Chapter Text
Winter had come around and the Kikyo/ Chidori gang had some holiday time set up to go away. It had been in discussion amongst them for a while that they would go away together as a final high school trip. The group eventually landed on Momoji Lodge and due to the distance, they were going to fly there. It ended up as an early graduation present from most of their parents and the 10 of them were excited. The months since the opening of the curtains had brought them all closer. Ayu and Shohei had started dating much to his obvious excitement. She didn’t outwardly show it like he did but she was quite excited that they were dating.
After arriving at the airport closest to the lodge, they made their way to the lodge, picking up some firewood on the way for the fireplace that had been advertised. Saku carried the wood plus his bag and appeared almost overburdened but he kept it to himself. The others were surprised he was carrying so much. His view had been full of Shohei and Ayu enjoying what everyone had politely called the ‘honeymoon’ phase, and it was starting to get under his skin a bit. When they reached the chalet, Saku left the wood outside near a cutting stump. They had been told that an axe was inside the building so Saku went inside to drop his bag in one of the 2 bed bedrooms and grabbed the axe and took it outside, figuring at some point he’d get around to splitting some wood
Everyone crowded into the spacious lodge that they were renting for a few days and went about finding a bed to toss their stuff on. Shohei spotted Saku’s stuff and decided that he would also bunk in that room. That left Ayato and Rintaro to have the other boys’ room. The girls decided to have rooms of Subaru, Kaoruko and Ayu in one and Chisa, Madoka, and Suzuka in the other. While they were choosing rooms, it had begun to snow outside. The group then decided to have a bite to eat together. They had only flown with enough for the day so they sat down with the remnants of their meals to enjoy them together.
The meal was delightful and everyone was enjoying themselves for the most part. Saku would occasionally look in Subaru’s direction to see if she was still smiling. He would get distracted from that view by the lovebirds doing some cute couple themed thing that made nearly everyone else gush. There was a stirring Saku’s gut telling him that he wanted what they had but with Subaru. He hadn’t landed on why this was bothering him now compared to when Rintaro and Kaoruko had started dating, but he suspected it had something to do with his now awakened feelings for Subaru. He had grown envious. The only counter he had was the reminder that she probably didn’t feel the same way and that it was one sided. His mental battle was ongoing with a smile on his face as he was still trying to be active in the conversation.
After the meal everyone went to grab something to do. Subaru had grabbed a book. Shohei and Ayu were entertaining each other. Ayato, Madoka, Suzuka and Chisa grabbed a deck of cards and started to play a game while Rintaro and Kaoruko found a quiet spot on the second floor to enjoy being with each other. Saku was content to start building a fire in the fireplace. The honeymooners were having a good time paying attention to each other while trying to keep themselves. After getting the fire started, Saku retreated to his phone and observe those in the room. He had a look on his face that he was interested more in observing than talking at that particular moment. He got joy from seeing all his friends happy doing something they found enjoyable, yet he was in a moment that he couldn’t seem to find any joy in. The sadness surrounding his swallowed feelings crept back in and seeing Ayu and Shohei enjoying each other amplified the feelings that were burning in his mind.
After watching Shohei fawn over Ayu enough, Saku’s mind needed a break from the room, from everyone there. He put on some of his winter gear and under the guise of getting some more wood for the fire and went outside into the falling snow. Subaru watched from her spot on the couch, unable to comprehend why Saku had chosen to go outside in a blizzard. They all seemed to have been having a good time, so why was he acting like this. She decided that she’d wait for him to come back in to ask him what was bothering him. She retreated to the spot on the couch that she had found to be most comfortable and put a blanket over her legs and began to read a book she had brought with her. No one had picked up on the fact it was a romance novel.
The rest of the group had decided that they were going to retreat to the bedroom areas to start getting ready for bed. Shohei was being his usual loud self, attempting to have a conversation with Ayu through the door to the washroom while she was showering, earning him glares from Ayato and Rintaro who were beginning to understand why Saku, who was rooming with Shohei, had decided that a blizzard was a more acceptable place at that moment. Even the rest of the girls were having a side eye moment. He was clearly excited about his new girlfriend but there were limits to what was tolerable.
Outside, Saku had finished gathering a bunch of logs, and began setting them up to be cut into smaller pieces for the fire. The snow pelted his face as it blew across the land. His frustration with events had become palpable inside him. Watching Shohei and Ayu had awakened something he’d been trying his best to keep buried. His inner frustration at being unable to do anything about Subaru was bubbling to the surface while he held the axe. Each swing and connection with the wood only seemed to amplify it.
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“Why”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“Does”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“This”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“Have”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“To be”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“One”
'Woosh'
*Crack*
“Sided”
The log was being stubborn and refused to split for Saku. It didn’t help he hit the base log half the time due to his frustration.
“Damn log, why won’t you break?” Saku said to the air rather loudly, sweating inside his jacket.
He gave the axe another swing and the log finally split down the middle. He set up another one, hoping it wouldn’t take so long to split it. He kept chopping until both his hands were blistered and his muscles ached to the point he couldn’t hold the axe anymore. He gingerly picked up a few of the split logs and set them next to the chalet for later use and continued until he had piled it all except for what he was going to take in. After setting the axe next to the chalet, he grabbed what wood he needed for the fire and went inside.
He had expected it to still be lively, but found that it was deceptively quiet. The only light that lit the large entry room was that from the fireplace. He set the wood down and took off his winter gear to reveal the blisters on each hand. “Good job Saku….” He said to himself as he went to find the first aid kit. Luckily they had left it accessible on the counter in the kitchen that was adjacent to the living room area. He went to sit down to tend to his blisters when he seen Subaru lying on the couch, a book in her hand that looked like it was about to fall on the floor. Once he finished with his bandages, he grabbed the wood and eased it into the fire, trying not to wake Subaru or burn himself. She had seemed comfortable lying there and he didn’t want to wake her.
After placing the wood in the fire, he went over to her and took the book from her hand and put it on a nearby table. Once there, he realized it was a romance novel and that to him seemed a bit off for her but he simply put it to the back of his mind. He then lightly grabbed the blanket that she had put around her legs earlier and pulled it up to cover more of her so she wouldn’t get cold. He sighed a bit after doing so and retreated to a chair that was across from the couch and sat down. He sat there, gazing at her, barely blinking, barely breathing, and watching her breathe in and out calmly as she slept. He wondered why she stayed out here to read when everyone else seemed to have gone to bed. She could have easily gone to bed with the rest. Watching her, somehow calmed him, and made him almost forget his self-inflicted injuries. Seeing the smile on her face while she was sleeping, brought him a sense of warmth. “I don’t get to see you like this much,” Saku said softly.
Saku sat there in silence, watching Subaru sleep. He stayed watching her sleep peacefully until he couldn’t stay awake anymore. During the night, Rintaro woke up to get a drink and seen Saku asleep, sitting there with the fire still burning looking towards Subaru who still had a smile on her face. Whatever suspicions he had previously had were confirmed. He had remembered that she said she was going to read by the fire for a bit before coming to bed, only for her to never get there. He groggily wondered if anyone else would wake up and see them like this. He wandered back to the room he shared with Ayato pondering about what could happen next. Saku’s dreams were filled with images of a smiling Subaru but buried in his mind was the fear someone would discover his secret, and the envy he had felt earlier while watching Shohei and Ayu was still lingering, seeping into his dream.