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Jade Nguyen (also known as the supervillainess Cheshire) was worried about Barbara Ann Minerva (also known as the supervillainess Cheetah). That wasn't fair.
Jade had been through a lot in life (being sold into slavery, for example) and she was woman enough to admit that it had left her… well… jaded.
There were exactly two people in the world whom she didn't tend to keep her guard up around at all times; one of them was her daughter Lian Harper, who she was vaguely certain wasn't planning on betraying her any time soon. The other was Barbara Ann Minerva… with whom Jade had long ago concluded that it just wouldn't matter if she were on guard or not.
The day that Barbara wanted the other supervillainess dead would be the last day of Jade's life. If the two women were on different continents, Barbara would simply start running, and not stop (and Cheetah was more than fast enough to run across an entire ocean if the situation required it) until that was no longer the case. Jade was an incredibly deadly woman, but she was just a woman. Barbara could slice apart tanks with her claws, take punches from Wonder Woman without being knocked clean into next week, and move at speeds that would leave Jade a helpless statue by comparison.
That was the nature of their relationship; both of them understood it, and to the extent that nothing could possibly change it, both of them were comfortable with it.
Today was different. Today, Jade was finding herself worried about Barbara Minerva. A week ago, the closest she could have imagined herself coming to such a sensation would be noticing that Barbara's craving for human flesh was growing so strong that it was starting to risk Jade or her daughter winding up on the menu.
Today, Barbara's "hunger" took a much stranger form.
"How long do you plan on doing this, B.A.?" Jade finally demanded when she could take no more of standing around watching such blatant foolishness unfold.
"Until I feel comfortable. I'm sorry if it's taking a while. I wasn't the most knowledgeable about this stuff back when I was a human, and anything I did know fell by the wayside during my time as Cheetah." Barbara snapped back at once, her voice not quite a feline snarl.
At the moment, Barbara Minerva did not look like a bizarre mix of human and cheetah; in fact, since the outfit she had on covered the majority of her skin, there weren't even any of her recently acquired golden spots in sight.
That was still a little bit hard to take in, but even more shockingly was the fact that Barbara had seemingly abandoned her preference for black colored fabric.
Instead, she was wearing a salmon jacket over a greyish-white shirt, with pants that were a slightly darker shade of grey, while her boots were the only article of clothing she'd chosen that matched her formerly preferred hue.
"You do realize how ridiculous it is? Why is a woman who can turn into a cat buying a hair growth tonic?" Jade muttered, gesturing at the veritable forest of feminine hygiene products that were laid out in front of Barbara.
"I used to have enough to tie it back in a bun. Need to fix that." Barbara insisted bitterly, as at the moment her short crop of hair went down the nape of her neck and not one inch further.
"You know, if I were in your shoes, I'd be happy just to have a face without fur." Jade tried to put the matter in context.
"I want more than just the bare minimum. Even if he's dead, I'm not giving the Urzkartaga the pleasure of making Barbara Minerva a redhead; I used to be blond, so I'm going to be blond again." Barbara declared, as if this were the most sane and reasonable thing imaginable.
"You're aware that at this moment you're wearing contacts, AND glasses?" Jade buried her face in her right hand forlornly after answering the question.
"The contacts make my eyes look blue again instead of being orange; the glasses have Plano lenses because absorbing Urzkartaga's power gave me 20/20 vision while I used to be nearsighted." It was hard to believe that Barbara could find a topic that made her sound more deranged than laying out a plan to rob the Justice League, but sure enough, she'd done it.
"Your equivalent of power walking shatters the sound barrier, and you've bought a cane." Jane wondered how anyone could go through life so completely oblivious of their own absurdity.
"Once, while I was doing archeology work, my knee got crushed by just under a ton of stone. I started using a cane not long after that." Barbara "explained" as if that made her decision to acquire one today any more logical.
"I'm going to get it right, I'm going to get it all right, I'm finally going to recognize myself when I look in a mirror again!" Barbara promised herself before she went back to rubbing an extra-large dose of the hair growth tonic into her scalp.
Jade didn't want to say what she was about to, but if she remained silent, then Barbara would probably spend who knew how trying to recapture her looks before being transformed into Cheetah.
"We both know you're not even doing this for you, you're doing it for her." Cheshire declared bluntly.
"Who?" Hissed Barbara, in a display of either shocking audacity or ignorance.
"The Pretty Princess. Look, I'll be the first to admit that as a clinical sociopath, I don't really get other people. So imagine, just how bad you have to be at this, for me to pick it up on it. You're making yourself look like you used to because you imagine that if you did, things might go back to how they used to be between you; instead of how they currently are, where no matter how much time you spend pulling each other's hair, there's never any makeup sex."
"Choose your next words carefully, Jay." Barbara did not currently have a tail, but if she did, it probably would have doubtlessly been lashing back and forth in anger.
So be it, friends… and Barbara and Jade were the closest thing that either of them had to a friend, were supposed to be honest with each other, right?
"You're wasting your time, it'll never work. The next time she sees you, all she's going to care about is that now that you've stolen Urzkartaga's power, you're more dangerous than ever before. It doesn't matter if you're Barbara Ann Minerva or Cheetah, she'll see the same thing either way, a threat." Jade tries to warn her fellow supervillainess before Cheetah makes a complete fool of herself.
"CHESHIRE!" As Cheetahs are not members of the Panthera genus, they cannot roar.
Nobody seemed to have ever told Barbara Minerva that, as no aggrieved lioness could have produced a sound more powerful than the one that buffeted Jane's ears.
It wasn't just her ears that suffered Barbara's displeasure either… in the blink of an eye, the human form of Barbara Minerva fell away, revealing the fur and fury of Cheetah.
Before the assassin had a chance to defend herself, both of Jade's arms were pinned against the wall with a grip that made steel feel flimsy by comparison, while Cheetah's tail lazily coiled around the black-haired woman's throat, content to only squeeze her hard enough to make Cheshire struggle to breathe, when it could have doubtlessly snapped her neck with ease.
"Listen, Jade, I like to think we have a mutual understanding. I know you're a big part of the reason why, I, at this very moment, am not currently bribing morticians to eat dead bodies anymore, so I put up with a lot of shit from you. That doesn't mean you can just say whatever you want to a goddess without a little divine retribution though. You, do, not, get, to, insult, Diana, Prince, like, that! There's a reason, she's Wonder Woman, she doesn't think like that! She's better than you!" Barbara growls, teeth that could puncture a Kryptonian's skin ominously on display.
Then, her wrath subsiding as quickly as it had been roused, she released Jade, reverted to her human form, and returned to the Sisyphean task of trying to reshape her current face to match the one she used to have.
Once Jade managed to get her breath back, for some strange reason, she couldn't stop herself from continuing to poke the bear (well, the cat in this case).
"Whatever you do, do not go out in public with that cane. You've got the gait of a woman with two completely healthy legs, and you're only going to end up making yourself look like an idiot if you try to fake a limp."
"I'll watch some YouTube videos to refresh my memory," Barbara responds, continuing to pathetically chase after her dream.
"You know, if you want it that badly, I can probably set something up for you?" It seems that impudence in the face of divinity must run in the Nguyen bloodline, as Lian (descending the staircase) has now joined the conversation.
"What?" Is the only response that Barbara can manage to splutter out.
"I thought about what you said, back on the Watchtower, about how 'if I'm going to stand in the middle of the road I'll get hit by traffic in both directions' and I realized something… It's perfectly safe to be in the middle of the road, if I'm directing traffic." Lian declares with the smugness only a teenager can achieve.
Barbara and Jade exchange questioning looks, neither of them able to make sense of Lian's analogy.
"What?" This time, both supervillainesses responded in unison.
"Look, pretty much everyone who's anyone knows who my parents are, knows that they're both part of my life, so the way I see things, I might as well start making that work for me instead of against me. I figured I could be a 'fixer' who brokers arrangements between heroes and villains, since I'm the closest thing to an impartial third party that is likely to exist." Jade wondered if that plan counted as being more or less audacious than Barbara's own (successful) scheme to murder a god.
"Tabling that particular bit of childish nonsense for the moment, I'm not interested. The last thing I want is see her again." Barbara insists.
"You freaking always want to see her. Do you think I didn't notice the way your pupils dilated when you learned that she was going to be on board the Watchtower during our heist?" Jade continues to needle the feline supervillainess.
"Well, she doesn't want to see me. That kind of goes with the entire supervillainess thing." The former archeologist sulks.
Jade does not like the look in her daughter's eyes, it's the same look Barbara had back in the diner where this entire mess started, the look of someone who has a plan and entirely too much confidence in it...
XXX XXX XXX
Barbara Minerva could not believe that Lian had somehow talked her into this as she sat (in her human form) at a table in an unremarkable outdoor coffee shop that was about to have a very remarkable guest.
"Dr. Elizabeth Juno?" A familiar voice calls out.
Its tone is a little different from the one Barbara has grown used to hearing; it's an ordinary greeting instead of a powerful shout meant to carry across the battlefield.
Barbara uses the relative peace to take in the sight of Diana Prince up close once again, in a setting where she doesn't have to worry about dodging the superheroine's next attack any time soon.
It would have been trite to say that the Amazon Princess looked exactly the same as she had on the day that they first met, back when, ironically, Diana had been the one in a jail cell.
Trite and wrong. To someone judging her by traditional human standards, they might genuinely fail to notice the differences, but Barbara knows Diana better than that. Wonder Woman might not have wrinkles or graying hair, but her face has changed all the same.
Her blue eyes are home to a host of different pains that weren't present during their initial encounter, and her smile is no longer the product of innocent naivety. No, these days that smile is as fierce as any warrior's battle cry, a silent declaration that the woes of the world will not break Diana Prince's spirit, no matter how they try.
Barbara waits for it to vanish, because surely it has to.
This particular deception is so threadbare that someone with the wisdom of Athena should have seen through it the moment Lian mentioned Barbara's chosen alias.
Probably the only reason she didn't greet Barbara with some kind of accusation was that she wanted to make sure none of the shop's other patrons ended up having their lives put at risk in the inevitably ensuing battle that would arise from Diana trying to capture Barbara.
For right now, since Diana is perversely willing to play along with this farce, it isn't like Barbara has a choice other than doing the same.
"Oh, sorry if I'm a little slow on the uptake. Guess I'm still shaken that you actually agreed to meet with me." Barbara admits, which is a statement composed of naught by the highest quality "truth byproducts".
"I'm always happy to meet with another scholar of ancient Greek Mythology. Though I'll admit I am a little surprised that this is our first encounter, I thought I knew pretty much everyone in the field, especially someone who held two PhDs by the time they turned 26." Diana answers with almost painfully feigned nonchalance.
This is what I get for calling Lian 'Slick', I clearly gave the poor girl delusions of grandeur. Did she have to give this cover identity two PhDs? Beyond that, couldn't Elizabeth Juno have earned her second at twenty-seven instead?
It does not help that Barbara has done nothing to disguise her identity. She has, in fact, done less than nothing to disguise her identity; she's still dying her hair back to its original blond, wearing her blue contact lenses, glasses (same model as her old ones save the Plano lenses), and at made a half hearted effort to tie hair that isn't quite long enough for it yet into a bun. Only the cane is missing, and that's because Jade was right about how hard it was to fake a limp. She's even wearing the same outfit from when they first met.
Short of showing up wearing a faux cheetah fur jacket, there's nothing Barbara could have done to make her actual identity more blatantly obvious.
Diana can't have forgotten how Barbara used to look, can she?
"You remind me of someone." It's almost a relief to hear those words; Barbara would rather bear the weight of Diana's condemnation than discover that she had completely ceased to exist within the Amazon Princess's memory.
"Who?" Barbara tries to keep her tone neutral, hoping to avoid having what should be a simple question end up coming off as an accusation.
"A former very dear and very close friend, one I probably never quite did enough to let know how much she meant to me. Dr. Barbara Ann Minerva. Since you're in the same field, you've probably heard of her, but if you haven't, she was brilliant and loved mythology more deeply than anyone else I've ever met. Except, she loved it so deeply that she ended up becoming mythology; she was cursed by an evil god named Urzkartaga and transformed into the supervillainess Cheetah." Diana sounds wistful while recounting the story… but wistful isn't enough to soothe Barbara's temper at the moment.
"You don't sound especially heartbroken over it." Barbara can't help but snarl; she would have thought that she mattered more than that to Diana, or maybe how long they've spent as foes has curdled whatever kindness once existed towards her in Diana's heart?
"I'm sorry, I suppose I didn't quite finish filling you in. Due to my associations with the Greek Pantheon, I have knowledge of the lives, and in a few rare occasions, deaths, of gods that no mortal has access to. Urzkartaga died quite recently, and that is why these days I can speak of Barbara Minerva with a far lighter heart than I once used to. I think now that she's finally out from under his curse, Barbara might finally have a real chance…." Diana explains solemnly.
"A chance to do what exactly? Go back to who she used to be?" Barbara's tone isn't as biting as it was with her previous question, but it is still a fair distance from friendly.
"No. I don't expect Barbara to go back to being who she used to be; that'd be unreasonable, bordering on outright silly. All I want from her is the same thing that I want from everyone else, for tomorrow to find them a better version of whoever they are today." Diana answers serenely.
That's the problem with having a perfect Amazon Princess for an arch nemesis is that when your body isn't being wracked by bouts of hunger that can only be quelled by consuming human flesh, it's damn near impossible to stay angry at her.
"It's a noble wish." Barbara can't help but admit.
"It sounds so simple, and yet so many people fail to live up to it, not just supervillains, either. Still, every day offers new possibilities, new chances." Diana sighs while turning her head towards the setting sun.
Barbara says nothing and simply sips idly from the coffee that she ordered before Wonder Woman's arrival.
"Tell me, Dr., are you familiar with Aletheia?" Diana eventually breaks the silence that had descended upon them.
"The Greek goddess of truth?" Barbara answers at once, something anyone with at least intermediate knowledge of Greek Mythology would know.
"Well, yes, but that's not the exact meaning I had in mind. Aletheia is also the name of a board game played on Paradise Island, like chess, but more complex. If your current academic workload isn't too back-breaking… I'd love a chance to play a game with you. I think a woman of your intelligence would be able to pick up the rules fairly quickly."
Urzkartaga's rotting carcass, Diana, you're supposed to be the Spirit of Truth. Why are you doing this?
"Do you play it with all your fans?" Barbara inquires politely.
Diana throws her head back and laughs.
Barbara loves hates loves hates loves hates loves hates loves hates loves has never experienced anything quite like the sound of Diana Prince’s laughter.
"I'm sorry, that was probably in poor taste. No, it's actually been a while since I've played. As I said before, it's a very complex game, and one that I grew up with. Those two facts combined tend to give me an all but insurmountable advantage against most people whom I can convince to give it a try. It's why I haven't had a steady partner to play against in a very long time."
"Who was your last?" Barbara can't help but ask.
"Barbara Ann Minerva. Honestly, I think the only reason I was able to achieve such an impressive number of victories against her as Cheetah was her being cursed with a boundless hunger for human flesh. It made her more savage… but savage is not the same thing as cunning. When Barbara and I matched wits over an Aletheia board, once she had become properly familiar with the game, I soon found myself gaining victories and defeats in equal number; Cheetah never managed to offer me such an intricate mental challenge by comparison. I probably should say that I'm thankful that I never had to face a version of Cheetah with Barbara's full brilliance, but I'd be lying. The pain I feel from missing that mind far outweighs any agony Cheetah ever inflicted upon me with her claws.
"I believe that nearly all of my foes can be redeemed… but for Urzkartaga, I think I'd already made an exception even before his demise. Whenever I think about him, there's no sorrow at how he might have been a better version of himself, only satisfaction that he'll never harm anyone else. That probably doesn't say very nice things about me, that I'd still try to redeem people who have killed so many residents of Gateway City, yet I find Urzkartaga, whose actions only ever directly affected one single person, utterly unforgivable simply because they struck so close to my heart." Diana laments.
That's the kind of thing you consider your biggest flaw? Well, of course it is, you're Wonder Woman, you're perfect.
"I think I might have a gap in my schedule sometime next week. How long would you want me to set aside?" Barbara reluctantly offers, wondering if Diana is just trying to lure her into someplace private where it would be possible to expose her lies without putting innocent bystanders at risk.
"The more time you can, the better, Dr. Juno. I've been due for taking a break from my superhero work, and I've missed having a friend to play against."
The End
AN: This fic now has an accompanying piece "Playing a Different Game" which shows the prelude to along with the meeting itself from Diana Prince's point of view. https://archiveofourown.org/works/79143711
Plano Lenses are the term for glasses lenses that don't adjust your eyesight at all. Since Barbara is wearing glasses lenses just to make herself look like she used to, it's exactly what she'd want.
Aletheia, as the name of a board game, is a reference to the work of bathbombhater (you can read the relevant fic here https://archiveofourown.org/works/77710831), whose love of getting to see Cheetah and Cheshire interact inspired this particular fic.
If you can’t figure out why Barbara’s considers her chosen alias is so pathetic/expected Diana to see through it instantly, it’s because Juno is the name the Romans gave the goddess who was their equivalent of the Greek goddess Hera, the exact same way that Minerva is the name the Romans gave the goddess who was their equivalent of the Greek goddess Athena. Barbara deliberately crafted a pathetically obvious disguise so Diana could see through it, call her out, try to capture her, and thus clearly establish that the lifting of Barbara's curse has done nothing to alter their relationship as superheroine and supervillainess. Barbara would rather rip that particular band-aid off quickly and just get it over with, even if she can't quite find the courage to do so herself when Diana fails to do what she expected.