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El sat with Max in the WSQK recording studio, Max in her wheelchair and El sitting in the chair that practically had Robin’s name burned into it at this point. They decided to come here after everything to try and get some alone time, and this was the one place they knew would be empty for a few days.
El was enamored by all the weird little buttons, knobs, levers, and adjusters there were for her to touch. Well, she wasn’t supposed to be touching them but technically no one told her no. She was pressing buttons, turning knobs, everything she could.
Her fingers glided across the machines and Max could hear the shuffling of her feet on the ground and waist on the chair as she moved from part to part. It was all so fascinating to El, she wanted to learn all about it now that she had the time. She had all the time in the world now.
Robin and Steve would be pissed the next time they tried to use it, but frankly that did not concern El much at the moment. Maybe they would be willing to teach her once they realized she just wanted to understand how the WSQK worked. The only button she really knew was the one that started the broadcast, deliberately avoided as to not leave a random scrambling of noise for the public to hear.
Max chuckled listening to the different little clicks and turns of whatever thing El was messing with, her little amused noises and ooh’s if her messing around actually had a real-time result, and faintly seeing the shadow of El move made it even sillier.
El glanced over as Max chuckled, a little confused.
“Why are you laughing?” Max could faintly see that El tilted her head to look at her, almost like a confused dog. Her eyes moved bizarrely while trying to capture all she could out of the vague blocking of light in front of her.
“It’s just… so nice to see you again. Well, as much as I can. And I’m especially glad that you’re having fun. I was worried that…” she trailed off, neglecting to finish her sentence as to not damper El’s delightful mood. That I’d never get the chance to see you happy again. That I had no idea how the whole… plan would work out, because I had no way of keeping an eye on you.
“Worried that… what?” El questioned gently, unsure as to what Max was going to say next. She hadn’t the faintest idea, her previous words not giving much to go off of.
She scooted forward a little bit in her wooden chair, which made loud squeaks as it was dragged across the floor, making Max flinch slightly due to the volume of it. Her sense of hearing was heightened massively as she recovered her other senses, so she was not doing all that great in terms of ignoring formerly mundane sounds.
“No, nothing, sorry. I don’t know what I was going to say” she lied.
She knew exactly what she had been thinking about, and her eyes shifted down uncomfortably, trying to ignore the small bits of light she could still observe. Her eyes still couldn’t stay open for long periods of time, she often closed them for minutes at a time to relax them.
She had only been awake a few days, and her vision was not exactly in tip-top shape. Vickie said that the doctors had no idea whether or not she would ever have her full vision restored, but the fact she could still see light was better than nothing.
Her limbs were still incredibly weak and sore from nearly two whole years of disuse. It felt almost like there were constant little pinpricks or TV static in the parts of her body that she was starting to feel again, and honestly, she hated that feeling worse than feeling nothing. Though, it was a sign that she wasn’t completely done for, that she still had time to recover. She was not looking forward to starting physical therapy.
She could tell that El was considering what she said but chose not to push further. Max guessed it was because she was still unsure how great the redhead was doing.
As far as Max knew, El still did not know how much Max distanced herself her freshman year, and how that ultimately led to her being marked by Vecna—Henry—One--whatever they wanted to call him. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably because she knew it would break El’s heart to hear that Max basically had no friends once El left. That Max cut herself off from the world after the school year started all because Billy died and she didn’t know how to deal with it. All because she refused help from the counselor, from Lucas, from anybody. How passive-aggressive she became as a means to keep herself from letting anyone in, as she knew that no one wanted to deal with a girl who acted in such a way. She liked it that way, it’s what she felt she deserved.
Her face had contorted into one deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed and jaw tense.
El had, apparently, reached out in this silence to grab Max’s hand, but Max barely even noticed. It wasn’t until El put the numb hand on her face, trying to tell Max that she was here. Max looked up at that, only truly recognizing her hand moved because her upper shoulder shifted, which she could feel. The tension in the air released as Max’s face softened and relaxed.
Max wished that El would have put her hand on her face, instead of the reverse, but this was nice too. She wished she could feel El’s soft skin; the feeling of her mouth curved into a smile—
--what? What was she thinking about? El was her best friend. Those are not exactly regular thoughts that people host about their best friends, she guessed. She shook her head a little and looked back at El, who she could only assume was still looking at her (or at least in her general direction).
“Max.”
“El.”
Both their voices were softer than ever before, almost intimately so. There was a syrupy, lovely undertone behind El’s saying of her name. It almost made Max melt, but she was sure that the short-haired girl did not mean it in that sort of manner.
“I should have said it sooner but… thank you, for all your help. With Henry. I… know you do not think you ‘did much,’” she paused, Max could tell she was doing air quotes after recently learning about them, “but Kali and I never could have navigated his mind if it were not for you. It was so confusing…” El’s voice was calm and genuine, a tone Max hadn’t heard in a while.
She really did miss El’s voice while she was gone. While both of them were gone.
“I can’t believe I didn’t hear your voice for almost two years. And a lot of months before that.” She didn’t mean it accusingly, but it did get to El just a little, and Max saw the other girl’s face shift downward. They both felt guilty for a brief moment but did not let it overtake the conversation.
El put Max’s hand down and hummed, opting to lean forward and envelop her arms around Max. Max felt the sudden warmth and heaviness against her, and welcomed it happily, letting out a breath she had been holding in unwittingly.
She leaned into it as much as she could, resting her head on El’s shoulder. She tilted her head to connect with El’s for a brief moment before pulling her face away and nesting it against the crook of El’s neck, her nose fitting perfectly against her.
El smelt very nice, she somehow always did. Something natural but also a little sweet.
“You must eat so many Eggos, you practically smell like one” she joked into El’s neck, voice a little husky, earning a small giggle out of the girl holding her.
She felt El’s face turn into the crook of her neck next, taking in a deep breath, as if she would never get the chance to be around Max again.
She was so glad that wasn’t true. They never had to be apart again, if they didn’t want to.
“You smell like a hospital. And baby wipes.” El stated pointedly. Max knew it was true, letting out a shallow laugh in response.
“When will you smell like you again? I miss it.”
Max stopped at that. Smell like… me? She thinks I have a smell? And she misses it? her mind raced, unsure what to make of the comment. She leaned back a little bit, trying to face El, whose face was nearly glued to Max’s neck.
“I… don’t know,” she paused, turning a little red. “I had a smell?”
“Mm, yeah. It was nice. You smelled a little like the good parts of California, which was the part I couldn’t really put into words before going there, and a little like the forest. I really liked it. I haven’t smelled that combination anywhere else” she whispered into her, with Max feeling the warmth of her breath on her neck.
El’s mouth was practically right against her skin, and she could hear every time her mouth clicked as she spoke. Her ear twitched a little bit, burning at the closeness of at all.
“Oh.”
Max’s face bloomed, cheeks becoming brushed with a rosy shade of pink and milky eyes constantly in motion, unsure what to try and lock on. She simply pressed her face back into the crook of El’s neck, who could feel the temperature difference from the first time.
“Max? Are you okay? You are warmer than before. Sick?” El said after (reluctantly) peeling herself away from Max’s neck so she could see Max directly.
Her face was pink, which was a look El had never seen on Max unless they were outside as she skateboarded or in the sun too long.
She pressed the back of her hand to the redhead’s forehead, mimicking what Joyce would do to Will whenever he had seemed sick in the past. She had no idea how hot Max would have to be to be sick, but thought that maybe she would just somehow know. She didn’t.
Max was at a loss for words, her mind racing. She was practically having a revelation right now. Her mind flickered back to Lucas, who she loved. But right now, she was feeling like she normally had for Lucas in years past. And in days past.
Was that allowed?
She had only vaguely heard of girls liking girls, but mostly in a negative light. She never understood the general disgust towards it, but never considered it further either. Her heartbeat increased, practically thumping in her ears. El wasn’t just her best friend, her closest person. She liked El. Really liked her.
“I- I’m fine, yeah, all good” she said in a way that was clear she was trying to seem cool, but failed miserably.
El leaned away from Max, worried. “Max? Please, tell me the truth.” She sounded almost… sad. Hurt that Max didn’t feel like she could tell her anything.
There was a long pause between the two before Max whispered something so quiet, so gentle that El thought if she were any further, she wouldn’t have heard it.
“I wish you were a boy.”
Max’s words were laced with guilt, as if she didn’t even mean to say them. Her eyes dampened as she looked down, unable to keep her eyes in El’s direction. Her mind was fuzzy and barely able to think, and a small hiccup made its way through her body. El’s breaths hitched for a moment before resuming.
She thought this would have been a clear, obvious statement, but the silence in the room did not whisper any hints as to what was going on.
Max couldn’t tell what face El was making, what her eyes said, nothing. All she had to go off of was the shallow breaths that El let out in front of her, which really didn’t tell her anything. Her heart raced as she waited for El to say something.
A small “what?” was all that came from the short-haired girl. “What do you mean?”
Of course. Of course El didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t have the same experience in the world as Max did, she probably never realized that it wasn’t normal for girls to like girls the way they should like boys. She probably just assumed it was more common for boys and girls to get together… or never even thought about any of it. Max wasn’t sure if she wanted to explain what she meant, but El deserved the truth. She knew she did.
“You know… the way you like Mike? The way I like Lucas?” her voice was hoarse with anxiety, trying to put her feelings into words was never something she was skilled at.
Her family didn’t use words to describe how they felt, they used fists and open hands. Billy and Neil did, at least.
Susan always found herself at the bottom of a bottle, drinking away until she was unconscious and open-mouthed sleeping on the couch.
El nodded her head two times, a little “uh-huh” escaping her slightly-parted lips, each syllable in sync with the nods.
“I just… I think that I feel that way about you, too… There’s so many things I like about you and I think about you the exact same way I think about Lucas. And I know that makes me awful. That I shouldn’t feel this way about you both,” the words fell out of her mouth so quickly she’s not even fully sure what she’s saying, to the point that she regretted whatever she might have just said, and her left shoulder moved as if she were trying to bring her hand up to her mouth but she failed miserably. That failure on her part made the situation feel too real, and her eyes began to well with tears, making her eyes even blurrier than before.
She squeezed her eyes shut, facing away from El even though she couldn’t see her face, she didn’t want El to see her anymore. She wished she could disappear. Why did I say that?! What just possessed me? she internally questioned.
A single tear fell down her cheek before a thumb brushed it away and cupped her face, that thumb resting just below her eye. A second hand cupped the other side of her face, and gently tried to motion Max’s face towards El’s own. Max obliged, opening her eyes but her pupils still faced downwards, looking at nothing specific, just anything but the figure in front of her.
“Max…”
“I’m so sorry El—I shouldn’t have said anything” she lightly shook her head as much as possible with two hands holding her in place, “I can’t imagine my life without you. Please forget I said anything, I just need you in my life. I really don’t know what came over me.” The tears in her eyes wobbled as she spoke, nearly breaking the tension to fall.
Suddenly, El’s face felt much closer to hers than it had a moment ago, her light breath hitting Max’s lips. That got Max to finally look up, eyes wide, eyebrows probably as far up her face as possible.
“Can I kiss you?”
Max was expecting anything but that. She expected El to say something like “it’s okay, I can forget. We can move forward. You’re my best friend,” or even to just… mess with Max and leave. For the hands on her face to mean nothing genuine, a mere fakeout (which El would never do).
The redhead’s lips parted slightly in shock, unsure if what was happening right now was real. Those many months in her coma alone did not leave her much to do besides thinking of Lucas or El.
She had dreamed of this moment, well—not like this specifically, but of El leaning in to kiss her. She imagined how El’s lips felt on hers, tasting vaguely of cherry. Her heartbeat drummed in her ears, pulse loud and sharp, practically ringing.
Suddenly, Max’s mouth was drier than the cave in Henry’s mind, a lump sitting in her throat.
“Please,” Max begged, “please kiss me, El.”
The distance between them was quickly closed, along with both their eyes, and El’s lips were impossibly softer than she ever could have imagined. They were a little cracked from a lack of self-care, but that barely registered in Max’s mind because they were still somehow so soft, so perfectly El.
Max smiled into the kiss, the feeling practically forcing El to as well, Max’s tears still falling on El’s palms. El tilted her head and leaned forward more, moving one of her hands to the back of Max’s head to tilt her head back just a little.
Max’s mind was briefly interrupted by the irritation of not being able to hold El at all, but she knew that this couldn’t be the only time they’d get the chance to do this, and her mind quickly returned back to the feeling of El.
Her mind was completely fuzzy after about a minute, and she broke the kiss for a breath. Their foreheads were still connected, the tips of their noses barely brushing against one another.
Her eyes opened again, moving rapidly in the search for something concrete to land on. She chose the center of the blur in front of her, hoping it was El’s eyes. The tears in her eyes continued to fall, and her smile only grew. Her eyebrows knit together slightly, as if she couldn’t believe that just happened, because she really couldn’t believe it. Maxine Mayfield just kissed the most beautiful girl on this planet, she thought. Who could’ve guessed that would’ve ever happened…
An impossibly light chuckle fell out of her mouth, a mix of a sigh and a laugh, sniffling as her nose ran a little bit.
Her chest bloomed with warmth and comfort, as if something was just repaired within her soul. Her stomach felt similar to the first time she completed a kick-flip, strained but also light as a feather.
She had no idea that a kiss could end but still leave her with such a flowery feeling in her body.
“Will you put my hands in your lap?” Max asked gently, almost with a little guilt, as she wanted to give El the chance to feel some physical contact on her own body, even if she had to initiate it herself.
El gently moved Max’s limp hands onto her knee and thigh, enjoying the small blessings of body heat she now had. El hummed, a smile audible in it.
The two of them continued to sit there, forehead to forehead, nose to nose. They each felt more comfortable and relaxed than they ever had the chance to, and they did not want to give that feeling up so quickly. Everything around them was better, and they finally had time to waste.
“I do wish I still had one part of my powers,” El whispered, breaking the silence.
Max was slightly confused at that, eyes opening instinctively in her direction as she slightly leaned back. El’s powers had been the root of why she was hunted for so long, why would she want any of that back after finally escaping it? She was finally free, truly free. A “normal” girl. “Why?”
“If I could still enter your mind… maybe you could still see in there. Maybe I could’ve brought everyone together in your mind so you wouldn’t feel like you miss anything…” her voice was soft but hushed, a sad thought overall.
Max leaned back into El, hoping she was still where she left her (and she was). “I do miss being able to see… but that shouldn’t be up to you to feel bad about. It’s not like I can’t still imagine your beautiful face,” she winked at that, praying it actually landed in El’s direction, “and I know you all will do your best for me to be included. All we can do is hope I get my vision back… there’s no point in wishing anything else. Besides, if I need someone to be my eyes, I know you wouldn’t let anyone but you do it. And getting to be right next to you at all times sounds like a pretty good deal to me” she smirked, lightly brushing the tip of her nose against El’s.
El giggled, nodding against Max’s forehead. “Yes. No one else gets to be your eyes… unless you get tired of me.”
“I’ll never get tired of you.”