Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Barry POV*

"Barry! Did you finish that blood analysis?"
"Barry! There's a metahuman at the zoo!"
"Where's my evidence, Allen?"
"The house is on fire!"
"This isn't dated correctly. You'll have to re-run the tests."
"Barry? Did you just give the thief the stolen purse back?"

The speedster falls face first into his bed after a week of stress and strain from both ends of his jobs.
"Bear," Iris rubs on his back as she sits at his side. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."
"I'm not putting him in daycare," her husband growls into the mattress, then turns his face towards her. "Maybe you could take him a few times a week?"
"I just got over my probation, Barry," she reminds him as she continues to rub circles on his back. "I can't start bringing our boy into the office right after getting back in my boss's good graces."
"Maybe Joe-"
"My Dad works in the same place that you do," Iris pushes a little harder as if to make a point. "You already leave Len with him when you have to run off as The Flash."
"Then I guess I'll have to retire from hero duty," Barry states plainly.
His wife laughs at that, "No, babe, that's not the answer either."
"No, Iris, never again," he rolls away from her ministrations to glare at the ceiling. "I won't fail him a second time."
"There are people we can trust," Iris scoots closer to him once again. "And you didn't fail him, Barry, you made a mistake."
"Are you talking about Lisa or my parents?" Barry tries to clarify, completely ignoring her second sentence. "Isn't Lisa still in school?"
"She gets out at two, not including the weekends that she has off, of course, and would be more than willing to watch her favorite relative in the world."
They cuddle near the edge of the bed as Barry tiredly mumbles, "I'll think about it."

---

The new day brings promise as Barry finally decides to heed his wife's advice.
"Everything will be fine," Iris tells him before kissing him goodbye. "They're family."
"Right, of course," he kisses her back. "I'll see you tonight."

Barry has Joe cover for him as he drives Len to the Thompson-Allen house. Amy is equal part surprised and excited to see them.
"Lisa is going to be so happy!" she smiles, taking Len's hand. "We've both missed you terribly, little Lenny."
She moves to pinch his cheeks and Barry instantly tenses, muscles spasming to block her, but his boy dodges, pulling her towards the little table with the art supplies.
"Let me draw you a picture, Auntie!" he chirps happily.
Barry inwardly heaves a sigh of releif. He robotically hugs his Dad and pretends to listen to him as he explains where his mother is. The speedster's focus is on his aunt and his son. Every time her hand reaches for Len, he tenses. But it always ends up being an innocence movement, some times offering the boy a crayon or rubbing at his back encouragingly.
When his view is completely blocked, his heart leaps in his chest and he steps back to identify the object.
His Dad lowers his hand with a deep frown.
"Barry," Henry Allen addresses his boy. "We need to talk."
"What about, Dad?" Barry deflects, returning his focus to Len.
"About that."
"What?" he offers his father a curious glance. "I don't get it."
"Neither do I but I'm going to."
Henry takes his son's arm and drags him out of the house and to the empty back yard.

"DAD!" Barry growls angrily, ripping his arm out of the man's grip as he considers revealing his powers to his aunt in order to get back inside faster.
"Barry," his father puts an order into the name. "There is something wrong with you and you are not leaving this back yard until you tell me what that is."
"Nothing!" he weakly tries to assure his father. "There is nothing wrong. So, if you'll excuse me-"
Henry steps in his way, arms crossed over his chest and fatherly glare firmly aimed at his son.
"Barry."
"Please, Dad, I have to-"
"Barry."
"It's really important that I-"
"Barry."
"I'll just run to the front door."
"Barry."
The speedster stops, drops his arms that were moving with his words as he lets out a painful breath.
"I-" he chokes on the truth, tries to push the memories and guilt back behind the wall he had desperately tried to make. "I can't, Dad."
"Just tell me what happened," his father tells him softly, arms uncrossing so that one hand can cover a shoulder. "Take another breath and let it out slow."
Barry does, then finds a part of the house to stare at, "I failed him, Dad. I failed Len. I'm-I'm not worthy of-I couldn't even-"
He pushes away from the hand, wishes he could run off the hatred he feels boiling inside himself. His next words come out broken, "I let a monster take care of my child."
"What happened?" Henry asks, voice a gentle command.
"I hired a babysitter," Barry's voice wavers slightly but he forces himself to finish once he's started. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I did a background check on her. There was nothing to indicate she-that she would-"
He bites on his bottom lip hard, pulling back the pressure before drawing blood, "Dad she hurt him. She hurt Len. She hurt my boy and it's all my fault!"
Barry turns his angry, wet eyes to his father who remains steadfast in front of him, "I brought a monster into my house. I trusted her. And she hurt the most precious thing in my life. I did that! I hurt my boy by being an idiot!"
He punches the wall, revels in the throbbing pain before his accelerated healing takes it away, "I'm a worthless father."
"Oh, son," Henry pulls his boy into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Barry."
"He tried to tell me," Barry sobs into his father's chest, feeling like a helpless child. "He said he didn't like her. That she wasn't very nice. But I didn't listen to him!"
He beats against his father's chest weakly as the tears continue to fall, "I chose to listen to the monster instead of my own flesh and blood. All because I thought I knew better!"
Barry's legs give way, his father falls with him to lessen the severity of the drop.
"I can never forgive myself," the hero shakes his head against his father's chest. "I can never undo the horrible mistake I've made."

Henry lets Barry let it all out, let's his boy vent and blame himself and cry in his arms as he holds onto him and tries not to break down himself.
He doesn't completely succeed.
Once Barry has calmed down enough to listen, Henry clears his throat to speak.
"You can't live your life like this, Barry."

"What?" the speedster pushes out of his father's arms, scolds himself for how weak he was being on top of the hatred he had for himself. "What are you talking about?"
"You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened and expect to have a healthy relationship with your son," his father tells him. "Barry, you've got to forgive yourself."
"Never," Barry tells him definitively, getting to his feet. "I don't deserve that."
"Everyone who shows regret deserves forgiveness," Henry counters, rising to his feet as well. "You made a mistake, Barry. You're human. Even with your powers, you're still going to choose wrong occasionally. Go left when you should have gone right."
"This isn't the same as getting lost in Kansas," the speedster frowns. "This is about my inability to realize danger or listen to my son."
"Don't you see though? You know that now," his Dad tries to get him to understand. "You did what you could with what you had. It turned rotten, I'm sorry, it's awful. But then you learned, you changed, you accepted the life lesson, as hard as it might have been to learn, and now you've added it to your utility belt of wisdom."
"I don't want to accept life lessons!" Barry almost barks out, almost. "I want my son to be safe! I want to protect him till my dying breath, then come back to life to keep on protecting him! I don't want him to so much as stub his toe, but I know I can't stop everything so I should at least stop the really bad things!"
"You can't stop the world from turning," Henry sighs sadly. "The world is full of evil. You didn't put it there. I didn't put it there. The world made itself that way. PEOPLE make their choices, Barry, whether they want to do the right thing or the wrong thing. We can't know when or what they will choose. We just have to stop them when they make the wrong choice. If we can."
"I could've-I should've stopped her sooner! If nothing else, that's on me!" the speedster rubs a hand furiously over his face before looking through the window to see his son. Len is folding a paper several times as his aunt watches with wide eyes. Then, to the surprise of even Barry, his boy hands his relative a paper crane.
'When did he learn origami?'
A hand on his shoulder stops his train of thought.
"Have you spoken to Len since the sitter?" his father asks him seriously. "Does he still hold you responsible for what happened?"
Barry heaves a heavy sigh, "I don't know."
"I think you need to start there then, Slugger," Henry pulls his son back in for another hug. "If Len can forgive you, then there's no reason why you can't forgive yourself."
'Sure there is.' Barry hugs him back. "Thanks, Dad."

-

Chapter Text

*Len POV*

Len smiles at the utter shock from his Aunt once removed as he hands her the crane. His small hands made it easier to fold the paper. He catches a glimpse of Barry in the window and almost frowns. His Dad looks so lost. So hurting.
After 'the creature' had left, the speedster had revved up his over protectiveness. The only time Len really felt alone was in the bathroom, but he knew his Dad would be only one call away if something happened to him in such a ridiculous place.
Len had already chosen to forget about the creature. He had enough childhood baggage to carry, he didn't need to add to it.

Barry comes back into the house with Henry and scoops Len up.
"I need to borrow him for a minute," his Dad explains with a sympathetic smile to his pouting Aunt. "I'll bring him back as soon as I can."
"I should hope so," Amy replies, still slightly pouting. "You just got here with him, after all."
The speedster takes his boy upstairs to his old bedroom and sets him back on his feet.
"Len," Barry clears his throat, rubs a little at his eyes as he gets to a more comfortable position on his knees. "Len, I want to talk to you about, well, about the sitter."
"You're not hiring her back are you?" Len shudders at the thought. He might have to run away again if that should happen.
"Never again on my life," his Dad tells him with such a dark tone that Len is slightly shocked. The hero shakes his head, clears his throat again. "What she did was wrong. I can never forgive her for it, Len. And I am determined to keep her away from you for the rest of my life."
'There's a lot of anger and self-hatred in those words.' Len frowns. "Then why are we talking about her?"
His Dad takes a breath, "I want to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought I could trust her. I'm sorry I let her into our lives. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to tell me about her. I'm-" Len puts his hand over his Dad's mouth.
"I forgive you," he tells him simply. 'I'm not the touchy-feely type.'
Barry nearly chokes as he takes the small hand into two of his own.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" the speedster smiles at his son. "I love you so much, Len. I never want anything bad to happen to you."
"I know," Len shrugs. He really did. He had seen the massive amount of guilt his Dad had carried on his shoulders since 'the creature'. If this would help the hero get over it, then Len would be more than willing to be the 'cute kid' his Dad needed.
Len pulls Barry into a hug and hold onto him tight for a long time.
Barry hugs him back and they only let go when they hear the excited calls of Lisa returning home.

-

Chapter Text

*Barry POV*

Barry holds his son's hand down the stairs where his cousin was bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Lenny!" Lisa smiles so big, the hero wonders if it hurts. "Auntie Amy told me you were here! How are you baby?"
"Lisa," Barry warns his cousin before he lets her take his hand. "I have a very serious question to ask you."
"YES!" his cousin chirps happily, taking Len from his father's hold. "I'll babysit Len until the day he graduates college!"
"How did you know I was going to ask you to babysit?"
"It was either that or donate an organ," the teenager shrugs. "I'd still do that too if it came down to it, but I'm honestly glad I can keep both my kidneys."
Barry chuckles at her enthusiasm, "I don't know the exact times I'll need you, and if you can't that's okay as well. I can figure something else-"
"I'll do it!" Lisa cheers, spinning Len around in small circles. "Whenever! Wherever! And I'll do it for free too! As long as I get Lenny all to myself, I don't care!"
Barry catches his boy rolling his eyes and he laughs again. The guilt in his heart had eased tremendously and the worry was fading away with each loving hug his cousin was giving his son. And she hugged him a LOT.
"Okay then," he tells the teenager as she finally stops spinning after getting too dizzy. "I might drop him off here, or I might bring you to the house. But it'll definitely be after school hours and you still have to do all your homework and chores."
"I'll take care of your chores dear," Amy speaks up, smiling at the two as they start spinning again. "But if your grades drop, I'm taking over as babysitter."
"NO!" Lisa cries out sadly, holding Len's head closer to herself as if to protect him. "You know I hate advanced astrophysics!"
"Then you better take the time to study," her mother shrugs. "No more goofing off with those boys."
"Deal," the teenager nods, finally letting go of Len to smile at him properly. "We're going to have THE best time Len! We'll bake cookies together! And make muffins! And make blanket forts! And draw pictures of your hands! And..."
As Lisa continues to list off the various plans she has for her small relative, Barry looks over to his father and smiles. Henry smiles back, offering his boy a thumbs up.

Things are starting to look a little brighter once again.

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