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He cannot sleep.
Tossing and turning in the bed, he is restless.
His heart pounds in his chest, and panic causes his eyes to open wide, frantically looking around the darkness of his room. His hand grabs Suihua, and yet again, there are no monsters in front of him.
Just him and Fairy alone.
His breaths are ragged, and he quickly rises, grabbing an outer robe to wrap up in before dashing down the hall.
Fragrance Palace…
He must get to Fragrance Palace. That’s the only place with safety.
It’s irrational of him to be this way at his age, to fear so childishly and yet he does. When he finds himself at the door he quickly flings it open and then shuts his eyes tightly so as not to catch a glimpse of the outside he has just run from, before he closes it behind him. He pauses for a moment before slowly opening his eyes to ensure that it is properly closed.
He takes in some deep breaths to calm himself a bit before making his way in further, knowing the way even with no lights.
It’s funny that the fear doesn’t cling to him as strongly here.
But this place has always felt safe, though the fear simmers, so he moves further in, towards the room he considers more his own than the one that is rightly his.
He slowly presses the door open, quiet as ever, though there is no longer a need for it, the routine lingers.
He stands in the doorway and takes in the vacancy.
“Shushu…”He whispers shakily, tears welling up in his eyes as he steps over to the empty bed and falls upon the neat sheets, fists curling up in the fabric.
The tears slip down his cheeks as he breathes in the familiar scent. Soon, this too will be taken from him. As so much has already been erased of his beloved Xiao-shushu.
It’s not fair.
Why must he lose everything that was once his Shushu’s? Has his death not been the most cruel of losses already? Why must they demand that he rid every piece of memory until there is nothing left?
The pain of scared breaths morphs into the pain of grief and yet-
And yet he can feel a phantom touch on his head, a gasp slips from his lips, and he quickly looks up, “Shushu! I-…”The start comes out too quick and he is left with wide, red rimmed eyes staring into empty night.
“A-Ling…?”
A soft voice calls from the door.
“Shenshen…?”
He quickly turns and is met with the doorway he had just stood in mere moments ago. He shakes his head before turning back to stare down at the sheets.
He is so alone, with only ghosts of comfort that will soon be ripped away from him.
He squeezes his eyes shut.
—
“A-Ling…? A-Ling, what’s wrong?”
He’d rushed into the bed as fast as possible, quickly clinging onto his shushu as his heart pounded in his chest.
A hand cups his cheek and guides him to raise his gaze.
It’s still a bit odd to see his Shushu without his vermillion mark adorning his forehead or the gauze hat which always sits upon his head, but it is late in the night, and so they are no longer present upon his person.
The first time he’d seen him like that, he’d almost cried in fear that he’d run to a stranger, but his shushu had been quick to comfort him, and soon Jin Ling had understood. He quickly wipes away the tears from his cheeks, “N-nothing!”He shakily responds, “I-I… I just wanted to see Xiao-shushu”He says.
A comforting smile presses up his shushu’s lips, and causes his dimples to appear. Jin Ling almost raises his hand to poke them, as he’d so often done in his younger years. His shushu had never minded, simply laughed and let him do as he pleased.
“Ah, I see… well, will A-Ling be joining this Xiao-shushu for the whole night?”The man asks.
He nods quickly before burying his face into his shushu’s chest, hands shaking as they tighten on the fabric of his shushu’s sleeping clothes, his heart begins to calm as the familiar scent of his shushu floods his senses, and a hand gently lays on his back.
“Here…”His shushu speaks softly before pulling a blanket over him. “Would A-Ling like a song?”He asks.
A nod is all he can muster up.
Jin Ling feels quite special to hear his shushu’s soft voice singing to him. He isn’t sure how many people have heard his shushu sing, but it is one of the best he’s heard. The song he recognizes after some time is a quiet lullaby from Yunmeng, which he only knows from his visits to his Jiujiu. As he begins to feel himself drift off to sleep in his shushu’s arms, he faintly hears a knock at the door.
“May I come in?”
“Of course, A-Su…”
The bed dips beside him as his Shenshen joins them. He feels her lean down and kiss his temple, “Get some rest, A-Ling”She whispers to him. He gives a quiet “mm” before hearing his Shushu continue the lullaby and lets himself drift off in the security of their presence.
—
He wakes to silence and quickly rubs the sleep from his eyes. He should return to his own room before anyone notices he has run off again.
A shaky breath slips from his lips as he pulls himself back together before rising from the bed and walking out and away from the comfort that will soon be gone.