Work Text:
“Daisy… daisy”
“Give me your answer… do?”
In the circus’ hallway, a bunny in the color of purple roams as he tries to sing a song by the name of a common flower. The lyrics at the tip of his tongue refusing to come out no matter how hard he tries to push it.
“I'm half- …”
Silence whispers to the song they used to sing. The melody stops just like his feet as his eyes stare at a door. A door marked in red. Too much red than the others. The face of the room’s owner no longer visible.
He remembers why he painted, covered it. It served its purpose as the face behind the door tainted in red no longer visits his memory even if he burns a hole into her door by staring at it.
Thank god. He tries to convince himself while his hand caresses the door holding back an urge to knock. Refusing to acknowledge the hope that someone's behind it.
He walks past the door and continues to hum. Maybe he'll remember the words of that song if he recalls the tune and melody. Jax holds himself up, confident strides as he makes his way to the table where they dine.
“All for the love of-” who?
He sits on a chair that's not his. The bunny can't help the chuckle from escaping his mouth at the little detail of how it's raised a bit higher than the other chairs to accommodate her tiny stature.
She was small. At least that he remembers. He says he doesn't want to despite the past week trying to recall the lyrics of the song they used to dance to while visiting the places she was meant to be in.
She’s supposed to be sitting here. She's supposed to be behind that door. She's supposed to-
The bunny's chest rises and falls violently. Scribbled eyes, breaths uneven, heart breaking as the mask cracks spilling the mess hidden beneath the smiles.
He grips his hand so tight, it would bleed if it could. Jax shakes his head as he gets up and kicks the chair until it's as broken as he is.
The bunny bites his tongue once again forcing himself to hum while his feet make their way to the stage.
The stage she spawned into, now empty.
He closes his eyes, letting his body recreate the steps from the little pauses, spins, the way their hands held each other for a fragile moment. Like a sane person he dances a dance meant for two by himself.
Another bit of the lyrics phases through his memory.
“It won't be a-”
I can't remember.
He opens both his eyes slowly and for a moment, a fleeting image of a jester’s figure was in his vision but the face-
It's blank.
Why can't I remember?
He runs to Caine’s office, the same office during that one adventure.
In the office, he witnesses broken pieces of memories. Orbs of their moments he broke by his own hands right after she left.
Jax scrambles all over the floor trying to piece broken shards of the orbs together, desperately digging in his memory about her voice, her face, her awkward little smiles, and the way her knees collapse into each other.
Her.
He drops to his knees. Broken. Defeated.
Right. I'm supposed to be happy that I can't remember.
He plays the role that he caged himself in. The rabbit puts on a performance for an audience of one.
The rabbit tears out broken laughters from the pit of his stomach.
“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” his laughter echoes throughout the circus.
He laughs, laughs, laughs, and laughs, until there's nothing left.
Silence envelopes the bunny. Feelings sink in. Tears fall. Smiles break.
I can't remember.
