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Until now I only watched her from afar, careful not to be noticed.
I always hid when she turned back to where I was supposed to be standing, only to find no one there.
I can't believe how someone like her could even think about someone like me.
Me the geek, who is into hacking and videogames and then her the nice and confident one who likes to go out with her friends.
I never was one to speak up when treated wrong, I didn't see a reason to talk about something useless like that.
She as the polar opposite of me and I guess that was what attracted me to her.
At school she always hung out with other popular people and attended her club, while I stuck to being alone and instead of club activities and helped the school to improve their security system.
I always grabbed the chance when I could help others with my skills, even if that was only occasionally, I wanted to make friends and be confident, but I always found something that would get me self conscious in the end.
That was why I admired her, she never had trouble with making friends or helping others even if she didn't know how, she always found a way to help them anyway.
It was only a month ago when she came to me and asked me for help.
"Someone hacked my email account could you take a look into it?", was what she asked.
"Of course I will help you." , was my reply.
I took a look at her account and soon traced the hacker and sent him a little "present".
She thanked me and asked me if we could hang out sometimes, I was completely paralyzed and the only thing I could do was nod.
She smiled, grabbed my hand and dragged me to her other friends.
She introduced me to them, but I couldn't say anything, I was overwhelmed with emotions.
Meredith, what did you do to me?
I felt comfortable in her company, even when there were the other girls.
It must've been so obvious that I liked Meredith, the other girls seemed to notice and looked at me with sympathy in their eyes.
They seemed to know something I had yet to find out.
I was sure that I could be happy or at least try to be happy, but then a few weeks later Meredith introduced me to her boyfriend, Eric.
I didn't know what to say, so I did what I thought would be the best, be nice and pretend not to be hurt.
Eric was nice, good looking everything a girl like Meredith could dream of, why was he so charming to her and even to me?
I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hate him so much, but I couldn't not when he was so good to her.
So, I got back to being alone and doing some programming in my free time.
Meredith didn't seem to mind me not hanging out with her and her friends anymore, so I stayed away.
Maybe she never liked me and only pretended to be nice to me?
No, that wasn't like her.
I saw them again, Eric and Meredith holding hands sneaking glances at the other being the most adorable couple you could ever imagine.
I was so sad, well not sad more like devastated, but I was only a friend nothing more and nothing less.
It is hard to love someone who isn't even aware of it.
One of Meredith's friends, Monika came to me and asked me why I stopped hanging out with them.
I was on the verge of tears on the inside, I wanted to tell her the truth, but I couldn't.
I smiled at her and told her that it was because of my "job".
She then nodded sadly, as if she knew that I just lied to her and left.
Monika, was probably the last chance I had to getting closer to Meredith.
But I am just no one that tears people apart, even if I wanted to.
It was a month later when I completely stopped going to school, because I didn't see a reason in seeing the one I love with someone else and getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly.
My parents didn't care it was as if I didn't exist.
It has always been like that, my family didn't care, so I stopped caring a long time ago.
Teachers called at home and asked about my whereabouts, but nobody ever answered their questions.
It was as if I wasn't there, as if I was invisible.
That was all I have ever been, invisible a woman with no belonging.
I am the woman people tell their children about, the one who fell in love but never felt it.
I am the one who died alone, only with her computer by her side.
It was two days after I had died when someone noticed me being missed.
Monika came by and wanted to see how I was doing, I will never forget the screams my ghost heard, when she looked at my corpse.
That was the first time I wasn't invisible.
"Why did it have to end like that, we could've found a solution. I could have helped you. Abby, why did you do this to yourself, why did you have to let go of yourself like that?"
But there was nothing I could've done... I was invisible not to be ever mentioned again.
A tale People tell their kids about, that if they don't talk about their feelings that they would end up like the loveless Abby did.