Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Mark could pinpoint the time his life turned upside down.

It was when Mark was practising his tosses and the gym door opened to reveal what he could describe as a charming male, probably here to cause chaos.

"Excuse me," were the first words he ever said to Mark, and Mark stood there, the basketball in hand, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gaping for air, too shocked to even comprehend a response.

"Hyuck!" Jeno's voice echoed from across the gym, followed by rushed steps, but Mark didn't turn to check. For whatever reason, his eyes were fixed on the stranger's.

The tanned male, or Hyuck, turned around, eyes narrowing at Jeno.

"What are you doing here?" The edge in Jeno's voice was enough to snap Mark out of his trance. He stood up straighter, balancing the ball between his hip and wrist to glance between the two males.

"You told me you'd get done by four today," Hyuck accused, and Jeno chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

Jeno's anxious eyes looked around the gym, clearly distressed over the other guys seemingly enjoying his clear misery for being called out on something Mark wasn't sure about yet.

Chenle, in fact, looked like he was having a field day, going as far as holding his phone up to record.

Jeno's desperate gaze reached Mark in a silent plea for help, and Mark nodded lightly, clearing his throat and opening his mouth to say something, but before he could, Hyuck spoke up.

"You told me you'd be done by today. You told me you can handle it," Donghyuck deadpanned.

"I can! I just… Ugh, can we finish by tomorrow? I had practice today, and I forgot."

Donghyuck squinted, folding his arms over his chest to cock his head up and raise an eyebrow in suspicion. "You don't have practice tomorrow?"

Jeno stilled at that, eyes widening a little, but Chenle beat him to an answer.

"We do! All four hours till the gym closes."

Donghyuck looked over at Chenle, an amused smile growing on his face before he turned back to Jeno. "So what? You'll forget tomorrow. Then the day after that. Till it's eleven in the night on Friday and you'll frantically text me about the last-minute submission at midnight?"

Jeno simply shook his head, shoulders slouching in defeat as Jaemin snorted from next to Chenle. Okay, this had dragged on long enough, and he had to put an end to it as captain.

"Okay. As much as we're all enjoying this, everyone else, get back to your drills!"

Groans sounded through the gym as everyone hesitantly turned their backs to them, Chenle needing an extra warning glare from Mark before the younger just rolled his eyes and turned away, catching up to Jaemin.

"And you…" Mark turned back to Hyuck, who looked up at him, stare locking into his.

The tanned male had zero problem with the way his intense gaze didn't deter, even though Mark's eyes wandered, unable to look at those brown eyes for longer than two seconds. So instead, he glanced at Jeno, who looked like a nervous wreck himself. This Hyuck must be a tough dude.

"You are?" Mark asked again, sparing a glance at Hyuck.

"Donghyuck. But call me Hyuck."

"Sure. Okay. I'm Mark-"

"I know. Jeno called you the 'bro captain' or whatever."

"Bro… captain…?" Mark turned to Jeno, the younger just pointed away at Chenle, who, of course, was still eavesdropping but terribly tried to hide it when Mark's gaze turned to his.

"Of course… Bro captain. Anyways, Hyuck… I see that there is an issue here-"

"Yes."

"And you could have handled this outside the gym, yes?"

"It's four thirty. He promised four."

"Four for what?"

"He said he would be done with his part of the project by four."

"Ah… I see."

"Hyuck-"

"I wanted it to be done today, Jeno. You said you wanted that too."

The dialogues made it seem like they were breaking up, and Mark couldn't help but chuckle. Though he quickly covered it with a cough to ward off Jeno's glare.

"How about this? Jeno will finish his work and give it to you by tonight," Mark suggested.

"Hyung-"

"It's uni, Jen. You can sacrifice a few hours of sleep to finish your work."

Jeno sighed, nodding in resignation. Mark knew Jeno couldn't function without a good sleep, but someone had to compromise, and since Jeno was in the wrong anyway, it had to be him.

"I'll do it by tonight, Hyuck. I'm sorry."

Donghyuck nodded before looking back at Mark, staring holes into him. Mark fucking wished he could tell what Donghyuck was thinking because this nonchalance was driving him a little crazy.

"Fine… Sorry… for intruding."

"That's fine," Mark reassured.

Donghyuck didn't bother with saying anything else. He just waved goodbye to Jeno and left. In an instant, Jaemin and Chenle were in front of them, Chenle's arm slung over Jaemin's shoulder while the two grinned like idiots.

"Can we keep Hyuck?"

"No," Jeno hissed, glaring specifically at Chenle.

"Why not! He's so cool and sassy. He'll get along with Jaemin and me just fine."

"Precisely why," Jeno answered and scoffed.

"So stingy, Jen," Jaemin teased. "All because a scrawny kid put you in your place?"

"He looks scrawny. He ain't."

"He looks like a nerd. Not in a bad way- man, he's pretty," Jaemin pouted lightly. "I wanna be friends with the pretty nerd."

Mark thinks back to the moment when he first saw Donghyuck. Him not knowing what to do with himself while Donghyuck looked up at him, clearly pissed off about something.

Sure. Donghyuck was attractive. He had skin tanned to perfection like he lived on the beach before coming here. He also had moles littered across the bronze skin, and something about it made his stomach churn.

"Donghyuck is very smart," Jeno nodded.

"No shit. He wants the project done two days before submission; obviously, he's smart. And you're lucky he's your partner," Chenle pointed out, and Jeno nodded again, seriously.

"Okay. Can we work on the Donghyuck fan club later and focus on practice for now?" Mark cut in, and the three turned to him.

"Of course, cap," Jaemin drawled out with a very clear, sarcastic enthusiasm in his voice.

Jaemin dragged Jeno away, and Chenle started to follow before Mark caught up with him. "Bro captain?"

"It's a nice thing, I swear! Just means you're so chill with us, I feel more like we're best friends, more than just teammates on the same basketball team, you know?" Chenle explained, matter-of-factly. It was the truth, Mark realised, and he felt the uncomfortable churning from earlier dissipate into warmth.

He smiled in response, ruffling Chenle's hair.

-

The next time Mark saw Donghyuck was when Jeno extended an invitation to their Saturday night drinking.

And obviously, Donghyuck made a statement again. At least in Mark's eyes.

The younger looked really freaking good in his leather jacket, white graphic tee and skinny jeans. He never thought skinny jeans could look good on anyone. Guess he was very wrong.

"So, this is your group of misfits," that's the first thing Donghyuck said as he slid into the booth next to Jeno.

"That's one thing to call us. This is Chenle, Jaemin, and of course, you've met Mark."

"Ah, yes. Hello, bro captain."

"Seriously, Mark is fine."

"Oh, I know. Hard to forget, in fact. Very foreign-sounding name. America?"

"Canada."

"Cold."

"Huh?"

"I've heard Canada is cold."

Mark looked around the table, awkwardness slipping into his tensed muscles as Donghyuck just grinned with ease.

In fact, everything seemed to be easy for the other.

Donghyuck fell into conversation with Chenle and Jaemin impressively quickly. And when Jeno went to bring them another round of beers, those three had huddled in close, Jaemin showing something to the two of them while Jeno sat down next to Mark.

"They get along well."

Mark hummed, glancing down at the four bottles of beer Jeno passed to everyone. Mark stayed with his first bottle, frowning at the condensation on the glass.

If he wanted to, he could drink. But he didn't plan to end the night blank out drunk, so he stuck to one bottle.

Donghyuck noticed it.

"Lightweight, Mark?"

"Yeah…"

"Such a shame. Would have loved to see your drunk habits."

Mark just rolled his eyes and took a sip of his warming beer. He preferred it cold. But then again, he couldn't do anything about it.

"Oh, he just gets talkative," Chenle waved him off. "So talkative. Half of it is just blabber. Embarassing blabber, but yes."

"And they don't even tell me."

"It's funny blackmail that I can use to my advantage," Chenle countered. "Besides, it only adds to the fun that you can't remember bull the next day."

"Sue me," Mark mocked and took another sip of his beer, forcing it down.

Donghyuck sat there all amused with a mischievous glint in his eyes as if he couldn't wait to see Mark drunk and apparently babbling nonsense. When he mentioned he didn't remember anything the next day, he meant it. That's how bad it got, and that's just another reason not to get wasted.

Chenle immediately pulled Donghyuck's attention back to Jaemin's phone, and Mark glanced to his side to see Jeno leaning back against the booth, just watching them.

"What are they even doing?" Jeno asked with a frown.

"Something Jaemin wants to buy, and he only respects Chenle's and now Donghyuck's opinion because we're two wasteful pieces of shit."

"That's not what I said! It's just that I show you two options and both of you either go 'I don't know', or 'You'll look great in anything', like fucking robots!" Jaemin exclaimed, feigning offence while Donghyuck chuckled.

"And I told you to call me Hyuck. Stick to it, captain."

Mark grumbled something about Donghyuck not ever addressing him by his name, either, to which Jeno just nudged him, shaking his head.

Sensing that there might be a very valid reason behind it, Mark dropped it, sighing and leaning back to press his side to Jeno's.

Mark watched them. Jaemin pointed at something, waiting in anticipation, and of course, Chenle, being the ever-so-stubborn cat he is, would either stick to no or yes or burn it. Even if the majority of the three liked something, he would manage to make them lean into his opinion. Mark could see where his business degree would take him.

Jaemin knew Chenle and his mannerisms. He had sat through them for two years now. So he wasn't all that affected.

Donghyuck, on the other hand, was frowning deeper each time, but in a way that he seemed to want to learn more about Chenle than punch his face.

So that's good.

But more than anything, Mark felt that weird churning in his belly return. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he just ate something wrong, and it came back to bite him in the ass.

That just had to be it.

-

The third time Donghyuck crashed their hangout was during lunch. A plate filled with food was put down next to Mark, and Donghyuck sat down, a heavy sigh on his lips.

"Hyuck!"

Donghyuck smiled, winking at Jaemin. "Hey, Jaem."

"When did they get to nicknames?" Jeno grumbled from Mark's other side, making the elder chuckle.

"So why our table? I usually see you surrounded by other people," Chenle asked, clearly intrigued.

"Don't be rude, Chenle," Mark said, but Donghyuck only chuckled, waving his worry off.

"It's fine. They're fine. And they're not my friends. They're just… people I know. And they bitch about other people way too much. Not my crowd."

"We're your crowd then?"

"I mean… You're funny. Jaem's my favourite person in the world right now, after myself, of course."

"Of course," Jeno muttered.

"Jeno minds his own business," he said pointedly, and Jeno gave him the finger. "And Mark… well, Mark is Mark."

"The fuck does that mean?" Mark raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever it has to."

Mark frowned, but Donghyuck just gave him one of those easy smiles and jumped into conversation with Jaemin, about whatever, but Mark didn't pay attention to that.

What he did pay attention to was the way Donghyuck piled food into his tiny spoon, more than what that poor spoon could possibly hold and took a big bite, his head shaking ever so slightly in the action.

It was such a small action, barely there, barely noticeable. But it was cute. He can't help the smile on his face as Donghyuck took another big bite, repeating the action.

"Dude, why are you inhaling that food? It ain't running away," Chenle mused.

"Yeah… what's with the gigantic bites?" Jeno raised an eyebrow, whereas Donghyuck swallowed visibly before answering.

"Food is life, and life is short. Also, I like having my mouth full."

Mark's eyes widened at that, heat running up to his face, while Chenle let out an amused chuckle.

"Oh, do you now?" Jaemin asked with a smirk, and Donghyuck returned it with an equally flirty grin.

"I do."

Jaemin's smile widened in curiosity. "Men?"

"Both."

"Damn."

"You?"

"Men. Unfortunately," Jaemin answered with a sigh.

Donghyuck nodded in understanding. "Sad, indeed."

"What?" Mark cut in, manoeuvring four sets of eyes toward him.

"Sexuality, hyung," Chenle drawled it out like one would to a toddler, and Mark almost smacked him for it.

He knew what they were discussing. He also knew that Jaemin was gay. Jaemin wasn't very silent about it anyway. It didn't bother him. At least not in the way most people assumed.

Mark was far from homophobic. He had a problem internally; personally, if you must. To be very specific: His parents.

They had drilled it into Mark from a very young age that anyone who doesn't love the opposite gender like a 'normal' person deserves hell. Five-year-old Mark freaked out and ate up anything they said just to keep them happy, even if he didn't believe anyone deserved hell for loving anyone.

So no, Mark didn't mind Jaemin or Donghyuck being gay or bi, and frankly, he wasn't in any place to have a say in it anyway. But he just knew he could never introduce them to his parents because they're going to be worried that Mark would get 'infected'; their words, not his. It happened once before, he wasn't going to bother with it again.

"Say Mark… what is that look on your face?"

Mark snapped out of his thoughts to look Donghyuck in the eye, the younger having leaned forward as if to read him open.

Mark also would never disclose his parents' true nature to anyone. He respected Jaemin a lot, actually. He could only imagine that being out and proud in a country like Korea was going to be hard. He also didn't want the valuable friendship they had to crack because of his parents' beliefs.

"Nothing…"

"You're not… homop-"

"He's not," Jaemin cut in with a reassuring smile. "He's just flustered easily."

"Good then!" Donghyuck clapped his hands together. "I like Melk too much to have him be a meanie."

"I'm sorry, what now?" Mark's eyes widened again as Donghyuck chuckled playfully.

"God, you're right. He's so flustered. This is going to be so fun."

Not for me, Mark thought.

-

The fourth time was in the library. It was probably the first time Donghyuck and Mark had hung out alone, unintentionally but still. Mark was in one of the smaller study rooms meant for two to three people, but he was by himself.

His laptop was open while he wrote his notes on the whiteboard, muttering the contents of his material under his breath when the door opened, and he turned, coming face to face with Donghyuck.

"Oh, thank fuck," Donghyuck sighed. "Do you mind sharing? I just need a seat, and the library is swarmed. I can't find a god damn place to sit."

"Uh… sure…"

"Thank you so much," Donghyuck smiled before closing the door behind him, immediately sliding into a free seat and pulling out his laptop. "I never asked," the younger started. "What major are you?"

"Lit and journalism."

"Damn. I first thought all of you were in business."

"Only Chenle and Jen."

"What about Jaem?"

"Arts in photography and digital design."

"Damn…"

"Do you… mind…?" Mark asked, pointing down at his material. Donghyuck nodded quickly.

"Sorry. I'll leave you to it."

Donghyuck turned to his own screen, and Mark turned back to the whiteboard, staring at the last thing he wrote and felt his train of thought never return.

The sentence sat there, half-written, marker hovering in his hand like it was waiting for instructions Mark no longer had.

He rewrote the last word, erased it and wrote it again.

Behind him, Donghyuck shifted in his seat. The chair creaked softly before he heard the breathy sigh.

Mark’s shoulders tensed at that.

Focus.

He stepped back from the board and looked up at it, but all the words just blurred together. This was stupid. He was fine just a minute ago. He knew this material, so his mind suddenly going blank was confusing.

It was like someone just changed the channel in his brain to a static one.

Mark let out a deep breath and turned around, capping the marker and placing it down on the table. Donghyuck yawned in front of him and stretched his arms above his head, his shirt riding up ever so slightly before he pulled it back down absent-mindedly.

Mark's eyes wandered back to his stuff, eyes zoning out.

"Hyuck."

"Hm?"

"Want a coffee? I'm going to grab one."

Donghyuck glanced down at his computer, then looked up and jumped to his feet.

"Sure."

"I can bring it here for you. You don't have to get up. You just started out."

"Nah. For some reason, I ain't able to concentrate. Maybe a tea will save me."

"Tea person?"

"Mhm."

They left the room and made their way downstairs to the cafe of the library, where they got their drinks and sat by a table, quiet as ever, till Hyuck broke the silence.

"So Mark."

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something about you."

"About me? What about me?"

"Don't know, Melk. You tell me."

"Melk, again?" Mark raised his eyebrows.

"It's cute, no?"

Mark felt the churn in his stomach and looked away.

"Okay, Melk. Tell me about your family."

Mark froze at that, forcing himself to swallow dry, his mouth feeling like sandpaper. He never really spoke openly about them, only because he didn't know how much he would tell. He didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable with how they were.

"Well?" Donghyuck egged on.

"I have my mom, dad and brother."

"Nice. You all close?"

"Yeah… yeah… we're close," Mark nodded, taking a sip of the coffee.

"Must be nice."

Mark looked up at that as Donghyuck smiled softly, eyes cast down at the table.

"What about you?" Mark asked, watching carefully as Donghyuck's eyes met his.

"Well… same. Mother… step-father. And three siblings."

"Three? That's a big family."

Donghyuck chuckled, nodding. "It is."

"Game nights would be fun."

"Eh…" Donghyuck kept his smile, but the way it had tugged down had Mark feel himself frown for a second before he schooled his expression.

"What does that mean?"

Donghyuck shrugged. "We're fine."

It didn't seem like it, but Mark nodded and kept his opinion to himself. It wasn't like he wasn't hiding anything either.

"What about pets?"

Mark nodded. "I have a dog."

"Did you name the dog?"

"I did. Why?"

"How much can I safely bet that it's a white ass name?" Donghyuck teased, and Mark felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment as he cleared his throat and looked away again.

Donghyuck chuckled. "I guess I can bet my entire bank account. Got any pics?"

Mark unlocked his phone and pulled up his gallery with a whole folder full of his golden retriever's pictures. He handed it to Donghyuck, who immediately cooed at the sight.

"That's Tommy," Mark said, and Donghyuck immediately snorted.

"Of course. He's adorable. How old is he?"

"Six."

"Ooh, he is a big boy."

"Why are you baby-talking?"

"You're telling me you don't baby-talk to Tommy, Mark?" Donghyuck deadpanned while handing back his phone, and Mark pursed his lips, putting the device away.

"Do you have any?" Mark asked as Donghyuck finished the last of his tea.

"Pets? I used to. A poodle. But I lost her when I was a senior in high school."

"What did you name her?"

"Rarity."

"Rarity?"

"Yeah, you know… from My Little Pony? Fashionista? Pretty hair and dramatic, just the way I like it."

Mark stared at Donghyuck for a good second before bursting into a laugh.

"What's so funny, Melk?" Donghyuck tried sounding serious, but even Mark could tell that the other was smiling.

"You do not get to judge me for naming my dog Tommy."

"Pfft. Rarity is not a bad name!"

"Sure."

"What do you even know about MLP, you uncultured asshole?"

"I had enough cousins who were into it to know that there was one with a rainbow and something about apples."

"Rainbow dash and applejack. I see."

"Why Rarity, though?"

"I had a big ass crush on her."

"And you named your dog after your cartoon crush?"

"Oh, shut up. It was cute."

Mark just chuckled again, and Donghyuck joined him before standing up.

"Enough judging each other for pet names. We should get back. Midterms are literally looming over me like a ticking time bomb," Donghyuck groaned.

It was a month away, but Mark would be lying if he didn't feel the pressure settling in as well. "Tell me about it."

-

Mark had lost count of how many times they had hung out.

Donghyuck was fun to be around; Mark wasn't going to deny it (even if he was almost always at the receiving end of the teasing).

Mark had learnt a lot about the younger in that month. Some, being Donghyuck, was very competitive academically but very lazy in sports. Loved to give just as much as he loved to take.

More often than not, Donghyuck was treating them.

Lunch, snacks, drinks, and sometimes takeout for dinner, where the five of them would cram in Jaemin and Jeno's dorm room to eat greasy pizza, playing something like Uno.

"Plus ten?! Ten more- Who the fuck decided plus ten was acceptable?!" Jaemin frowned as Chenle counted the extra cards for him while Mark just scowled in sympathy.

Donghyuck, the little devil part of him, laughed. "It's called No Mercy for a reason. Speaking of which. Melk. Let's switch."

Mark looked down at his two cards, then down to the blue seven on the discarded pile, and finally to the good fifteen cards in Hyuck's hand.

"Oh, fuck you," Mark grumbled as he handed his cards to Donghyuck.

"Not in front of everyone, darling."

Mark just rolled his eyes because two months of mindless flirting like this (or whatever it was) had got him conditioned to just ignore it.

Donghyuck also made sure he called Mark anything but his name.

"Melk, help me with the pizza while I pay," the younger said while getting up.

Mark nodded and threw his cards into the pile, earning Chenle's glare.

"I give up, man," he raised his hands in surrender, and Chenle clicked his tongue before going back to tormenting Jaemin.

Mark stood up and walked out to the common room, where Donghyuck was holding his hands out for the deliveryman to place the three big boxes of pizza on.

"You ordered way too much, again," Mark grumbled, taking them from his hand as the younger chuckled, pulling out his phone to pay.

"You're acting as if you didn't devour the one-day-old pizza last time I ordered so much."

"I was hungry…"

"That's the point of food, silly."

Mark chuckled, leaning against the wall next to Donghyuck, his stomach twisting into a knot. It didn't take long for Mark to figure out that his stomach getting that uncomfortable feeling was for Donghyuck.

At first, he wondered if it was some stupid sign that Donghyuck was a problem. But the longer he spent time with the younger, the more that conclusion got suppressed.

Sure, Donghyuck was a tease. But that's all he was. And as Mark mentioned, he took care of them. He came to their practice to sometimes watch or just hang out. He had even made decent friends with the rest of the team.

All in all, Mark didn't see any problems with Hyuck. So he didn't get that sinking feeling in his stomach. It felt weirdly familiar in a way he couldn't figure out for sure.

"Thank you!" Donghyuck greeted and then closed the door, sighing immediately. "God, I'm starving. Let's go."

Mark followed him again, because that's what he did. He stayed silent, and he stayed with his thoughts. Wondering why he couldn't tell what issue he had with Donghyuck.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how one viewed it, Mark got the answer very soon.

While eating, they debated on a movie, and of course, it ended with horror, something that Mark hated.

So after eating pizza, stashing the rest in the mini-fridge, stocking up on cheap beer and microwave popcorn, they were on the floor, three blankets in between them, a mess of limbs, really. But at least Mark was on one corner of the pile. He hated horror movies, so he could turn away easily. Next to him, Hyuck sat, buzzing with energy and an excited smile.

Maybe he likes horror. It was going to be embarrassing if he was the only one screaming.

Mark was wrong. He wasn't the only one screaming because right now, Donghyuck was clawing at his forearm, had his head buried in Mark's shoulder with one eye open to peek at the screen.

Mark himself had his head turned to the side, ignoring the way he could tell the build-up in the music was a build-up to a jumpscare.

"Hyuck, let go," Mark groaned, feeling the burn of Donghyuck's nails digging into his skin.

"Sorry, hyung," Donghyuck whispered, but didn't let go, and Mark sighed.

He didn't entirely mind Donghyuck holding onto him either. Donghyuck was warm and soft. He liked it even.

His eyes suddenly widened at the realisation.

He kept his eyes on the far wall, staring holes into it with screams from both the screen and from the boys next to him filling his background.

Mark took a short moment to assess. Donghyuck was clinging to him. His arms hurt, but he didn't mind. Donghyuck's weight was on his side, but he didn't mind that either. His stomach twisted tightly, and he couldn't help but swallow thickly. What he did mind was how his heart stuttered in his chest, hammering against his rib cage like it wanted to break out.

Like Mark was holding it hostage.

Mark stilled for all of five seconds before shrugging Donghyuck off and muttering a quick "Bathroom break!" and running off, not minding it one bit when Chenle called him a coward.

Mark closed the door to the tiny bathroom and leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths to calm down the tightness in his chest. It felt suffocating.

He looked into the mirror, sighing deeply. What was happening? His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at himself.

His heart was so loud in his chest that he could hear it up in his ears.

"It was the movie," he heard himself mutter, his own words seeming far from convincing. "That's it… It was the stupid movie."

Yeah, because the woman trying to climb out of the TV to kill the viewer had him feeling like he was having a teenage crush.

-

In the first week of May, right after they got done with their midterms, they finally went out to celebrate Jeno's birthday.

It was nothing fancy. Jeno treated them to dinner at a diner, because nothing hits better than a greasy burger and soda after life-sucking exams. And then they headed to a karaoke bar down the street.

They had to wait for a private room, which Chenle groaned about, but Jaemin had him calm in the next second with food. It wasn't like they were the only ones done with exams. And this was the only cheap, affordable karaoke bar near their college, so Mark wasn't surprised.

He mostly kept to his phone, sitting on the steps outside the bar while Donghyuck leaned on the railing, chatting up with Jeno and a classmate of theirs that they met.

He skimmed past the unread messages of his family group chat and opened one with his brother and his sister-in-law. They had shared pictures of their baby girl from that morning, and Mark couldn't help the smile that stretched on his lips at the sight of his adorable niece.

He wrote back to them, and Mark's brother immediately answered, reminding him to call their parents.

Mark sighed at that. His eyes strayed away from his device and to Donghyuck, who was now laughing at something wholeheartedly.

Horror movie be damned, Mark had a crush on Donghyuck. It was so obvious, but he just couldn't bring himself to accept the fact that he liked a man.

He looked back down at his phone; the 'don't forget to call mom, you know how worried she gets' seemed horrifying. Mark didn't lie, save for the few times he covered for his brother's shenanigans when they were much younger, and the one time he lied about his roommate.

He was afraid he would dial for home, hear his mom's voice and spill. He also knew what would happen. He would be told to let go of his friends, probably move to a studio apartment till he finished his degree, then go back home in Canada, then he would be dragged to Pastor James to get himself cleansed of all the sins he absorbed from South Korea.

Mark sighed, sending a quick thumbs up to his brother before shutting his phone off and stuffing it back in his pocket. It was a crush. Maybe a mere attraction. He would get over it in two weeks.

This was Donghyuck after all. Every so annoying, infuriatingly funny and pretty Donghyuck. He would get over it.

"Guys!" Chenle's voice snapped Mark out of his thoughts, and he turned around to see the younger waving them over. "We got a room!"

They got a small room lit with neon lights and a big screen on the wall. The cushioned seats were in a 'U' form around the wooden table, already filled with five beer bottles and snacks.

Mark headed to the seat to slide in first, not really interested in the singing part. He was here to watch.

Or at least that was what he planned for, except Jaemin grabbed his forearm and pulled him back.

"What-" He didn't get to finish before a mic was pushed into his hand, and he watched Chenle skim through the tablet.

"You're not being boring this time. Give us a show, Markie," Jaemin ordered, pointing at the screen.

Mark started to shake his head, eyes scanning the rest, but it landed on Donghyuck, who was watching him with anticipation.

"I've heard you sing, hyung. Stop being shy and have fun, will you?" Jeno insisted, taking a bite of the nachos.

"What song do you want? Bruno Mars?"

"You know I don't sing that much," Mark tried one last time.

"You were in the church choir," Chenle stated like that explained everything.

"Yeah! I don't mind singing with other people. I hate singing alone."

"Fine. I'll sing with you."

Donghyuck stood up, shrugging off his denim jacket, and Mark had the stark realisation that maybe singing alone would have been better. But the other three were cheering, and Donghyuck already grabbed the spare mic, leaning over Chenle's shoulder to go through the list too.

"There's only 'Uptown Funk', 'APT', 'Please me', 'Leave the door open', 'Grenade', and 'Talking to the Moon'. We're not starting this night with ballads or sad songs, and I highly doubt Mark will survive 'Please me'."

He looked up at Mark, as if asking, and Mark nodded, feeling heat spread on his face. "I can't."

"Thought so. Cute," Donghyuck chuckled and went back to stare at the tablet.

Oh, Mark was going to die.

"That leaves us with 'Uptown Funk', 'Grenade', and 'APT'."

"Ooh, do 'Uptown Funk'. That's going to be fun," Chenle said, and Donghyuck nodded.

"You okay with that, Mark?"

Mark nodded, turning to the screen as Donghyuck stood next to him. He tried to ignore the other's presence completely, but it was difficult when Donghyuck leaned in closer.

"You good?"

"Great." Mark hoped his voice didn't crack, and even if it did, Donghyuck didn't comment. The younger only nudged Mark and started immediately swaying to the beats that echoed across the room.

Mark felt each beat in his chest, slow for his racing heart, which only got worse the second he heard Donghyuck start singing. True, the song wasn't that hard to sing, but the way Donghyuck eased into it, body moving like he was in his element, had Mark staring.

That was until Jaemin crashed into his side, draping a hand over his shoulder and started singing along. Mark chuckled, offering the mic, but the glare was enough for Mark to hold onto it.

The chorus had the five of them jumping through it, and Mark felt more at ease with the others added to the mix, shouting out the lyrics with Mark and Donghyuck as they sang into mics.

This was fun. Mark was smiling, adrenaline coursed through his veins, and Donghyuck was flexing his vocal range for a song that wasn't even needed, but it was great.

Chenle even took the honour of singing the bridge part.

Mark loved watching Donghyuck perform. It just made him smile, and of course, Donghyuck was good at dancing too, feet moving smoothly and in a way they couldn't imitate.

Mark tried. Instead, he couldn't finish the step before Jaemin tripped into him. Like dominoes, they crashed onto the floor in a fit of laughter as the score read 92 on the screen.

"Rigged!" Donghyuck complained. "Chenle, pull up a song. I'm gonna give you all a hundred-point worthy performance. Mark, you wanna go again?"

Mark just shook his head, still laughing breathily. This time, no one argued. He finally sat down, grabbing a beer bottle and taking a long sip, watching Donghyuck and Chenle start singing 'APT'.

And of course, when they ended up with only a 91, Donghyuck challenged the big screen again as if someone was sitting behind it to manually give them low scores.

By the time they were down to at least ten songs, Mark felt his belly hurt from all the laughing. Turns out, only Donghyuck had a decent tolerance, and the other three were full on drunk after four drinks. Mark still had his first one, knowing that if the other three passed out, it was him and Donghyuck who would need to take them back.

Chenle was screaming the lyrics into the mic like he had to be louder if that was even possible, because according to him, the louder you were, the higher the score.

Jaemin straight up took that as an invitation to scream. Not even lyrics, just scream.

Jeno was swaying to that like he was listening to classical music, and Mark and Donghyuck were laughing, seated in the deepest part of the U, shoulders pressed up against each other, just watching.

"They're crazy, oh my god," Donghyuck wiped a stray tear, his ears and neck red from all the laughing.

Mark didn't answer, just took deep breaths, feeling his core hurt from everything they had just witnessed. Then his eyes strayed back to Donghyuck.

The neon lights and shadows from the other three danced along his skin in a pretty pattern, and suddenly, all Mark could focus on was Donghyuck.

His heart raced in his chest again, as it did whenever it picked up on the times Donghyuck was near him. Damn his heart. Damn his stupid, lovesick self.

He watched as Donghyuck's lips parted when he laughed, the way his eyebrows raised slightly when he took a sip of drink and when he did that adorable head shake as he took a mouthful of food.

Mark could watch Donghyuck forever and be content.

And that same thought made him want to throw up a little.

-

Mark walked around the academic block, eyes cast down to his phone, reading through the instructions for his assignment, when he heard the sniffles.

He froze and turned, staring at the small corridor behind him, then took a few steps back and stopped again.

There, crouching against the wall, Donghyuck had his head buried in his knees, body shaking in soft, forcefully quiet sobs.

Mark knew everyone cried. Everyone had their moments. But he had never expected to see this side of Donghyuck, just because of how much the other was always found smiling.

Donghyuck gasped in a deep breath, lifting his head a little to wipe his cheeks, and that was when their eyes met. Mark watched Hyuck freeze, hand halfway wiping away stray tears as his eyes widened.

"Mark…" Donghyuck's voice was scratchy, like he had been crying for a while, if the obvious swelling around his eyes wasn't something to go by.

Mark considered saying something, but he was always ashamed to admit that he wasn't good at comforting people. It was more of Jeno's thing.

"Well… this is embarrassing," Donghyuck muttered, wiping his cheeks and sniffling. He had stopped crying, like he had just turned off a switch.

Mark felt his eyebrows crease. "Hyuck… what happened?"

"Nothing. Just… overwhelmed, I guess."

Mark's fingers tightened around his bag's straps before he let out a shaky breath. He looked down both ways of the hallway before dropping his bag next to Donghyuck.

He didn't know what he was doing. It was like his body was moving on autopilot as he slipped his jacket off and crouched in front of Donghyuck, heart racing. Donghyuck looked at him, eyes shining in the dim light as Mark gulped before covering Donghyuck's head with his jacket.

"Cry all you want," Mark whispered, and he stared at the fabric of his jacket, aware of how Donghyuck's breath hitched under it before he heard the soft sobs again.

Mark's worry lines appeared again, heart twisting with hurt as he heard the painful cries that weren't just nothing. But Mark was in no place to ask.

So he sat there, next to Donghyuck, giving his physical reassurance because he didn't know how to word them. He heard every whimper, every sniffle and felt worse inside.

He wanted nothing but to rip away the obvious pain Donghyuck was feeling. But he didn't know what to do. Or how much he was allowed to do.

Donghyuck suddenly leaned forward, head dropping on Mark's shoulder, still draped by the jacket.

"Thank you." Donghyuck's voice was so low and muffled that Mark almost missed it.

Instead of answering, he felt his hands raise before gently resting on Donghyuck's back. He patted Donghyuck once, then twice, before rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

"No problem…" Mark answered back in a similar tone, afraid to break the moment.

"I'm glad it was you and no one else…" Donghyuck's voice was breathy under the jacket. "I don't think I would have been able to answer the questions… Thank you for not asking."

"It's fine, Hyuck… just feel better, please." Mark instantly bit his tongue, eyes screwing shut. Did he say too much? Was that out of line? What if Hyuck-

"I thought you would push me off when I leaned in…"

"Why would I…" Mark's words trailed off, already anticipating the answer.

"You always lean away from my touches."

Mark had a reason. Donghyuck's touches were like fire and he couldn't let it happen without his heart bursting. He never wanted to lean away, he just never knew what to do with everything that he felt.

"You thought I would do that, but leaned in anyway?"

"Mm…" Donghyuck hummed lightly. "You might not like skinship, but even I know you aren't an asshole. And I need some comfort… Your shoulder is comfortable." With those words, Donghyuck shifted a little, pressing his head closer to Mark's neck.

Mark let out a shaky sigh, glancing down at Donghyuck's covered face before looking away again. He could feel heat rush to his face, but he was more focused on trying to calm his raging heart.

He didn't need Donghyuck to hear it.

But it was beating so loudly he was sure someone in the next corridor could hear it. This was seriously getting out of hand. At least, Donghyuck didn't comment on it.

-

Mark tapped his pen furiously against the table. There was a thick bundle of papers in front of him. His own assignment needed so many edits that Mark might as well just throw it out.

He could cry.

He needed a break. The semester was almost over, and these last two weeks before the finals were the most gruelling. He wished he had got this assignment before the last minute, but curse his professors for getting him and every other student in this shithole.

"Melk!"

Mark stilled, sitting up and turning to see Donghyuck waving at him from across the yard. Mark had successfully avoided group hangouts with the excuse of work and studies, and it wasn't very far from the truth. But he wasn't going to deny that he was trying to avoid Donghyuck as a whole.

Mark was straight. He liked girls. He always liked girls. So his attraction to Hyuck could only dissipate and leave him the fuck alone if he avoided Donghyuck often.

But as the younger sat next to him on the bench, way too close to Mark's liking but perfectly fine for his stupid heart, he didn't feel any change.

"It's been so long," Donghyuck smiled, leaning over him to grimace at the sight of the red marks on his papers. "That looks bad. I swear I thought you were avoiding us, but you're genuinely so busy. I almost feel bad."

"Shut up," Mark managed, and Donghyuck chuckled before pulling out his laptop.

"You don't mind if I study with you, do you?"

I do. "No… go ahead," is what he said instead, and Donghyuck thanked him.

He should be avoiding him, but Mark wanted to be pressed against Donghyuck as well, so he really didn't know what was right and wrong anymore.

They fell into silence, and Mark couldn't help but feel his entire focus shift to Donghyuck. Donghyuck, at least, seemed to be concentrating, in line with what Jeno said about him being one of the top students.

He just wished he had an ounce of the concentration Donghyuck had. But the longer he stared, the longer he realised this was probably a one-way thing.

Donghyuck had barely shown any reaction to Mark. At least not the way Mark did.

He doubted he even liked Mark like that. Donghyuck was bisexual, and he had a better pool of people to choose from than Mark. Of course, he wouldn't be interested.

All the more reason to get over this stupid crush.

"Ugh, I hate this."

"Huh?" Mark snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at Donghyuck, who had pressed his forehead against the table, groaning.

"I hate studying."

"Seriously? That's… surprising…" Mark muttered, and he watched Donghyuck sigh in defeat.

"Yeah. But I hate failing more."

"Who doesn't?"

"True that. Say, Melk..."

"What?"

"Why do you stare at me so much?"

Mark froze, pen hovering over an edit he was making as his eyes shook. He didn't want to, but he dared to look at his side to see Donghyuck staring up at him from where his head rested against the table.

"I- I don't," he stammered and cursed himself in the head.

"Yeah, you do."

"I'm just looking. Is that a crime?" Mark's rushed tone was so obvious, and the silence that hung between them for a solid minute had him panicking because what if he just fumbled his entire plan, not like he had one.

"Hmm… I guess not. Then keep looking at me, Mark."

"I… What?"

Donghyuck smiled, sitting back up. "Keep looking at me. I like it when you look at me."

Okay. Cool. Yeah. Mark was totally not dying.

-

"Renjun."

"Mark."

Mark breathed out shakily, while the younger stayed completely at peace, sipping his tea and reading his notes like it was an interesting novel.

"You have to help me."

"Did you kill someone?"

"What? No!"

"Then why are you so terrified? Jeez. Calm down."

"I… That's the problem. I can't!"

Renjun put down his notebook and took off his glasses before looking up at Mark.

"Is your… problem worse than murder?"

"No?"

"Then you'll be fine."

"No. You don't understand. There is a serious problem."

"Fine. Sit down. And tell me what it is?"

Mark rubbed his sweaty palms against his t-shirt before sitting next to Renjun on their couch.

"I have a crush."

Renjun snickered, and Mark glanced at him with a pleading look.

"Fine. I won't laugh. But tell me why your romantic interest is about to be my problem?"

"I can share my problems with you. You said it yourself! Roommate and friends pact or whatever."

"Tsk… sure. Whatever. Go on. Why is this such a big deal, Mr I love Romantic and Sappy movies?"

"Renjun," Mark whined, and Renjun chuckled again, nodding.

"Sorry."

"You know how my parents are…" Mark whispered, fingers picking on the skin around his nails, but he could practically feel Renjun's smile fall from his lips.

When Mark had moved back into the dorms in his second year, he heard his roommate was going to be a first-year student. He didn't particularly mind; he was interested in making friends with whomever.

His parents always came to drop him off at the beginning of the academic year; it was just something they did as a family.

So they entered the dorm room, and Mark opened the door to one of the two bedrooms in the dorm, only to find a smaller boy already setting up.

"Oh, sorry. You must be Renjun."

Renjun had turned to him, smiled politely and gave the three of them a bow. But Mark watched the politeness seep out of Renjun when Mark found his parents glaring at the pride flag hung up on the wall.

"Are you gay?" his father had asked, and Mark had clear worry lines on his face because of that.

"Pansexual, sir. Now, if you don't mind leaving so I can finish setting up…"

"You need to find a replacement room, right away, Mark," his mom had said, clearly stressed the second they left the dorm after Mark had put his stuff away in the empty room.

"Put in the application right away, Mark. And call me if they don't do it, I'll have a word with them."

Mark had promised to do all of that. Except he rushed back to the dorm and knocked on Renjun's door.

Renjun had opened it, glare now directed at Mark. He had opened his mouth to say something, but before that, Mark had spoken. He gave a deep bow and apologised profusely. "I'm so sorry. My parents are… difficult, but I promise I don't mind at all. I'm very, very sorry."

He heard Renjun exhale, and after a tense moment of silence, he chuckled and patted his back for him to stand straight, a gentle smile on his lips now. "That's fine, I guess… Mark, right?""

Mark nodded, still clearly worried.

"Mark… It's fine. Really. It won't be the first time I've met homophobic folks. And if I'm going to trust you, I'm going to hope you're being honest with me."

"I promise."

"Alright, then. I hope to be good friends with you now that we're roommates. Nice to meet you, Mark."

Mark smiled, nodding, "Nice to meet you."

Saying that he changed rooms was the only time he ever lied to his parents about something he did. And for his third year and this final year, they had coordinated so Renjun would arrive after Mark had settled in and said goodbye to his parents.

"What do they have to do with your crush? Is she bisexual? Pansexual? Something else?"

Mark stayed silent, glancing up to meet Renjun's gaze, watching as the younger's eyes widened.

"Oh… you like a boy…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, fuck," Renjun muttered, and Mark nodded.

"Mhm… fuck."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter. I need to get over it."

"Or you could just kiss him."

Mark frowned, and Renjun raised his hands in defeat. "Fine. How do you plan on getting over him?"

"I don't know. That's what I need help with. I tried ignoring him, but-"

"Ignoring is the lowest form of anything a human can do. Do not ignore someone you do not hate."

Mark blinked and nodded seriously. "Yes, sir."

Renjun smiled and nodded too. "We will do this in a civil manner. A pros and a cons list."

"A pros and a cons list? How the fuck is that going to help?"

"If you see the cons, you'll lose interest."

"Or I'll see all the pros and think my life is over."

"Ugh. Mark, you're so dramatic. Just do as I say."

A torturing thirty-two minutes of thinking later, Mark sat across from Renjun, who frowned the second he saw the list and scoffed the second he finished reading it.

"You're fucking kidding me," Renjun scowled, turning the list toward Mark, who just looked away. "One con and like a hundred pros? Seriously? That's how down bad you are for him?"

"It's not a hundred pros…" Mark defended weakly, and Renjun laughed out in disbelief.

"Your pros are his tanned skin, his moles, his eyes, his soft hair, his head shake while eating- whatever the fuck that means- he's smart, his voice, his dance, his everything. And your con is that he's annoying, but in brackets you've written that you don't actually mind it- I'm sorry. Who the fuck has you so in love with him?"

"I'm not in love!"

"This list says otherwise, Mark Lee."

"Okay, so what do I do?"

"I don't even know anymore," Renjun sighed, glancing back down at the sheet of paper before handing it to Mark again. "Is it so bad to like a guy?" Renjun asked, tone much more cautious and soft.

"It's not that, Renjun. It's that I am not allowed to like a guy."

"You know it's not a choice, right? I didn't get up one day and decide."

"I know… But… it's just… it's scary…" Mark's voice shook this time; the infinite things he had heard from his childhood Saturday church classes returned to his mind in a wave. "If they get to know… I'll lose everyone back home."

"Everyone?"

"Maybe not my brother… but yes… everyone…"

"Maybe you should speak to your brother about this."

"I can't do it over the phone. I could barely muster up the courage to tell you. And I have no clue how he feels about this whole thing."

"About queer people?"

Mark nodded, feeling his eyes burn up. "We both were raised with the same lessons, the same morals, we were both told being gay meant going to hell, and we're from a very religious family, I just… I just don't know… He… He could very well be like our parents, and I just don't know."

"Do you want to ask?"

"He'll know. He knows me too well. He'll know why I'm asking. And I won't be able to answer him when he asks me because I don't even know… I don't even know who I am," Mark's voice cracked as he felt the sob stuck in his throat.

He wasn't one to easily cry. At least not over his own feelings. And Renjun knew that because the next thing he knew, he was wrapped in a warm hug, his head resting on Renjun's shoulder.

Mark felt his tears roll down his cheeks, his chest tightening and making it hard for him to breathe.

"It's okay, Mark… It's alright…" Renjun rubbed a comforting hand down the length of Mark's back. "You don't have to know now or tomorrow or next week. It takes time, and it's fine, okay? It's okay to be scared."

Mark screwed his eyes shut, barely nodding in response, but he had a feeling that Renjun knew. Renjun always knew.

-

"Jaem, how much longer?" Jeno groaned as Jaemin and Donghyuck walked toward a different store.

"You know this is stress relief for me, Jen. Just sit out here. Mark, stay with him."

"Yes, sir," Mark plopped down next to Jeno as Chenle chuckled at them before following Donghyuck and Jaemin into a furniture store of all things.

"The fuck are they going to do in there?" Jeno questioned, frowning as he arranged the bags between them.

"Probably sit on sofas and beds and gossip."

Jeno snorted as Mark took a sip of his drink that he had carried around the mall. It was probably his second coffee, but the caffeine wasn't hitting yet. Mark liked to believe that drinking so much for almost four years now had just made him immune to it.

Maybe he should start having it like how Jaemin does.

The second the thought appeared, Mark physically shuddered.

"I need another coffee."

"Another one? You're going to die on that," Jeno said pointedly, and Mark shrugged.

"Sure. Text me if you guys move."

Jeno hummed, and Mark walked around the seating area, throwing his empty cup into the trash before taking the elevator to the last floor.

There in the food court, his favourite cafe had the best coffee. But on the way, he stopped in front of a merch store when a particular sweater on display caught his eye.

He stood outside, staring at the My Little Pony sweater from the big glass windows of the store and contemplated.

Donghyuck's birthday was around the corner. The younger didn't mention anything about celebrating, but a gift wouldn't hurt, right? Like, Mark could gift Donghyuck a My Little Pony sweater because he mentioned once that he presumably liked the show, and it wouldn't be weird… Right?

Before Mark could think more, or rather think less, he had a paper bag in his hand with a neatly folded My Little Pony sweater that he intended to give Donghyuck on his birthday. As a friend.

"What did you buy?" Donghyuck asked while finally taking note of the extra bag in Mark's hand.

"Just something for my aunt," Mark lied through his teeth, but luckily, the others seemed to buy it. It wasn't news that Mark would be staying with his aunt for the one month they have off after the semester was over, before their even sem started, and Mark's final semester as a whole.

"Oh, right, that reminds me," Donghyuck started, turning to them while they headed to Jaemin's car. "I told my grandmother about you guys, and now she wants to meet you. So. I propose one week at the end of summer to come visit her in Jeju. I'll bribe you with food, tangerines, the beach and more of my lovely presence."

"Yes to all of that except you," Jeno teased as Donghyuck pouted at that before giving him the finger.

"We can also hike and smores-"

"Yes, yes, Donghyuck. You kind of got us at the beach part, I'm sure," Jaemin laughed, and Chenle nodded quickly before tugging at Jaemin's sweater, asking if he could drive.

Donghyuck turned to Mark, who was already looking at him, the paper bag in his hand feeling very hot.

"You'll come right, hyung?"

Mark felt the breath get knocked out of him as he forced a smile and nodded. "Of course."

The smile Donghyuck gave him had his heart leap with joy. This was going to lead to the exact opposite of getting over Donghyuck.

But Renjun said no, ignoring.

He was just following trusty advice, nothing wrong with that.

-

Mark sat up on his couch when he heard a knock on his dorm door. He glanced at Renjun, who looked up from his phone too, raising an eyebrow.

"Did you invite anyone?" Renjun asked, and Mark shook his head while he made his way to the door, opening it and freezing when he recognised Donghyuck.

"Hyuck?"

Donghyuck looked up, glassy eyes meeting his. Mark could tell that Donghyuck was seconds away from letting his tears fall. So, questions about how Donghyuck knew Mark's room number were thrown out of his mind as he moved out of the way, opening the door wider for Donghyuck.

Donghyuck swallowed visibly, entering before he toed his shoes off. Mark watched from behind, following Donghyuck deeper into the dorm.

"Oh, um… hi… You're Mark's roommate?"

"Hi. I'm Renjun… And you are…?"

"Donghyuck. You can call me Hyuck."

"… Okay…" Renjun answered, clearly awkward as his and Mark's eyes met.

Mark really valued the fact that Renjun was very good at reading people, because he seemed to understand the look and stood up, clearing his throat.

"I'm gonna go get a coffee. You both need anything?"

Mark shook his head, and Donghyuck mirrored the action. And just like that, the door closed behind Renjun, and now Donghyuck and Mark were alone in the dorm.

"Hyuck-"

"Sorry for barging in… I… I asked Jeno for your room number. I hope that's okay."

"It's fine," Mark answered quickly. Donghyuck turned to him, wiping his hands on his jeans with a tight-lipped smile. One so obviously fake. "Sit down, Hyuck."

Mark patted the couch and almost cringed at the action. But Donghyuck didn't bother and just sat down, letting out a breathy sigh.

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's that obvious?"

"What is?"

"That I'm about to cry?"

Mark didn't know how to answer that question, so he just sat down next to Donghyuck, eyes cast to the wall in front of him as he felt Donghyuck drop his head to his shoulder.

Mark tried to calm himself. His priority should be Donghyuck, not his crush on Donghyuck acting up.

"My…" Donghyuck hesitated, sucking in a deep breath as he made himself comfortable against Mark. "I'm not close to my family, and my mom called today and well… she said some not-so-nice things to me… So I'm like- like this." Donghyuck sucked in a deep breath before speaking again, "I didn't tell you that day in the library because we barely knew each other back then…"

"You don't have to tell me. Only if you want to."

"I know that, silly," Donghyuck chuckled. "But I trust you. You never told the others about finding me crying pathetically in one corner of the college-"

"It was not pathetic, Hyuck. Don't call it that."

Donghyuck stilled against him, letting out a breathy laugh before relaxing again. "You see why I trust you? I like you, Mark."

Mark's heart literally stopped, and he feared it was a problem because right now, all he could hear was that same sentence echoing in his head. Donghyuck liked him. Donghyuck liked him.

"You are a really good friend."

And that word shattered the pace of Mark's racing heart.

"Mark?" Donghyuck asked, bringing Mark's attention back to the younger.

"Hyuck…"

"Hm?"

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I trust you… And I need somewhere to cry without questions."

Mark nodded lightly, staring at Donghyuck's hand, considering reaching for it, but he quickly thought otherwise.

"Then cry…" he whispered.

Donghyuck's first tears hit Mark's shoulder, and Mark instantly screwed his eyes shut. All that he felt for Donghyuck was bubbling at the brim now. He feared it would overflow, and he couldn't afford that. Not now. Especially when Donghyuck was being vulnerable with him.

It took however long for Donghyuck to stop crying. Mark sat there the whole time wondering if he should say something. But then again, sometimes when he cried, he just craved the warmth of another person. That's why Donghyuck came to him, right?

Donghyuck trusted him with that.

"Hyuck…"

"Hm?" Donghyuck hummed with a slight crack in his voice.

"The door is always open for you. Come cry whenever you want to."

Donghyuck let out one of his laughs again, moving his hand to curl it around Mark's arm. "Thank you, Mark. That means a lot."

-

Mark missed Donghyuck. It was mid-exam season, and he should be focused on his studies. Instead, he was spacing out on the couch, tablet in hand, yet all he could think about was Donghyuck.

They hadn't seen each other in maybe two days, so he didn't understand why exactly he missed Donghyuck so much. And they were grabbing lunch from the cafeteria later, after Donghyuck's exam.

So really… Mark had no reason to be so desperate for the other's presence.

The door opened behind him, and Mark turned in his seat to see Renjun entering with a deep sigh on his lips.

"Hey."

"Hey, Mark… what are you up to?"

"Studying. Tough jury?"

Renjun just hummed as he collapsed on the beanbag, eyes falling closed. "And I was the last one to go, so I had to sit through everyone's evaluations, busy getting in my head."

The younger groaned as Mark put his tablet away. He stood up, going to the kitchen to start the coffee pot, before his eyes snapped back to Renjun.

"How bad was it?"

"I messed up once."

"Then that's okay, Junnie."

"I guess…" Renjun sighed like he didn't believe it, but he didn't say anything else. "When's your next exam?"

"Tomorrow."

"Prepared?"

"I suppose… You know…" Mark started, pouring the hot coffee into a cup and walking back to the common area, holding it in front of the other. Renjun's eyes snapped open, smelling it.

He took it, sparing Mark a tired smile. "Thanks."

"No problem…"

"What were you saying?"

"I… Um… I… ahem…" Mark scratched his nape awkwardly as Renjun raised an eyebrow in question.

"What is it?"

"I can't… Ugh… fuck it… I can't stop thinking about Hyuck."

"So?"

"Renjun!"

"Okay, okay… Why exactly? I thought you were meeting him for lunch?"

"I am…"

"Then?"

"I don't know…"

Renjun blinked a few times before chuckling, nodding and taking another sip of his drink. "Ah, yes… I do not miss that part of being in love."

"Dude."

"I really have nothing else to say, Mark. I'm no love guru, you know? What I can tell you is that you are disgustingly in love."

"Oh, shut up."

"I'm not the one who brought it up."

Mark frowned before sitting back down on the couch.

"You know what would fix all this?" Renjun asked.

"What?"

"Just telling him-"

"No."

"Mark. Come on."

"No. I genuinely can't… He's probably not even into me like that. And he knows I'm straight!"

"Pfft."

"Renjun!"

"Fine!"

They fell into comfortable silence as Mark picked up the tablet again, staring down at his material with disdain.

He glanced back at the clock before sitting up and turning to Renjun again.

"What do I wear?"

"It's lunch at the cafeteria. Wear your fucking pyjamas if you want."

"Right… I'm overthinking this, aren't I?"

"Yep."

"Okay, seriously. If you were in my place, would you have told him?"

"Obviously not. My anxiety could never. It would fix all your problems, though."

"You can't blame me for not doing it."

"I'm not. I'm just saying."

Mark sighed in response, falling back against the cushions. "I hate this."

"The studying or the complexity of it all."

"Both?"

"Valid," Renjun groaned and downed the rest of the coffee, which had him wondering how he didn't burn his throat in the process.

"Honestly…" Renjun started. "I would love to help you through this, Mark. But you know now's not a good time."

"Yeah… I know… You do you. I need you to get better."

"Yes, mom."

"Shut up, Jun."

Renjun chuckled under his breath, standing up and stretching a little. "I'm going to take a nap. Enjoy your terrible cafeteria food date."

Mark snorted at that, watching Renjun walk across, the younger sparing a moment to pat Mark's head before walking away with his coffee mug. After a little shuffling around, Renjun's door closed, and Mark eased back into the couch, sighing deeply as his heart uncomfortably paced in his chest.

The knock on his door came out of nowhere, and Mark took a whole moment to register it. But when he did, he almost tripped on his feet as he rushed to the door, throwing it open while trying to mask his deep breaths.

Hyuck stood there with a smile this time, like his exam had gone well. He wore a blue tee with cargo jeans and had a bag slung over one shoulder.

He looked so good that it made Mark sick.

"Let's go?" Donghyuck asked, and Mark nodded hastily, stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Despite how nervous Mark got, every moment spent with Donghyuck only proved to be his favourite. It could be biased. Or that stupid thing called love.

-

Donghyuck's birthday dinner happened right after their finals, a whole week after the younger's actual birthday.

They had three days before everyone would be gone to their respective homes, so they chose a Thursday to go out. It also meant no place was overtly crowded.

But this time, they just settled for their usual bar.

And of course it ended with the other three passed out drunk and Donghyuck and Mark sitting next to each other, Donghyuck on his fifth drink of some colourful cocktail and Mark still on his first beer. It had warmed up in the two hours, and he was losing interest in even wanting to drink it anymore.

Donghyuck noticed. He noticed a lot.

Because he got up and left Mark alone for barely two minutes, two gruelling minutes where Mark wondered where the other went, only for him to return with a glass of ice.

He took Mark's beer bottle and emptied the remaining drink into the glass before sliding it to him.

"A glass of ice is free, so stop pouting at your drink, will you?"

"Thanks…" Mark muttered, pulling the chilled glass closer to him and taking a sip of the sizzling beer, feeling the refreshing fizz wash over him. Why didn't he think of this sooner?

"You like this watch, Melk?" Donghyuck showed him the watch Chenle got him, and the elder nodded.

"That's the first gift Chenle gives his friends. From next year onward, it gets more personal. Chenle is smart like that."

"Ahhh," Donghyuck nodded in agreement, before turning to Mark with a sly smile.

"You didn't get me anything?"

Mark cleared his throat, sitting up straighter before pulling the familiar paper bag from underneath the table.

"Oh my god, you sly bastard. You lied about the gift for your aunt, eh?"

Mark chuckled and handed him the bag before going back to sipping his beer, too nervous to see Donghyuck's reaction.

But the immediate gasp had him tense for all of two seconds before Donghyuck was… hugging him.

"I fucking love this, oh my god, Mark, oh my god."

Mark's eyes went to his shoulder, where Donghyuck was resting his head (which Donghyuck loved to do now, apparently), holding up the sweater with both hands and staring at the big picture of Rarity in the front.

Mark's heart was going to malfunction, and Donghyuck was smiling at the sweater, laughing as he brought it closer to inspect.

Mark's brain buzzed with energy, and he felt like he was seconds away from literally combusting when Donghyuck finally pulled off his side to slip on the sweater.

"It's midsummer, what do you need to wear that for?" Mark asked, and Donghyuck only chuckled again, running a hand through the fabric before looking back at Mark.

"It's only for one night, Melk. Let me enjoy the best present I got for the night."

"It's not that expensive."

"Well, you're a fool to think money is what I'm measuring how I like my gift."

Donghyuck was leaning on his side again, head nestling into his shoulder, having zero regard for how Mark was crumbling right next to him, but at least Mark was smiling while doing so.

-

Two weeks.

Mark was going to shrivel up like a raisin and die.

Two weeks since he last saw Donghyuck, and why was he acting like he was having withdrawal symptoms?

His aunt had picked it up, too.

"Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah… yeah…"

"Mark, you keep playing with your food and not eating. It's been weeks."

"I'm fine auntie-"

The doorbell rang, and Mark turned around as his aunt put down her utensils and went over to open the door.

Mark felt his heart drop to his stomach when his brother came in, followed by his wife and daughter.

Mark turned around again, facing his plate still filled with food. He screwed his eyes shut, heart anxiously picking up pace, only skipping a beat when he heard his name being called.

"Uncle Mark!"

Mark took a deep breath and forced a smile on his face before standing up and turning.

"Emma!"

The girl giggled as she came crashing into his legs and wrapped her tiny arms around them, head tilting up to smile brightly at him.

"How's my favourite niece?"

"I'm your only niece, uncle," she giggled again, and Mark couldn't help his forced smile turn genuine.

"Still my favourite."

"Hey, Mark," he heard Jennifer's voice, and he looked up, smiling at her too.

"Hey, Jenni… You didn't tell me you guys were coming?"

"Wanted to surprise you," Matt's voice cut in, and Mark looked up to meet his brother's eyes, only to immediately look away and pick Emma up.

Her tiny hands immediately cupped his cheeks before she used one of her hands to pat his head. He smiled at her, tickling her side lightly. She laughed and buried her head in his neck.

"You guys want lunch?" his aunt asked while walking back into the dining room.

"No, it's alright auntie. We ate at the airport," Matt answered.

"Alright… Mark. Are you planning to finish this?"

Mark turned around to glance down at the plate before looking back with an apologetic look. She nodded and glanced over at Matt, and Mark instantly knew what that look meant: that his aunt had told his brother all about how he was doing.

So, at least he could anticipate the first thing his brother says when his aunt leaves for the kitchen.

"Mark. Talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Mark forced a chuckle out of him, and of course, his brother didn't buy it. Jennifer didn't seem to buy it either.

Yet, the six-year-old bundle of joy came to his rescue.

"Uncle Mark!"

"Yes, Emma?"

"You promised me a new toy the last time we saw each other."

"Don't you have enough toys, baby?" Jennifer asked, and Emma just shook her head, wrapping her hands around Mark's neck.

"How about we go now?" Mark asked, desperate to leave.

"I'll come with-" Matt offered, but Mark cut in.

"Or. You two go on a date. Have fun. I'll take care of Emma. It's Jennifer's first time here, isn't it?"

Matt stared at him, and Mark only smiled back at him. Mark's desperate gaze reached his sister-in-law, and thankfully, Jennifer nodded in understanding and looped her hand with Matt's.

"Thanks, Mark. You're such an angel. Take care, sweetie," Jennifer said the last part while cradling Emma's small face and kissing her cheek.

"But-"

"Come on, Matt. You have to show me around this neighbourhood."

Mark sighed in relief the second the elder couple left the house, and Emma smiled at him.

"Let's go!"

Mark chuckled, nodding, "Let's go!"

-

Mark let Emma lead. That was how it always went.

She pulled him across the mall with surprising strength for a child, her fingers still sticky from that pretzel she had eaten earlier and her shoes lighting with every little jump she took to avoid the tile lines like they were lava.

“Uncle Mark, look!” she gasped, pointing excitedly at a stuffed pony nearly as big as her.

Mark laughed softly. “That one?” Smile slowly falling when he recognised it.

“Yes! She’s white and has purple hair, and I want her.”

"You want everything," Mark teased, crouching down in front of her.

"Yes," she nodded, seriously.

Mark stood back up, laughing in disbelief. "Rarity it is…"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Let's go get your pony."

They left the store with the toy tucked under Emma’s arm, a small bag of clothes slung over Mark’s shoulder, and a promise of ice cream that Emma reminded him of every thirty seconds just in case he forgot.

They stopped at a small food court stand; Emma perched on the stool beside him, legs swinging as she devoured her cone with single-minded focus. Mark watched her, smiling faintly. Then, he heard his name being called.

“Mark?”

The voice was familiar enough to pull him out of the moment, but distant enough that it took him a second to place it.

He turned.

“Holy shit,” the guy said, eyes widening. “It is you.”

“Hey,” Mark blinked. “Uh—”

“Minho,” he grinned. “From high school. Choir?”

The memory clicked in his head, and a smile broke on his lips. "Oh my god. Hi! It's been-"

"Forever," Minho chuckled. "What are you doing here?"

Mark looked down at Emma before looking back at Minho. "This is my niece, Emma."

"Hi!" the girl chirped up, and Minho chuckled.

"She's cute."

"Thank you!" She said earnestly before going back to eating her ice cream.

"When did you come to Korea, man?"

"I'm here for uni. I stay here between semesters since it's easier than going home and coming back."

"Ahhh, I see. Then I must ask… have you been keeping in touch with anyone from high school?"

Mark shook his head, lips pursed into a smile. "You know high school wasn't a good time for me."

Minho chuckled awkwardly, "Yeah… Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question… Um… I'm going to assume you didn't hear about Daniel then?"

"Daniel?"

"Yeah. He was in the choir, too, remember? Short, super kind, couldn't say no for the love of God?"

Mark nodded, the memories from high school resurfacing. He remembered a guy named Daniel and his sweet smile. And how he was the lead in every performance.

"Yeah. What about him?"

"He…"Minho glanced at Emma before looking back at Mark. "He committed. Last month."

"What…?" Mark's smile faded.

"His note said the pressure after coming out as gay was too much… you know, from family, church…Your parents didn't tell you either? They were at the funeral…"

Mark felt his brain shut off as Minho's words turned to gibberish. Something squeezed his chest, and he felt his stomach churn.

Daniel… was dead… Smiling, infinitely kind Daniel… was dead… because he was… gay?

"Mark?"

"Uncle Mark?"

He felt a gentle tug on his sleeve, and he looked down to meet Emma's eyes. Leave it to a six-year-old to detect that Mark was panicking.

"Yeah… I… um… that's… I'm sorry…" he said while looking back at Minho, mind already conjuring the things his parents probably said at that funeral. He could clearly imagine how all the other parents would be nodding along, sad that a son of God got infected by the wrong mindsets.

"I'm sorry, too…" Minho whispered.

Mark felt Emma's small palm press against Mark's much bigger one, almost as if she was trying reassure him that she was there. Or Mark was only desperate for some reassurance, and she was just being a confused kid.

“He tried,” Minho continued. “Like, really tried. Therapy, prayers, all that shit. They thought if he just worked harder, God would, I don't know… fix him?…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. He was tired.”

They stood there in silence.

Emma leaned against Mark’s leg, hugging her toy. “Uncle Mark, are you sad?”

Mark looked down at her.

“No,” he said quickly. Way too quickly. “I’m fine.”

"Mom said that's the biggest lie a person can say."

Minho chuckled lightly and patted the side of Mark's arm, and Mark had to physically restrain himself from flinching away.

"I'm gonna go, Mark. It was nice seeing you."

"You, too," Mark nodded and watched Minho walk away before he looked back down at Emma, sucking in a deep breath in attempts to calm himself. "Shall we go home?"

Emma stared up at him through big, sparkly eyes and nodded, raising her hands. Mark picked her up, and she pressed the pony against him.

"She's comfy."

"She is," Mark agreed and picked up the bags, mind completely in shambles.

On the ride home, Mark had to force himself to focus. For Emma. But the second he walked in and saw Jennifer and Matt on the couch, smiling at each other, he felt his throat close up again.

He should be like that, instead, all he can think of is how his heart raced whenever he thought of how he and Donghyuck could be on a couch, cuddling and giggling and watching Mark's favourite sappy romance movies.

And now it felt like a dream that he wasn't allowed to witness.

"Mom!" Emma let go of his hand and ran to her parents, still clutching that toy as she jumped into her mom's arms. "Uncle Mark is sad."

Mark's breath stuttered, and he felt his chest become inevitably tighter as he felt their gaze shift to him. Mark screwed his eyes shut and looked away, starting towards the stairs.

"What happened, sweetie?"

He heard Jennifer ask Emma, but the girl's answer grew muffled as Mark made his way upstairs. He pushed the door to his room open and threw the door back to close, but he heard someone shuffle in behind him.

Mark turned and watched Matt enter the room, worry lines visible on his forehead.

"Mark… what happened? And don't say you're fine, you're not."

Mark was about to say it, but all noise died in his throat. It felt like someone was pouring drying cement right into his mouth, and he just couldn't speak anymore.

"You're seriously worrying me. You barely talk to us anymore. What happened?"

Mark looked away, sucking in a deep breath, but it sounded more like a wheeze, and then his first sob escaped. A broken noise with a side of scorching hot tears.

"Mark-" Matt stepped forward, but Mark moved back on instinct, shaking his head.

"I fucked up," he barely whispered, but Matt seemed to have heard it.

"Okay…" Matt breathed out. "That's fine. I did a lot of fucked up things in college, too. It's fine."

Mark let out more tears, sniffling. Matt couldn't have fucked up as badly as Mark did.

"Alright. At least tell me how bad it is? From ‘eh I did weed’ to ‘I got someone pregnant’.”

Mark flinched at that because, at this point, getting someone pregnant would have caused fewer problems.

“None of that.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“No.”

“Did you… Get bullied? Peer pressured-”

“Matt. Shut up. Let me… Let me just think for a second.”

“Fine.”

Mark did not like the silence one bit, but for once in his life, he found the need to actually weigh his options. 

Matt was one person who knew everything about Mark. Matt didn’t even comment on the 'Renjun' situation except promising to keep his mouth shut, before telling Mark to do as he wished, so he had no idea what he thought about it.

But like Mark, Matt was brought up thinking gay means hell. Mark doubted himself for weeks to even think he was in love with a man. Or rather, he couldn’t accept it. 

He still can’t. What’s to say Matt would?

But if not him, then who? 

“Mark, are you dying-”

“No.”

“Okay… cool… You didn’t kill anyone, are definitely not dying… I know you passed your subjects, so then what? You fall in love with a boy or something? Because if you did, that would be a major fuck up.”

Matt chuckled like it was a joke. But each word he said pierced Mark like needles, and that did it for him. He looked at his brother, eyes wide and welled up with pure guilt, and Matt’s own eyes widened. 

Matt knew everything about Mark. Even his expressions. So his crying like that for that one joke had confirmed everything necessary to Matt. 

“Oh my god, Mark-”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t tell anyone. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking-”

“Mark, stop-” Matt stepped forward, but Mark moved back again. Matt froze at that, quickly covering his shock with a reassuring look. 

“Mark… it’s okay… I won’t tell anyone. It’s okay. Can I… Can I hug you?”

“Wh-” Mark choked on his tears. “You don’t… hate me? Find me disgusting? I-”

Matt closed the distance between them, pulling Mark into a bone-crushing hug. He cradled Mark’s head into his chest and ran his other hand through Mark's hair. 

“Idiot. Why would I hate you?”

“Because I-”

“Fell in love with a boy? It’s okay… I don’t care…”

“You…” Mark sniffled, finally hugging his brother back, “You really don’t?”

“No, Mark… I don’t care… But we can’t tell our parents.”

“I know…” 

“I’m sorry-”

“Shh… you have nothing to be worried about..."

There was a long silence filled with Mark's dying whimpers and Matt's heavy, hesitant breaths.

"You know… Jennifer is bi…”

“I… what? Your wife is…”

Mark broke the hug to look at his brother, who just smiled and nodded, ruffling Mark’s hair.

“And I don’t mind. She loves me. And we have a beautiful daughter. I just… We didn’t tell anyone because you know…” Matt was whispering, and Mark just nodded.

“Do you want to talk to her? Undoubtedly, she’ll be better at it than me.”

“Later…” Mark murmured and hugged his brother again, feeling relief wash over him. 

“Who is this guy anyway?”

Mark closed his eyes, chuckling. “Lee Donghyuck. A pain in the ass, actually.”

“Is he, now?” Matt deadpanned as Mark only chuckled again. 

“He’s cute… and really pretty… laughs a lot. And will call me anything but my name.”

This time Matt laughed.

“I like him already. So you both are… dating?”

“No… god no… he knows I’m straight… there’s no way he’d…”

“Well, clearly you’re not straight.”

“I… I don’t know what I am…” Mark sighed, and Matt patted his back comfortingly.

“That’s fine… You don’t think you’ve a chance with him?”

“No. Of course not. Even if I did ever… Discover who I am… I don’t think I would ever be in his league.”

“You really have that weird habit of putting yourself down, don’t you?”

“What?”

Matt broke the hug to softly smack Mark’s head.

“You’re a romance guy, and I thought you would know better. After dinner, talk to Jenni. She’ll tell you things that’ll probably alter every thought in here.” Matt said while knocking on Mark’s head.

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see. Now let’s go. It's almost dinner time. Yeah?”

Mark smiled softly, wiping his stray tears before nodding. “Yeah…”

Dinner was done ten minutes ago, and for the first time in the past couple of weeks, Mark ate all his food and slipped out to the porch when no one was watching.

He had a sponge ball in his hand, bouncing it against the stairs and catching it again.

Then he heard the door open behind him and tensed, ready to spew another lie about being fine, but he froze when he felt the warmth of Jennifer sit next to him.

"Hey."

Mark glanced at her before looking back down as he bounced the ball again. "Hey… Matt told you?"

"He told me he's worried about you. That's it."

"Ah…"

"What's wrong?" she asked while bumping shoulders with Mark.

"Everything… I think…" he admitted and hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Matt… he… um… he told me you were- are bisexual."

Jennifer tensed next to him before chuckling lightly. "Yeah. I hope you don't mind-"

"Why would I?"

"It's just that I know how Matt was brought up, and I know you were brought up with the same learnings. Then again, I don't think you would like me sitting next to you if you had a problem, huh?" She chuckled again like she was dismissing it, and Mark only nodded, glancing at her in reluctance before he let out a deep breath and finally said three words.

"There's a boy…"

"Oh… now that makes a lot of sense… What's his name?"

"Donghyuck."

"Such a sweet name."

"Yeah. But he prefers it when we call him Hyuck."

"Yeah? Why?"

"I… don't know actually…"

"What do you know about him?"

"Well… he's pretty… he has three siblings… he likes My Little Pony-"

Jennifer laughed at that.

"He has really high tolerance… pain in the ass… loves calling me Melk for whatever reason. Favourite colour is red. He's also bi… and he's pretty, god he's so pretty."

Mark bowed his head, holding it in his hands.

"Sounds like he's more than just a boy since you said he was pretty three full times."

"Yeah. And it scares me."

"It scared me, too. That's how it happens because this society is so conditioned to seeing straight as the normal and anything else as not normal."

Mark stayed silent, running a hand through his hair. He screwed his eyes shut, listening to the cicadas hiding in the tall grass of their lawn.

"It's like, why is it so weird? Am I right?"

Mark nodded. Silence filled the space between them, and then he watched as Jennifer let out a shaky breath before speaking again.

"I had a girlfriend before Matt."

Mark looked up at that as she kept her eyes on the ground, a sombre smile on her lips.

"We were together for three years… we were talking about eloping, you know… settling in, maybe adopting, I don't know… I always wanted to have a big family… Then… Then her parents found out… took her away from me. One day, we were looking at apartments to move into, and the next… she was gone. Just… gone."

Mark felt his chest tighten. "So… That's how every story goes? I get over him and wait till I find a girl like you found Matt?"

"No… God, no… I was angrier at her, you know? She didn't even fight… I was so mad at her. She just gave up so easily. It's like the three years together meant nothing to her."

"I don't think that was true," Mark tried to reassure her, but he knew in his heart he was reassuring himself to an extent.

"Oh, I know that… but… But it's also true that she didn't try. Very true that she wasn't bold. I was ready to give up everything for her, and she promised me that she loved me that much, too, but she just didn't. I wasn't worth that for her... Then, I found someone ready to move the world for me. I love Matt and Emma."

"I know," Mark chuckled, nodding.

"And I'll love our second child too."

Mark's head snapped up again, eyes widening as Jennifer smiled.

"You're…"

"Yeah," she muttered. "Still only four weeks… You're the first to know. Even Emma doesn't know."

Mark's lips broke into a grin. "Oh my god," he pulled the other into a hug, and she laughed against him.

"Yeah… Matt said we should wait for three months before telling anyone, but I swear you to privacy, Markie."

Mark chuckled. "Sure. Congratulations, Jenni."

They broke the hug, and Jennifer rested her head on Mark's shoulder. "You're going to be an uncle again."

"Mhm…"

"The best uncle."

Mark chuckled at that.

There was a short silence before Jennifer continued. "I told you all of this because I need you to know Mark… you're not alone. If you tell your parents about this, you will not be alone. Do you hear me?"

Mark nodded, swallowing thickly.

"Because if you do tell them, we both know what will happen."

Mark nodded again.

"And… Matt and I are looking for houses in this country. So… If you ever need to run away, come to us. You understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay… now tell me about the 'nice man who called her cute' talking to you while you pampered Emma with sweets and toys."

"That's what she called him?" Mark chuckled lightly, feeling his throat close at the memory.

Jennifer hummed. "Tell me. What did he tell you that triggered you to spill everything?"

Mark sucked in a deep breath, deflating as he let it out. His eyes were already burning, fresh tears threatening to spill.

"Minho is an old schoolmate of mine. We were in choir, and there was this third kid in choir too… Daniel. Daniel… killed himself last month after… after coming out to his parents…"

"Oh…" her voice was shaky like she was on the verge of tears, too. "Oh my god…"

"Yeah… apparently he tried… but everyone… everyone kept trying to fix him… like something was wrong with him."

Mark's fists clenched in front of him.

"I just… I just can't help but think… I…"

"That you'd be driven to that as well if you live your life, huh?"

Mark didn't answer, but Jennifer seemed to understand.

"Mark."

Mark looked at her, feeling his vision blur when he saw her own eyes well with tears.

"You can love him. You are allowed to love whomever you want… just please be bold," she whispered, and they both were crying now.

Mark nodded for the nth time that night, his voice lost in the void of emotions, feeling the unnerving knot in his stomach ease out.

"Thank you, Jenni…"

"Nuh uh… just do what your heart says, okay? It is not worth it to live for others."

Mark nodded again, smiling genuinely for the first time since he got here. "Okay."

They fell into comfortable silence as Jennifer rested her head against his side again.

"You know…" Mark started, and she hummed to indicate that he should continue. "He invited my friend group to his house in Jeju. Next week."

"You going?"

"I told him I would."

"You should. Are you going to tell him how you feel?"

"I don't think he likes me like that."

"Why?"

"Because…" Matt's words about him putting himself down echoed in his head, and he just shrugged.

"No harm in telling, right? What's the worst he'll do?"

"I don't know? Laugh in my face? Tell me to fuck off?"

"Does he seem the type to do that?"

Mark thought he would need a minute to consider it, but even he knew the answer was no. Donghyuck wasn't the type to be mean. He would tease Mark later on when they had moved on from it, but he wouldn't hurt Mark.

"No…"

"Hm. I have a belief, you know? One where someone can only fall in love with someone else if there are genuine feelings from both sides. It would be hard to fall in love with someone when you can't see yourselves together in any way possible, wouldn't it?"

Mark hummed lightly, the words feeling very real all of a sudden.

"There's no harm in trying, Mark."