Chapter Text
“You have no idea what your friendship means to me,” her voice was soft, her eyes soft, everything about her in the moment was soft. Her purple dress shimmered in the streetlight, catching the faint glow of passing cars, and all Jim wanted to do was pull her in and kiss her, but he couldn’t. She was engaged and he was just… just her workplace friend. Someone she laughed with, someone she trusted, someone he never wanted to lose.
“Don’t do that… Come on, I don’t want to do that. I want to be more than that,” Jim couldn’t help himself. The words spilled out before he could stop them, as if he’d been holding them in for far too long.
Pam looked down at the ground and then back up at Jim. “You know I can’t.” Her gaze fell back to the ground and she ran back into the office. She ran up the stairs, heels in hand, sobbing, her heart pounding in her chest. Her best friend just admitted that he wanted more than just friendship, and she had to say no. She was supposed to be getting married, that is what she wanted. Right?
Pam sat down at her desk and called her mom. Her mom calmed her down, her voice steady and familiar, but Jim walked in and she hung up immediately. She looked down at the ground as he walked over to her, feeling the weight of everything they hadn’t said.
“Beesly, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He reached out and held her hand in his. “Pam,” Jim’s voice was desperate, he didn’t want this to be the end of what they had. “We can forget everything I said out there.”
Looking at their hands, a tear fell from her eyes. She let out a sigh and looked up at Jim. “But, I can’t forget, Jim.” Pam’s eyes were soft, but he could tell she had been crying since he had seen her minutes ago outside. “I can’t forget because honestly, I want to be more than that too… But Roy…” Her voice grew silent and even more tears started to well up in her eyes, her words barely above a whisper.
Jim could feel the ache in her heart. Without thinking he bent down and kissed her softly, like he was afraid she might disappear if he pulled away too fast. “You’re really going to marry him?” The kiss was soft and short, they were both crying, but he couldn’t help but ask if she was certain.
Pam nodded her head and let go of his hands. “It’s always been Pam and Roy,” her words were mumbly and choked out between sobs. “I don’t know what he would do to me if I didn’t.”
Jim sighed and took a step back from her and zipped up his coat. The space between them suddenly felt much larger than it had before. “Okay then. Well I will see you at work on Monday?”
Pam nodded her head and wiped her tears, trying to steady herself. “Yeah, see you Monday.”
—
That next night Pam broke off her engagement with Roy. She told him everything that happened between her and Jim yesterday at the party, every word feeling heavier than the last. Roy told Pam that he was moving to Montana to be with his parents and that she could figure out how to cancel everything all by herself. His voice was cold, distant, nothing like the boy she had once fallen in love with.
She nodded her head and sat down on the couch as he packed a few boxes of his stuff and slammed the door to the house. The silence that followed was louder than the argument. Pam was left to clean up the shattered bottles and picture frames that Roy had thrown during the argument, her hands shaking as she picked up pieces of what used to be their life.
After a few hours, Pam headed to the store to get some new things for the house, as well as some groceries. The air outside felt different, lighter somehow, even though her chest still felt heavy. As she pulled into the parking spot she spotted one of her fellow coworkers, Toby, in the parking lot. She smiled to herself and headed into the store, hoping to run into him during her time there, hoping for something familiar, something normal.
Pam walked around the aisles picking out new picture frames, a new lamp, some art supplies, and eventually some food for the fridge. She made her way back to the photo printer and printed out some of her favorite photos of her and her sister, as well as some photos from work parties, even one of her and Jim. She hesitated for a moment before selecting it, her finger hovering over the screen before pressing print.
As she waited for them to come out, Toby walked past her. “Hey, Toby,” Pam said with a soft smile on her face, her voice quieter than usual.
Toby turned around and looked at her, surprised but gentle, like he could tell something was different. “Hey Pam,” He looked down at her hand and noticed her ring was gone. “New items for the house?”
Pam looked in the cart and then back at him. “Oh, yeah. Uhm,” She brushed her loose hair behind her ear. “Roy and I broke off the engagement, you uh, will probably see his letter of resignation sometime soon. He left the state.”
Toby was shocked, that definitely is not what he was expecting to hear. “Oh wow, Pam I am so sorry.” He leaned on his cart and sighed, “Do you want any help moving all this stuff into your house?”
Pam hesitated for a moment. She wasn’t sure why, but something in her stomach twisted slightly. Toby had always been kind, always quiet, but there was something about being alone with him that made her uneasy. Still, the thought of carrying everything by herself felt exhausting. She looked back at her cart, then up at him again. “Yeah,” she said softly, forcing a small smile. “That would be really nice, actually. I could use the help.”
Toby nodded, a faint smile crossing his face. “Yeah, of course. Just let me know when you’re ready. I can follow you home. I don’t have anything in my cart that needs to be refrigerated.”
Pam nodded back, but as she turned toward the printer, she felt that strange feeling again, like something she couldn’t quite name was lingering in the air. She told herself she was just tired, just emotional, just overthinking. After everything that had happened, it made sense, and yet, she couldn’t shake the feeling completely
After grabbing her photos from the printer, the two of them walked to the front of the store together. Pam rang up all her stuff and waited outside of the store with her cart while Toby checked out. She wished Jim could be the one to help her sort things out, but she also knew that wasn’t appropriate because he had partially gotten her into this. A hand softly touched her shoulder causing her to jump. She turned to see Toby.
“Ready to go?” Toby asked.
Pam nodded her head and pushed her cart over to her car and put all the bags in the back seat. “I will go sit at the end of the lot and wait for you.” Pam watched as Toby walked over to his car and then drove to the last row of spots until he pulled next to her. She gave him a small nod before starting her engine, the radio quietly playing in the background, the song Purple Rain.
The drive to her house was short, but it felt longer than usual. The streets were quiet, the sky dimmed into evening, and the streetlights flickered on one by one. Pam kept glancing at the rearview mirror, watching Toby’s headlights behind her. He wasn’t too close, not too far, just there, steady, constant.
She tried to calm herself down. It was silly to feel nervous. Toby was her coworker. He had always been polite, always calm, always the kind of person who listened more than he talked. Still, her fingers tightened slightly on the steering wheel as she turned onto her street.
Her house came into view, the porch light glowing faintly against the dark. Pam pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine, taking a slow breath before stepping out of the car. Moments later, Toby parked behind her and stepped out too, the crunch of gravel under his shoes breaking the silence.
Pam forced a small smile as she walked toward him, trying to ignore the strange feeling in her chest. “Thanks again,” she said softly.
Toby nodded. “Yeah, of course.”
And as they began carrying the bags toward the house, Pam couldn’t help but feel like something was going to happen to her, something she didn’t fully understand yet.