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"Come on, I know you fucking do. Who is it? Someone we know?"
All of the girls start laughing, someone pushes at Aaron's shoulder in a playful way. Hanging out with the cheerleaders is always infinitely more relaxing than spending time with his own team; Aaron can just be Aaron, nobody tries to tear him apart at every opportunity. It's more normalcy than Aaron thought he ever deserved.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." He smiles, swaying back and forth. Do you have a crush on someone? should seem a bit too juvenile to be laughing about at their age, but it makes Aaron feel like he's getting one of the quintessential high school experiences he missed out on.
"So you do."
He does, that much is true. She's sitting in the same room, right across him, blissfully unaware of just how much she makes Aaron's heart race whenever she looks in his direction. Aaron always hated the romantic cliches, like any teenage boy would, but he thinks they're somewhat true now. Katelyn's beauty is comparable to a starry night sky, fields full of blooming flowers and… whatever else. He can't say he quite mastered the art of being poetic about a girl he likes yet.
She's laughing about something else with Sarah, her long strawberry blonde (term he learned through Allison) hair falling over her pretty face. He wants to be reason she's laughing. Maybe it's good she doesn't seem to be clued in, because Aaron can't guarantee he wouldn't spill all of his secrets immediately.
Katelyn looks at him briefly with sparkles in her eyes and Aaron thinks he's dying again.
They've been drinking for some time now, it's probably only a matter of time before they start doing drinking games. Probably. Do college students actually play drinking games? It's not like he ever stuck around long enough to see for himself whenever he was invited to parties. He's not drunk, but he had enough to be more than slightly tipsy. He's not out of his mind yet, though; he won't suggest they play anything on his own.
"At least give us a hint."
"Weeeeeell," he drawls, playing with the tab of his beer can until it snaps, "she's the prettiest girl in the world. Real smart."
Amanda rolls her eyes and throws popcorn at Aaron. Katelyn leans in and joins the conversation. "Damn, so all of us? Shooting for the stars."
Aaron feels hot all over. Why does this have to be so difficult? He had crushes on people before. Never got to the actually confessing your feelings part, but he doesn't think it's that challenging. He's used to rejection, after all.
"Yeah, yeah, right," Aaron snorts and reaches for another beer. Every sip starts tasting worse than the last, but he keeps going. Something, anything to make it a bit easier.
Maybe he doesn't deserve to be loved. Maybe he's not capable of feeling love, no matter how much he wants to. What does it mean, anyway? He's been hurt by everyone he supposedly loved. Maybe he should save himself and everyone else the trouble. Aaron likes to think he got good at pretending he's a normal person. Forget normal, just a person. Apparently not. It's a matter of time before everyone here will also start ripping him apart, pinching and hitting where they know it hurts. Maybe—
"Hey, Aaron, do you want to go outside?" Kate gently touches his arm. It snaps him out of the pitiful spiral. Someone looking at him long enough and knowing him well enough to notice he's in one of his strange moods would be unthinkable a year ago. Someone choosing to be soft instead of shaking him out of it by force, as much as it makes his skin prickle, is still hard to imagine.
He nods wordlessly and gets up. The world gently sways, his knees hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. Now that he thinks about it, this is actually kind of nice when he's not wallowing in misery.
It's cold, of course it is. Aaron isn't wearing a jacket he could give to Katelyn. Taking off his hoodie would probably be doing too much. Do girls even like it? He has no idea, it's not like he has a positive example to follow in his life. For everything he is, Aaron would rather live alone on the top of a mountain than treat his girlfriend the way his mother's various boyfriends treated her.
Katelyn doesn't look bothered by the cold, though. God, he's gone, completely gone. It would be embarrassing if he didn't enjoy the giddy feeling so much. It's not even only about the looks; Aaron loves Katelyn's mind. Her determination to be the best she can, whether it's in classes or during practice. Sometimes Aaron comes to the Vixens' practices to get away from the dorms, his teammates, his own thoughts, really. It's mesmerizing to watch Kate in her element. He hopes she watches him play and thinks he's cool.
"Feeling better?" She asks, turning to face Aaron.
Aaron wants to say he was fine the whole time, but the fight leaves him when he opens his mouth to speak. "Yes. Thank you."
"Want me to walk you back to your dorm?"
Aaron thinks he should probably go say goodbye to everyone before he leaves, but Katelyn reads his mind again. "They'll understand," she reassures him.
"Let's go, then."
It's the perfect opportunity to tell her. He doesn't believe he's lucky enough to get another. He's not a coward. Most of the time, anyways. Their hands brush together as they walk. Neither flinch away from the touch.
"So, about the—"
"I like you."
They speak at the same time. Amazing start. Kate stops walking to look at Aaron properly, face creased in a frown. Oh. Aaron gets the sudden urge to run the rest of the way to the dorms, change his name and move somewhere far away.
He so stupid. He should've tried to find out how Katelyn feels about him first. Or if she had a partner. If she was even interested in men. Whatever. Aaron can't quite look her in the face.
"That's… what I wanted to ask, I guess. If you wanted to tell me who it is you like." Katelyn laughs awkwardly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have— I don't know how to do this," Aaron admits.
"No, no, it's okay! I am not, uh, interested? I don't know how to do this either."
They look at each for an uncomfortable amount of time before Aaron speaks again. "I assume this changes things."
"I don't want it to."
"I wish I was more sober," Aaron groans, "If you don't want me to come anymore, I get it."
"That's the opposite of what I want. I don't want you to avoid us because of me, but I would also get it."
"I'll get over it, but… can you give me some time? Just so I can clear my head?"
"Of course."
"You're my best friend," Aaron adds, so quiet he's not sure Katelyn can hear it.
"Can I give you a hug?"
Aaron nods. Despite everything, the hug is comforting. He really doesn't want to ruin what they have; he's not even that upset about being rejected, he's more upset about potentially destroying his one chance at having a normal group of friends.
"Promise you'll give me a call tomorrow?" Kate whispers.
"You'll see me in class, but I'll try?"
"Don't throw up in your bed and remember to have a glass of water for the morning."
"Come on, I'm not that drunk!" Aaron rolls his eyes and laughs.
"I'm just looking out for you. You can be a huge idiot sometimes."
Yeah, they will be fine. Eventually.