thing about hatred is that it's supposed to make sense. It's supposed to have a reason, a foundation built on something tangible like a betrayal, an insult, or a pattern of behavior that justifies the feeling. Son Siwoo knows this; he has always been logical, methodical, the kind of person who thinks through every decision three times before making a move. That’s what has always made him a good support player, what makes him reliable.
But his hatred for Park Jaehyuk made no sense at all.
When Siwoo joined GenG in January 2022, he was prepared for the pressure. He knew what it meant to play alongside some of the best players in the world. He had watched Jihoon dominate mid lane for a few years already, he had also studied Wangho’s jungling style, and admired Hyunjoon’s resilience in top. And Ruler, Park Ruler Jaehyuk, was a world champion, a player whose name carried weight in every region, whose mechanics were studied in highlight reels and coaching sessions across the globe.
Siwoo was ready for all of it. What he wasn't ready for is the way his chest tightened every time Jaehyuk walked into the practice room.
It started as a small tug, Jaehyuk was late to their first practice session together, strolling in fifteen minutes past the scheduled time with his headphones on and his phone in hand. He hadn’t apologize, just nodded at the coach and sat down at his station. Siwoo watched him adjust his glasses, those round, gold-rimmed glasses that somehow made him look both studious and effortlessly cool, and felt something hot and uncomfortable curl in his stomach.
"Sorry," Jaehyuk said eventually, pulling off his headphones. His voice was soft, almost lazy. "Traffic."
The coach waved it off. Of course he did, Jaehyuk is Ruler. He had earned the right to be fifteen minutes late. Siwoo said nothing, but he felt the irritation settle into his bones like an old ache.
Over the next few weeks, Siwoo learnt the rhythm of playing bot lane with Jaehyuk. It was definitely different from anything he had done before. Jaehyuk was aggressive in a way that seemed to be almost reckless, pushing advantages that Siwoo wasn’t sure existed, forcing fights that Siwoo had to scramble to support. But it worked: they won scrims, they dominated solo queue, and when the Spring Split started, they teared through the competition.
Siwoo was good at his job. He warded perfectly, tracked the enemy jungler, peeled for Jaehyuk in teamfights. He threw himself into every engage, every skillshot, every desperate save, because that's what a support does. That's what he did for a living. And Jaehyuk took it all in stride, farming safely when Siwoo roamed, following up on every engage with perfect precision, carrying teamfights with the kind of calm confidence that made it look easy.
Off the rift, Siwoo was friendly with everyone. He jokes with Jihoon about his champion pool, helps Wangho review jungle pathing, stays late to watch replays with Hyunjoon. The staff loves him, his teammates love him, he was the glue that held the team together, the person everyone can rely on. Everyone except Jaehyuk, of course.
Siwoo didn’t knew when it had become a pattern, but it did. He would offer to review replays with the team, and Jaehyuk would decline. He would suggest a new bot lane strategy, and Jaehyuk would nod politely and then do whatever he was going to do anyway. He would try to make conversation during breaks, and Jaehyuk would give him short, distracted answers before returning to his phone.
It's not that Jaehyuk was rude, he wasn’t not, he was just distant. Like there was a wall between them that Siwoo couldn’t figure out how to climb.
And Siwoo hated it. He hated that he cares, that he noticed every time Jaehyuk laughed at one of Wangho's jokes but barely smiled at his. He hated that he kept track of how many times Jaehyuk thanked him in game (four times in their last match, which is two more than usual, not that Siwoo was counting). He hated that he lay awake at night replaying conversations, wondering what he did wrong, why Jaehyuk won't let him in.
But most of all, he hated that he knew the real reason. It had happened in March, after a particularly close game against T1. They won, barely, and it was because Siwoo flashed forward at the worst possible moment, eating a Thresh hook that was meant for Jaehyuk, dying instantly but giving Jaehyuk the window he needed to clean up the fight and secure the Baron.
In the postgame lobby, the team was celebrating, but Siwoo was quiet. He was thinking about the play, about how stupid it was, how risky, how it could have cost them everything if Jaehyuk hadn't capitalized on it.
"Good play," Jaehyuk said, and Siwoo looked up to find him standing there, hands in his pockets, looking at Siwoo with those big, bright eyes behind those stupid glasses.
"It was reckless," Siwoo says.
"It was perfect," Jaehyuk corrected, and there was something in his voice, something soft and genuine, that made Siwoo's heart stutter in his chest.
And that's when Siwoo realized: he would do it again. He would flash forward into certain death, would throw himself in front of every skillshot, would risk everything, not because it was his job, which it was, but because it was Jaehyuk. Because when Jaehyuk looked at him like that, Siwoo would do anything, and he hates him for it.
The Spring Split ended with GenG in second place. They lost to T1 in the finals, and it stang, but there was still Summer, still Worlds. There was still time.
Siwoo threw himself into practice with even more intensity. He reviewed every game, every mistake, every moment where he could have done better. He stayed late, arrived early, pushed himself until Jihoon had to physically drag him away from his computer.
"You're going to burn out," Wangho had warned him one night.
"I'm fine," Siwoo had said, and he almost believed it.
But the truth was, he was not fine: he was exhausted, and not just from practice. He was tired of pretending he didn’t feel the way he does, tired of hating Jaehyuk for something that wasnt his fault, tired of lying to himself.
Because Siwoo didn’t do relationships. He had never been interested, never saw the point. He had always been too focused on the game, on improving, on winning. Relationships were messy and complicated and distracting, and Siwoo didn’t have time for distractions. Except now he did, because he couldn't stop thinking about Park Jaehyuk.
Summer Split was better. They dominated the regular season, and by the time playoffs rolled around, they were the favorites to win. Siwoo and Jaehyuk had found a rhythm that felt almost telepathic; Siwoo knew when Jaehyuk was going to engage before he did it, and Jaehyuk trusted Siwoo's calls without question. They ware not just good together, they were great.
Off the rift, things were more... complicated. Jaehyuk still kept his distance, but there were moments, small and fleeting, where Siwoo thought that maybe he was not imagining things. The way Jaehyuk's gaze lingered on him during team meetings, the way he always saved a seat next to him on the team bus, the way he smiled, just a little, when Siwoo made a joke.
It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make Siwoo's heart race every time.
They won the Summer Split, a clean 3-0 against T1, and when the confetti falls and the crowd roared, Siwoo felt something close to happiness. They were going to Worldsand they were going to prove themselves on the biggest stage.
But then, in October, everything changed.
They were in the team house, winding down after a long day of scrims; Siwoo was in the kitchen, making himself a snack, when Jaehyuk walked in, his phone in his hand and a strange expression on his face.
"Can we talk?" Jaehyuk asked.
Siwoo's heart sank. Nothing good ever starts with "can we talk."
"Sure," he said, keeping his voice steady. "What's up?"
Jaehyuk hesitated, and for the first time since Siwoo had known him, he looked uncertain. Vulnerable, even.
"JDG made me an offer," Jaehyuk said finally. "A really good one."
Siwoo's stomach dropped.
"You're leaving?"
"I don't know yet," Jaehyuk replied. "I wanted to tell you first. Before I made a decision."
"Why?" The word came out sharper than Siwoo intended, but he couldn’t help it. "Why would you tell me first?"
Jaehyuk looked at him, and Siwoo saw something in his eyes that he had never seen before. Something raw and unguarded.
"Because you're my support," Jaehyuk said quietly. "And I don't want to leave you."
Siwoo's breath caught in his throat. He didn’t knew what to say or how to process the sudden rush of emotions crashing over him. Relief. Fear. Hope. Anger.
"But you're going to," Siwoo said, and it wasn’t a question.
Jaehyuk didn’t deny it.
"It's a good opportunity. A chance to play in the LPL, to challenge myself in a new region. I would be stupid not to take it."
"Right," Siwoo said, turning back to his bowl even though he had lost his appetite. "That makes sense."
"Siwoo…"
"It's fine," Siwoo interrupted. "You should take it. It's a great opportunity."
There was a long silence, and then Jaehyuk said, so softly that Siwoo almost doesn't hear it:
"I wish you would tell me what I did wrong."
Siwoo froze.
"What?"
"You're nice to everyone," Jaehyuk said. "You go out of your way to help the team, to make everyone feel included. But with me, you're... different. Distant. And I don't know why."
Siwoo's heart was pounding so hard now that he was sure Jaehyuk can hear it.
"I'm not…"
"You are," Jaehyuk insisted. "And I've tried to figure it out, tried to give you space, but I can't stop thinking that maybe I did something to upset you, and I just… I want to fix it. Before I leave."
Siwoo closed his eyes. He could lie or brush it off, tell Jaehyuk he's imagining things, let him leave without ever knowing the truth. But he was so tired of lying.
"You didn't do anything wrong," Siwoo said finally, turning to face him. "That's the problem."
Jaehyuk blinked, confused.
"I don't understand."
"I hate you," Siwoo said, and the words feel like a confession. "I hate that I have to risk everything for you in game. I hate that you're so good that I would do it anyway, even if it's stupid, even if it gets me killed. I hate that I know, if you looked at me the way you're looking at me right now, I would risk everything in real life too."
Jaehyuk's eyes widened, and Siwoo could see the moment understanding dawns.
"I hate you," Siwoo continued, his voice shaking, "because I don't do this. I don't do relationships, I don't do feelings, I don't do any of it. But you make me want to, and I hate that. I hate that you're leaving, and I hate that I care, and I hate that I'm telling you this now when it doesn't even matter anymore."
For a long moment, Jaehyuk just stared at him, and Siwoo braced himself for rejection, for awkwardness, for the inevitable moment when Jaehyuk told him this changed nothing.
But then Jaehyuk stepped forward, closing the distance between them.
"It matters to me."
Siwoo's breath hitched.
"What?"
"It matters," Jaehyuk repeated. "I kept my distance because I thought you didn't like me. I thought I was bothering you, so I tried to give you space. But if I had known…"
"You still would have taken the JDG offer," Siwoo said, because he knww it was true.
"Maybe," Jaehyuk admitted. "But I would have told you how I felt first."
Siwoo's heart stopped.
"How you... felt?"
Jaehyuk reached up, adjusting his glasses in that nervous way he always did, and Siwoo realized with a start that Jaehyuk was just as scared as him.
"I like you," Jaehyuk said simply. "I have for a while. But I didn't think you felt the same way, so I didn't say anything. I didn't want to make things weird between us, weirder than they were with you hating me. I think I was kinda attracted to the hatred."
Siwoo laughed, a short, disbelieving sound.
"Too late for that."
Jaehyuk smiled, and it was the first real smile Siwoo had seen from him in months.
"Yeah. I guess it is."
They stood there in the kitchen, the silence stretching between them, and for the first time, it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt weird, surely, but it didn’t trigger Siwoo to want to crawl out of his skin, as all of the previous silences had done.
"So what now?" Siwoo asked.
"I don't know," Jaehyuk said. "I'm still probably going to take the JDG offer. But maybe we can figure something out. Long distance, or... something."
"Long distance," Siwoo repeats, testing the words. They sound impossible. "You really think that would work?"
"I think," Jaehyuk said, stepping even closer, "that if we can win the LCK together, we can figure out how to make this work."
Siwoo wanted to argue, to list all the reasons why this was a terrible idea, why they should just let it go and move on with their lives. But when Jaehyuk looked at him like that, with those big, bright eyes and that soft, hopeful expression, Siwoo knew he was already lost. He couldn’t cave in.
"Yeah," Siwoo said, and it felt like the easiest decision he had ever made, but before he could fully process what he had said, he was already retreating. "I think I would rather kill myself than try that."
Jaehyuk grined, and Siwoo realized with a jolt that he had never seen him look this happy before, even while being rejected.
"Siwoo," Jaehyuk said.
Siwoo rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too.
"Don’t get in my head, what if instead you give me something to remember you by? Rather than a promise of a relationship we both know won’t work, and one I don’t even want, I told you I don’t do those things."
Jaehyuk blinked at him, his brow furrowing in confusion.
"Something to... remember me by?"
Siwoo stared at him, waiting for comprehension to dawn. It doesn't.
"Yes," Siwoo said slowly, like he was explaining a basic game mechanic. "Something. To remember you by."
Jaehyuk's confusion only deepened.
"Like... a photo? Or…"
"Oh my god," Siwoo interrupted, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "You're actually the biggest loser I've ever met. How are you a world champion and still this clueless?"
"I don't… What are you talking about?"
Siwoo took a breath, his face heating up despite himself.
"I'm saying I want to sleep with you, Jaehyuk. Before you leave. Is that clear enough, or do I need to draw you a diagram?"
Jaehyuk's eyes went wide behind his glasses, his mouth falling open slightly.
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh," Siwoo said, crossing his arms. "I literally just told you I don't want a relationship, and you still couldn't figure out what I was asking for. Unbelievable."
"I…" Jaehyuk's face turned red now, a flush creeping up his neck. "I didn't want to assume…"
"You're killing me," Siwoo said, but there was no real heat in it. "You're actually killing me right now."
"Sorry," Jaehyuk said, and he sounded genuinely apologetic, which somehow made it worse. Or better. Siwoo couldn’ttell anymore.
"So?" Siwoo prompted, trying to sound casual even though his heart was racing. "Yes or no?"
Jaehyuk looked at him for a long moment, and Siwoo watched as something shifted in his expression.
"Yes," Jaehyuk said quietly. "Definitely yes."
"Good," Siwoo says, and before he could second-guess himself, he closed the distance between them and kissed him.
Jaehyuk made a small surprised sound against his mouth, but then he was kissing back, one hand coming up to cup Siwoo's jaw, the other settling on his waist. He kissed like he played: careful at first, testing, and then with increasing confidence as Siwoo responded.
Siwoo's brain short-circuited for a moment, overwhelmed by the feeling of Jaehyuk's lips on his, the warmth of his body pressed close. This was happening. This was actually happening.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Jaehyuk's glasses were slightly foggy and his lips were kiss-swollen, and Siwoo thought he had never seen anything more appealing in his life.
"My room?" Jaehyuk asked, his voice rough.
"Yeah," Siwoo said. "Your room."
They barely made it there without anyone seeing them, Siwoo pulling Jaehyuk along by the hand, both of them trying to be quiet as they slipped past the living room where Wangho and Hyunjoon were still watching TV. Jaehyuk's room was at the end of the hall, and the moment the door closed behind them, Siwoo was kissing him again, harder this time, more desperate.
Jaehyuk backed him toward the bed, and Siwoo went willingly, his hands already tugging at Jaehyuk's shirt. They broke apart just long enough to pull it over his head, and then Siwoo's shirt followed, and then they were falling onto the mattress together, a tangle of limbs and breathless laughter.
"Still can't believe you didn't get the hint," Siwoo muttered against Jaehyuk's neck, pressing kisses along his jaw.
"I'm sorry," Jaehyuk said, but he was smiling, his hands sliding down Siwoo's back. "I'll make it up to you."
"You better," Siwoo said, and then Jaehyuk was kissing him again, and Siwoo stopped thinking altogether.
And when Jaehyuk reached out and takes his waist, pulling him under him, Siwoo didn’t pull away. Instead, he held on, and for the first time in months, he didn’t hate Park Jaehyuk at all. He thought he might even love him, or at least he did love his performance in bed.
But that was a problem for another day. One day where the thought of JDG making an offer didn’t make Siwoo run away from what could have been his potential soulmate.